writing Hell Isn't All Fire

[Delernil 952]

Here's a quick excerpt from a story I've had boggling in my head for a while.



My name is Jack. Jack Hamten. This is me, aboard the USS Indianapolis. It is a fairly large Portland Class cruiser fighting for the US Navy in the Pacific. I spend a lot of my time reading or playing cards with my friends when I'm off duty. I man the Number 2 gun. It can get boring as we don't have much to do, but it's alright. Today we are in the middle of the Pacific and the sun is setting. The captain just changed our course.

Today is the day I enter hell.



It's based on the sinking of the USS Indianapolis durning WW2.
C&C welcome.

 

 

Chapter 1: Sunset, 8:34 PM Eastern Time


I wiped the sweat off of my forehead and slid down. We had been rotated out from the stuffy cabin of the Number 2 Battery. Tom caught up to me, drenched in sweat and smelling horrid.

'Cards?' He asked as he fit his cap on.
'Nah.' I answered as we slipped through the door to the inside. We made our way back to our bunks. He flopped onto his, but since we were off I had other plans. I slipped through the smelly bunks into the mess hall, a few doors down. It was largely empty except for a few other crew members, presumably from Battery Three. They chatted at a small table while I grabbed food. Most of it was leftovers. Number Two was always the latest to get rotated out, so we got used to leftovers. I chewed on the steak happily. Nothing like good food after sitting in a box for 12 hours.

I returned my tray and checked the time. It was nearing 9:30. The sun had set earlier and many crew had gone to the top. I figured if Tom was awake we'd do the same. I traveled back to the bunks to find Tom reading my book.

'Hey, put that down. Ya wanna sleep up top?' I asked, taking the book from his hand. He nodded and got up. We traveled to the top, blankets and pillows in hand. We found a comfy spot near the Number Two. Settling in, the CO ordered all smoking to stop. Men chatted on the decks, but I fell asleep instantly.




I returned to an awake state as a loud boom was heard. The front of the ship reared and water sprayed over it. Crew stood up and looked around. With a sinking feeling I realized we had been hit.

We were torpedoed.

Edited February 17, 2014 by Delernil