I need help on my fanfic

[Dupeliss 12]

This is the cover page of the fanfic and the name of the fanfic is "Its never a dull day in Ponyville" the story is about my oc his name is Dupeliss D. Daniels the D is just a D dupelisse's dad scewed up his middle name, his middle name was supose to be dobber but his dad only put a D and forgot to put the rest. ok well the story is about Dupeliss living in manehattan same boring job same boring ponies same boring life until one day Dupeliss gets a scroll from his cousin in law prince Blueblood asking Dupeliss if he could move to ponyville Dupeliss is excited but skeptical he knew Blueblood hes not a giving type of pony he knew there were some kind of catch to this but nonetheless he accepts and takes the train to Ponyville. On his way to Ponyville Dupeliss makes some new friends and sees his little brother Pipsqeak Dupeliss also gets headaches from using too much magic and has to go into the everfree forrest every now and then to get some medicine from Zecora oh and derpy always comes now and then to give Dupeliss his mail. Thats all i got so far the only things i got are scenes that i thought of to put in the fanfic here they are:

 

1: Dupeliss is prince for a week and screws everything up

2: Dupeliss is having a nice trot in Ponyville park and stops suddenly to sees a basket being lifted in the air by three balloons and at the same time a mailmare pegassis, the pegassis hits the basket and crashes down Dupeliss runs to help the pegassis but it was too late luckaly the fall wasn't too lengthy Dupeliss say's "oh man are you ok?" there are envelopes and scrolls scattered all across the ground the pegassis opens hers crooked eyes and say's "ohhh my head .......!!!!MY MUFFINS!"Dupeliss say's "muffins?" Derpy looks around frantically "Where are they where are they!?!" Derpy stops and stares off to the distance and say's "look at that amazing doll" and runs off to a group of ponies fighting over something Dupeliss say's "Wait what about this mail....and the muffins *sighs* well someponys got to deliver this mail and that someponys me"

3: Dupeliss encounters a bear while trying to deliver the mail

4: Dupeliss delivers some mail to a pony named Berry Punch, Berry stops and makes a odd face at Dupeliss and starts to throws up on Dupeliss, Dupelisses life flashes before his eyes *FLASHBACKS*

(When Dupeliss was a kid) Dupeliss and his crush are swinging on the swingset together Dupeliss say's to his crush "I think I like you" his crush say's "I like you too your like a brother to me" *inside Dupelisses head* NOOOOOOOO!!!! *NEXT FLASHBACK* Dupeliss is trying to ask a hot mare in his office out for a date she walks by his cubicle and Dupeliss say's "hey Debra you wanna go out for a cup of coffee or a movie sometime" Debra say's "not in a maillion years loser" and walks off Dupeliss gets back to work sadly *NEXT FLASHBACK* Dupelisses mom say's "How did you get you head stuck in a chair Dupeliss say's while crying "I don't know!" *BACK TO REALITY* it was then that Dupeliss realised that his life has been nothing but horrable.

5: Dupeliss adopts an off balanced cat and names her wobbles

6: Dupeliss has a nightmare about flowers heres how it was: it was a sunny day Dupeliss is a flower and his face was the bud part and he had two leaf arms and the sun was celestias head smiling at him he danced happily until suddenly the sky grew dark and black clouds covered celestias face then suddenly a black pony bursted out of the clouds and opened its mouth and ate Dupeliss, Dupeliss wakes up sweating and gasping for air and say's "I'm never gonna eating a flower ever again"

7:Dupelisses mother die's and can't go to her funeral because he dosn't have the money for the trip Dupeliss is depressed and when hes depressed he sleeps and sleeps and sleeps he almost died from his constant sleeping from the lack of water and food but one night he had a dream about his mom *DUPELISSES DREAM* these flowers are beautiful thank you Dupeliss you deserve only the best mommy I love you Dupelisses mom I love you too sweetie and gives Dupeliss a kiss on the forehead the dream ends and Dupeliss wakes up crying with no tears from lack of water in his body and say's quietly while still sobbing "I love you mommy why'd you have to leave me" after some time Dupeliss stops crying and accepts thats shes gone and go's on living again.

8: Dupeliss gets enough money and goes to visit his mothers grave.

 

Well thats all I got I need help putting it all together oh and I don't have an ending so theres that too.

[Hat988 105]

It looks like a bunch of ideas to me. That is good, of course, but let's think of some systems which can organise what you have and tell you what to think of next.

 

Compress everything you wrote in the first paragraph of your post into one sentence. If someone asks you what your story is about, use that sentence in response. After that, write the story in a paragraph. If you have trouble describing your story in a concise way, it will become difficult writing it especially if you forget the ideas in your head overnight.

 

 

Making scenes like you have is a good idea. I'll compare these two:

4. Dupeliss delivers some mail to a pony named Berry Punch, Berry stops and makes a odd face at Dupeliss and starts to throws up on Dupeliss, Dupelisses life flashes before his eyes *FLASHBACKS*

(When Dupeliss was a kid) Dupeliss and his crush are swinging on the swingset together Dupeliss say's to his crush "I think I like you" his crush say's "I like you too your like a brother to me" *inside Dupelisses head* NOOOOOOOO!!!! *NEXT FLASHBACK* Dupeliss is trying to ask a hot mare in his office out for a date she walks by his cubicle and Dupeliss say's "hey Debra you wanna go out for a cup of coffee or a movie sometime" Debra say's "not in a maillion years loser" and walks off Dupeliss gets back to work sadly *NEXT FLASHBACK* Dupelisses mom say's "How did you get you head stuck in a chair Dupeliss say's while crying "I don't know!" *BACK TO REALITY* it was then that Dupeliss realised that his life has been nothing but horrable.

 

8. Dupeliss gets enough money and goes to visit his mothers grave.

 

The difference is the level of detail. Keep the scene descriptions consistent and you will have a much easier time writing it. Personally, I would stick more with the point of the scene - why it is there and what it intends to show the reader. Point 8 is good at that. When I get around to writing it, I might sketch what happens by adding more detail to the description. That's just how I would do it, using your approach. I find having minute details of a scene not very useful since the characters may not end up naturally doing whatever the detail is and you end up forcing it in. Perhaps have general scene descriptor and have a separate document for random ideas that occur during writing. If you ever want to touch something up, go to that document and see if there is anything you've thought of before that can help you.

 

You can also put steps in the scenes to clarify it further. What steps are taken to ruin everything while he is Prince? Also, does he ruin everything out of comedy because he is clumsy? Maybe he has a redeeming feature or it was because someone in the castle was unfairly exploiting his biggest flaw in order to get rid of him. A klutz is too easy to work out - you could make his character a bittersweet tragedy and still keep the humour just by deciding whether it is fate or free will that makes him so clumsy and showing the exceptions that raise question to this decision.

 

Consider putting significant plot points next to your scenes. A plot point could be a climax, an epiphany or something that boosts the story. They should all relate to each other and affect subsequent plot points.

Edited June 18, 2012 by Hat988

[Knight of Blades 1]

got a good idea here, well at lest i think so, but the hard part is getting it from the idea bored to the paper, i mean i am having trouble like yours with my story.