writing A Shadowed Past

[Parties like Pinkie 385]

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Lyahalh2S_ExpaTyGdKwCqG46I5h_j0thzWaQdNuCAI/view

 

Right, so I just started up this, and finished the first chapter, and already feel like I want some feedback.

 

I'm probably going to continue to add to it as the viewer (That's you) read this and click the link.

 

Any and all feedback is appreciated, even constructive criticism!!! (Just no deconstructive criticism!)

Edited June 14, 2012 by Parties like Pinkazoid

[Dave247 568]

It says I need permission to read it, you must have it set to private or something.

[callmebrony 16]

It says I need permission to read it, you must have it set to private or something.

 

its private

[Parties like Pinkie 385]

its private

 

It says I need permission to read it, you must have it set to private or something.

 

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Lyahalh2S_ExpaTyGdKwCqG46I5h_j0thzWaQdNuCAI/view

 

sorry bout that. /)_-

Edited June 14, 2012 by Parties like Pinkazoid

[callmebrony 16]

https://docs.google....zWaQdNuCAI/view

 

sorry bout that. /)_-

 

its ok

[Dave247 568]

https://docs.google....zWaQdNuCAI/view

 

sorry bout that. /)_-

 

It is ok, you changed it and now all is well.

 

It certainly is a interesting story and you know how to use words correctly because I didn't pick up on any of the usual errors when I read other stories. Mainly like sentences making sense, I'm terrible at spelling.

 

Even if it isn't a pony story it still has me intrigued on what will happen next. I'm following the topic so make a new post when you update your story so I know to check back.

[Parties like Pinkie 385]

Chapter 4 is up. Might not be as smooth as the others, as my brain is fried for some unknown reason.

[Dave247 568]

Way to leave it on a cliff-hanger Now I defiantly want to know what happens next.

Also I picked up two small errors:

 

After a minute, he stood up, and headed to his bedroom, packing clothes into a suitcase.

 

Daniel ran down the stairs and out the door. Looking left and right, to make sure he wasn’t noticed and called a taxi, which promptly pulled up. (Removed comma after noticed.)

 

Other then that it's all good. I look forward to the next chapter.

[Parties like Pinkie 385]

The first one is a mistake on my part, the second is fine, as the phrase "to make sure he wasn't noticed" explains why he looked left and right, and can be excluded from the statement, however, there is a slight slip up by me in that.

 

Ex.

 

"Daniel ran down the stairs and out the door. He looked left and right, to make sure he wasn't noticed, and called a taxi, which promptly pulled up." OR "Daniel ran down the stairs and out the door. He looked left and right, and called a taxi, which promptly pulled up."

[Dave247 568]

I'm not to familiar with English rules but I think there's one where you don't put a comma around the word "and" because the word itself implies a slight pause or something like that. I could be wrong though.

[Parties like Pinkie 385]

That used to be a rule, but they changed it, and this picture should explain why.

 

 

Also, chapter 5 is up, it's the longest chapter yet.

 

Chapter 6 is finished, and I can honestly say that I creeped myself out writing it.

[Dave247 568]

Took me a while to get that joke, I'm a bit slow sometimes. Man, that's funny

 

The story has defiantly gotten creepy. No doubt about that. I wasn't too affected but I could understand how it would be for you writing it.

The suspense has gotten really high now as it's been building through the whole story. Don't rush yourself with the story and take your time to write what comes to you, you don't want to spoil the atmosphere you've made by just one thing.

[Parties like Pinkie 385]

Don't rush yourself with the story and take your time to write what comes to you, you don't want to spoil the atmosphere you've made by just one thing.

 

XD that's why I'm going to write at about a chapter a day.

 

Chapter 7 is now fully available to the public eye!

 

I got a bit of writer's block, but I was able to power through it.

 

Enjoy!

 

Chapter 8 is up. I might take a couple day break before Chapter 9.

[Dave247 568]

Sorry for not replying for quite a while, I've been having trouble with my internet.

 

Even after my break I haven't lost any interest in the story. It's taking me back to the excitement I had when I was reading all the Harry Potter books which was was a long time ago. Since then I slowly stopped reading because I couldn't find anything that would interest me as much as that did.

 

Take all the time you need. You can't force the story to come out and trying to rush it could effect the quality.

Edited July 14, 2012 by Dave247

[MyLittleCell 106]

Being a writer myself, i must say I like your writing style.

And i agree with what dave said. My stories come slowly, but i spend enough time thinking about it that i know it'll be good.

[Parties like Pinkie 385]

Being a writer myself, i must say I like your writing style.

And i agree with what dave said. My stories come slowly, but i spend enough time thinking about it that i know it'll be good.

 

I usually write when I can put my full attention to it.

 

For example, if I'm suffering from something, be it an ache, or lack of sleep, I tend not to write.

 

Okay, I need some help guys. I need to find a name for the voice, as I can totally see someone reading it, and be all like.

 

the voice? whose voice? what the heck?

 

xD

[Dave247 568]

Sorry for not replying again, this topic got lost in my followed topics and I only just noticed it now.

 

I can't really help you with a name because I don't know what your going to do with the story and I don't know what ideas are going around in your head. I can suggest though that it doesn't necessarily have to be a name, it could be a title. You need to decide who and what the voice is and think of some words to describe it. It also depends on how much you want to introduce it into the story. For example, If it's a person you could have them only give the main character their title and reveal their true name a bit later in the story to add to the mystery feeling.