Critique wanted for Fanfic-based song

[Benny 3]

Unfortunately, I can't produce music. I don't have the equipment or the patience to learn how to use something like FLStudio.

I, instead used Musescore, so I need two attachments (you also need two so you can read and listen, since there are no audible lyrics in Musescore.

Anyway, I wanted to see how people felt about the song, how they react to the individual sections.

 

Background of song:

I wrote this song as an inspiration for my newest fanfic idea, where Fluttershy gets captured by Chrysalis and in the end becomes a "changeling queen", but instead feeds off of hatred. Also, the song has a character named Dirge: he's basically the last living changeling at this point in the story.

The song is broken into sections

1) Overture: the queen (Chrysalis) is dead/dying.

2) Dirge's lament

3) Fluttershy emerges as the new "queen"

4) Dirge rebels

5) Fluttershy feels her new powers grow wit hatred

6) Fluttershy's imposing goals convince Dirge to stay

7) Closing: Flutteshy ends in a dark tone, signaling her ultimate goal of harming her friends.

 

I accept all types of criticism, but I do like "professional opinions", too. (as in, you know your stuff and can teach me a thing or two about music) Please, like my Fluttershy, have no remorse or pity on me. Give me your undying criticism and anguish on any parts, big or small. I want your opinions!

 

 

 

The Last Changeling, Birth of The Anti-Changeling.pdf

The Last Changeling, Birth of The Anti-Changeling.wav

[Courageous Thunder Dash 7,809]

Ok. Get ready because this is going to be a lot. 

Your key choices were scattered everywhere and tempos as well. You need accelerandos (gradual speed-ups) and ritardandos (gradual slowdowns). With this you can create a more organized song. 

In fact, you need to completely start from scratch.

Here's why: You shifted keys 6 times with no transitions. You can have two or more parts in the same key. C minor is a great key for lamenting/dying scenes, and so is d minor. However, d minor can also serve as a character rising from the grave, regaining strength. D# minor can do the same thing. It is best if you stay in a minor key with this big piece. E minor can be for very slow death scenes as people remorse and lament. This section should remain soft. I see you also used Ab minor, but not really a good key choice for this piece. 

So with this info, we can come to the conclusion that you can modulate up in half-steps. Modulation is the changing of keys. To perform a half-step modulation, start on the i of the current key. Then move one whole step down to the vi of the new key. Then hit the V of the new key and resolve to the i of the new key. Notice the roman numerals. These are called scale degrees and they can help with creating solid chord progressions. They can be tricky when it comes to minor scales as there are 3 different calibrations of minor scales: natural, harmonic and melodic. Stick to natural minor for now as it's the easiest.

Looking at your sheet music, I see you stuck to four-chord progressions. You started with i-VI-VII-V and then moved to i-VI-iv-VII, replacing the VII with a V once. When you moved to D# minor, you scattered a little bit and sadly, limited yourself to the i, VII and the VI. You needed a solid progression for this part, as it completely staled out. Staling is never good in music, as it causes your listener to become bored because of too much repetition. 

In terms of the piano part itself, you really need to work on part writing. The piano lacked flavor and expression. You needed crescendos, decrescendos, dynamics and arpeggiated passages. Arpeggiated means broken chords. Using the damper pedal on the piano would also give it resonance and a brighter sound as the notes will resonate longer. Furthermore, an orchestra would suit this piece better than solo piano. This is due to the fact that there are seven parts, or classically known as "movements". Speaking of which, you could divide this piece into individual movements, but seeing how each part ties together, it is best to keep it all as one with modulations in place. When orchestra writing, make sure to highlight brass and strings when appropriate. Chimes and timpani are a must in this piece, esepcially when a character is revived, on the rise and gaining power. Reserve your woodwinds and smaller bells for laments and dying/death scenes. 

In terms of your lyrics, I must be honest. They were cheesy. You told too much instead of vividly showing the scenes. The #1 rule when lyric writing is "Show don't Tell". Here's an illustration:

Telling: I am alive again

Showing: My heart beats again as a new energy flows within. 

Using personification, similes, metaphors and other rhetorical language would completely help with these lyrics. Great operas and pieces like this  really show the vividness of the scene by employing these techniques. Speaking of which, this particular piece you've done is considered an Aria. Arias were made for one singer, but now, have been changed to incorporate polyphony and singers singing different things at once, which I see you've done. 

All in all, hate to say it but...you're gonna have to start completely from scratch with this piece. It is too scattered and the piano line completely stales out early. Plus, you need to work on your lyric writing to the lyrics can become vivid and show more of the scene, instead of telling directly. I have over 18 years of music experience. If you have any questions about what I said in my critique, shoot me a PM at anytime. Don't be discouraged about what I said in my critique. Sometimes, starting over with an idea can be a great thing, as it can enable you to have a new vision and in the long run, compose a great piece.