OC Reviews by Budding Night

[Budding Night 1,043]

I AM SO BORED. WITH MY LIFE.
 

 
Hello my friends! I am here to review all your lovely original Characters! I will try my best to give you Constructive Criticism on your OC's to help you improve them! I will rate your OC's in four categories: Appearance, Personality, Cutie Mark and Backstory. In each category, I will include what I liked and disliked, and an overall score.
 
When requesting an OC Review, pretty pretty please provide a link to their profile, makes my life a whole lot easier
 
So c'mon guys, show me your ponies! 
 
NOTE: I may be a little harsh, so please don't take offence. I don't mean to be mean to anybody ;(
NOTE: If you have any questions or anything, please don't be scared to ask! I'll happily answer any questions you have.
 
If I brohoof your post, that means I've seen it and I have added/am adding it to the Queue
 
Queue:

 

• Mythos Gray - @EquestrianScholar
• Golden Dawn - @EquestrianScholar
• Stardream - @EquestrianScholar
• DJ Starlight - 
• Lightning Fire - @Loffy09

 

OC's Reviewed:

 

• Malinter - @Malinter
• Corporate Crime - Nuclear Neru?tic
• Ruby Inkheart Rose -
• Pacific -
• Blue Moon - @Blue Moon

 

 

Edited January 7, 2014 by Budding Night

[Malinter 3,064]

How about mine? Malinter is my ponysona so but more thought into him. The others I made for the 500 OC project so those not so much, mostly winged it. XD

 

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/malinter-r4624

 

(noticed they vanished from my sig)

Edited January 6, 2014 by Malinter

[Budding Night 1,043]

@@Malinter

 

Ooh, yay! First review to do

I shall get started straight away!

[Nuclear Neurotic 56]

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/corporate-crime-r5482 An OC that I'm hoping to use someday. He's "new" as in haven't rped with him. XD

[Budding Night 1,043]

Oh, yay yay yay! First review!
Okay, here we go..
 
 

How about mine? Malinter is my ponysona so but more thought into him. The others I made for the 500 OC project so those not so much, mostly winged it. XD
 
http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/malinter-r4624
 
(noticed they vanished from my sig)

 
Malinter - Malinter
 
Apperance: The colours look okay together, they don't clash a hell of a lot. Though I notice it says black mane dyed green? Interesting thing to add, gives a little something to his character, and I think it's actually quite cool, even though a black mane looks better with a brown coat. His physique reminds me a lot like Big Macintosh, especially with that grey thing around his neck. I went on google and did a image search and I found this..

Somebodies done a re-colour...
Honestly, I think this is sorta, kinda, more or less okay. He doesn't look like the original Big Mac, you've still sort of ripped him off. 
Score: 4.5/10
 
Personality: Dude, I'm sorry, but this sort of seems like Big Macintosh too. The part where you say "He likes to prepare for any eventuality and hates people that do things without thinking.", while isn't canon to BM, seems like something it would be for him. I won't downgrade you for that, though. In this little section you have, you only really say three things about his personality. I think you can definitely expand this, I can't imagine what Malinter would do in lots of siduations, for you haven't really seemed to give him a proper personality on his page.

Score: 3/10

Cutie Mark: This Cutie Mark isn't that bad. At a glance, its fine. Though in the backstory you say he earned his Cutie Mark after bringing a pair of ponies who had gone missing in the Everfree Forest back to say, and that his talent is Earth Magic that displays as the ground speaking to him..? This sounds pretty cool, but doesn't seem like a talent suited for an Earth Pony, perhaps more a unicorn. In ways, this can fit, but when analyzing it fully.. I'm sorry, but it doesn't really.

Score: 4/10

Backstory: This is a little confusing to me. It's badass, seems like it could be good content for a fanfic, but to this particular character, does not make the biggest amount of sense. Inks that change the colour of his coat, his scent? Seems strange, but I will say that, for sure, I can imagine it being a heap better if there was just a teenisy bit more detail. It's fairly detailed as it is, as I can tell you put lots of thought into it, and it's definitely longer than quite a lot backstories I've seen over my time in the forums.
Score: 6/10

Overall: Not bad, my friend. I feel there has been quite a effort put into your ponysona, you've done fairly well, though more details feels required.
Final Score: 6.3/10

~

 

[Moonbacon 384]

here review my oc 

 

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/ruby-inkheart-rose-r5263

 

i am not a good writer tho you should know

gimme your harse reviews so i can do better.

[The Blades Shadow 444]

Ooh! Can you either review Pacific or... Crap! Who was the other one I reworked? Um... Fine, just do Pacific

I think I reworked him at some point...

[Budding Night 1,043]

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/corporate-crime-r5482 An OC that I'm hoping to use someday. He's "new" as in haven't rped with him. XD

 

here review my oc 

 

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/ruby-inkheart-rose-r5263

 

i am not a good writer tho you should know

gimme your harse reviews so i can do better.

 

Ooh! Can you either review Pacific or... Crap! Who was the other one I reworked? Um... Fine, just do Pacific

I think I reworked him at some point...

 

More reviews!

I will try and finish all these by today!

[Moonbacon 384]

Ooh! Can you either review Pacific or... Crap! Who was the other one I reworked? Um... Fine, just do Pacific

I think I reworked him at some point...

 

gah who ever drew him made his legs too straight it's suppose to have a curve no matter what the image just plain bugs me.

[The Blades Shadow 444]

I didn't change it to the new one did I? I'll have to fix that I think...

[Moonbacon 384]

I didn't change it to the new one did I? I'll have to fix that I think...

 

there much better :3 if you have a pony creator image of him and or an image of him without his cloak thingy  i might draw him :3 also his nuzzle is too mare ish.

[The Blades Shadow 444]

there much better :3 if you have a pony creator image of him and or an image of him without his cloak thingy  i might draw him :3 also his nuzzle is too mare ish.

Well he's intended to look a little bit like a mare, kinda (Let's just say he had an... awkward first meeting with an old friend)

[Moonbacon 384]

Well he's intended to look a little bit like a mare, kinda (Let's just say he had an... awkward first meeting with an old friend)

 

thats just bringing up disturbing images

in my head that is now i need to burn those images

[Budding Night 1,043]

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/corporate-crime-r5482 An OC that I'm hoping to use someday. He's "new" as in haven't rped with him. XD

 

Appearance: His colour scheme is very nice, the colours go well together. I like how one eye is discolored and how he wears a monocle, seems very fitting for a lawyer. His mane style is original, I like how the lines where the red and white meet in his mane aren't strictly kept to one side/line. His suit and tie, look awesome, it fits his mane. The jaggered teeth are.. intimidating to say the least, they're like a little Easter egg to this character's appearance. Now, I don't really like ponies with jaggered teeth unless they are a villain (an example being Nightmare Moon), but.. sometimes odd things fit, and that's what this is. I want to say I think he'd look better without them.. but I'm honestly not sure if I can. 

Score: 8/10

 

Personality: You've done well on this part. You have put quite a lot there, and I can imagine what this character would do in many different situations, though some of what you've put seem more like common actions of his rather than personality traits. Perhaps adding some would be a good contribution. 

Score: 7/10

 

Cutie Mark: So.. this ponies talent is manipulating others for his own benefit and business? That sounds so mean! . This cutie mark isn't too bad, though in Equestria I don't imagine there being a whole lot of that of thing. How you describe the cutie mark makes it sound a little busy, but in the image one of Corporate's hooves seem to be covering his flank and/or cutie mark.. Though in saying that, I'm not completely sure, you'll have to correct me on that.

 

If the downward stock market arrow is beside the dollar signs, I think it be more fitting to put it behind the dollar signs instead. It would make his flank look a little tidier. (If it's already like that, then my apologies)

Score: .6.5/10

 

Backstory: I like this backstory, has enough detail to be understandable and clear to the character as well as the reader, if you get my gist. Some of the backstory is fairly sad while the rest of it seems to be more.. serious, is the only word I can get my brain to sum it up to. One thing that dissapointed me with this section is a lack of a story regarding his eyes. I'm curious, I want to know, was he born with it? Was he involved with a fight? Was he in an accident? 

Here are some things that I think would be good if added:

• How did he feel/react when his father died? Was it a negative or positive response?
• How does he feel about his gold-digger mother? Does he even know about her?
• Why is 'Crime' apart of his name? Is it because of his bribing and blackmailing ways of success or is it because of another reason? (This could be possibly added in other)

The backstory is good, but I feel it may need a little bit of depth to it.

Score: 6.5/10

 

Overall: Corporate Crime is an interesting character with good design and a nice backstory, though some things may need a little bit of explaining.

Final Score: 7/10

~

 

I'm sorry that one took awhile!

Edited January 7, 2014 by Budding Night

[Malinter 3,064]

 

 

 

 

 

I did the recolour, I did make a base model on an OC generator but when I saw this version of mac, I SO wanted that leg fur on Mal. XD I'm actually waiting on a few requests on some artists to draw my OC so that eventually won't look as Mac-ish XD

 

He actually is a unicorn but his horn was removed that is why he has some magical ability but its vague and random as to how it works as a result.

 

Still. a 6 isn't so bad for a first review

[Budding Night 1,043]

I did the recolour, I did make a base model on an OC generator but when I saw this version of mac, I SO wanted that leg fur on Mal. XD I'm actually waiting on a few requests on some artists to draw my OC so that eventually won't look as Mac-ish XD

 

He actually is a unicorn but his horn was removed that is why he has some magical ability but its vague and random as to how it works as a result.

 

Still. a 6 isn't so bad for a first review

 

Ahh.. I see!

I feel like a bit of a meanie now

 

I'm a pretty bad reviewer, I'm doing from my boredom so I don't die horribly. If you want a second (and probably better) review, my buddy Sterling Crimson does really good reviews. Thread here: http://mlpforums.com/topic/70441-open-feedback-for-your-oc-for-roleplaying/

 

And thanks for being giving me my OC to review mate

 

~

here review my oc 

 

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/ruby-inkheart-rose-r5263

 

i am not a good writer tho you should know

 

gimme your harse reviews so i can do better.

 

A harsh review, eh? Alright, let's do this.. *cracks knuckles*

 

Appearance: This ones a cutie, but the wing tip colours don't look good with the rest of her colour scheme. It'd be better to make them the same colour as say, her mane and tail or her eyes - the blue sort of just seems like a random colour that came out of nowhere. Her mane design seems to be the same as Dash's, though arguably, many OC's also have Rainbow's mane and tail design. Her coat colour, while it looks good with the rest of her (wing tips not included), could use a little softening. It's a little bright and vibrant, a little distracting, y'know?

Score: 6.5/10

 

Personality: Not much in this section, it could use a more. When you say she's like Rarity, how so? Specify, does is she generous, does she love attention, does she have similar mannerisms? Something to add to this would be her bad traits, so far you only really have her good ones, it could use a bit more of both.

Score: 3/10

 

Cutie Mark: While the Cutie Mark design looks good, really good, it's very nice. What I don't like about this is how she has two talents. It might be better to reduce it to one, and if I were to recommend one, I'd have to say go with making jewelry. Reading is more of a skill than a talent.

Score: 4.5/10 

 

Backstory: Now, you say your not a good writer, but darling - you shouldn't be so harsh on yourself! It's actually fairly good despite the lack of grammer. Even though I say you're not that bad of a writer, this backstory is missing quite a bit. Some things you could add include: Family, Childhood years, Cutie Mark story, how Rarity and Ruby became friends or them doing something together as friends (even including things they'd usually do together). There's plenty of things that can be added to a backstory to make it special, even more than it already is

 

Overall: Ruby Inkheart Rose is cute little OC that needs some things added/changed to her better, though the way she is now is already pretty good.

Final Score: 5/10

 

(I'm sorry if that was mean in anyway )

Edited January 7, 2014 by Budding Night

[Blue Moon 6,341]

Could you review my main OC, Blue Moon? I'll leave a link below. Thanks in advance.

 

Link:

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/blue-moon-r2808

Edited January 7, 2014 by Blue Moon

[Moonbacon 384]

@@Budding Night,

 

 

 

the blue sort of just seems like a random colour that came out of nowhere

 

thats actully really true. didn't know what eye color to give her nor mane style  

 

paint tool sai your gonna do lot's of editing :3

or not because i lost the fricken .sai file oh well time to recreate her :3

[GreyScholar 1,584]

Mythos Gray: http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/mythos-gray-main-setting-r1487

Golden Dawn: http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/golden-dawn-r4180

Stardream: http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/stardream-r4240

[galaxysquid 2,122]

Well hello!

My OC and her backstory are in my signature. Also she is my avatar.

 

Thanks!

 

By the way I'm not too good at writing lol...

[Budding Night 1,043]

Ooh! Can you either review Pacific or... Crap! Who was the other one I reworked? Um... Fine, just do Pacific

I think I reworked him at some point...

 

Appearance: Pacific's apperance is quite good. The colours don't clash, they're not too bright or too dull, they're just right, the cloak even looks good on him. The only thing that seems a little weird to me is his tail. It sort of just goes everywhere and doesn't look physically correct. Though it's easily a thing to blow off considering he created this fake pony.

Score: 9/10

 

Personality: Wow, you wrote a lot here. This section is detailed, you've definitely made it so the reader can have a clear imagine of him in their head. The only thing missing from this is good traits. You have two or three good things about his personality and the rest of it seems to be bad things... . Surely he's not 75% bad traits, is he? I'd say adding some positive traits about him might be a good idea here.

Score: 8/10

 

Cutie Mark: N/A

 

Backstory: I like this backstory, it's simply fantastic. It's detailed nicely, but not a whole lot, and provides plenty of infomation on Pacific.  I can imagine him being a fun character to roleplay as. I have to say, Pacific is probably the one of the most interesting characters I've come across as far as OC's go. I do have a few questions though. 

• Why turn the bag into a cloak? Why does he always wear it and why does he freak out when he loses it?
• How do people 'find out' he's a changeling?
• If he was young when he ran away, how did he possibly have the power to 'create' a pony? Can changelings even do that?

Perhaps those questions might give you ideas of things you could change/add, but to say directly, perhaps adding things like why he's a pacifist.

Score: 7.5/10

 

Overall: A very interesting OC with an original design and detail, though some things seem a little strange or confusing.

Final Score: 8/10

Edited January 7, 2014 by Budding Night

[Nuclear Neurotic 56]

@@Budding Night, Thanks for the review.

 

 I took some of the critique and spruced up his character sheet a bit, hopefully making it sound a bit better.

[Budding Night 1,043]

@@Budding Night, Thanks for the review.

 

 I took some of the critique and spruced up his character sheet a bit, hopefully making it sound a bit better.

 

No problem! I love doing these reviews

 

I've just re-read through Corporate's page and I'm very happy to see you made good changes!

 

I love helping people

 

~

Could you review my main OC, Blue Moon? I'll leave a link below. Thanks in advance.

 

Link:

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/blue-moon-r2808

 

I've seen your OC around quite a bit, and I remember you doing an OC review for me once. This will be fun..

 

Appearance: Blue Moon's appearance is very appealing, since all the colours are all 'in the same sense', they don't clash in the slightest, and the freckles above his nose make him look cute. There isn't really anything bad about his appearance, the only question I have is why is 'Nickname: Blu' in 'Appearance'.. ?

Score: 10/10

 

Personality: This, also is really good. The amount of balance between the good and bad aspects of his personality truly is almost perfect. In it, you say he's stubborn when someone proves him wrong but is also shy and quiet. I don't know what it is, but something about this just bugs me, but I can't say that I don't like it and think you should change it because I'd be a hypocrite, because I've put one of my OC's as stubborn aswell as shy and quiet too

Score: 8.5/10

 

Cutie Mark: A nice, clean cutie mark. What bothers me about this, is how you said he got it and what it represents. You say his cutie mark signifies his desire to become an astronomer, not a talent for astronomy. The way he got, just upright confuses me. He got excited from learning the constellations and planets and recording them, but surely that's what most the foals would do? The reasons this bugs me is because at a stage in everyone's life, human, pony or anything, we've wanted to become something, but that doesn't always happen. I can imagine most kids wanting to be up to 6 or 7 things while growing up, and not many actually fulfill what they wanted to be as kids. I suggest perhaps changing the story of how he got his cutie mark, maybe even his talent from his desire to be an astronomer to an actual talent of astronomy. 

Score: 6/10

 

Backstory: No offence, but this is a little boring. I mean, yeah, in the end he's happy and has a family, but he doesn't even fulfill his dream and his 'talent' of a desire to become an astronomer! You say in the backstory that when he was older he accepted he would never become Luna's assistant, that's okay but why not have him aspire to become something that's a little more realistic for a pony like him? Earlier on in the backstory you say he was fairly intelligent for his age because he read a lot. Same thing applies as the personality, it bugs me, reading a lot 'aint gonna make you really intelligent, it'll give you lots of facts and things but it can't improve every part of your intelligence, but I can't really say I don't like this because the same OC I mentioned before has this in her backstory too!

 

My favourite thing in Blue Moon's backstory is that he got married and had a filly. It's a very sweet thing to have added, it's nice to see he did end up with a happy ending.

Score: 6.5/10

 

Overall: A lovely looking OC with a great personality but a backstory that could possibly use some tweaks

Final Score: 6.6/10

 

Now if you'll excuse me.. I'm going to go change some things about my OC xD

Edited January 7, 2014 by Budding Night

[The Blades Shadow 444]

Appearance: Pacific's apperance is quite good. The colours don't clash, they're not too bright or too dull, they're just right, the cloak even looks good on him. The only thing that seems a little weird to me is his tail. It sort of just goes everywhere and doesn't look physically correct. Though it's easily a thing to blow off considering he created this fake pony.

Score: 9/10

 

Personality: Wow, you wrote a lot here. This section is detailed, you've definitely made it so the reader can have a clear imagine of him in their head. The only thing missing from this is good traits. You have two or three good things about his personality and the rest of it seems to be bad things... . Surely he's not 75% bad traits, is he? I'd say adding some positive traits about him might be a good idea here.

Score: 8/10

 

Cutie Mark: N/A

 

Backstory: I like this backstory, it's simply fantastic. It's detailed nicely, but not a whole lot, and provides plenty of infomation on Pacific.  I can imagine him being a fun character to roleplay as. I have to say, Pacific is probably the one of the most interesting characters I've come across as far as OC's go. I do have a few questions though. 

• Why turn the bag into a cloak? Why does he always wear it and why does he freak out when he loses it?
• How do people 'find out' he's a changeling?
• If he was young when he ran away, how did he possibly have the power to 'create' a pony? Can changelings even do that?

Perhaps those questions might give you ideas of things you could change/add, but to say directly, perhaps adding things like why he's a pacifist.

Score: 7.5/10

 

Overall: A very interesting OC with an original design and detail, though some things seem a little strange or confusing.

Final Score: 8/10

8/10? Dang... A lot better than I expected.

[Loffy09 16]

Can you review mine? My OC is in my  siggy. If you reviewed it in a kinda harsh way or something, it's fine xD