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What do you wish you hadn't done?


Reecejackox

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Try chemical substances, mistake associations between these and my social interactions, befriend and date ppl that wasted A LOT of time I wish I could have spent elsewhere, wish I would have never left my old job the first time, main ones lol


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It is so difficult. It is about power, but there is a component of heart to it, and the regret that comes with this realization. But when the pain at heart is so much as to bring you near death, there is only hatred to make you rise up.
And the pain at the center of my soul is vast. Because I lost much. And I've been trying to attribute this loss to the bad things that happened in this life. But not even close. This comes from somewhere else. This spiritual wound. I knew it since my childhood. This pain gnawing at my heart from oblivion. And the whole world has forgotten, apparently. Which is all the more the painful to me. Since it feels like I am mourning alone. I am fighting alone.

And so you are trapped inside this endless cycle of pain. With a wound of loss that won't let you forget nor forgive. Because, how much can someone lose before they break? Is the whole world enough, to lose yourself to the pain? How do you live a normal life when you are hurting like this, all the time? I understand now why there was a component of violence and abuse to everything my family did. Why they all were in so much pain, without knowing the source. Always trying to remember, and ending in suicide and early terminal diseases because of the massive pressure their souls were undergoing. The weight of the past.

And you cannot let go, because of how much it hurts when you attune yourself with the soul, so it is that or staying dissociated. And I don't have the heart to disrespect the past like that.

The old world... it was beautiful. You only have to look at the burnt ruins from ancient egypt, or those under the coast of the abukir bay. Atlantis lies dormant under the atlantic ocean. I lost it to that son of ***** above the firmament.
The whole world... It was so painful having to see the whole world destroyed by the flood. I lost everything. The whole world. It is not just a word. But the whole world. Do you know how much it pains a soul to live through a cataclysmic event of that size? And the imprint it leaves on the spirit. I am destroyed inside. My soul feels shattered, and this pain seems to go beyond the limits of my physical body. It radiates like the sun. You do not recuperate from that.

These pyramids and ziggurats are also around national parks, like the restricted areas of the colorado canyon. But they are everywhere, really. All over the world. Because the whole world was Babylon.

It doesn't matter anymore, and I say this with immense pain, because it does matter to me. It is all that matters. But the current world has given up. This plastic babylon is a joke. Imagine losing the real thing to this mockery.

And I still would have commited to follow my dream. I do not regret a damn thing.

Dear Babylon. The world used to be real. It used to mean something. I am so full of pain and violence. I have nothing else to give. I just want to return home. But home was lost. It was destroyed by YHWH. There is nothing left.

Edited by They call me Loyalty
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I wish I had never existed. Wait, that's something that I had no choice in, so it doesn't count.

I wish I never played video games for hours every single day for several years. It contributed to me having terrible social skills, autism, anxiety, and depression.

 


*totally not up to any shenanigans* :ithastolookpretty:

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Completed a degree in engineering which got me no job. It's a long story.

I COULD HAVE just completed a degree in "aeronautical sciences" or whatever and I would've been at the job I wanted... maybe 2 years ago. Or earlier... now that reality is at least 2 years from now if ever.

That or I wish I never wanted to be a pilot or a trombone player. Both things... so pertinent about me.. 


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A few moments in high school. I wish I'd never punched that student at the end of Year 7. It got me suspended and contributed to my depression then. As a result, I also ended up pushing away my best friend because I felt like I didn't deserve friends at all and was just angry at myself... It was the one thing I regret the most about those years. 

Thankfully, we got back together and are now besties to this day. Went over to his place a couple of days ago to watch movies! But it still really hurts to remember what happened. 

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  • 4 months later...

Shutting myself off when I was younger. It’s a blessing and curse depending on my situation.


                 

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♪ "I practice every day to find some clever lines to say, to make the meaning come through"♪
 

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

I got drunk once and it just made me sick and I barfed all over the place. Didn’t need that. I could have gotten the same buzz by skipping a night’s sleep.

I also eavesdropped on a phone call once when I was a teenager and heard a lot of stuff I wish I’d never heard. It caused me a lot of personal anxiety for a long time. Lesson learned.

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