Why the 'Friendzone' is Fake

[Lost 1,410]

It depends on your definition of the 'Friendzone'.

 

Some would say that a guy being Friendzoned is someone pursuing a girl with the intent of having a relationship with them but that girl either rejecting them to stay as friends or interpretations their pursuit of a relationship as attempted strengthening of a friendship, thus never seeing the guy as a potential boyfriend.

 

Others would say that a guy being in the Friendzone is someone who is only really interested in being friends with a girl and even if they do happen to develop some feelings for them they decide to value friendship over a potential relationship.

 

 

 

That's just what I have observed over years of seeing it happen from both the male and female perspective, having had both male and female friendships throughout school. My best friend is a girl by the way and we've joked that we've got each-other friendzoned because we think our friendship is too valuable to ever risk trying to move it up a level to a full relationship.

 

Just my 2 bits on the subject.

 

 

 

 

Just a final note - guys complaining about being "stuck in the FriendZone" just seem pathetic, the only way to get out is to take action, be confident, be yourself and that's all you can be, if a girl (or guy, not judging, guys can Friendzone too) doesn't want to be with you then get over it, it's not meant to be, there are billions of other people out there.

[Captain Brony (MG11) 218]

Friendship in a way can be measured based on your personal relationships with individuals. Whether they are platonic, or with romance, and with it are conditions and feelings that help you determine what you'll do for that individual.

 

The friendzone is a type of relationship which conditions can be found within the scale of personal relationships since it describes a platonic relationship with either person possessing romantic feelings but will not start a romantic relationships for x reasons.

 

So does it exist? Yes.

Is it as superficial and dangerous as most people make it out to be? No, it isn't.

[Evilshy 5,090]

Don't have a lot of time, so I only read the OP. Apologies if what I say has already been said.

 

You're too specific on what the friend-zone is. It's no more than the concept of wanting a relationship with somebody who sees you as a friend and doesn't want it to turn into a relationship. That's it. Guys and girls get friend zoned all the time, although it seems that only guys complain about it. I used to complain about it myself, and agreed with the whole "nice guys never get the girls" thing, but after discussing it with others (mostly on this forum, actually. Thank you, MLPF ), I saw that I was wrong.

 

Also, I've gotten out of a friend zone at least once, so don't worry. It is possible

[~Lawful Haze~ 173]

Look, I appreciate this thread, but let's just stay friends, okay?

 

 

Seriously though, you're mostly right, except that  the whole "there's millions of other girls" statement.

There are, but they're all different. You'll never feel the same way about any two people you meet. there's always something different.

[ChoroChii 284]

These 'nice guys' who complain about this 'friendzone' aren't even worth my time. They complain about being rejected and how painful it is to talk to their friend after being 'friendzoned' when they just don't seem to understand that no means no. I've been guilt tripped for not wanting to give a friend a pity kiss and really, it's their own faults for continuing to cling to people after they were rejected. 

 

Then they go and say things like "I'm a nice guy, why don't I get chicks?" which is where the term "nice guy" comes from and then they go around saying that women only like bad boys. Like, whatever. Don't complain about being forever alone when you have this attitude towards women, if you're really interested then don't try and seem like her brother. 

 

Maybe some people think I'm mean for this point of view. Well, I think it's mean to say talking to me makes you sad just because you have some hopeless crush on me. but anyways, I believe this 'friendzone' only exists because these nice guys make it exist.

[Adente 1,000]

These 'nice guys' who complain about this 'friendzone' aren't even worth my time. They complain about being rejected and how painful it is to talk to their friend after being 'friendzoned' when they just don't seem to understand that no means no. I've been guilt tripped for not wanting to give a friend a pity kiss and really, it's their own faults for continuing to cling to people after they were rejected. 

 

Then they go and say things like "I'm a nice guy, why don't I get chicks?" which is where the term "nice guy" comes from and then they go around saying that women only like bad boys. Like, whatever. Don't complain about being forever alone when you have this attitude towards women, if you're really interested then don't try and seem like her brother. 

 

Maybe some people think I'm mean for this point of view. Well, I think it's mean to say talking to me makes you sad just because you have some hopeless crush on me. but anyways, I believe this 'friendzone' only exists because these nice guys make it exist.

 

Well said. I couldn't have put it better myself. It really is the sense of entitlement that makes 'nice guys' not so nice. Although its a simple psychological fact that guys statistically speaking will misinterpret a woman's politeness/friendliness as flirting much more often than vice versa, this doesn't justify their actions at all. 

 

I think, talking from a guy's prospective, the reason that 'nice guys' try and approach girls like you under the guise of being a 'friend' is because of self esteem. Usually guys develop an infatuation that has the potential to mutate into a 'friendzone' on a girl that is "out of their league". As a result, the 'nice guy' will figure that he has no chance of just straight up asking the girl out as a result of overestimating the girl's social status and underestimating his own. This causes him to fake interest in only being a 'friend', hoping that the mark will somehow reciprocate his hidden, unapparent feelings if he is a nice enough friend. 

 

Don't worry, you're not being mean to these guys. The alternative would be letting one or more of them guilt trip you into a relationship that you don't want, with a guy for whom you have no romantic attraction. It doesn't matter how much one person is enamored with the other. At the base level there must be chemistry from both people involved for a relationship to work. Not only that, but from my own observances, the 'nice guys' who guilt girls into relationships make much crappier boyfriends than the other 'douchebags' the girl could have chosen to date. (Because apparently every guy who is not the 'nice guy' who is in a relationship is a douchebag. Makes sense, right? Wrong.)

[Zygen 6,066]

Yeah i guess thats true.

 

Frankly the "Friendzone" doesn't bother me, i'm friends with many girls and it really doesn't bother me in most cases. 

 

With girls i actually like it may suck a little, but i can't do anything about it. Besides just because your nice to someone doesn't mean they will date you, some people just don't have interest in you, love is a complex feeling.

 

But yeah you make some good points. I guess it does get complained about alot.

[ChoroChii 284]

Well said. I couldn't have put it better myself. It really is the sense of entitlement that makes 'nice guys' not so nice. Although its a simple psychological fact that guys statistically speaking will misinterpret a woman's politeness/friendliness as flirting much more often than vice versa, this doesn't justify their actions at all. 

 

I think, talking from a guy's prospective, the reason that 'nice guys' try and approach girls like you under the guise of being a 'friend' is because of self esteem. Usually guys develop an infatuation that has the potential to mutate into a 'friendzone' on a girl that is "out of their league". As a result, the 'nice guy' will figure that he has no chance of just straight up asking the girl out as a result of overestimating the girl's social status and underestimating his own. This causes him to fake interest in only being a 'friend', hoping that the mark will somehow reciprocate his hidden, unapparent feelings if he is a nice enough friend. 

 

Don't worry, you're not being mean to these guys. The alternative would be letting one or more of them guilt trip you into a relationship that you don't want, with a guy for whom you have no romantic attraction. It doesn't matter how much one person is enamored with the other. At the base level there must be chemistry from both people involved for a relationship to work. Not only that, but from my own observances, the 'nice guys' who guilt girls into relationships make much crappier boyfriends than the other 'douchebags' the girl could have chosen to date. (Because apparently every guy who is not the 'nice guy' who is in a relationship is a douchebag. Makes sense, right? Wrong.)

 

It would all be so much better if we would start seeing eachother as human beings and not for our social statuses, I have my own insecurities too and I often don't even admit if I like somebody but I don't go around complaining if I get rejected. Although if one can't get rid of a crush, they should probably just not be friends with the person, that's just depressing and the whole thing is overall stupid. 

 

The guy who tried to get a pity kiss out of me, knew I was already seeing somebody too. Then when I rejected him and he got sad, I asked him if talking to me made him sad and he was like 'Yup, you're just going to leave now, aren't you?' Like, he makes it seem like I'm a bad person for unfriending him but why should I be friends with somebody who's down right told me I make him miserable? 

 

and I agree, I don't see why anybody would ever want to be in a relationship where they had to guilt trip the girl into it in the first place. It's just pity, makes them a bad person and isn't a healthy relationship at all. It'll just end up falling flat anyway.

 

This doesn't even apply to just men either. Not as common but women do it too. 

[Kyo_Tozunada 21]

The friendzone is an imaginary place made up by people who were angry with the decision that the girl they had an infatuation with didn't feel the same way.

 

But at the same time it can be hard dealing with "let's just be friends". Sure being friends are fine and all, but it's just not the same as holding her and being able to connect with her on a much more personal level than being "just friends"

 

There is no preference when going after a girl. When you see a girl what's the first thing your mind goes to? How attractive she is. No one in this world sees a woman and goes "wow id really like to get to know her!" In a perfect world, maybe, but the first impression is always sex. Personality is the factor that makes you want to keep the girl after you get sex.

 

I agree, women aren't objects, but it's sad how much the media has subjected women, and it's not just women either, it's men also. Most peoples idea of a perfect man is this buff handsome guy, fit, can cook and clean, good with money, easy to talk to, never keeps secrets etc. and ever interpretation of a female is pretty much the same thing.

 

People need human contact. And in order to have a relationship you have to have expectations. When everything doesn't go according to your expectations, however, your world comes crashing down on you like a cinder block. That's why the friendzone was supposedly created in the first place, because people's expectations, plans, and realities were all completely out of time with each other.

Edited October 22, 2013 by Kyo_Tozunada

[Captain Brony (MG11) 218]

For the record there are cases of bad friendzoning.

 

My experience for example:

I was friendzoned by a girl but was fine with it. I respected her decision and boundaries and treated her well as a friend as long as she did the same. In time I had to watch her go through emotional issues regarding her boyfriend. When she needed him most he didn't bother to comfort her despite being aware of the problem and even ignored her when she was having issues. She cried over him when he didn't care and still kept trying to cling to him despite him neglecting her. On rare occassions she'd cut herself. Her friends and I all asked her to stop and wondered why she even bothered to stay with him. She ignored all of us and which hurt us in the end,

 

It was at that point that myself and several others decided there was no point to being friends with her when she showed disrespect to us and it was not worth it to help her when she ignored it. Basically it wasn't worth being friends if she didn't value our friendships and wasnt going to be a friend to us back.

 

However there are good cases as well!

 

There was a girl I met and was friendzoned by and I felt bad at first but the thing is: I got over it. (Something more guys need to do)

Despite that we are still friends and are able to have great conversations! We don't have any awkward hiccups other than the regular social awkwardness we both share. If that doesn't describe an awesome healthy friendship then what does?

 

What guys need to realize is that if you think that girl is cool enough that you'd start a relationship with her then why complain? You got an awesome friend and you should cherish that no matter what!

 

(P.S. Also for the record: Most of my friends consider me to be a Nice Guy. Just a very-..opinionated, nice guy.)

 

(P.S.S. Again for the record to all those who say it doesn't exist: It Does. To deny the existence of the friendzone, which i remind you is a state of a friendship in which certain conditions are fufilled to be in it, is to deny the ENTIRE spectrum of friendship archetypes. If a platonic relationship with miniscule chance of progressing to a romantic one doesn't exist then by that logic neither does a romantic relationship with miniscule chance of reverting back to a platonic one.)

Edited October 23, 2013 by Captain Brony (MG11)

[Adente 1,000]

My experience for example:

I was friendzoned by a girl but was fine with it. I respected her decision and boundaries and treated her well as a friend as long as she did the same. In time I had to watch her go through emotional issues regarding her boyfriend. When she needed him most he didn't bother to comfort her despite being aware of the problem and even ignored her when she was having issues. She cried over him when he didn't care and still kept trying to cling to him despite him neglecting her. On rare occassions she'd cut herself. Her friends and I all asked her to stop and wondered why she even bothered to stay with him. She ignored all of us and which hurt us in the end,

 

(P.S.S. Again for the record to all those who say it doesn't exist: It Does. To deny the existence of the friendzone, which i remind you is a state of a friendship in which certain conditions are fufilled to be in it, is to deny the ENTIRE spectrum of friendship archetypes. If a platonic relationship with miniscule chance of progressing to a romantic one doesn't exist then by that logic neither does a romantic relationship with miniscule chance of reverting back to a platonic one.)

 

In the case of your friend, I would just say that there were deeper emotional issues going on, and hopefully she is being helped. 

 

To address the P.S.S., I agree the title, which implies it doesn't exist, is a misnomer. I actually picked it more to interest more people in the topic. Yeah, cheap attention grab I guess. Anyways, I guess what I was trying to communicate is that the preconceived notions that many 'nice' guys carry regarding the friendzone (its jail, its a punishment too horrible to speak of, the girl just wants a douchebag and not a a nice guy, I deserve a relationship, etc.) are fake, if that makes any sense. 

[Inactive01 5,299]

I get labelled as a nice guy by practically everyone I know in my university. I guess I got "Friendzoned" by everyone there eh?  . I digress. Being "friendzoned" only hurts when you have feelings towards a certain girl. I'm too aware of the feeling. I soon get over it, realizing that the relationship would never work out. That's the nice part. That one girl may not work out, but you'll eventually see that searching for that wonderful girl will be like an adventure of a lifetime. You're not constrained to one girl for a relationship now. You can keep searching all you want and fantasize all you want about the prettiest girls until you find that one girl. And considering that girl will love you for you, I think it'll be a very worthwhile wait.

[Captain Brony (MG11) 218]

To address the P.S.S., I agree the title, which implies it doesn't exist, is a misnomer. I actually picked it more to interest more people in the topic. Yeah, cheap attention grab I guess. Anyways, I guess what I was trying to communicate is that the preconceived notions that many 'nice' guys carry regarding the friendzone (its jail, its a punishment too horrible to speak of, the girl just wants a douchebag and not a a nice guy, I deserve a relationship, etc.) are fake, if that makes any sense.

 

I too find that true. In a way one victimizes themselves for more attention and empathy. Which is a sad notion in my point of view.

It paints the friendzoner into looking difficult and unreasonable which is most often not true. Generally Friendzoning is just another way to get rejected and people just need to deal with it maturely no matter how it's done.

 

Unless they humiliate/harm you intentionally and you just happen to have sadistic tendencies. Then by all means let go of any maturity and get payback. (That was a joke to any who mistakenly think im promoting that kind of behavior.)

Edited October 27, 2013 by Captain Brony (MG11)

[SwiftFlight 10]

Wow, just wow, I never thought of it that way, I love your opinion! I think you have improved mine too

(You wrote so much! wow, just wow)

[Adente 1,000]

@@SwiftFlight,

 

No problem! I'm glad I was able to improve your view of this issue. Thank you! And yeah, I know I write a lot. I'm not very good at being succinct, so I tend to ramble a bit whenever I write anything. I'm working on it though! 

[MLP Moth 224]

this is the cutest song about the friend zone https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FdNXSONq9O0

I don't really believe in the friend zone but i do believe in being so close to someone that its already like you're going out with them.