writing Never, ever let me go.

[Ferret Girl 2,642]

In the few moments that we will have known eachother, I feel it neccessary to tell you.

Tell you that the world will not allow it,

and that we cannot be.

In these few moments, I feel it neccessary to hug you.

If we trust each other,

then let us hug a deep embrace until the day we turn to ash.

For all we know, we may never be together again.

And so on that day, with the few moments we share,

we shall create a new life, hidden behind every second.

And so I ask myself,

can I stand to be near you you...

if I know that I must lose you.

Edited August 28, 2012 by TheBronyHeart

[Valureon 93]

This is really amazing (im a sucker for poetry) ......... Im sorry this is amazing and all..... but some of the effect is lost on me because of your avatar and stuff.... because....*laughs*..... I see someone reading this to a jar of peanut butter..... haha....

But........apart from me being silly and childish..... this is actually really well done.... Great job... I love it

[Ferret Girl 2,642]

Yeah... but i feel i did something wrong. The presentation of the third stanza makes me go hmmmmmmmmmmmm?

 

but yeah, this is actually a reflection of events

Edited August 28, 2012 by TheBronyHeart

[Valureon 93]

The only thing I could say about it..... was you repeated the word *know* ... "For all we know, we may never know each other again." You could have said.... we may never *see* each other again instead.... That links fairly well with "And so I ask myself, can I stand to *see* you..." in the closing....

 

But then poetry is a very personal thing.... and that makes it very hard for others to critique it.... So... sorry if im out of line here, I dont mean to be nosey... especially since I dont know much about where this peice is coming from..... Just thought I would give a little friendly advice from someone who also quite fond of poetry....

[Ferret Girl 2,642]

I see what you mean... and I changed it a tad... after all I wrote this in 3 minutes, and didnt really take the tim to reword some things

[Valureon 93]

I see what you mean... and I changed it a tad... after all I wrote this in 3 minutes, and didnt really take the tim to reword some things

 

3 MINUTES........... awwwww man that makes me so dam jealous of you ...... I spend so long when writing stuff trying to get the wording right.... Like I write something and its fine... but I always feel like it could have been said better and I spend ages thinking about it trying to get it right... ughh .... 3 minutes?...... seriously..

And dammit...... haven't been reading or writing poetry in a while..... and after reading this....... gonna have to go do some..... Im really in the mood to go write something.......

[Ferret Girl 2,642]

lol I love writing , especially poems, I have been doing it since I was quite young... and the whole speed poem thing is new to me.. I used to be like you and not able to decide how to word things

[Valureon 93]

I love writing...... poems especially.... But have never really been that good at it..... (except poetry) because it tends to be smaller and taking my time with structure isnt really an issue...... whereas writing stories is particularly difficult... just because my sentence structure is pretty bad ..... I tend to get lost in my own words and end up writing a paragraph... (a good paragraph) but its just a mess... and takes me forever to re-word and get the grammar and such in order and because of taking all this time I can lose good ideas and other things fairly easily.... Worst thing though is I just dont get time to write stuff.... and I havent in a while... I blame school for this blasphemy

[Ferret Girl 2,642]

hmm, well Im am trying to get myself to write a fanfic currently... I think Im just lazy, but I know I can do it, I have alot of ideas and know how to write pretty decently... at least my teachers think so when they read my essays

[Valureon 93]

hmm, well Im am trying to get myself to write a fanfic currently... I think Im just lazy, but I know I can do it, I have alot of ideas and know how to write pretty decently... at least my teachers think so when they read my essays

 

Well I certainly hope it goes well and you get it done..... And if it does?.... I would love to read the finished product .... Fanfics are great fun to read... Love them to bits

[WhiteLightning 339]

Hmm... well, I'm not much of a poetry fan or reader myself, but this one's absolutely beautiful. I would love to read the finished fanfic too, because you seem to be a skilled writer.

[Phoenix Dirac Wright 121]

I would write something vauge and cool like Godot of the Ace Attorney series but my brain is running on a backup generator right now and can't translate your poem right or make the cool quote right so I'm going to go ahead and say it's good.

[Ferret Girl 2,642]

A question has come to my mind... should I share this with the one it was written about? This isnt just a simple poem for me... its based on a current situation.

[Dusty Soul 2,611]

That is absolutely beautiful, I love well written poetry and honestly this is really really good! The words flow really well, and the meaning is rather awesome too...