Showing vs. Telling...HELP!

[HomuraBL 852]

Ok, I need some help. For the most part, I seem to be doing well in writing fanfics. I just have a major problem...Showing vs. Telling. Granted, its not my only problem, but its my biggest.

 

Anyway, no matter what I think I'm doing right, I always get someone telling me I need more Showing vs. Telling. My teacher can't explain it to me, maybe you guys can.

 

So please...HELP!

[Aureity 3,055]

We aren't of much help unless we can see an example of your writing that the others are criticizing.

[Z.J.A. 136]

A great way to begin is to try to write something with out using any words that mean "to be" such as "is" and "are". Usually when you are telling something, you say "She was upset." Rather than, "She stomped away. Her feet hit heavy on the ground, at a quick pace. A single tear dribbled down her face." If you notice, when you are telling you use words that mean "to be" but when you are showing you do not. It's a good exercise anyways and it varies your writing up a lot. Also, instead of telling an emotion, have your character act that way.

[HomuraBL 852]

. Also, instead of telling an emotion, have your character act that way.

 

Can you give me examples of types of emotions?

[Shankveld 4,951]

This is a huge skill you need to do any quality writing.

 

Get outside of the 'God' view and live your character. Learn to describe how one or you would respond/act/do in the situation.

River_angel already said what I was going to

~

[Swit Swat 536]

Help! I need somebody Help! Not just anybody Help! You know I need somebody, HELP!

 

Sorry I just couldn't resist.

 

Anyway, yeah we need examples first. And emotions? Sad, Happy?

[HomuraBL 852]

My whole first story is one example: http://www.fimfiction.net/story/4432/Pinkie-Pie%3A-Feelings-Get%21

[Z.J.A. 136]

Can you give me examples of types of emotions?

 

Sure: emotions are the way people (or ponies as the case might be) feel. To express an emotion: (e.g. happy, sad, angry, upset, joyful, ect.) think of how the character would act if they felt that way and describe the action rather than telling the emotion.

[HomuraBL 852]

Sure: emotions are the way people (or ponies as the case might be) feel. To express an emotion: (e.g. happy, sad, angry, upset, joyful, ect.) think of how the character would act if they felt that way and describe the action rather than telling the emotion.

 

Sorry, I meant great examples of some emotions being shown and not told.

[Z.J.A. 136]

Sorry, I meant great examples of some emotions being shown and not told.

 

I won't say that these are great, but I will give it a try to give you some examples. You do have to learn to do it yourself however, at some point:

 

Telling: Pinkie Pie was ecstatic.

Showing: Pinkie Pie grinned. Her lips spread wide across her face. Her feet hit lightly on the ground as she bounced, higher each time. Her hair, messy as always, jiggled up and down to the rhythm of her canter.

 

Telling: Pinkie Pie was sad.

Showing: Pinkie Pie's normally poofy hair, straightened. Her face, normally filled with a grin, turned into a frown. Her eyes began to water.

 

Now you try!

[HomuraBL 852]

I won't say that these are great, but I will give it a try to give you some examples. You do have to learn to do it yourself however, at some point:

 

Telling: Pinkie Pie was ecstatic.

Showing: Pinkie Pie grinned. Her lips spread wide across her face. Her feet hit lightly on the ground as she bounced, higher each time. Her hair, messy as always, jiggled up and down to the rhythm of her canter.

 

Telling: Pinkie Pie was sad.

Showing: Pinkie Pie's normally poofy hair, straightened. Her face, normally filled with a grin, turned into a frown. Her eyes began to water.

 

Now you try!

 

Telling: Pinkie Pie is mad

Showing: Pinkie Pie stomped her hooves at Rainbow's irritating remark. She felt like shouting, but instead she gave a groan and just trotted away.

 

Telling: Pinkie Pie was in love

Showing: Pinkie's face was heating up as she looked at the beautiful face that was her Dashie. Her thoughts were being consumed by the Cyan pegasus. So much in fact that she had no idea what was going on.

[Z.J.A. 136]

Telling: Pinkie Pie is mad

Showing: Pinkie Pie stomped her hooves at Rainbow's irritating remark. She felt like shouting, but instead she gave a groan and just trotted away.

 

Telling: Pinkie Pie was in love

Showing: Pinkie's face was heating up as she looked at the beautiful face that was her Dashie. Her thoughts were being consumed by the Cyan pegasus. So much in fact that she had no idea what was going on.

 

Better....but do less telling...and more showing.

[HomuraBL 852]

Better....but do less telling...and more showing.

 

HOW?!? I'm not even mentionning the emotion. What am I doing wrong?

[NavelColt 22,883]

HOW?!? I'm not even mentionning the emotion. What am I doing wrong?

 

Here, here's my own rendition of your examples of trying to show vs tell:

 

Showing: Pinkie Pie stomped her hooves into the soft dirt in brash thumps, growling slightly at the irritating remark. The urge to lash out at the Pegasus steamed and boiled in her chest, while that cocky smirk taunted her further. But she cooled within moments, and hiding behind the mask of a pleasant smile, turned and hopped away.

 

Showing: Pinkie's face tilted towards the bright sky, whilst her body lit with a passionate flame. Rainbow, no, her Dashie's piercing purple eyes could make her grin with glee no matter the situation. The earth pony's thoughts were consumed by the Cyan Pegasus, and when she was with her, the world and all it's sense drifted away.

 

Be descriptive, describe emotions, and focus on every aspect of what's going on. That's really in a nutshell what showing is about. It should be noted though that you shouldn't be trying to replace everything with showing. Too much showing is just as bad as not enough, because then you become wordy and readers become lost. Use showing for descriptions, emotions, etc, but keep the straight-forward telling when it comes to dialogue and basic stuff.

[KakeiTheWolf 652]

Ok, I need some help. For the most part, I seem to be doing well in writing fanfics. I just have a major problem...Showing vs. Telling. Granted, its not my only problem, but its my biggest.

 

Anyway, no matter what I think I'm doing right, I always get somepony telling me I need more Showing vs. Telling. My teacher can't explain it to me, maybe you guys can.

 

So please...HELP!

 

Basically, when you need to directly give someone information so they can follow the story's plot, that's when you tell.

When you need to demonstrate a high level of detail that increases length but doesn't advance plot, that's when you show.

When you need to leave some things to the imagination, you need to balance. Carefully dabble in both.

[HomuraBL 852]

Here, here's my own rendition of your examples of trying to show vs tell:

 

Showing: Pinkie Pie stomped her hooves into the soft dirt in brash thumps, growling slightly at the irritating remark. The urge to lash out at the Pegasus steamed and boiled in her chest, while that cocky smirk taunted her further. But she cooled within moments, and hiding behind the mask of a pleasant smile, turned and hopped away.

 

Showing: Pinkie's face tilted towards the bright sky, whilst her body lit with a passionate flame. Rainbow, no, her Dashie's piercing purple eyes could make her grin with glee no matter the situation. The earth pony's thoughts were consumed by the Cyan Pegasus, and when she was with her, the world and all it's sense drifted away.

 

Be descriptive, describe emotions, and focus on every aspect of what's going on. That's really in a nutshell what showing is about. It should be noted though that you shouldn't be trying to replace everything with showing. Too much showing is just as bad as not enough, because then you become wordy and readers become lost. Use showing for descriptions, emotions, etc, but keep the straight-forward telling when it comes to dialogue and basic stuff.

 

This is going to be harder then I thought.

 

Hmm...Give me a situation, and I'll try to show it.

[NavelColt 22,883]

This is going to be harder then I thought.

 

Hmm...Give me a situation, and I'll try to show it.

 

Pinkie is pacing and waiting for Rainbow to show up for the night out they had planned for the evening, but she's running late. Pinkie is a bit nervous and impatient.

[HomuraBL 852]

Pinkie is pacing and waiting for Rainbow to show up for the night out they had planned for the evening, but she's running late. Pinkie is a bit nervous and impatient.

 

Pinkie's patients was wearing thin. She had nothing to do but walk about and watch grass grow. Sweat began to bead down her forehead as she began to wonder if Rainbow would even come at all and if she would do their plans they had prepared together for the evening. What's a mare to do. All this time waiting just made her think of all the ways she could possibly mess up, and with how special this night was going to be, that was not an option for her.

 

Better?

[NavelColt 22,883]

Pinkie's patients was wearing thin. She had nothing to do but walk about and watch grass grow. Sweat began to bead down her forehead as she began to wonder if Rainbow would even come at all and if she would do their plans they had prepared together for the evening. What's a mare to do. All this time waiting just made her think of all the ways she could possibly mess up, and with how special this night was going to be, that was not an option for her.

 

Better?

 

Yeah, one thing I'd try to do is cut down on the short transitioning words and replace them with more high-structured vocabulary. For example, try and compare these two, yours, and mine:

 

Pinkie's patients was wearing thin. She had nothing to do but walk about and watch grass grow. Sweat began to bead down her forehead as she began to wonder if Rainbow would even come at all and if she would do their plans they had prepared together for the evening. What's a mare to do. All this time waiting just made her think of all the ways she could possibly mess up, and with how special this night was going to be, that was not an option for her.

 

Pinkie's patience was wearing thin. She could do nothing but strut about and watch the blades of grass grow in anticipation. Sweat beaded down her forehead, while she fretted if Rainbow would even come at all. Did she forget? Would the earth pony be doomed to pace for another hour in wait? What's a mare to do. The more the pink pony delved into thought, the more nervous she grew. She couldn't have forgotten! The party, the candles, the planned schedule; there was a mountains worth of plans sitting on the ponies' shoulders, and with every tick of the clock, those plans slipped further into oblivion.

 

Know a good tactic for replacing words for better words? The synonym function in the more advanced word processors and sites. Right click, Synonym, and even if you personally don't have a huge vocabulary, you can use that to your advantage to try and beef up and smooth out your wording in paragraphs.