fan fiction R. Lee Ermey in Ponyville; Need constructive criticism!

[Fizz. 1,078]

EDIT: I advise for you to realize this fanfic may be N.S.F.W, as it is a bit sketchy. I'm not sure if so or not, but I would suggest viewing at home.

 

 

So far I've only done 1 chapter, got lazy and blew it off. Being the amazing and well equipped writer I am (teh best of teh best), I and my handsome looks decided to revive the fanfic (or in some odd man's case "fapfic") and begin typing once again. But before my mind and fingers agreed to get out of the gutter, I ran into a terrible problem: I had no criticism! I was that good.

 

 

No, just not many people read it. So I need well thought out reviews of the most greatest bestest fanfic ever: R LEE ERMEY IN PONYVILLE.

 

http://fizzypup.deviantart.com/#/d4gllqp

 

 

Please, respective reviews only. I know you wanna kiss the ground I walk on, but do honest, no matter how wonderfully super awesome I or my fics are.

 

 

 

<3

Edited December 30, 2011 by Fizzydog

[I used to be a stranger 7,989]

With all due respect, I have taken it upon myself to read your fan-fiction with a great deal of hesitancy because the mark of a good writer is the knowledge that they are their own worst critic. Which is to say, I personally do not fancy you remaining in-character as Trixie when you suggest that I read your writing.

 

*Reads*

_______________________________

 

At first I was like

But then I was like

 

It's pretty funny, assuming you don't mind exactly as much swearing as the title would suggest. I give it a Worthy prize.

Edited December 30, 2011 by Blue

[Fizz. 1,078]

snip snip

Apologies if my bragging made me seem a bit naseous, I am very open to criticism. And I thank you for your wonderful review. Anything you found a bit wrong with it?

[I used to be a stranger 7,989]

Well I personally didn't find the literary style to my tastes but that's hardly objective; stability and improvement of a style only comes with practice.

[Finesthour 7,284]

Meh...

 

I found it a little funny, but not my kind of fic.

[Fizz. 1,078]

 

Well I personally didn't find the literary style to my tastes but that's hardly objective; stability and improvement of a style only comes with practice.

Haven't developed a style yet as I've only just begun writing a few years ago, but I'll keep that in mind.

Meh...I found it a little funny, but not my kind of fic.

That's fine and all, it certainly isn't the story for everyone Edited February 22, 2013 by 24601