writing The voice in the darkness

[Finesthour 7,287]

As my eyes shut out the world around me,

you fill my ears with a sweet voice.

 

You never let me fall asleep crying,

not when you're around.

 

I always feel safe around you,

no matter what.

 

Being your stars,

it's something that puts a smile to my face.

 

You're quite silly sometimes,

thinking that you never help me.

 

You keep me happy in the middle of chaos,

and have been doing so for months.

 

Remember when you thought I would leave you,

just like all the others?

 

Now you can see that I will never leave,

never leave one of my few sources of happiness.

 

One of my reasons to live,

one of my reasons to smile.

 

Silly Lexa,

you know I can't live without you.

 

And I am proud of that.

[ShikaTheSingingPony 20]

This is... wonderful. I can feel the emotion in the words, understand what I can only imagine is running through your mind. This is a fabulous piece of writing, my friend. Bravo.

[Ferret Girl 2,642]

Cant say anything bad about it... but i must say that the words dont flow together all that well, this may just be me, and the way I read / write poems. But I digress... It is a splendid piece

 

But may I offer a slight inclination of possible change if you ever write again?

 

Try, and this is only what I feel you should do, to differentiate your sentences.

 

What I mean by this is that when I read your poem, I see the same message shown to me over and over again.

 

By differentiating them a little bit, you sortof cloak the meaning behind it some of the times. That way it is not the same standing theme entirely throughout the poem... I dont feel like I sdid a good job explaining this... =/

 

anyway.. write some more!