critique wanted My Idea For The Final MLP Episode Ever!!! (May Turn Into A Fanfic)

[Harratot33 93]

So, this idea needs a lot of work and any plot holes or anything like that are because this is only starting to form. So, I was thinking, I really want the show to end with a big, game-changing finale in a similar vein to shows like Gravity Falls and Avatar: The Last Airbender, so me and my 8-year old sister have been discussing what the last ever MLP episode would be if it were up to us.

It would be a three-parter, because there really is a lot to our idea. It would take too long to explain the plot, so I'm gonna go over each featured character and explain their arc. However, I will say the basic plot is that it is revealed that Celestia and Luna actually have a brother (let's call him TBA because we don't have a name tbh), who was meant to return from his banishment at the same time as Nightmare Moon (there's a twist - it's revealed that Luna turned evil because of TBA's power to do so and NOT because of jealousy). It has been four years at the time of this finale since Luna returned, so everyone is on red alert. Well, of course he does so (he's an allicorn and harbors extremely powerful magic and manipulation powers) and it's up to all these characters to stop him.

 

Twilight Sparkle:

- Helps to defeat TBA. Her and the rest of the Mane Six attempt to use the Elements of Harmony but they are useless against him  At the end of Part 3, she becomes the new Princess of the Moon, taking Luna's place (read on and it'll make sense).

Applejack:

- It is revealed that there is an afterlife in the MLP universe and in that scene, she gets to finally see Pear Butter and Bright McIntosh again.

Rainbow Dash:

- Has been giving Scootaloo flying lessons for several months and with the help of Tirek (more of that later), she performs a sonic rainboom with her at one point.

Fluttershy:

- When TBA announces his plans to enslave other dimensions as well as Equestria (there may be an Equestria Girls link!!), Fluttershy immediately heads to Discord's and a romance between the pair is developed across the parts. Discord helps defeat TBA.

Pinkie Pie:

Don't know really.

Rarity:

She is forced to reject Spike when he finally confesses to her, but they remain friends.

The CMC:

We finally see them fight alongside The Mane Six  They are the ones who fetch the Elements and there is a possible Timberwolf fight scene in the Everfree Forest when they do so.

Princess Celestia:

Is killed by TBA. Now, this sounds CRAZY, but hear me out: we see both Luna (who is also killed) and Celestia in the afterlife sequence, so they aren't completely gone.

Princess Cadance:

Becomes the new Princess of the Sun.

Flurry Heart:

All I'm gonna say is she is the key to defeating TBA.

Tirek:

Queen Chrysalis helps him break out of prison and they go to exact revenge on both Starlight Glimmer and the Mane Six; however, after Chrysalis is enslaved by TBA, he decides to join forces with the Mane Six. His power is what enables Cadance and Twilight to take Luna and Celestia's places, and enable Scootaloo to finally be equal to Rainbow Dash in flying!!

Starlight Glimmer:

Becomes the new Princess of Friendship!!!

OTHER NOTES: Starswirl the Bearded is also the KEY to defeating TBA. I don't know how yet but there has to be something about him in there. G1 and G2 characters like the Seaponies Wavedancer and Seawinkle will make appearances.

[Deae Rising Shine~ 55,462]

Sounds interesting but I rather doubt that will go like that, rather fits(As you have standing in the title) for an interesting FanFic though, I wouldn't mind reading it!^^

[Shadow Beam 1,179]

Hello @Harratot33

Taking into account that this topic does not showcase the written fan work you're describing, but a summary of events that will occur in said fanfiction, I believe this topic would be more suitable for AK Yearling's Writing Resources. Therefore, it shall be relocated there, along with its proper prefix.

Have a lovely day now.

[Harratot33 93]

8 hours ago, Shadow Beam said:

Hello @Harratot33

Taking into account that this topic does not showcase the written fan work you're describing, but a summary of events that will occur in said fanfiction, I believe this topic would be more suitable for AK Yearling's Writing Resources. Therefore, it shall be relocated there, along with its proper prefix.

Have a lovely day now.

Thank you, I agree.

[Hierok 11,831]

The idea is fine, but it misses something. Would you like to read my ending based on your idea?  But you need to read my idea of Equestrias history on my 'about me' page.

Spoiler

Tba's backstory:

Discords plan for escaping his prison succeeded, but before that he had tried another time. He made the unicorn an alicorn and the alicorn tried to open the prison, but because you needed two alicorns the lock trapped the young one. He was beginning to corrupt and hated everything he knew. And when Discoird escaped the young one stayed in his prison. He hated Discord and the alicorns for trapping him here. For centuries he was trapped till the day he could finally break the lock.

Final battle:

The mane 6, the CMC, Discord and the princesses fought his army, till tba came over. He battled with Celestia, Luna and Discord and he was winning. The only way he would be defeated is if he was trapped in the afterlife. But the way that was possible was not an easy one. Discords magic was the one who made tba and it was Discords magic that had to bring him. 

So Celestia, Luna and Discord sacrifised themself and died with tba. In a magical pool you could see the afterlife. AJ could see her parents, Scootaloo, she died too, could fly, but the others missed her so much, Fluttershy tried to touch Discord and the princesses where talking Cadence and Twilight.

 

[Harratot33 93]

1 hour ago, Radience said:

Ah. I like this sort of idea for ending. 

Well, what would their brother control? The stars? 

I'm not sure, but that idea sounds good enough and then maybe there could be some space stuff in there which would be amazing  

[Harratot33 93]

4 minutes ago, Radience said:

I see. What would happen to tba in terms of punishment?

He's just too powerful and evil to remain alive, I'm sorry, he'd have a similar fate to King Sombra.

[Harratot33 93]

1 minute ago, Radience said:

Why would he be evil in the first place? What got him banished the first time? 

I suppose being responsible for Nightmare Moon would have been the last straw for Celestia, but he would have been abusive of his allicorn power ages before that; I guess he became too confident/his power consumed him, that kind of thing...I dunno, there have to be some other motivations, don't there, and I would sort those out prior to writing.

[Harratot33 93]

I've started writing the first draft, here's an excerpt:

Spoiler

"ALL OF US!!" The voice that shouted this simple line was far more blaring and boisterous than any other pony's in town. Yes - the pony was Pinkie Pie, and all her friends were standing just as dumbfounded as she was.
"This is mighty strange, alright!" Applejack agreed.
"Very unusual," Fluttershy nodded.
"Most eldritch if I may say so," said Rarity.
"The only other time this happened was our very first mission, when we first encountered Starlight," Twilight piped up. "If that mission was anything to go on..."
"Then this one ain't gonna be no trot in the park, neither," Dash interrupted, flying swiftly in through an open window.
"Where has the map called everyone to?" asked Spike.
"That's the worst part - it's beckoning us to Canterlot, and I have a nasty feeling the friendship problem involves Celestia and Luna, just like Starlight experienced several months back. The thing is, she was the solitary recruit for that mission...and...if the map has summoned the entirety of my friendship group...!"
"You don't suppose Luna has turned back into..." Spike began, but Twilight was already shaking her head before he had gotten every syllable out of his tiny mouth.
"Let's not jump to any conclusions," she re-assured both him and her friends. "For all we know, the map might not have even called to us as a result of the princess' relationship with each other."
"There's only one way to find out!" Pinkie Pie exclaimed, already making her way out (bouncing, of course!).

 

[Harratot33 93]

On 03/08/2017 at 6:50 PM, Radience said:

That would be interesting. 

 

On 02/08/2017 at 7:46 PM, Deae Rising Shine~ said:

Sounds interesting but I rather doubt that will go like that, rather fits(As you have standing in the title) for an interesting FanFic though, I wouldn't mind reading it!^^

The first chapter of the first installment has been posted. This story is part of a trilogy (The Coming Of Stellas Spatium, Tirek's Reform and Starswirl's Return).

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12600824/1/The-Coming-Of-Stellas-Spatium

[Harratot33 93]

2 minutes ago, Radience said:

I'm actually starting to love the way things are going. How will Tirek be reformed?  

Well, initially, he (seeking revenge on Twilight) and Queen Chrysalis (seeking revenge on Starlight) are gonna be working together and offer to help TBA (now officially named Stellas Spatium!!). However, being pure evil, he refuses of course and enslaves Chrysalis (as he has done with the rest of Equestria aside from obvious exceptions). This, of course, changes Tirek's mind about Spatium and he realises that the only way he's gonna survive is by working with Twilight and her group.

[Harratot33 93]

1 minute ago, Radience said:

Hm. Interesting. Will Chrysalis eventually be freed, reformed? What will Tirek be like after reformation? 

Well, despite some death and TONS of destruction, of course Spatium will be defeated at the end in some fashion and the surviving residents of Equestria freed as a result. I suppose Chrysalis WOULD be reformed too, because she and Tirek share such a bond and who knows, maybe at one point Glimmer will save her life or something that prevents her from exacting revenge. I'd imagine Tirek will be a bit like Discord when he was reformed, ya know, an element (pun intended!) of mischief still lingering about him.

[Harratot33 93]

2 minutes ago, Radience said:

Mhm, thatd be nice. Reforming out of survival is a good way to put it. Would Chrysalis learn friendship and all that?

How would Cadence be the Queen of the sun? Would that change her cutie mark and appearence? 

Are you sure you don't mind me spoiling everything about the entire story? Anyway, we know Tirek's power is draining the power of magic ponies'; it is revealed in this story that he also has the power to consume that magic and then transfer it from one pony to the next. When the group encounter Celestia and Luna in the afterlife sequence, Tirek is still able to transfer their power to Twilight and Cadance.

[Harratot33 93]

On 8/4/2017 at 7:18 PM, Radience said:

Mhm. Thats...clever, very clever. I can imagine Tirek and Chrysalis joining in on group hugs lol. 

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12600824/2/The-Coming-Of-Stellas-Spatium

Chapter 2!!!

[Harratot33 93]

Just now, Radience said:

Ah, its amazing so far! 

Thanks so much  

[Harratot33 93]

Just now, Radience said:

Will Tirek be in part 3?

Tirek isn't introduced until the second part of the trilogy (he'll also return in the third installment), so if that's what you mean yes. If you mean the third chapter of The Coming of Stellas Spatium, then no I'm afraid.

[Harratot33 93]

20 hours ago, Radience said:

Will Tirek be in part 3?

It's shorter than the last two, but here it is, Chapter 3:

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12600824/3/The-Coming-Of-Stellas-Spatium

[Shadow Beam 1,179]

Remember that once you feel happy with your work you can post it in Written Fan Works. ^^

[Harratot33 93]

On 06/08/2017 at 10:33 PM, Radience said:

Will Tirek be in part 3?

So, Chapter 4 is done and is available on both Fanfiction.net and Fimfiction.net (the trilogy is also being posted there in the same format). As this is a critique thread, I was wondering if there's anything you think I should change or anything that could be improved - be as honest as you  can  

[Hierok 11,831]

34 minutes ago, Harratot33 said:

So, Chapter 4 is done and is available on both Fanfiction.net and Fimfiction.net (the trilogy is also being posted there in the same format). As this is a critique thread, I was wondering if there's anything you think I should change or anything that could be improved - be as honest as you  can  

@Radience is not much online, so I think you will have to wait a couple of weeks.  Is there a link to your fanfic?

Edited August 9, 2017 by Hierok

[Harratot33 93]

Just now, Hierok said:

Radience is not much online, so I think you will have to wait a couple of weeks.  Is there a link to your fanfic?

https://www.fimfiction.net/story/381912/the-coming-of-stellas-spatium

[Hierok 11,831]

Just now, Harratot33 said:

https://www.fimfiction.net/story/381912/the-coming-of-stellas-spatium

Thank you! 

I think it is pretty good. Are other villains going to join Spatium? And is Discord gonna help?

[Harratot33 93]

30 minutes ago, Hierok said:

Thank you! 

I think it is pretty good. Are other villains going to join Spatium? And is Discord gonna help?

Discord is gonna help The Mane Six, not Spatium. A large chunk of the second part is gonna be dedicated to Spatium trying to enslave other dimensions as well as Equestria. The group will head to Discord's and recruit him to help and there's gonna be more character development between him and Fluttershy.

As for other villains joining Spatium, he's too evil and selfish to let that happen. In the second part of the trilogy, Queen Chrysalis is gonna break Lord Tirek out of prison and team up with him to exact revenge on both Starlight and Twilight. They also offer to aid Spatium, but he refuses, and upon dealing with Queen Chrysalis, Tirek realises the only way he's gonna survive is by joining forces with Twilight's group, so he does so.

[Hierok 11,831]

May I give an idea?

Spoiler

Or Tirek realizess they have no change and he tries to get himself out of harms way. Spatium gets him and uses him to steal the magic from the mane 6 and such through him. 

 

[Harratot33 93]

4 minutes ago, Hierok said:

May I give an idea?

  Hide contents

Or Tirek realizess they have no change and he tries to get himself out of harms way. Spatium gets him and uses him to steal the magic from the mane 6 and such through him. 

 

If you don't mind me spoiling something (it's a massive spoiler, actually):

Spoiler

My original idea would be that the second part would be all about Tirek being reformed and Twilight's group's quest to prevent Discord and then Flurry Heart from being harmed. Then, in part three, Starlight would become an allicorn and the new Princess of Friendship, and Twilight would find (possibly through Starswirl The Bearded!!) a way to communicate with dead ponies, and somehow Tirek would be able to draw Princess luna and Celestia's powers from them even though they're deceased and make Twilight the princess of the moon and Cadance the princess of the sun, and Flurry Heart and Starswirl The Bearded would be the KEY to defeating Spatium!