You are a Blank Flank - A Text Adventure

[Spider's Claw 213]

Feel the need to stab your brother for being a dimwit. Suppress it.

 

You can't believe that stupid pony actually fell for it. I mean, come on. The doctor was using the oldest trick in the book. Candy. Really? REALLY?

 

Also, he's obviously evil, bro. I mean, his name has von in it. That makes him evil by default. The German accent makes him more evil. How could Tango possibly trust somepony so blatantly wicked?

 

If you knew how to use a scalpel, you'd probably stab him with it. Alas, ponies using scalpels is sort of complicated!

 

 

Moonlight Minuet

Condition: Fine

Talent: Princess

Inventory (1/3): Scalpel

 

Tuxedo Tango

Condition: Fine

Talent: Prince

Inventory (1/3): Scalpel

Edited November 1, 2011 by Spider's Claw

[Linguz 140]

Find a secret path way out. There has to be one.

[Spider's Claw 213]

Find a secret path way out. There has to be one.

 

You notice a door next to those cylindrical vats of acid. The two of you run toward it and open it. Behind the door is an old-fashioned elevator. You figure, since you can't get out the way you came what with the wall being sealed up again, you get on the elevator and go down. Looks like this lab is two floors: this floor and one below it.

 

You reach the lower level. You open up the elevator gate and then throw open the door. This room is smaller and considerably darker. Several wires run across the floor, attached to a variety of strange machines and devices. There are a few operating tables down here too. Most of them have rotting cadavers on them, but two tables have live ponies on them. An old mare and a young filly.

 

A voice nervously calls out from the darkness. The owner of this voice steps out from behind a piece of machinery.

 

 

He asks w-w-w-what you're d-doing here.

 

Moonlight Minuet

Condition: Fine

Talent: Princess

Inventory (1/3): Scalpel

 

Tuxedo Tango

Condition: Fine

Talent: Prince

Inventory (1/3): Scalpel

[Linguz 140]

Kill the young pony and put his body on a table. Then dissect it.

[Kinvara 117]

>Free the old mare and the young filly

[Spider's Claw 213]

Kill the young pony and put his body on a table. Then dissect it.

 

Kill... Igor? Why would you do that? You mean, yeah, he's working for the bad guy, but Igor himself is pretty nice and not very good at being evil. You think you'd rather spare him. He's definitely not going to end up becoming the main antagonist of the adventure, or anything. He's not that bad of a colt! Still, you need to scare him off. You raise your scalpel menacingly. Igor runs into the elevator and rides it up. You notice a book fell out of his lab coat when he ran. It's titled Blood Magic Science.

 

>Free the old mare and the young filly

 

You quickly free the two ponies held captive in this room. They thank you for saving them. The old mare explains, without any sort of provocation or invitation, that she is the mother of Morning Glory, the doctor-turned-vampire. Doctor von Ponington kidnapped her and Morning Glory's younger sister and forced her to kidnap ponies from St. Arion to use in the creation of Ponystein. You say you know. You go on to say you intend to get your revenge on that sciencepony.

 

Moonlight Minuet

Condition: Fine

Talent: Princess

Inventory (1/3): Scalpel

 

Tuxedo Tango

Condition: Fine

Talent: Prince

Inventory (1/3): Scalpel

[Kinvara 117]

>Pick up the Blood Magic Science Book and read it

Edited November 4, 2011 by Kinvara

[Linguz 140]

Try to seduce Tango.

Call Doctor von Ponington a magician.

Leave the room you're in by some means and lead everypony to the surface.

[Spider's Claw 213]

>Pick up the Blood Magic Science Book and read it

 

You pick up the book and look at it. No author. Strange. You open it up and begin reading. You notice every instance of the word "magic" is crossed out and replaced with "SCIENCE," scrawled angrily above it. The book seems to detail various applications of blood magic science. There is a bookmark inserted about halfway through the book. You turn to that page. It's a chapter detailing bringing inanimate objects to life using blood. After spending some time reading, you conclude that the book's main topics are immortality, eternal youth, and curses. Boring. You drop it.

 

Try to seduce Tango.

Call Doctor von Ponington a magician.

Leave the room you're in by some means and lead everypony to the surface.

 

Seduce... Tango? But he's your brother! You can't! You do comment, however, that everybody knows the doctor is a magician. A furious magician. Everybody in the room agrees. You press the button to call for the elevator. When it arrives, the four of you crowd yourselves into it. The elevator goes up. You open the door and enter the lab proper again.

 

On the other end of the room, Igor is pushing a statue of Doctor von Ponington out of the way of a secret staircase. Noticing you, he runs up it. You follow suit and manage to catch up to him.

 

At the top of the staircase is a trap door. Igor opens it and you go through. Turns out it drops you off in the entrance hall, and the trap door is disguised perfectly to look like the floor of the entrance hall. Neat!

 

Igor has begrudgingly joined the party and/or is in your party's captivity.

 

Moonlight Minuet

Condition: Fine

Talent: Princess

Inventory (1/3): Scalpel

 

Tuxedo Tango

Condition: Fine

Talent: Prince

Inventory (1/3): Scalpel

 

Igor

Condition: Fine

Talent: Lab Assistant

Inventory (0/1):

[Linguz 140]

Seduce Igor.

Break the trap door.

Go in one of the directions you can go.

[Kinvara 117]

>Ask Igor if he knows what Von Ponington's weakness is

[Spider's Claw 213]


Seduce Igor.
Break the trap door.
Go in one of the directions you can go.


Seduce... Igor? But he's just a little colt! You couldn't! You wouldn't!

 

You do, however, smash the trap door. It effectively creates a second entrance to the lab, one that isn't particularly secret. As far as directions go, you can pretty much go anywhere. Except you can't leave the castle. You need to find your siblings. You need to turn everypony against the doctor!

 





>Ask Igor if he knows what Von Ponington's weakness is


The four of you back Igor into a corner and you tell Tuxedo Tango to brandish his scalpel. You then ask, neigh, demand to know what Doctor von Ponington's weakness is. Clearly frightened out of his wits, Igor tells you that the d-d-doctor is m-mortal j-just l-l-like everyp-pony, and, honestly, why d-don't ya j-just shoot h-him?

 

You tell him because you don't know how to use these strange firearms that the guards carry. Also, everypony worships the guy.

 

"Minuet. What is that monstrosity walking to the village?"

 

 

Oh hey look it's your older sister, Winter Waltz. You ask her which monstrosity, the doctor or the literal monstrosity.

 

She tells you to stop being silly, Minuet, of course she is referring to the literal monstrosity. Doctor von Ponington is eccentric, but he is far from being a monster. The two ponies you rescued earlier begin telling her otherwise. She refuses to believe them. Tuxedo Tango says he spent some time strapped to a bloody operating table in Doctor von Ponington's secret lab. She also refuses to believe him. The only thing she would believe is if Doctor von Ponington came out right now and admitted that he was evil.

 

"Mein little ponies! Vhat are you all doingk togezer... oh, Prince Tango, how did you manage to get out of ze lab? I vas just about to be harvestingk your precious organs."

 

Winter stares wide-eyed at the doctor. Igor runs from your group and stands at the doctor's side.

 

"Vhat? Zey grow back!"

 

Von Ponington looks down at Igor and shakes his head, saying, "no zey don't."

 

He sighs, and then complains that you ALSO freed ze vampire's family. Vhy are you ruiningk EVERYZINGK today? Vhy vhy vhy?

 

 

 

Igor has left the party. Princess Winter Waltz has joined the party!

 

Moonlight Minuet


Condition: Fine


Talent: Princess


Inventory (1/3): Scalpel

 



Tuxedo Tango


Condition: Fine


Talent: Prince


Inventory (1/3): Scalpel



 

Winter Waltz


Condition: Fine


Talent: Princess


Inventory (1/4): Communicator

Edited November 5, 2011 by Spider's Claw

[Linguz 140]

Ship Minuet with Waltz. Yes, every new pony must be attempted to be shipped with the mane character of the moment.

Explain that you're the mane character so you run the show.

Get Waltz to use the communicator to send out a signal for help.

Run up to the Doctor and attack him with the scalpels.

[Kinvara 117]

>Notice that Doctor Von Ponington has made a reference to "Meet the Medic"

 

>Ask him if he has any hats

[Spider's Claw 213]

>Notice that Doctor Von Ponington has made a reference to "Meet the Medic"

 

>Ask him if he has any hats

 

You notice that Doctor von Ponington just quoted Meet the Medic from Pony Fortress 2. God, you love that game. You'd think that since you're a princess, you have work and duties to take care of, but no. One of your few duties is thrusting knives into the backs of overweight Russians.

 

You ask him if he plays. He says he does, occasionally. You ask him what class. He says Engineer. You say if you both survive this, you should play a round. You promise you'll get him a PC equipped with PF2 in prison. He asks vhat could possibly make you zink he vill go to prison?

 

You say because the alternative is getting killed right now and you can't play PF2 when you're dead. He says ve vill see about zat. He goes on to say that ze power of hats vill bring him back from ze dead, you can count on zat.

 

You ask if he has any hats. He admits that he does not. Igor does though. And Igor vill be givingk him zese hats eventually.

 

Ship Minuet with Waltz. Yes, every new pony must be attempted to be shipped with the mane character of the moment.

Explain that you're the mane character so you run the show.

Get Waltz to use the communicator to send out a signal for help.

Run up to the Doctor and attack him with the scalpels.

 

You ask your sister, Waltz, why she doesn't play PF2 anymore. The way she used that syringe gun, it was... very attractive. Sexy, even. You won't begin to wonder, once again, how the hell a pony wields a syringe gun. You've seen the guards of this castle handle rifles, you've stopped questioning the logic of anything anymore. Waltz asks if you are flirting with her. You say no no absolutely not ah ha ha ha! She says good, because you are aware you are her younger sister. You say yes. You knew that.

 

You avoid incest-based disaster and tell Waltz to use that communicator to contact your other sisters, Shuffle and Foxtrot. Your parents don't use these silly communicator things, so tell one of the princesses to pick them up in the throne room. You tell Morning Glory's family to run back to the village, and you and Tango will keep Igor and the doctor here. The two of you brandish your scalpels and charge in slow motion toward the doctor.

 

YOU STOP BEING THE ROYAL FAMILY. YOU ARE NOW NATURAL HARMONIA AGAIN. YAY ANTICLIMAXES!

 

 

So once again you're boring old Natural Harmonia with your beautiful partner Morning Glory. It took some coaxing, but you managed to convince the townsponies of St. Arion to come out again. This time, you're prepared. The pony militia is armed with more than rocks. Morning Glory is armed with magic. You're armed with plot armor a sword. You leap on top of Morning Glory as if she was a horse and shout to the militia:

 

WE'LL RID THE VILLAGE OF THIS BEAST!

WHO'S WITH ME?

 

Natural Harmonia

Condition: Fine

Talent: Protagonist

Inventory (1/4): Sword

 

Morning Glory

Condition: Fine

Talent: Magic

Inventory (1/3): Plastic fangs

Edited November 6, 2011 by Spider's Claw

[Linguz 140]

Try to ship Harmonia with Glory.

Gather up your army and run for the beast.

Do the impossible!

See the invisible!

Row Row!

Fight the Power!

Edited November 6, 2011 by Linguz

[Kinvara 117]

>Get your torch, mount you horse,

>Screw your courage to the sticking place.

>We're counting on your stud to lead the way.

>Through a mist to the wood, where we see a haunted castle, something's lurking that you don't see every day.

>It's a beast, just as tall as a mountain,

>We won't rest 'till he's good and deceased.

>Steady fourth, tally ho! Grab your sword, grab your bow!

>Let's get on and here we go!

 

>Lay siege to the castle and bring back his head!

Edited November 6, 2011 by Kinvara

[Spider's Claw 213]

> KILL THE BEAST

 

 

You point toward the castle and tell the militia that the enemy is there. Go there and destroy it! You all begin to charge. Morning Glory collapses under your weight, seeing as she's a malnourished little unicorn with absolutely no strength.

 

"Everyone stop!"

 

You roll off Morning Glory and you both come to your feet, looking for the origin of the voice. A manly stallion is coming up the road.

 

 

He gives off a very smug smirk before asking why you're stopping with the beast. Doctor von Ponington made the creature, right?

 

The crowd shouts in response, "RIGHT!"

 

The stallion continues. He says that the royal family places so much trust in this doctor, and ever since he showed up, St. Arion's gone to hell. Pony Hell. The royal family is clearly in cahoots with the doctor, so they're just as guilty.

 

A pony from the crowd asks what he's getting at. The stallion chuckles.

 

"Isn't it obvious? Lay siege to the castle and KILL 'EM ALL! The royal family is as much of an enemy as the beast!"

 

You and Morning Glory sneak out of the town and start running up the hill to the castle. You need to warn the royals! With luck, you can get there before this smug bastard orders the crowd to take the castle. You notice Ponystein standing on the hill. Lightning strikes dangerously close to the two of you.

 

 

BOSS BATTLE ENGAGE.

 

Natural Harmonia

Condition: Fine

Talent: Protagonist

Inventory (1/4): Sword

 

Morning Glory

Condition: Fine

Talent: Magic

Inventory (1/3): Plastic fangs

[Linguz 140]

Touch the untouchable!

Break the unbreakable!

Row Row!

Fight the power!

Edited November 6, 2011 by Linguz

[Kinvara 117]

> Engage Von Ponington in epic rap battle

[Spider's Claw 213]

> Engage Von Ponington Ponystein in epic rap battle

 

Von Ponington is presumably in the castle, so that's right out. Instead you begin to think up some lyrics you can use on Ponystein. While you plan out these lyrical burns, Morning Glory conjures up some literal ones. Ponystein is engulfed in magical fire and reduced to ash in a matter of moments.

 

You stare, mouth agape, at your partner. You then tell her to go back to the town and stall for a bit. You need to warn the royal family. She complies. You march up the rest of the hill and to the castle.

 

Touch the untouchable!

Break the unbreakable!

Row Row!

Fight the power!

 

You kick the doors of the castle open and step into the entrance hall.

 

"Vell. Zat vas no fun, vas it, Igor? Zey all ran avay."

 

Von Ponington is standing next to Igor, both of them facing the opposite direction of the front door. You're not entirely sure how they didn't hear you kicking down the door, but in any case, here's your chance. You can do the impossible, see the invisible, ROW, ROW, FIGHT DA POWAH.

 

Natural Harmonia

Condition: Fine

Talent: Protagonist

Inventory (1/4): Sword

[Kinvara 117]

>Swing your sword at Von Ponington

[Spider's Claw 213]

>Swing your sword at Von Ponington

 

With some difficulty, you raise your sword and charge at the doctor. His horn glows for a moment and you're frozen in place.

 

"Er, vait, vait, hold on a moment, give me just a second..."

 

Doctor von Ponington carefully removes his glasses and gives them to Igor.

 

"COME AT ME SIS."

 

ACT 1 FINAL BOSS ENGAGE

 

You are unfrozen. You swing your sword at the doctor. He quickly dodges. This is not particularly surprising. Ponies can't manage swords very well, silly!

 

 

Natural Harmonia

Condition: Fine

Talent: Protagonist

Inventory (1/4): Sword

Edited November 8, 2011 by Spider's Claw

[Linguz 140]

Throw the sword in the air and buck it towards the doctor with your skill.

[Spider's Claw 213]

Throw the sword in the air and buck it towards the doctor with your skill.

 

What you are good at, though, is bucking. You toss the sword into the air and, with improbable skill, kick it through the air at the doctor. He narrowly avoids, but the sword tears through the white rings on his back leg. He loudly complains that ze thing you just destroyed vas ze controls for ze lightningk machine. NOW look vhat you've done!

 

You ask what you've done.

 

He says ze lightningk machine von't verk anymore unt zis ist your fault.

 

You say good. You expected it to go haywire and destroy everything.

 

He says oh no no no, he vouldn't dream of it. He's not ze type of scientist zat does stupid stuff like that. Zose zings alvays backfire. Just like self-destruct buttons. As you nod in agreement, his horn begins to glow and he stomps his hoof. Your sword is broken into multiple pieces.

 

Natural Harmonia

Condition: Fine

Talent: Protagonist

Inventory (0/4):