OC Reviews

[Rascal~ 657]

Hello Everyone,

I've been seeing a lot of OC review topics being put out there and that many a people want to see what others think of their Character. These people who do this usually get swamped quite quickly and I thought that I could probably have a go while you wait with your other Reviews. 

So what I'm going to review:

 

Appearance:

What they look like and such and will be given a score out of 10.

Personality:

Will be judged and given a score out of 5

Backstory:

How good is it and how common it is, if you're not the best of writers and spellers I understand, I will be going for idea and concept. Score out of 10.

 

I will be judging slightly by my own preferences but most it will be professionally. Like what others would be looking and see in your character, but also what I see as well.

 

I'll make up a list so that everyone will know where they're at and I will do anybodies OC.

 

Who's waiting- 15 characters to review 

 

 

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/flash-click-r4212

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/pink-mist-r3726

Colt's bunch

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/greyhawk-r4307

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/roulette-r4341

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/princess-harmony-spark-r3472

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/cleo-r3702

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/selune-darkeye-r3126

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/terra-lionmane-r4140

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/skylar-r4546

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/hollow-aegis-r5343

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/dark-star-r5342

 

 

 

Reviews Done

 

 

Blue Moon

 

 

Appearance.          

I do like the tinges of blue you have gone for and they match quite well together.  I don’t see anything wrong with it and I like the fact that you have kept it quite simply and such, more believably.  Nothing here needs to be ever changed and I love how it works so well.

Score: 8/10

 

Personality

Very well fleshed out and very believably, I connect quite well with this because of my own life is very similar. I do like how you've explained why he is shy and such in the personality bow but I believe that it could also be a part of the backstory. There is a variety of characteristics that he has which compliments his intelligence and appearance and all of them are connected quite well if they were also found in the real world. This is something that is definitely believable and if I met someone who was like this I would think them to be real.

Score:5/5

 

Backstory

I would say that the backstory isn't very exciting but then Blue moon isn't an adventurer or anything like that. It fits perfectly with his personality and it makes perfect sense. I would believe this story if it were told to my in real life and I love how you've included his hopes and dreams and family in there aswell. It shows that his life has progressed past a certain stage in life and for Roleplays it is a very good default. I would say that Blue moon would be an excellent father as well. With what you've done with his dream to become the assistant of Luna, I love it. That shows that not everything comes true with your OC and it gives a more realistic feel to him, as well as the fact that he opened up a store which let him mostly follow his dream is also very good.

Score 9/10

 

So out of 25 you've gotten a 22, great score.

If you have any questions about my Review please don't hesitate to ask.

 

 

Can not remember who

 

 

Appearance

He definitely would be a good looker in the pony world as you claim, the colour scheme with the coat and eyes do go well with each other. But I've noticed something. The main and the tail are matching colours, it seems that the tail is a more reddish red than the main which is more as a pinkish red. Maybe you were going for that but it doesn't compliment the rest of the hair and I noticed it straight away. As well with his tail I think that it needs more yellow to balance the colours better, though the blue cloth around his neck does balance the vibrant colours well with that calming colour.

Score 7/10

 

Personality

I would think as a good looking stallion that we would be more confident around mares and have a better idea of them but his panicking is a good thing to make him more original. Though I am concerned with the short temper thing. I don't like the idea of him getting mad or abusive to a mare or something else, I only find this charismatic likeable in bad guys not in innocent ponies who are like the good guys. As well with the underlying genius thing. I can see where he is observant with the mechanical stuff but I don't think he is able to come up with equations in his head at an instant. I would keep the observant-ness of him but not the genius, he may be smart which compliments his character more.

Score 3/5

 

Backstory

For his backstory I may think to make the obsession with Fire more in the background, otherwise it seems more like that be more his cutie mark than a mechanics one. I like how you've integrated the accessory into his backstory and inturn the character but I think youve put more of a detailed description of what that is in his personality instead of the backstory which is where it needs to belong. Though his life is simple enough and all that it's not that bad.

score 5/10

 

 

Critical

 

 

Appearance 

I would like more info than what you've given me here but I will try to do with what I have.I'm doing the pony one because whenever I try to think up a picture I just came up with a long haired Sherlock from BBC than anything else. So for the pony. What colour of dark hair? I would think that it's black but again it could be a really dark brown. And what do you mean by long? Is it up to his shoulders or is it past that point or in between? I do say that I white coat and blue eyes always go well with each other so you have a point there. But a picture is desperately needed, either go on a pony creator and then upload it or get someone to draw it. It almost vital to have a picture but a much better description than what you have there is a must. 

score? 2/10

 

Personality

So he's a grumpy old man kind of pony? I can see that and the fact that he may help others is good too, but I've had a little look at the backstory and I just want to clear this up. I had a look at the cutie and the backstory and it doesn't make sense. He has film for a cutie mark yet nowhere in the backstory does it say that he's a job or any sort of contact with anything to do with film. And no matter what species you were before you came a pony you don't live for 3000 years. Yes I would say that spending some time alone can make you grumpy and such but 3000 years? You would be dead. No matter if you didn't age, infact thats probably impossible in the equestrian world. I know that the princesses age and alicorns do too, no matter their purpose one day they're going to die. So I'm going to stop there.

Score is 1/5

 

Backstory 

I could see where you were going with the writing style, I know I've written several novels like that, but it doesn't work very well without a large amount of text. You need more before you can use such an introduction. I do see where you were going with the ideas and concept of it but you need to make more sense of it, this character is from another world and we can not understand all that works there. I would also make it that he hasn't seen such important events, because if he had there would've been more of an effect then just becoming and old grumpy stallion. As well I would like to mention what I did in personality, I see no evidence in him liking or even going close to film. I really don't have anymore to say to it so...

Score is a 3/10

 

If you do have any questions or you would like help with the character please do ask and I will help. You got a score of 6/25, again if you want help please don't hesitate to ask.

 

 

Blazing Hoof

 

 

Appearance

I don't really mind the look of this one, Though for his tail I would say that less yellow and a bit more red and you'll be fine. Though I do have something with his face. I think that maybe you should make it thinner, less rounded and it'll go well with the thinness of the rest of his body. Maybe a bit more buffiness around the neck and it almost perfect.

Score is 8/10

 

Personality

I think that its not bad again. I do like the idea that he's slightly suicidal when he's alone and that gives more depth to the character which is nice. The fact that he's happy and that in front of others can give him more of a flesh out in a roleplay or just in your head and its quite a good build up. I don't really have that much of an input after that so I think that you should probably leave it and use it as a base for other things.

Score 4/5

 

Backstory

I think that the disability factor is a great thing and quite original with OC's. The bullying that followed that is really good point and it does explain a lot of things. Other than the fact that it definitely needs to be fleshed out and needs more words the concept is really good and I like it.

Score 7/10

 

If you have any questions or anything like that please don't hesitate to ask me. Your score is 19/25 which is pretty good

 

 

Nomadic

 

 

Appearance 

I will guess on the exact colours because it is pencil and I know you can't always get the right colour for everything. I don't think there is anything wrong with it and it's perfect with the hair and the little bits of hair in them, though I do have some criticism. I do realize that this is probably the artist's design but all I would do is make him slightly taller, the head and face belong to a taller pony and if he was taller he would look much better.

Score is 7/10

 

Personality

 

 

I do like the the crazy/eccentric idea of him but in those first few sentences I was getting the 'old crazy dude who lives with the plants, man' Kind of feel. Which I think may be a good thing if you ever pitch him to be older. The lack of success that I got from him gives him a bit more of a feel of solidity and I would really believe this character if he was real, though I think that the naivity is something I'm not sure about. I do see how this can develop the character by him trusting someone then them going back on him but I think that he should have that pinch of negativity about him. I would suggest that, yes, he still is happy and friendly but he is awkard and such around others because as a colt he was rejected by others for his interest in plants. Though I haven't checked your Backstory yet so if that has something there like that then don't worry.

Score is a 4/5

 

Backstory

I like it, really well done and it's nice to see something proper to read. Like I said in personality, you could maybe add that in somewhere when he was training and keep going back to the store. Maybe you could teasing as the main subject because that was the only place that we went and everypony else went somewhere else. I really have no other objections for it and if you expanded the story I'm sure you'll be able to write a fanfiction for it. Though I think that the parents response was a little blah but it is such a small space and you filled most of it with everything else so that's understood.

Score is a 9/10

 

You got a score of 21/25, which is really good. If you have any questions please don't hesitate to ask, I'm here for you to ask.

 

 

 

Grand Finale

 

 

Appearance

The colour quite suprised me, I was expecting something brightly coloured and such but this is quite a nice change. The use of similar browns does go quite nice but I would suggest making her a lighter colour of brown, by only a few shades. She looks a tad bit dark and a lighter colour would go better with the red in her hair. It would also go well with the red headband as well.

Score  7/10

 

Personality 

I quite like it, though it seems to be too much of a certain theme with her. She seems to be the awkward girl times 2, I would get rid of some certain aspects so that she's more balanced. Me personally, I would rethink the 'weird mannerism'. Yes, she may have different kind of manners which everyone has but mostly everyone has the similar mannerism. As well with the way you have written it. It is understandable but maybe you should consider rewriting it, keep all the main points and such but just write it differently. But other than that it is quite good.

Score 3/5

 

Backstory 

Again I like it, great concept and good go very far. Though there are a few things. Again with the way you have written, keep the ideas but just write it differently so it can be easier to read and understandable. Though I do like most of the rest I do have something else to say. For the end, may I suggest that she goes and lives on her own because of what happened to her. Maybe like Zecora, she lives in the forest and does spells and such, so maybe your character can go and be a seer. That is just a suggestion and it would give her a more mature feel to her, even though she does act immature with problems concerning herself. I did like with what you did though.

Score 8/10

 

So overall you got a score of 18/25 which is quite a good score. If you have any questions please don't hesitate to ask me, I'm here to answer them.

 

 

Chaotic Sole

 

 

Appearance

he looks like a griffon, which is too expected from a griffon OC. I'll give you the same score as everyone else because I do many species and races equally. So, for sole I don't see much from him. He looks like the average griffon which is common in males, females are easier to spot because they have that eye shadow stuff in different colours. So his blue eyes go well with his head and all that, though other than what I have seen I don't have anything else to go by. Which I wouldn't usually want or use when doing a review but it's needed with characters that don't have much leeway for creativity, like changelings and griffons. But since I have only so much to go on I'll give it.

Score 7/10

 

Personality

First off, no. You need to write it from third person view, not from the character himself. It totally stops the view of how someone can see him, no need another's view written down in order to see him properly. Here we can only see his point of view and we have no idea if that is the correct one, he may have seen something different of himself than someone like us can see. But what I've gathered from what he said and by what I've read during the roleplays we share. He is a good guy even though he was born from chaos, and that could have gone the other way as well. He could have gone either way and since he went the way he did he's slightly predictable, but thats alright. Other than that I fine with it.

Score 2/5

 

Backstory

Again, you can't have it in his perspective. But if it were told by the different perspective then it would have been a great story. Though it was missing some details that would have made it better easier to understand. Because it was Sole speaking we didn't get a very good view of what actually happened, like how he was created and on most of the war. Considering that he has lost most of his memories then we don't have quite the full picture. This story could be way heaps better if it wasn't told by Sole himself.

Score 5/10

 

So, it was pretty good. But you need to fix the fact about him being the narrator for his own life. But other than that you got a score of 14/25. If you have any questions please don't hesitate to ask.

 

 

 

Dark Moon

 

 

Appearance

I would say that the shades of grey do look quite good together, though I would say to either lighting up the coat or the mane. The coat should be lighter than the mane with your choice of greys and such, and maybe to darken the outline of the mane to match it up together to make it look better. And I also see that you've gotten rid of the armour, and the bag stays. I quite like your decision there, I was going to comment on how it looked way too crowded on the poor fella. He probably wouldn't have gone far with that much on him. So overall he doesn't look all that bad, but maybe change the few things I said so he looks more appealing to the eye.

Score 6/10

 

Personality

I have to say, yes a pretty much average personality. But it makes sense with the character's colours and such, I haven't read his backstory yet, but I think this may be good and actually fits quite well with what I've seen from the character. And its good how you added the fact that yes he may be awkward around new ponies, but able to warm up to them quite quickly. The personality section may be only a sentence or two, but its nice and simple and works with the character.

 Score 4/5

 

Backstory 

 

So the backstory was again short, but you had all the information there so I could see the story you were telling. I can see the intelligence factor in him with his colour scheme, but I wasn't really expecting the long wing development. I would say to stick with the intelligence, because that bullying factor could definitely be enough with just that, I know that bullies can prey on just your intelligence alone. But how he became a  bit of a nomad is understood quite well, and practically the end of his story is nice too. Though I would suggest adding a bit more to it, like some filler or something. It is quite small, which is good, but I think that it needs just a bit more filler to it.

Score 7/10

 

So, that was my first review back. I hope you're okay with it, you got a score of 17/25. So it's pretty good.

Any question you have please don't hesitate to ask.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited December 19, 2013 by rascal61

[Blue Moon 6,341]

Could I get a review of my OC, Blue Moon? A link can be found below. Please be completely honest with him; I'm all ears to suggestions for improving him. Thanks in advance.

 

Link:

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/blue-moon-r2808

Edited August 18, 2013 by Blue Moon

[Ampharos 1,009]

Why hello there. I'm sure you'll recognize Blaze Finder: http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/blaze-finder-r3900

 

He's probably one of my more fleshed out characters, as well as one that I use often.

[Mr. Critical 434]

I could use some feed back for mine. He's a work in progress because I'm really indecisive. So yeah I'm still working on it.http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/mr-critical-r3994

[The Blades Shadow 444]

Could you do a review of my OC? I've really wanted somepony to do this for awhile now...
Here's his profile: http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/blazing-hoof-r4037

 

Why do I have a bad feeling about this?

[Rascal~ 657]

@@Blue Moon,

Alright, my first person to review.

Appearance.          

I do like the tinges of blue you have gone for and they match quite well together.  I don’t see anything wrong with it and I like the fact that you have kept it quite simply and such, more believably.  Nothing here needs to be ever changed and I love how it works so well.

Score: 8/10

 

Personality

Very well fleshed out and very believably, I connect quite well with this because of my own life is very similar. I do like how you've explained why he is shy and such in the personality bow but I believe that it could also be a part of the backstory. There is a variety of characteristics that he has which compliments his intelligence and appearance and all of them are connected quite well if they were also found in the real world. This is something that is definitely believable and if I met someone who was like this I would think them to be real.

Score:5/5

 

Backstory

I would say that the backstory isn't very exciting but then Blue moon isn't an adventurer or anything like that. It fits perfectly with his personality and it makes perfect sense. I would believe this story if it were told to my in real life and I love how you've included his hopes and dreams and family in there aswell. It shows that his life has progressed past a certain stage in life and for Roleplays it is a very good default. I would say that Blue moon would be an excellent father as well. With what you've done with his dream to become the assistant of Luna, I love it. That shows that not everything comes true with your OC and it gives a more realistic feel to him, as well as the fact that he opened up a store which let him mostly follow his dream is also very good.

Score 9/10

 

So out of 25 you've gotten a 22, great score.

If you have any questions about my Review please don't hesitate to ask.

[Nomadic 210]

I would like to get a review, please please, of my character especially since I just did a good-sized revision to his backstory. http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/monkshood-r4031 Also, please be as critical as you want.

 

[Grand_Finale 529]

Mind tossing Tarot in there? shes really new so just a heads up I havent had the chance to use her yet. She is in my link! I really appreciate it

[~Sole~ 852]

Oh oh, do me next, do me next! Review my oc sole please, he's my favorite oc. And be honest with it please :3

[Rascal~ 657]

@,

I’m sorry but my Computer has crashed 3 times while doing yours so I'm going to leave yours for about 5 minutes before I come back to it. I’ll do someone else’s then come back to yours and maybe my computer will let me do it. I'm so sorry but this thing  is so moody and I can't control it.

[Blue Moon 6,341]

@@Blue Moon,

Alright, my first person to review.

Appearance.          

I do like the tinges of blue you have gone for and they match quite well together.  I don’t see anything wrong with it and I like the fact that you have kept it quite simply and such, more believably.  Nothing here needs to be ever changed and I love how it works so well.

Score: 8/10

 

Personality

Very well fleshed out and very believably, I connect quite well with this because of my own life is very similar. I do like how you've explained why he is shy and such in the personality bow but I believe that it could also be a part of the backstory. There is a variety of characteristics that he has which compliments his intelligence and appearance and all of them are connected quite well if they were also found in the real world. This is something that is definitely believable and if I met someone who was like this I would think them to be real.

Score:5/5

 

Backstory

I would say that the backstory isn't very exciting but then Blue moon isn't an adventurer or anything like that. It fits perfectly with his personality and it makes perfect sense. I would believe this story if it were told to my in real life and I love how you've included his hopes and dreams and family in there aswell. It shows that his life has progressed past a certain stage in life and for Roleplays it is a very good default. I would say that Blue moon would be an excellent father as well. With what you've done with his dream to become the assistant of Luna, I love it. That shows that not everything comes true with your OC and it gives a more realistic feel to him, as well as the fact that he opened up a store which let him mostly follow his dream is also very good.

Score 9/10

 

So out of 25 you've gotten a 22, great score.

If you have any questions about my Review please don't hesitate to ask.

Thanks for the review!

 

I do, however, have one question.

 

If you don't have any problems with the design, why does it have 8/10?

[Rascal~ 657]

@@Blue Moon,

I do like the design but the score is overall, it more of an ordinary look which is good but it doesn't say to me... holy mother of god that is beautiful or thats absolutely sick or something. But that is like a 10/10 for something that is normal.

[Dark Moon 965]

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/dark-moon-r3621

 

Have a link to my OC Dark Moon. Slaughter my OC and his backstory for all I care(figuratively of course:3). I look forward to your review.

[Anneal 2,197]

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/homeboard-r4146

 

This is one of the first millionaire ponies I have ever built, but I like it a lot. I'm doing this to get feedback. 

 

I'll do another one called Brisance.

[The Awesome One 1,315]

Could you do mine? 

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/flash-click-r4212

 

I recently made him specifically for just one RP but I like him so I'm going to use him for other RP's as well. I would appreciate it if you gave some feedback about him.

[Rascal~ 657]

@,

Alright, this is still going to be a watered down summarized version of what I originally wrote but I hope that I can at least not have the computer crash on me.

 

Appearance

He definitely would be a good looker in the pony world as you claim, the colour scheme with the coat and eyes do go well with each other. But I've noticed something. The main and the tail are matching colours, it seems that the tail is a more reddish red than the main which is more as a pinkish red. Maybe you were going for that but it doesn't compliment the rest of the hair and I noticed it straight away. As well with his tail I think that it needs more yellow to balance the colours better, though the blue cloth around his neck does balance the vibrant colours well with that calming colour.

Score 7/10

 

Personality

I would think as a good looking stallion that we would be more confident around mares and have a better idea of them but his panicking is a good thing to make him more original. Though I am concerned with the short temper thing. I don't like the idea of him getting mad or abusive to a mare or something else, I only find this charismatic likeable in bad guys not in innocent ponies who are like the good guys. As well with the underlying genius thing. I can see where he is observant with the mechanical stuff but I don't think he is able to come up with equations in his head at an instant. I would keep the observant-ness of him but not the genius, he may be smart which compliments his character more.

Score 3/5

 

Backstory

For his backstory I may think to make the obsession with Fire more in the background, otherwise it seems more like that be more his cutie mark than a mechanics one. I like how you've integrated the accessory into his backstory and inturn the character but I think youve put more of a detailed description of what that is in his personality instead of the backstory which is where it needs to belong. Though his life is simple enough and all that it's not that bad.

score 5/10

 

I am sorry for the quality of this one but I've had to write it about 5 times and now these are just the main points, if you do have any questions please do ask because I feel that I could do better if you ask me. 

Overall score is 15/25

[Misty Rose 3,216]

Ok here's Pink Mist. Link is below my sig. I would appreciate your feedback so as to make a few tweaks if needed. She's an adventurer and traveler so I hope you enjoy reviewing her

[Rascal~ 657]

@@Mr. Critical,

alright I have taken into the fact that you're still working on him but I'm just going to go off it.

 

Appearance 

I would like more info than what you've given me here but I will try to do with what I have.I'm doing the pony one because whenever I try to think up a picture I just came up with a long haired Sherlock from BBC than anything else. So for the pony. What colour of dark hair? I would think that it's black but again it could be a really dark brown. And what do you mean by long? Is it up to his shoulders or is it past that point or in between? I do say that I white coat and blue eyes always go well with each other so you have a point there. But a picture is desperately needed, either go on a pony creator and then upload it or get someone to draw it. It almost vital to have a picture but a much better description than what you have there is a must. 

score? 2/10

 

Personality

So he's a grumpy old man kind of pony? I can see that and the fact that he may help others is good too, but I've had a little look at the backstory and I just want to clear this up. I had a look at the cutie and the backstory and it doesn't make sense. He has film for a cutie mark yet nowhere in the backstory does it say that he's a job or any sort of contact with anything to do with film. And no matter what species you were before you came a pony you don't live for 3000 years. Yes I would say that spending some time alone can make you grumpy and such but 3000 years? You would be dead. No matter if you didn't age, infact thats probably impossible in the equestrian world. I know that the princesses age and alicorns do too, no matter their purpose one day they're going to die. So I'm going to stop there.

Score is 1/5

 

Backstory 

I could see where you were going with the writing style, I know I've written several novels like that, but it doesn't work very well without a large amount of text. You need more before you can use such an introduction. I do see where you were going with the ideas and concept of it but you need to make more sense of it, this character is from another world and we can not understand all that works there. I would also make it that he hasn't seen such important events, because if he had there would've been more of an effect then just becoming and old grumpy stallion. As well I would like to mention what I did in personality, I see no evidence in him liking or even going close to film. I really don't have anymore to say to it so...

Score is a 3/10

 

If you do have any questions or you would like help with the character please do ask and I will help. You got a score of 6/25, again if you want help please don't hesitate to ask.

@,

 Don't worry, it's not that bad.

 

Appearance

I don't really mind the look of this one, Though for his tail I would say that less yellow and a bit more red and you'll be fine. Though I do have something with his face. I think that maybe you should make it thinner, less rounded and it'll go well with the thinness of the rest of his body. Maybe a bit more buffiness around the neck and it almost perfect.

Score is 8/10

 

Personality

I think that its not bad again. I do like the idea that he's slightly suicidal when he's alone and that gives more depth to the character which is nice. The fact that he's happy and that in front of others can give him more of a flesh out in a roleplay or just in your head and its quite a good build up. I don't really have that much of an input after that so I think that you should probably leave it and use it as a base for other things.

Score 4/5

 

Backstory

I think that the disability factor is a great thing and quite original with OC's. The bullying that followed that is really good point and it does explain a lot of things. Other than the fact that it definitely needs to be fleshed out and needs more words the concept is really good and I like it.

Score 7/10

 

If you have any questions or anything like that please don't hesitate to ask me. Your score is 19/25 which is pretty good.

[Mr. Critical 434]

Thank you for your feedback. With this I can get started on modifications and adjustments for something better.

[Ampharos 1,009]

 

 

Appearance

 

The mane and tail thing were a mistake, They were both supposed to be the brighter red I think. I'll change that when I get time. I also might add more yellow to his tail as you suggested.

 

 

 

Personality

 

Oh no Blaze would never lash out at a mare. His temper is short, but it usually results to intense yelling. If he does get physical, it would only be towards a stallion. Cuz he's classy like that (jk) I also fixed his "genius" status, and just had him be observant and analytic.

 

 

 

Backstory

 

I did make his fascination with fire a less important thing as you suggested. 

 

 

Anyway thanks for reviewing him! All the things you said about him were reasonable in my mind, so good job on that

[Colt 555]

Well I think you already know my main OC's so I will ask you to review a set of OC's that I created for an adventure fic. If this is going to far just review one of them =D

 

As part of my Fic project I’m developing a set of 4 OC's  that existed some point between the banishment of Nightmare Moon and its return (close to 700 years before the time of the Elements of Harmony) there was a dark time for Equestria and the rule of Princess Celestia. The times of peace slowly come with harsh efforts, conflicts and sacrifices. The princess couldn’t accomplish this alone, to bring peace to her realm and subjects she got the aid of 4 powerful and noble ponies. They came from around the kingdom from different origins and places but together they became the Guardians of the Realm and maintain peace over the land of ponies defending it against threats from outside and inside. Each one of them was commanded to protect each area of Equestria and because of that they were called The Four Corners. 

 

(The profile pictures of this OC's were made by http://to-nio.deviantart.com/ an awesome Mexican Brony Artist pls support him)

 

Faith Bastion of The South

 

The strongest earth pony the realm had seen to that day, forged by battles and conflict he was a veteran witch heart never lost kindness to every creature and devotion to his goddess. He protected the south and the peaks that divided Equestria from the wastelands.

 

All about Faith Bastion life could be summarized in two words: Devotion and Strength. As far as he can recall he was given a fiscal strength far beyond a normal earth pony he was recruited for the Royal Guard as a very young foal and indoctrinated in the ways of the military. He developed such passion and devotion towards the Princess of the Sun that he knows she was the one who gave him such strength and might (even she denied it every time he asked). Bastion was the first earth pony since the sister princesses took the throne to be a personal guard to them, he became a well known hero of the battles he took from the hoofs of defeat.

 

Over all of his feats in battle and heroic figure among the ranks Faith Bastion was always known for his kind heart and compassion shared among friends and enemies alike. He always followed the teachings of Celestia and believed that all creatures on the world deserved a place to live a happy life. He always took prisoners in battle and treat them with dignity never executed a single defeated soul and stood among the most honorable ponies in the battle field. As a earth pony he enjoyed the wild life and he was responsible for growing the flower garden that separated the towers of Canterlot’s castle.

 

 

 

Freedom Gale of the West

 

 

 

A once rebel and wild Pegasus Freedom Gale took Equestria by assault, able to fly faster than any other and with superb weather control this mare was shocked by the might of the other corners and joined them as the most faithful partner. She protected the west and its never ending forests.

 

Freedom Gale spend his early years among the savage creatures of the forests at Equestria west coast. Living a free care living was all in the filly mind until the chaos of those dark times in the shape of a battle caused a fire that burnt her home and friends. Since then she fought against the Equestrian forces keeping them away from the fertile lands and calming for the freedom of their lurkers.

She was taken down by the other 3 corners witch considered her a formidable opponent, they showed her that it was in the realms best interest to protect the life on every being and that the fire that turn her against Celestia was not an action from the alicorn rule. Since then she was trained and raised by the Corners and the Princess of the sun until 10 years after her training began she was named the West corner last and youngest of them all.

Gale is not very kind or polite around others, she is intimidated by new ponies coming near her and can be considered rude around them. Still she will always keep under her wing those who have been “acepeted” by her heart and will take care of them with strong passion

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hoarfrost Truth of the North

 

Born from the line of the Crystal Emperors Hoarfrost Truth once swear revenge against Celestia for the cold blizzards that diminish his people and sight. As he tried to fulfill his oath he fall pray of Celestia’s might and her care for its people having a change of heart an becoming the Corner on the north.

 

Said to be one of the few descendants of the Chrystal Empire line of the throne Hoarfrost Truth was born among the cold tundra near the peaks at the north end of Equestria. He was blessed with magnificent magical potential however the terrible sunlight reflected by the snow burnt his sight since a foal making him developed such potential using his magic as his eyes. Trained and proved by the equestrian military and the conflicts of the dark days of the realm he climbed over the ranks of the royal guard until he gain the title of guardian of the realm from Celestia herself naming him the north corner.

 

He is a pony of few but significant words, said to always speak truth and unable to pronounce lies. As a young foal he grew alone and survived as could on one of the most terrible environments in the realm, for years he hated Celestia for not bringing her warm light to the land in the north but as he became his personal guard he realized how much the Alicorn was for him the realm and the world. Because of his lonely foalhood someponies think he has a cold attitude towards those around him but the truth is he holds them dear in his heart.

 

 

 

 

Princess Ancora of the East

 

 

 

Born into the royal family with the divine blood of alicorn in her veins Princess Ancora was one of the few reasons that kept Celestia smiling after the banishment of Nightmare Moon. She found in her niece a fortress of hope to escape from all the terrible events the dark times brought to her realm. In exchange Celestia was like a mother for Ancora, always a caring teacher and a faithful friend that brought to her the joy and wonders of being an alicorn.

 

From Celestia Ancora learned the responsibility that her powers brought and becoming a symbol of hope and strength among all the ponies in Equestria. After witnessing how much pain and suffering the dark times brought to her “mother’s” heart Ancora decided to oppose evil face to face. Trained for 10 years by the best warriors, magicians, and strategists of Equestria she was a force to be recon with and the first of the Four Corners to be named.

 

Her devotion to her mission is clear and for her there is few in life other than duty. Ancora left behind her years of a pampered princess to fight for the dream of her "mother". A world full of harmony love and friendship where the anypony can make their dreams come true. (Ancora its a word in Latin witch meaning could be taken as hope)

 

 

 

GROUP SHOTS!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

[The Blades Shadow 444]

@,

 Don't worry, it's not that bad.

 

Appearance

I don't really mind the look of this one, Though for his tail I would say that less yellow and a bit more red and you'll be fine. Though I do have something with his face. I think that maybe you should make it thinner, less rounded and it'll go well with the thinness of the rest of his body. Maybe a bit more buffiness around the neck and it almost perfect.

Score is 8/10

 

Personality

I think that its not bad again. I do like the idea that he's slightly suicidal when he's alone and that gives more depth to the character which is nice. The fact that he's happy and that in front of others can give him more of a flesh out in a roleplay or just in your head and its quite a good build up. I don't really have that much of an input after that so I think that you should probably leave it and use it as a base for other things.

Score 4/5

 

Backstory

I think that the disability factor is a great thing and quite original with OC's. The bullying that followed that is really good point and it does explain a lot of things. Other than the fact that it definitely needs to be fleshed out and needs more words the concept is really good and I like it.

Score 7/10

 

If you have any questions or anything like that please don't hesitate to ask me. Your score is 19/25 which is pretty good.

Wow... That didn't go as bad as I thought...

Anyway... Off to fix my mistakes! Sort of... (It's going to be difficult to fix some of it without going against the idea I wanted, but I can do this)

[MLPForums Phanact 1,374]

Is there any chance you can do a review of both my characters? I definitely need some good critique on my Neighlie Goulding one :"3

[Rascal~ 657]

@@Nomadic,

Alright, I think that I'll do 3 a day or more. So I can keep up with the large demand.

Appearance 

I will guess on the exact colours because it is pencil and I know you can't always get the right colour for everything. I don't think there is anything wrong with it and it's perfect with the hair and the little bits of hair in them, though I do have some criticism. I do realize that this is probably the artist's design but all I would do is make him slightly taller, the head and face belong to a taller pony and if he was taller he would look much better.

Score is 7/10

 

Personality

 

 

I do like the the crazy/eccentric idea of him but in those first few sentences I was getting the 'old crazy dude who lives with the plants, man' Kind of feel. Which I think may be a good thing if you ever pitch him to be older. The lack of success that I got from him gives him a bit more of a feel of solidity and I would really believe this character if he was real, though I think that the naivity is something I'm not sure about. I do see how this can develop the character by him trusting someone then them going back on him but I think that he should have that pinch of negativity about him. I would suggest that, yes, he still is happy and friendly but he is awkard and such around others because as a colt he was rejected by others for his interest in plants. Though I haven't checked your Backstory yet so if that has something there like that then don't worry.

Score is a 4/5

 

Backstory

I like it, really well done and it's nice to see something proper to read. Like I said in personality, you could maybe add that in somewhere when he was training and keep going back to the store. Maybe you could teasing as the main subject because that was the only place that we went and everypony else went somewhere else. I really have no other objections for it and if you expanded the story I'm sure you'll be able to write a fanfiction for it. Though I think that the parents response was a little blah but it is such a small space and you filled most of it with everything else so that's understood.

Score is a 9/10

 

You got a score of 21/25, which is really good. If you have any questions please don't hesitate to ask, I'm here for you to ask.

[Rascal~ 657]

@@Grand_Finale,

Alright, finally getting another one in. Sorry I went awol there, I've been busy with other things. But I'm getting all of them done so don't worry.

 

​Appearance

The colour quite suprised me, I was expecting something brightly coloured and such but this is quite a nice change. The use of similar browns does go quite nice but I would suggest making her a lighter colour of brown, by only a few shades. She looks a tad bit dark and a lighter colour would go better with the red in her hair. It would also go well with the red headband as well.

Score  7/10

 

Personality 

I quite like it, though it seems to be too much of a certain theme with her. She seems to be the awkward girl times 2, I would get rid of some certain aspects so that she's more balanced. Me personally, I would rethink the 'weird mannerism'. Yes, she may have different kind of manners which everyone has but mostly everyone has the similar mannerism. As well with the way you have written it. It is understandable but maybe you should consider rewriting it, keep all the main points and such but just write it differently. But other than that it is quite good.

Score 3/5

 

Backstory 

Again I like it, great concept and good go very far. Though there are a few things. Again with the way you have written, keep the ideas but just write it differently so it can be easier to read and understandable. Though I do like most of the rest I do have something else to say. For the end, may I suggest that she goes and lives on her own because of what happened to her. Maybe like Zecora, she lives in the forest and does spells and such, so maybe your character can go and be a seer. That is just a suggestion and it would give her a more mature feel to her, even though she does act immature with problems concerning herself. I did like with what you did though.

Score 8/10

 

So overall you got a score of 18/25 which is quite a good score. If you have any questions please don't hesitate to ask me, I'm here to answer them.

@,

Alright, another one to be done. I'm getting through them, though I'm quite scared to do colts request.

 

​Appearance

he looks like a griffon, which is too expected from a griffon OC. I'll give you the same score as everyone else because I do many species and races equally. So, for sole I don't see much from him. He looks like the average griffon which is common in males, females are easier to spot because they have that eye shadow stuff in different colours. So his blue eyes go well with his head and all that, though other than what I have seen I don't have anything else to go by. Which I wouldn't usually want or use when doing a review but it's needed with characters that don't have much leeway for creativity, like changelings and griffons. But since I have only so much to go on I'll give it.

Score 7/10

 

Personality

First off, no. You need to write it from third person view, not from the character himself. It totally stops the view of how someone can see him, no need another's view written down in order to see him properly. Here we can only see his point of view and we have no idea if that is the correct one, he may have seen something different of himself than someone like us can see. But what I've gathered from what he said and by what I've read during the roleplays we share. He is a good guy even though he was born from chaos, and that could have gone the other way as well. He could have gone either way and since he went the way he did he's slightly predictable, but thats alright. Other than that I fine with it.

Score 2/5

 

Backstory

Again, you can't have it in his perspective. But if it were told by the different perspective then it would have been a great story. Though it was missing some details that would have made it better easier to understand. Because it was Sole speaking we didn't get a very good view of what actually happened, like how he was created and on most of the war. Considering that he has lost most of his memories then we don't have quite the full picture. This story could be way heaps better if it wasn't told by Sole himself.

Score 5/10

 

So, it was pretty good. But you need to fix the fact about him being the narrator for his own life. But other than that you got a score of 14/25. If you have any questions please don't hesitate to ask.