writing My Name is True Pain

[GuardianFenix 63]

I, ah, wrote this poem in Humanities class, both to tell a story of my life, and... it was a project. I had to present it in front of the class... but it was worth the embarrassment. I was the only one to get a 100 on that assignment. Anyway... I'd like to share what I've written. 

 

There comes a time when I feel so alone.

So lost, to the point where I can’t be saved.

When that kind of time comes, I reflect on everything I’ve ever done,

My mistakes, my imperfections, my feelings….

...my isolation from humanity.

I’ve never known love, and joy is truly rare to me.

Though I was born to a kind mother….

….I grew up with the woman who crushed my hopes of happiness.

People would see me as dark, cold, melancholy….

It’s because of her.

And the only person who had the ability to stand up for me….

He chose to blow it off. He told me that so many people have it worse.

I can understand that world hunger and war is a problem, but….

How would you feel if you were born autistic, pulled away from

everyone you cared about before you were able to speak, and

plunged into a life where kids even younger than you would

push you down stairs, lock you in cabinets, and humiliate you

in front of everyone, because you had to live carrying a name like mine;

Peyton Forrest Utley?!

Those who judge me don’t know what I had to go through;

I’m surprised I’m not dead yet.

But if you want to know who I really am, I’ll tell you.

I’m not normal. I’m unloved. Imaginary people cheer me up,

and help me carry on. I know I’m not good enough;

But I just can’t bring myself to accept it.

I hate myself; someone must be happy about that.