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Any opinions on what I have so far?


Lighting Star

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I've been starting to type this idea for a story but I'm doubting whether or not it would be any good. Could you wonderful ponies read this little snip of what I have so far and tell me what you think? I'd like to know if I'm doing a good job with keeping Pinkie in character and overall if it's a good setup for a story.

 

 

Pinkie looked all around her. She saw nothing. Eternal blackness seemed to stretch out for miles without end all around her. Underneath her stood a stone-tiled floor that felt strangely cold underneath her hooves. As she walked forward the clopping of her hooves echoed all about. She found that the floor abruptly ended and a train track that seemed to stretch on forever in both directions was a little ways below it. Pinkie had no idea how she had gotten here, or what she was doing here. She could pull out the basic memories such as her name, her family, her friends, and some things she’d done in the distant past, but when it game to recently her mind had drawn a black. All she remembered was suddenly being at this strange place.

 

“Hello.” A voice said from behind her. Pinkie turned around and saw a light grey unicorn stallion with a dark purple mane standing on the platform behind her. Funny, she could have sworn she was alone just a second ago.

 

“Hi!” Pinkie said enthusiastically, always eager to greet a new friend. Her voiced seemed to echo all across the nothing that they were in. “I’ve never seen you before.”

 

“Neither have I.” The stallion chuckled. “My names Cobble Stones. Nice to meet you.” Cobble Stones had a warm and inviting smile to him. His cutie mark depicted a hammer and chisel carving a stone tablet. He walked forward and his hoofsteps echoed loudly.

 

“My name’s Pinkie Pie!” Pinkie said gleefully as she grabbed his hoof and shook it violently. “Want to be friends?”

 

Cobble smiled wider. “Sure!”

 

“Great! As soon as I get home I’ll throw you a new friend party! You’ll love my parties! Everypony says they’re the best and…” Pinkie suddenly remembered that she had no idea where she was, and thus, no idea how to get home. “Um, where are we?”

 

“You don’t know?” Cobble seemed surprised and confused. “This is the…” His voice was cut off by the loud screeching of a train coming to a halt on the tracks. Both Pinkie and Cobble looked and saw a train pulling up to the platform that they were on. Cobble smiled. “It’s here.” The train doors opened and he walked inside. He stopped and turned back to Pinkie. “Well aren’t you coming?”

 

“Oh!” Pinkie said, dashing into the train. “Of course.” She had no idea where this train was going, but she didn’t want to be left alone at the platform. She couldn’t explain it, but Pinkie also felt a strange sensation as if she needed to board this train. The doors shut behind her and the train began to roll down the tracks into the darkness. Pinkie took a second to look around the cabin she was in. It looked like a typical train that anypony would take for long distance travel. There were red cushioned seats against both walls that left an isle of the green carpet in the middle. To the furthest of either side were doors that led to other cabins of the train.  There was an old looking mare sitting in a seat against the far right wall who seemed be preoccupied knitting. Cobble had already taken a seat to the left by a window and was watching the darkness roll by him. Pinkie, being the highly social mare that she was, decided to go and take a seat by him.

 

“Tell me about yourself Pinkie.” Cobble said, not looking away from the window. Even though he was looking at nothing Cobble Stones seemed highly invested in it.

 

“Ok!” Pinkie said. “What do you want to know?”

 

Cobble chuckled. “Oh just tell me everything. We’re going to be here a while.”

 

Pinkie put her hoof up to her chin and started to think. “Well alright. I was born on April 30th, 981 P.D. and was named after my Grandma Pinkie. I lived on a rock farm because my parents were rock farmers. And you can’t be a rock farmer without a rock farm. I lived with my mommy, daddy, Grandma Pinkie, and my two big sisters Maud and Blinkie. I had a big brother too named Clyde, but he…moved on…when I was still a little filly.”

 

“Oh is that so.” Pinkie looked at Cobble’s reflection in the window and saw that he seemed to smile at the mention of Clyde. “What was it like living on the rock farm?” Pinkie went on to tell him about how she discovered her special talent and what her first party was like.

 

“After that,” Pinkie continued. “I realized that as much as I loved my family, if I wanted to be a party pony I needed to leave the farm. So I packed my things, said my goodbyes to my family, and hopped on a train over to the nearest town. That town happened to be Ponyville; and it’s the most super special extra terrific town ever! There are tons of fun ponies living there. Like Applejack. She works on her family’s apple orchard and sometimes she even lets me help. Oh and Fluttershy! She’s kind of quiet but she’s just the sweetest mare once you get to know her. Rarity might seem stuffy and puffy at first but she can actually be really fun. And Dashie, who may or may not have been my first.” Pinkie said with a smirk and a wink. Cobble chuckled again. “Oh and there’s Twilight who helps me learn all sorts of new things.”

 

“Wait, Twilight?” Cobble said turning from the window to face Pinkie. “As in, Princess Twilight Sparkle?”

 

“Of course silly! It’s not like there’s any other Twilights. Wait, are there?”

 

“You know Princess Twilight?”

 

“Know her? We’re best friends!”

 

“Wait, Pinkie Pie?” Cobble put his hoof to his face. “I knew that your name sounded familiar! You were the Element of Laughter weren’t you?”

 

“Yeperoonie!” Pinkie exclaimed. “My friends and I used the Elements of Harmony to save Equestria like a bazillion times!” Pinkie paused for a second. “Ok actually it was only three. But we’ve also done plenty of other cool things!”

 


On a one-stallion war against all trolls

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