Ghostberry thread - Hearts strong as horses (electro aor remix)

[ghostberry 40]

https://youtu.be/3IM8zBGsqGg

So, I guess I'll start out with my latest tune. It's a genre I came up with after listening to way too much Journey and Virtual Riot way too close to one another. I'll put all of my stuff in this post to save space, hence the artist thread.

Edited January 5, 2016 by ghostberry

[Courageous Thunder Dash 7,809]

Ok. 

 

That treble sounding guitar could be turned down a little bit. It is a little bothersome to my ears. 

 

Also, your sawtooth lead is playing in F# minor when this piece is in F# Major. You need to go back and change those harmonies. Also, you need more bass. Add more bass to give the percussion and other aspects of the piece to give them depth, as it sounds like there is too much mid and high-end. 

 

Also, watch your scrambling. This is why I said to redo that sawtooth lead. The scrambling pitches conflict with that same sawtooth lead. Speaking of leads...

 

A rapid plucked bass lead would work here. Arpeggiated fast runs throughout the breakdown would work perfectly. Alternatively, you could used a plucked squarewave lead or a triangle wave lead as well. 

 

Before the quote, you didn't have a solid transition. You just stopped everything. Perhaps you could've swept everything in to a filter and have it within the filter for 5 bars. At the 6th, you could start sweeping out and adding a snare running on 8th beats. At the 7th bar, up the snare to 16th beats, then 32nds. At the beginning of the 8th bar, cut everything and play the quote. After, add a single reverberated clap sound along with a bass slide followed by the hard entrance of the breakdown. 

 

You really didn't have a solid ending. All it was was another breakdown and then the percussion just ended. Gotta have a solid ending to the piece. 

 

All in all, this piece could use a revamp. I can explain whatever you don't understand. 

[ghostberry 40]

Thanks a million for the feedback. I just found out a minute ago that I can pitch correct vocals in newtone and I'm currently working on that. It sounds like a million times better now and that's exactly what I want to make. That sawtooth synth is the key part of the piece so I'm going to be subtle on that, but I'll tone it down and get the bass up and going for the whole piece. Thanks again for the awesome constructive criticism!

Actually I got rid of the scrambling while repitching the vocals, so I didn't lose any key elements. Thanks for the advice about the ending! I'd like to close it with something intense. Like a piano with a quote and the chorus vocals playing silently in the background or something like that.

oh yass, found the perfect sample.

Edited January 5, 2016 by ghostberry

[Electron 39]

Sounds like a comeback tune for a defeated fighter. And now he is gathering all his strength to fight harder. 

[ghostberry 40]

https://pony.fm/tracks/21283-scootaloo-hearts-strong-as-horses-ghostberry-electro-aor-re-clop

So here's the updated version. Tried to take as much advice from CTD as possible, while maintaining the original spirit of the song. Now the vocals are in minor and it has an ending!

Edited January 10, 2016 by Feld0
Embedded the Pony.fm track

[Courageous Thunder Dash 7,809]

 

So here's the updated version. Tried to take as much advice from CTD as possible, while maintaining the original spirit of the song. Now the vocals are in minor and it has an ending!

 

Ok...now that everything's in minor...it kinda contradicts the real theme of the song. It was much better to do everything in major because you could use this cadence here:

 

I⁺⁹-V-IV-V-I-IV^sus2+10-ii-V

[ghostberry 40]

That's actually pretty close to what I was doing while turning the main melodies to major, but it just wasn't working out. It was becoming a Stan Bush song while i wanted it to be a Magnum song . It was only after that when I discovered Newtone and began dabbling with the vocals and had the "oh my f*n god I am LOVING this s*t" defining moment.