Your favorite BG pony has taken hostages, and you have to negotiate. What do you say to her?

[KillerKingBakudan 702]

Your favorite background pony has lost it. Things in her personal life have driven her so far over the edge that she's decided to take a group of innocent ponies hostage in Canterlot. That includes mares, stallions and fillies of all ages.

She's holding them captive at the top floor of a famous bell tower in the middle of the city. She's threatening to drop them into a portal that has opened directly beneath the bell, which she claims will send them to limbo. And to make sure no interlopers interfere with her plans, she's used an ancient artifact to create a magical barrier around the perimeter. It's so powerful that not even the strongest alicorn magic can break through it.

Once the royal guard, along with hundreds of citizens gather around the building, she holds a speaker up to her muzzle and tells them what she wants in exchange for her prisoners' freedom. If her demands are not met, they will all disappear. And for each hour she has to wait, one pony will be thrown to limbo.

Her demands include:

1. Celestia and Luna's resignation.
2. The destruction of the Elements of Harmony.
3. A public admission from Twilight that friendship is bullshit.
4. $20 billion in gold bits.
5. 50 bacon cheeseburgers (yes, with real meat)

No pony on the ground understands that last one, so when she goes into detail, almost everyone in the crowd starts throwing up.

But since you had a close relationship with this pony, Celestia has elected you to be the negotiator for the situation.

What do you say to her?

[Castle Bleck 19,376]

Well, those demands are... oddly specific.

[PaulBron 173]

I kill myself___________

Edited February 4, 2019 by PaulBron

[SharpWit 2,682]

Let's try and be reasonable. You know we can't meet those demands. Your only escape is to jump through that portal yourself, and nothing good will come of that. You could follow through on your threats but how about this, for every hostage you turn over to us, we'll make an offer. You want a nice secure room with a real bed a 3 warm meals a day, maybe even some icecream occasionally, over a cold dark cell or a void of nothingness? You got it. Just give us one hostage, I'm only asking for one right now, and let's continue talking this out. What's best for me, is best for you.

[Denim&Venöm 19,152]

I'd say "Equestria doesn't negotiate with terrorists. Who is she to tell The princesses, Twilight and Equestria what to do? That what has she done over anypony else to earn that type of fortune? And that the sapient cows of Equestria won't be sacrificed to feed her appetite. Equestria stands firm. For if they capitulate here, what's to stop someone else from pulling this dirty trick again? And if those hostages get sent into limbo, then she'll be in for a fate far worse than theirs." 

I'd say "As your friend, I'm telling you like it is. As your friend, I'm standing up to you, cause I know you'd stand against me if I was doing something bad. If I didn't care, I wouldn't be trying to stop you."

Then I'd ask the one question no pony else has. "Why? Why the resignation? Why the denouncement? Why the money? Why the switch to an omnivorous diet?" I'd ask. I'd sit. I'd listen, and work to get them what they really want.  

It's not gonna be their ludicrous demands, but it will be better than nothing. 

 

[Goat-kun 2,527]

You have played your part well. Accept your reward.

[BornAgainBrony 2,398]

Why do I feel like this thread was posted before?

[EpicEnergy 23,222]

Think of the element of loyalty Rainbow Dash! Think of your friends!

[Splashee 28,566]

Calm down, no need to go to such extremes. Now, let the hostages go!

[MysticWolficorn 77]

Wow you're such an asshole. You're going to these extremes just for your selfish reasons? I used to think you were cool but clearly I was wrong. You don't deserve anything you have right now. 

[Ittoni 538]

I would tell him that he's right and I 100 percent believe what he's saying because it's true, but that what he's doing is only going to go against his cause and the only thing he's going to receive is hostility and for people to not believe it. I'll tell him to calm down, leave the hostages and we can discuss it in a way that is more productive, he's got the attention he wanted anyways and if he doesn't there's a ton of friendship police officers ready to kill so better not loose his opportunity and throw it directly to the drain.

[Cwanky 17,597]

The truth often hurts.