Why the 'Friendzone' is Fake

[Clover Heart 978]

I want to say this. It's not getting upset about being rejected that I have a problem with. If you're rejected, you have every right to be upset. You had hopes and they were quashed. I think most people would be upset. It's the idea that the person who was rejected should be outraged that the person they asked out doesn't wanna be with them and that they deserve their prize for playing the game. I've experienced this before in the past, so I'm not exaggerating. It's the self-important expectation and selfish thinking about people who tend to cry "friendzone" that bothers me. Not even considering what the other person wants. That they're just not attracted to them (in any sense, not just physical) or they just don't have any feelings for them. You can't blame someone for not going out with you if they just don't want to. Some people are players, I'll admit. But most people aren't. Most people aren't thinking "Hm, what's the best way to piss this person off in this situation..." No. They're just not interested, and that's totally their prerogative. And anyway, who wants to be with someone who isn't really into them? Just cuz it inflates your ego? If that's the case, I'd say that people like this need to do some confidence building and self-evaluation before they start dragging other people into their emotional baggage.

Edited October 18, 2013 by Clover Heart

[Winterbass 763]

(Sorry, I'm very intoxicated, expect a few mistakes along the way. But hey, drunk words are honest words.. or at least that's what people say)

 

I'm going to have to completely and entirely disagree with you. What you say is wrong and completely bogus, every word you said only applies to shallow people who think sex is the only important achievement in their life. 

 

First of all, no, I don't think of girls as vending machines. I like people for who they are, aside from the very few preferences I have, a girl's look is entirely unimportant to me. Whether she has big boobs or small, whether she's a bit chubby or not, that is something I totally don't care about. Since I've changed my behavior 2 years ago, I have treated everyone with the same polite and kind attitude as you would expect from anyone. I don't treat girls like princesses, and I don't treat guys like celebrities. They're all the same to me, they deserve an equal treatment.

 

More than often, when I have asked girls out, I have gotten the "I like you, BUT AS A FRIEND" response. I respect everyone's answer, but it still hurts me. I don't approach people because they look "hot" or "beautiful". As someone who has almost to no concept of "good looks", the only reason why I approach people is because I actually like them for who they are, this means that I could engage in any kind of relationship with them, be it one where we only establish a friendship, or one that involves more.  People telling me they only want a friendship, is therefore a legitimate friendzone and completely makes your point void. In fact, I find it very hurtful you bunch people up with that filth that only wants to have sex with girls. While sex is an important aspect of a relationship, I find it very shameful of you to say that people only want to have a relationship with girls just to have sex, and not for their personality, as that is apparently only a ruse to get them into bed. Please don't bunch me up with those people. They make me sick.

 

There's the second fact within the friendzone where you will start to question yourself. Am I not attracting to people? Am I just ugly both physically and personality-wise? Am I really that obnoxious? Am I just not fit for any type of relationship? I never get into one and the only times I'm close, is when I get friendzoned.

 

It hurts to be rejected, it makes me very insecure, it makes me think of myself as some kind of magnet for failure, because that's the only thing I seem to attract, just non-stop all-time failures and problems.

Sure, when you ask someone out, eventually sex may become a part of the relationship, but that doesn't mean it was the initial reason to get into a relationship. People who think only about sex all the time are either hormonal teens, or people that should take a really good look at themselves. You ask the people out who you genuinely like, sex or no sex.

 

You know, what I look for in a relationship, is the actual relationship part. I would love to hold someone close to me, I would love to have someone in my life that would make me smile everyday and make my worries go away. Someone who'd motivate me to better myself just by looking at them. I don't put in "nice coins" into anything, because being polite and respectful to people is just who I am, alright? Sex is very intimate, I get that. But if the only point you're making is that "guys only get into relationships for sex", our conversation is going to be over very quickly, as I've already stated a couple of things that not only apply to me, but to A LOT of other guys. 

 

Moving on. The second point you seem to make is "don't see the friendzone as an insult, but rather as a compliment!"

So you're telling me that I should keep being friends with a  girl (or guy), who gets into the relationship just A FEW DAYS after she rejected me? Not going to happens. It's very hurtful to see someone I actually allowed to get close to me (Well, not "allowed", but I tend to push people away very quickly rather than open up to them) get into a relationship that quickly, like my proposal seemed like NOTHING to her. I don't see that as a compliment, I see that as an insult. Like a kick in my face, a punch in my nuts. You can tell me whatever you want, this is how it really feels. So there, I don't see it as a compliment like a whipped pro-feminism person does. I see it as a rather hard kick in my nuts. I'd love to stay friends with people, but seeing them get into relationships like my proposal of affection was nothing? Please, get out.. these kind of things are the very reason why I have chronic depression and severe anxiety issues. It makes me really pissed off that you said I should look into this as "a compliment". That notion is completely moronic and makes me want to break something. A lot of times when I opened up to people, they treated me like some second-hand good, even the girls I asked out. I don't see it as a "compliment", I see it as a feeling of "Oh, I wouldn't even care if you got killed in the most horrible way, you're just a friend with benefits, nothing more. Even if you died, I'd only be sad because I lost my benefits, not an actual person."

 

Finally, and I don't get this point of yours. Of course I'd see the girl I love at the moment as "perfect". She's exactly perfect, with all her flaws included. Blinding myself with the fact that someone doesn't have flaws isn't who I am, and I'm sure no one is. However, the person we love, and have a crush on, will ALWAYS seem perfect to us. Doesn't matter what kind of flaws he/she has, the fact that it's her/him is what makes the entire phenomena of the "crush" so important. Heck, having a relationship with your crush usually makes your relationship that more affectionate and better. Again, and I can't press this matter enough times, having a relationship is not about having sex, it's about the entire relationship. A relationship without feelings outside of the sexual basis, isn't a relationship at all, such a relationship is a fallacy within itself and is just as stable as a card house. 

 

I am no knight in shining armor, nor am I an entire bad guy. All I ask for people is to give me a chance to be nice to them, but that apparently that  doesn't even work since both guys and girls always seem to gun me down. Not that that is even a surprise to me anymore. Something like that has become more of a norm rather than a quantum chance.

 

So no, I find your entire notion of the non-existence of the friendzone, well, bullshit. I entirely disagree with you. Right now, in my rather intoxicated state, there's nothing you can do to change my mind. And I bet if I were sober, you still wouldn't. You're wrong, and it hurts me Your notion of the non-existence of the friendzone doesn't hurt me as much as you reminding me of painful rejections. And you thinking that this friendzone thing is a joke, only adds to the pain. Thanks for thinking a friendzone is nothing more but a fucking joke. Hoped I made you laugh.

Edited October 18, 2013 by Winterbass

[Wingnut 6,731]

I found this thread on the term "friendzone" to be an enlightening, thought-provoking read. I think I've been using the word incorrectly at times. Anyway, I just hate how the friendzone is made out to be the bogeyman of teenage interpersonal relations.  I know it works both ways, but because most of us here are guys, I will write this from a male perspective.  The simple act of being close friends with a female is a wonderful and, quite frankly, underrated thing. But people are so quick to say they're "just friends" almost as if they hold their own platonic love in contempt. Sheesh!

 

Anyway, whatever you do, don't end up in a fatal friendzone. What's that? It's when:

 

1. You secretly harbor thoughts of dating and being with a friend on a continuing basis. 

2. You begin to overlook other girls who might be a good match for you because of your narrow focus on her.

3. You get very jealous whenever she talks to or dates other people. 

4. You already know, for a fact, that she doesn’t want to be with you. 

 

If this is the case, STOP!  You’re in an unhealthy situation.  Be honest with yourself.  If you can’t manage your feelings for her in a positive way, you need to get away from her.  It’ll be very difficult to do, and she may not understand why you don’t want to be her friend any longer.  But the only honest to God solution to this problem is to quit her cold turkey.  You’ll both be better off in the long run. 

 

Best of luck, everypony! 

[Inactive01 5,298]

I never really agreed on the concept of the friendzone. The one turn off for me occured when I found out that the term originated from a TV Shows. TV shows are terrible at mirroring reality. Girls don't automatically look for douches to date. That's completely false. They want to find what they think is a wonderful guy to be with for the rest of their lives. We all want to be loved. We all want to find that special one who will love us for the rest of our lives. If their opinion of that guy doesn't equal us, then we move on. Simple as that.

 

In practice, most of us say that we're "friendzoned" because we're stuck on that platonic relationship. We want to marry the girl we think is perfect, but the girl doesn't want that because she doesn't see the same way. It happens throughout history. 

 

Take Hector Berlioz, the composer of the world famous Symphonie Fantastique. He was madly in love with an Irish actress, Harriet Smithson. He composed the world famous piece I just mentioned in tribute to her. She rejected him time a plenty before he composed the piece. When she did hear the piece, they got together and got married. Guess what? It wasn't a happy relationship and they had lots of side relationships. So this isn't only an example of a historical platonic relationship, but also one that resulted in a failed marriage. So don't end up like Berlioz relationship wise.

Edited October 18, 2013 by Sterling Crimson

[Passion 3,478]

blind obsession with this one girl is unhealthy and ignores the fact that there are literally millions of other girls out there.

 

This. I will say already: I think that the amount of posts I've read today has doubled the amount I have throughout my entire life, so forgive me that I'm referring only to part of OP's post. I honestly can't stand seeing letters anymore.

 

Anyway. This. Giving too much importance to a singular woman is one of the best ways towards the greatest disappointment you can have. You're searching for that one? That's cool. But why limit yourself to ONLY THAT ONE for the time being? Why, from between the thousands, choose one and stick to her, when you can choose a group and stick to them all at once? There are ONLY positives with this. You'll gain self-confidence, you'll still have multiple choices, you WILL look better in eyes of women if you keep contact with more than just one (means you're not ashamed of contacting them nor some kind of socially awkward person etc).

 

True love? Cool. That's awesome. But remain REASONABLE at once and don't let it blind you completely.

 

Now if you'll excuse me, I'll smash my keyboard against my head until the brain starts working again. Cheers.

 

EDIT: There are ways to break the so called "Friend zone" and turn the tides.

Edited October 18, 2013 by Khajiit

[Ihei 711]

Well-yes, you're half right. Some girls just feel better about themselves turning guys down and love to see how miserable the guy is. They don't care about the guy being mean to them, mostly they ignore and talk with their friends instead. If you go to a school like mine, usually girls wouldn't think the guy was worthy to talk to them unless they like him. 

 

So it depends on the girl you talk to. Timid girls usually take every chance they get, but average girls tend to turn down guys time to time. So the whole point of girls doing the friendzone is that they feel bad for turning down a guy and want to make it up to them, they just don't know how, so they decide being friends would help. When guys do it however..

 

The girl would probably never talk to the guy again. Neither would the guy.

 

I've gone through this many times before: being asked out because it was a dare at a party, wanting to look "occupied.." 

 

Honestly, I've only met one guy who I have a pretty steady relationship with and just found out he was cheating. I still didn't do anything about it, I just don't text him that much anymore. I'm getting off topic; yes, the friendzone could be fake if you look at it in a certain way. Guys want to get to the girl to be in a relationship in the future. Rarely any guys actually do want to be friends with the girl.

Guys who take the friendzone badly are kind of.. you know, idiots. (( NO OFFENSE TO ANY GUYS ABOUT THIS. <<< )) For example, the girl could actually grow an interest in the guy again by hanging out with him often and I think that's a pretty good thing. 

 

So I think I just restated what you said, but overall, I agree with you.

[Katana 298]

I think there's some points on both "sides" I kind of agree with. Mainly, the process of a "invitee" turning down an "inviter" for a serious relationship? Not fun at all for either side. (Using the terms because it CAN happen in either direction for genders, though we tend to think of the "invitee" as a woman.

 

The inviter involved put a lot of emotional investment and concentration into trying to be a nice person for someone. For someone they're highly attracted to, it's genuinely difficult to stop thinking emotionally in regards to them; the process of converting someone from a potential significant other, to just someone you hang out and play video games with, is not easy to do and would become unstable for both sides. It can KIND of happen when both sides agree a relationship isn't the best thing, and when they both know they don't want to complicate things with emotional drama.

 

The invitee tends not to have too much say in the matter. When they're first contacted, they're obviously going to be receptive, because having more friends is always a good thing. (Sometimes very attractive people still don't actually make many friends because they appear unapproachable) Then, after a series of meetups, it turns out that the inviter was looking for something a little more - something the invitee perhaps isn't ready for. A lot of people just aren't looking for a relationship, or don't see their friends as potential romantic partners. For guys: Just as a parallel, imagine you know a pimply-faced girl in love with Legend of Zelda, who seems to have hygiene issues. Since no one else at your school talks about LoZ, you tend to have conversations with them, and then after some time, she pretty much throws herself upon you.

Giving someone the disappointment of their life like that is not easy. It's like being forced to tell someone their dog died. Worst case scenario, it's like telling someone you accidentally ran their dog over.

 

 

There was also a pretty inventive post someone made at some point - I'm not sure if this is the origin, but it's worth reading.

Edited October 19, 2013 by Katana

[Remi 1,309]

Awhile back I was surfing through my Tumblr dashboard, since I was pretty bored and the forums were not as lively. After scrolling for 10 minutes or so, I encountered a post on this subject, which really would have made your post much simpler.

 

'The friendzone don't exist you're just ugly.'

 

Which, in reality, is true. The only reason why a women would reject you, would be because she doesn't find you attractive, or an applicable mate.

[Shanks 10,811]

I have to say, I find OP somewhat misguided in the outright assumption - an often false one, at that - that those who complain of being friendzoned were interested in nothing more than sex the whole time.

Yep, there are plenty of guys that are just frustrated with only being the "friend" and not a boyfriend or lover and I am sure there are some women who might feel the same way. I have been on both sides of this myself, I liked girls who didn't feel the same way about me and there were girls who liked me who I didn't feel the same way about. It is awkward and frustrating either way and in not all cases is the other person simply trying to take advantage of the other. In my teen years I just wanted a good screw, while I wasn't one of the guys who use girls I was very confused about sex and love and wasn't able to separate the two. Now that I am more mature things like appearance are becoming less important to me and personality is becoming more important.

 

The thing that turns me on more than anything else is no longer a big booty or a nice pair of breast though I still appreciate those things, it is a woman has the guts to be herself and not care what everyone else thinks. Why do guys think I have such a huge crush on Applejack? Well okay there are other reasons but that is a biggie.There are guys who try to be the "nice guy" and some who try to be the "bad boy", but all I want to be is myself and good old yours truly has some aspects of both the "nice guy" and the "bad boy". I think we owe to ourselves to be more honest with ourselves and with others, it is tough and you might get judged harshly at times but it is unfair to yourself and anyone you might date to build a relationship on a lie.

[Adente 1,000]

Yep, there are plenty of guys that are just frustrated with only being the "friend" and not a boyfriend or lover and I am sure there are some women who might feel the same way. I have been on both sides of this myself, I liked girls who didn't feel the same way about me and there were girls who liked me who I didn't feel the same way about. It is awkward and frustrating either way and in not all cases is the other person simply trying to take advantage of the other. In my teen years I just wanted a good screw, while I wasn't one of the guys who use girls I was very confused about sex and love and wasn't able to separate the two. Now that I am more mature things like appearance are becoming less important to me and personality is becoming more important.

 

The thing that turns me on more than anything else is no longer a big booty or a nice pair of breast though I still appreciate those things, it is a woman has the guts to be herself and not care what everyone else thinks. Why do guys think I have such a huge crush on Applejack? Well okay there are other reasons but that is a biggie.There are guys who try to be the "nice guy" and some who try to be the "bad boy", but all I want to be is myself and good old yours truly has some aspects of both the "nice guy" and the "bad boy". I think we owe to ourselves to be more honest with ourselves and with others, it is tough and you might get judged harshly at times but it is unfair to yourself and anyone you might date to build a relationship on a lie.

 

Just to clarify for everyone, (I edited my OP, but I doubt everyone noticed that, so I get the misunderstandings) I believe that all instances of being 'friendzoned' are not the painful things they are made out to be. Yes, many guys who are 'friendzoned' were truly pure of heart in both their attractions and intentions towards a girl. That doesn't make their conception of being 'friendzoned' any less toxic of a situation. Just because a guy (or girl) is genuinely enamored with a person, doesn't mean the other person is obligated to return those affections. It doesn't matter how genuine the feelings, the person can't just reciprocate something that isn't there. I've talked to a lot of girls placed in these uncomfortable situations. Most wish they felt the same way as the 'friendzoned' person, they really do. But the simple matter is they don't, and they can't force themselves to. If we believe ourselves as entitled to a relationship because we are of sincere hearts and intentions than we are really selfish and actually pretty arrogant. 

 

Even if a person is truly attracted to a person, wants a relationship and not just sex, the situation of reciprocated affections often turns destructive and toxic. The unrequited person can and often does get obsessive and possessive of the person of their fancy. They view any other potential suitor as 'a jerk/douchebag' and themselves as the ideal partner. Their infatuation mutates into something much uglier. 

 

I know what you guys are saying, and I understand where you are coming from, I was the same way. But it is unhealthy to view these sorts of situations through the lens of the 'friendzone'. Yes, guys and girls get 'friendzoned'. But the notion that it is a bad thing is the part of it that I believe is just plain wrong. So what if they feel platonic love for you, not romantic? Platonic relationships/love is underrated these days in my opinion. Too many things in media portray 'friends turned lovers' that we get it in our minds that all platonic relationships with a female should follow a natural progression to romantic relationships. 

 

But again, this is just my opinion. Take it with as large or small of a grain of salt as you desire. 

Edited October 19, 2013 by Windy Runner

[HungryTroll 137]

 

 

Anyone who views trying to have sexual encounters or a relationship as a gamble, a roll of the dice that immediately either has you swarming in chicks, or 'forever alone', is probably going to champion the notion of the friendzone. They will think of themselves as the 'dogged nice guy', when in actuality they are a guy who has deluded himself into thinking that acting 'nice' to a girl gives him an entitlement to sex or a relationship, or both. Girls aren't vending machines that you put some 'nice' coins in and get sex out. Neither are they unattainable entities that have to be bamboozled or tricked into liking guys. They are human beings who are also actively pursuing relationships.

 

You opened my eyes, cause I never understanded phenomenon of friendzone (it's pretty rare in my country so I never seen it in real life), and always thought that it's strange and sexist, it's like guy forcing girl into relationships. Cause if for example most of my female friends come to me and will say that they want to be in relationships with me, I would decline cause I:

1. Value friendship with them.

2. Think that they not my type.

3. Think that we a not best choice for each other in future.

Only one time I was broke thise tree points (my first relationships) and it's come out really awful and I lost friend I valued.

I think it's good to remember that if girls not have different body structure or interests that does not makes that different in beeng human.

 

P.S. Sorry haven't read whole topic, but will.

[Noazark 67]

I'm only 16, and literally every girl I ever asked out turned me down. They never said they wanted to be friends with me, they just flat-out refused my company. Which is fine, you can't force someone to be your friend or girlfriend, so really when it comes down to the friendzone, I just see it as "you're a great guy/girl, but I'm not interested in a relationship with you, so let's just be friends". Sometimes I wish I got firendzoned, that way I would at least have some female friends (which I don't have any)

[Inactive01 5,298]

I would also like to say that in your attempts to catch that one girl you think is perfect, you have willingly friendzoned millions of other girls who could be even better than the girl you're chasing. So for the people who feel hurt when they're friendzoned to the extent the OP mentioned, keep in mind that you've friendzoned many other girls in the process.

 

Oh, for us singles. Have a listen at this. It'll help you feel good.

 

 

 

 

 

Edited October 20, 2013 by Sterling Crimson

[Jokuc 8,172]

While you did say many good things that I agree with, there's a few things I don't agree with. Well it's mostly the title of the thread itself. "Friendzone" is just a word for when a person likes another person as friends and knows he/she wouldn't get any feelings for that person. It's just as simple as that, I don't see how you can think it is "fake". Of course the person who has "friendzoned" another person can change their mind and get feelings for the person. Who says friendzoning has to be something that's permanent? It's just a word you use to describe the situation for someone instead of saying "I like you as a friend but blah blah blah..." or if you're talking with someone, instead of saying "Well he/she still likes me as a friend but blah blah blah.." you just tell them you are "friendzoned". #experiences #opinions #overanalyzingbronies

Edited October 20, 2013 by Jokuc

[Shanks 10,811]

Just because a guy (or girl) is genuinely enamored with a person, doesn't mean the other person is obligated to return those affections.

Indeed that is true, as I have said before I have been on both sides of this and if you don't have feelings for someone than forcing yourself to have them indeed will not work. I am just saying that alot of people are understandably frustrated with everyone turning them down, but alot of people do take this fear of rejection and take it way too personally so I think we can agree on that. I keep hearing people say they will be "forever alone" and the more I hear it the more ridiculous it sounds to me. Yes they in fact will be "forever alone" if they keep beating themselves up about how they are always going to be "forever alone" because it comes off as desperate and creepy which is a real girl repellent. Yes in cases she didn't feel that same way I was of course dissapointed but in some cases did develop a genuine friendship with them that I did value. And while I for the most part don't let it get to me by going into the "forever alone" mentality I too can have occasional moments of weakness. Just the other day I saw a couple being affectionate with each other and I felt a sudden burning rage. But I then the rational side of me kicked in and I calmed down, sure that guy isn't me right now but it will be someday.

 

 

 If we believe ourselves as entitled to a relationship because we are of sincere hearts and intentions than we are really selfish and actually pretty arrogant. 

I think alot of people even alot of sincere people get into relationships for the wrong reasons and one of those is loneliness, I don't think it is so much selfishness or arrogance that drives it but desperation and the desire to fill a void in their lives. It is of course a recipe for disaster but people in this sort of mentality aren't thinking with their logical mind. I think in order to be successful in relationships people have to first learn to be happy with themselves because how are they going to be happy with anyone else? It can often be a tall order though as seeing so many others with someone and you with no one can still be a tough pill to swallow even for the most positive person.

 

 

Their infatuation mutates into something much uglier. 

Those people obvious have no business being in relationships until they sort out the deep seated insecurities which provoke these kind of unhealthy responses. A little jealousy is normal, but I would agree that nothing good can come out of something like that.

[Kyokii_ 31]

OHMYGAWD THIS IS SO PERFECT!

You, my friend, are awesome.

.

.

I hate that you have to have 100 characters.... Hold on

qwertyyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnm

Done.

Stay awesome ^-^

[Remi 1,309]

Personally, I've always found the term 'friendzone' to be extremely silly. In my own opinion and view on the subject, I view the 'Friendzone' to, in reality, be an excuse for people whom do not want to accept the fact that the significant other does not view them as an applicable mate.

[Adente 1,000]

While you did say many good things that I agree with, there's a few things I don't agree with. Well it's mostly the title of the thread itself. "Friendzone" is just a word for when a person likes another person as friends and knows he/she wouldn't get any feelings for that person. It's just as simple as that, I don't see how you can think it is "fake".

 

Well, I'll admit that I chose the title to catch attention. If I had just titled it "A rant on the Friendzone" or something similar, it wouldn't have caught as much interest, because people might have assumed that I actually was a person who believes firmly in the friendzone, instead of the opposite. I just wanted to get my opinion across.

 

However, to clarify: I believe that yes, there can exist a state of unrequited attraction where the asker is told that they are better off as friends by the askee. However, the notion that this response puts the asker in a 'friendzone', a plane of existence from which there is no escape, or a banishment to the worst place ever, is what I believe is fake. There is nothing inherently wrong with being told by a person that they would rather be friends. It just means they don't like you romantically. So no, I don't believe that the friendzone is fake, but I believe the connotations and attitudes about it are very wrong. 

[Champion RD92 8,654]

 So no, I don't believe that the friendzone is fake, but I believe the connotations and attitudes about it are very wrong. 

 

That makes sense. I think you may have had people misunderstand your point because of the fact that you said the friendzone is "fake" when really what you meant is that, like you said, the attitudes that people have about it are wrong.

[GhostPony750 958]

I had no idea what was the "friendzone". I heard of it, but I had no idea what it was. That must explain why all the guys at my school are such jerks. Stalking girls... not nice. And there's this obviously psychopathic guy who is always surrounded by girls... It's... well...

 

Anyway, all this "friendzone" thing indeed seems false, and I just remained myself all this time. (Funny thing, I have a bunch of girls after me)

[Dsanders 5,742]

I'm impressed with the OP's well thought perspective on the "friendzone". I agree with most of his points. Most guys these days take offense to it as if it were an insult. That is true, and I myself am guilty of that. I didn't even know about the "friendzone" until early freshman year, when one of my old crushes explained to me how she simply didn't feel the same way about me, or saw me in a romantic kind of light. But what confused me the most, was that she didn't give me a simple no or yes answer. She said she really liked me as a friend and I regretfully went along with it, thinking that "Oh well at least I can be her friend! This should go just fine!" But unfortunately the jealously and impatience drove me to just cut the friendship and end it all on a bad note. I couldn't take it. It was ridiculous. I didn't understand at the time, how a girl could like me so much as a friend but not any more than that. The same kind of failure happened two more times since then.

 

For some reason, I just can't tolerate the friendzone with a girl I like. My feelings and inner-jealously always gets the best of me. And in some cases, when the girl says that they like me as just a friend, they stopped talking to me after like only a week. Yeah, some "friends" they were...

 

Most girls in real life don't even generally like me, so oh well. I eventually stopped caring. And I apologize. I just thought I share my own experience and vent about it a little.

 

So my ultimate perspective of the friendzone is that its definition can vary. More often than not though, it seems to be an excuse for the girl or guy to explain to the other party why they can't reciprocate their feelings towards them. They're not attracted to you physically but to spare what's left of your already fractured self esteem, they reassure you that they still see you as a 'good friend.'

 

On the other hand, it can be really just a 'place' a girl or guy will put someone they genuinely see as friends but nothing more. I honestly don't think it this is as common of a scenario though, at least from my experience. :/

 

It can really be a conundrum sometimes.

 

Some people have this foolproof idea that if they just "man up" or become bold and go straight for the relationship, it'll definitely work out. But relationships like that sometimes ironically don't last long at all, and they can often fall apart really fast.

 

Some people fear that if they stay friends with the person they like for "too long", then that person will eventually throw them into the pit of despair we all know and hate, the "friendzone", because they waited, "too long."

 

But in reality, friendships do matter a lot in a relationship. They really help strengthen that special connection between two people. Friends before lovers is truly how I think it should play out. It just depends on the person.

 

Not all girls are the same and the same goes for the guys. Vice versa. 

 

Just because you get dumped in this figurative 'friendzone' doesn't mean that all girls are bitches or that all guys are douchebags. Not all guys are like that. Not all girls are like that either.

 

It really boils down to the heart and personality of the person and whether or not they see you as compatible. 

[Koelath 444]

People telling me they only want a friendship, is therefore a legitimate friendzone and completely makes your point void.

That isn't the "friendzone", that's someone who wants to be your friend. Just somebody being a human being. "Friendzone" is just the inane label people tack onto it to feel better about it all when they don't get what they want. I guess if that makes you feel better...

Edited October 20, 2013 by Koelath

[Winterbass 763]

That isn't the "friendzone", that's someone who wants to be your friend. Just somebody being a human being. "Friendzone" is just the inane label people tack onto it to feel better about it all when they don't get what they want. I guess if that makes you feel better...

 

Frankly, I don't see the point you're making here. The very concept of the friendzone is wherein the invitee rejects the inviter and only wants to stay friends, therefore having you put into a zone and thought process that you're nothing more but a friend, which isn't going to change. I think I made myself fairly clearly that the friendzone should only be considered as such when you get rejected because the person you asked out was always thinking of you as just a friend.

 

The last part is kind of insulting. I mean, if you're trying to catch me on something as little as a misunderstanding, and not go into my entire post, be my guest, you're just wasting your time by restating what you have already said. But putting words in my mouth? Too far man, too far. You really think it feels better just by assigning a word to a certain phenomena? Sure, if you actually think I'm that delusional.

 

I guess in that sense, scientists really do feel better by having assigned the second law of thermodynamics, instead of just describing the phenomena over and over again. It's a word sprouted from a phenomena, if that particular phenomena wouldn't happen, the word "friendzone" would have never existed, yet it still does. Are you trying to tell me that the friendzone doesn't exist? If so, why haven't you provided a counterargument to everything said by the opposing party? Should be fairly easy since it "doesn't exist".

 

I'm also still waiting for the OP to provide a counterargument to mine, too.

[Adente 1,000]

I'm also still waiting for the OP to provide a counterargument to mine, too.

 

Why should I bother providing a counterargument? Your view is diametrically opposed to mine, and this is the internet. Nobody ever convinces anybody of anything online. All that happens is that the two opposing sides polarize and argue. At the end of the argument (usually stopped only by mods stepping in) nothing was accomplished and nobody's opinions changed. If anything, everyone was just extra validated in their opinions. (This actually sounds a lot like our dysfunctional congress right now) 

 

So short answer, no, I'm not going to provide you a counterargument, because no good can come of it. You have your view and I have mine. I don't like nonproductive arguing, especially online nonproductive arguing. (Which is almost all online debating)

[Koelath 444]

Why should I bother providing a counterargument? Your view is diametrically opposed to mine, and this is the internet. Nobody ever convinces anybody of anything online. All that happens is that the two opposing sides polarize and argue. At the end of the argument (usually stopped only by mods stepping in) nothing was accomplished and nobody's opinions changed. If anything, everyone was just extra validated in their opinions. (This actually sounds a lot like our dysfunctional congress right now) 

 

So short answer, no, I'm not going to provide you a counterargument, because no good can come of it. You have your view and I have mine. I don't like nonproductive arguing, especially online nonproductive arguing. (Which is almost all online debating)

 

Arbitrarily deciding that nobody ever gets convinced of anything so discussing anything is pointless...Well, that's certainly a way to go. Though it rather begs the question of why this thread exists...

 

 

Frankly, I don't see the point you're making here. The very concept of the friendzone is wherein the invitee rejects the inviter and only wants to stay friends, therefore having you put into a zone and thought process that you're nothing more but a friend, which isn't going to change. I think I made myself fairly clearly that the friendzone should only be considered as such when you get rejected because the person you asked out was always thinking of you as just a friend.

The "invitee" didn't have you put anywhere. It's a person's own thought process that does it. If they decide it's unchangeable, that's not the fault of any "invitee". It's an imagined zone of insecurity, hopelessness and resignation that exists solely in the mind of the rejected so yes, it's fake. As fake as a tye-dyed unicorn named Jim that whispers advice to a schizophrenic.

Edited October 20, 2013 by Koelath