Feather Spiral

Draw for yourself first and foremost. Update your OC references, maybe make little doodles for people you like. Skills develop with practice, so it's best to just draw rather than wait for someone to give you money. Back on the topic, I really hate how my sister gets teary-eyed over the most benign shit, and then holds it over our heads for decades. I've been cursed at, even wished to die, simply for hiding things that she keeps using unnecessarily. The last couple months, due to her workplace being closed, I need to sit through a whole hour (sometimes longer) trying to teach her French every morning. I say "try" because she sometimes dives headfirst into filling gaps without a glance to the provided instructions and examples. She keeps making the same mistakes every single damn day despite repeated corrections, it's clear to me she doesn't revise at all between lessons. Memories of all the trauma I've lived from her also make it hard to keep it together, my cough flaring up again in the past few weeks doesn't help either.

When I'm venting about all the harmful things my sister does, most replies express sympathy. Unless I even remotely mention the fact she's autistic. Then all of a sudden, it's "oh poor girl" and "be understanding" and "so sorry for her". And god forbid I ever bring up wanting to hit her back, cause that makes me "a terrible person" who "hits an autistic sister to vent". Bitch I spent my whole fucking life being "understanding" and, as a child, watched my mother cry almost weekly. The whole "poor handicapped girl doesn't know what she's doing" spiel was forced right into my mind. I forgave her so much shit, including but not limited to guilt-tripping my mom and physically assaulting me. At times I struck back or groaned, but for the most part I just suppressed any reaction. Even when I was a toddler and she was a pre-teen, her demands for attention were put above my affective needs. My parents gave in to her tantrums and gave her what she wanted, while I was made light of when I tried putting my feelings into words. It's only recently, a few years back, that I realized some of her irritating and hurtful actions were deliberate. I'm not talking about the constant rambling and repeating old conversations, those are annoying at worst. But she'd harass my mother or me, then watch with a pleased smirk as her target either growled or struggled to hold back. A few times she actually did things out of spite, then cried victim if she got backlash, and held it over our heads for years to come.

When someone DM's me on Discord asking to be friends because we happened to be active at the same time on a server ...but I can't explain why I ignore it because they disabled direct messaging from non-Friends. I realize they're simply uncomfortable allowing just anybody (and bots) to contact them. But odds of being DM'd by a random creep or bot are very low, they're very easy to block via either desktop or mobile. More to the point - it's frustrating to receive an offer and not be able to let them personally know why I'm saying no. I have to say it publicly, on the server I know them from; either with a ping so everyone knows who did it, or without specifying so they may not see my reply.

Last friday I woke up from two different dreams, both the "wtf brain r u ok" kind. Had another one a couple nights ago, I'll write it down and then head to bed (ironically enough) I was with Captain Barbossa from PotC, we entered what looked like an elevator cabin with a lever on the side. I told him something like, "hope you got your warm coat" - then yanked the lever and the floor opened up. It was quite a long way down the chute, so we were falling for a while, I actually felt the wind in my face. When we finally arrived, somehow we were going up (smoothest transition, even for a dream) and a trapdoor closed back up. We landed back on our feet on what looked like a parallel Earth, but it was cold. There was a chilly wind, with a very pale sun you could directly look at; when I woke it made me think of the Na'kuhl system in Star Trek Online.

I ran along some sort of race track that winded over a railroad, where an old steam train was passing by. I had to go somewhere, and the only way was to sneak onto the train, trick the engineer into leaving, and take a series of specific turns. So I hurried along the road, leapt and thankfully landed on the roof, where I proceeded to crawl forward to the locomotive. At that point all I had to do was fool the engineer before we reached the next intersection so I could make that first turn. Which sadly didn't seem to work, as my next memory is the train slowing down while I'm swarmed by the staff. Since they were all in medieval wear (at least I thought of them as medieval, I can't for the life of me recall the detail) I was a bit worried they might punish me with death. I began acting dumb and incoherent, hoping they'd just see me as crazy and have me taken to an asylum... I'm sure I planned to somehow escape from that situation too, but I woke up before it happened

I was kidnapped along with other young people, of various ages but all under 30 (which makes 31-yo me the oldest). We were forced to fight as gladiators, either for entertainment or testing. Somehow I managed to find the way into a maintenance tunnel; with another young adult and two teenagers, we went in. It was a real maze in there though; and each time we entered or left a segment, a door closed behind us, like airlocks. Not to mention it was tense knowing our captors must've noticed and were following us through there. I recall an intersection in particular that looked like a 'T', we entered from the left branch (which then closed of course) and hesitated. After a brief discussion (and urged on by footsteps from the right path, the stem of the 'T') we walked on straight. I could see the corridor bend right further down, but I forgot how the rest went. Finally we emerged into a street, which judging from the cops' uniforms was in the US. I think there was a parade or other sorta event going on, which also could explain the police presence probably. I walked up to one of them and told him my friends and I had been kidnapped, or maybe he knew somehow. I looked around for the other three, but couldn't locate them... That's where I woke up. Without knowing what happened, or even who'd captured me. @TBDHa! thwarted your plans, didn't I Wait... shit... now all your buddies will be on my tail.

I dreamed of a creature that either was a lab prototype or other "exotic" mutant with superpowers, like turning part of itself into shadow or electricity. But it didn't do well in "normal" combat; while it could go through obstacles, things like energy discharges (for example when it traversed computers) damaged it a bit. (I forgot to specify when I made this post... the above creature was the protagonist of a Dead Space-esque game, with aliens or mini-kaiju as monsters and Eggman being the mastermind behind their invasion)

I dreamed that a Borg sphere was falling onto a planet with a pre-industrial civilization on it, got blown up in the atmosphere so pieces scattered and burned up. But many years later, a humanoid swimming at the beach complained about something stabbing into his foot. He walked out and checked his sole; an L-shaped circuit board was stuck inside, though no blood. Suddenly the piece began to spread, the way Borg "infections" are sometimes shown in Star Trek... Another dream, I was in a party of sorts, one of the people was a cop and, apparently I had a shady past cause he was suspicious of me? Then I pointed at a van outside (Street A) with people working around it, saying they were some terrorists were planning an attack. He asked how I knew, I told him I'd passed by it earlier and seen them assembling a bomb (and maybe I knew them too). After an uneventful party, I left the place and walked along the sidewalk (Street B, intersecting A) to visit a plaza nearby. Bizarrely there were phone boxes all along the streets along that plaza, and people were flocking to them. Going back to Street A, I saw the van making its way to Street B, so I thought the next stop could only be the plaza. I ran back to the plaza, and shouted something like: "Stay away from the phone boxes! It's a lure for a terrorist attack!" twice.

Sent you a few clips a couple days ago as promised, if you need more I'll see what I can do. (On a sidenote, I need to take some time to do something for a mental health evaluation (and hopefully a diagnosis). I don't know how long it's gonna take, but there's a long survey that's bound to tire me out.)

I was in a university amphi, somewhere on the rear row. We'd just gotten our exam sheets back, and were graduating from college I guess? Then each student, starting from the back-left, climbed up onto their desk and began walking across the row high-fiving the other students on the way. They formed a "handwalk chain" or "caterpillar" of sorts, which grew with every student, and sure enough I joined in when my turn came. So there we were, hand-walking all the way to the right end of the row giving high-fives; then "stepping" down to the row ahead, and going left in the same manner. We uh, serpented? all the way down to the front row's leftmost chair like that; then got back on our feet and kinda crowded around the exit. Most graduates chattered and took their sweet tile leaving, so there was a bit of a clog there. (Don't ask me how we were able to keep our balance on our hands, much less ONE hand when high-fiving other students.)

I am! been plopping in to check once in a while. I'm more present on Discord though (see previous post for name)

Can I like... stop being accused of "fallacy" and "ignoring counter-arguments"... by the same people who keep bickering after I proved their statements false? And when I put them on timeout (this is about a Discord server I moderate), they bitch and moan in DM. They act surprised when I say they disrespected me... then continue slinging accusations until I block their bratty ass too. I mean... I've been a stuck-up bitch towards other servers' mods, on occasion, when I felt like they were taking sides and/or blowing things out of proportion. But I can't recall persisting in "calling out" after two whole days of shitstorm over a simple case of posting one picture in the wrong channel.

I found this: https://intranet.birmingham.ac.uk/as/libraryservices/library/asc/documents/public/Short-Guide-Multiple-Choice.pdf TBH it... doesn't seem all that much different from a guide for preparing any old exam? Particularly highlighting key vocabulary and concepts, trying to find or make up questions to practice... It's also crucial to read the questions and understand them - I saw much of that was lacking during my limited time as a replacement teacher. The only significant difference to me, is the ability to proceed by elimination during the test. (I find MCQ to be the easiest kind for that reason, they accommodate my terrible memory.) The article says to cover up the answers while you read the question, and try guessing before you see the "spoilers" below. But that might not work out for you, if you're like me... The best piece of advice though, find out whether negative marking will be used. "If your exam penalises wrong answers, only answer questions if you are reasonably confident that you have figured out the correct answer. If negative marking is not used in your exams, answer all questions, even if you have to guess" (it gives you a chance to get the points).

Probably letting off steam, after facing their own failures and lack of intelligence daily. On another forum, I've been called a "drama queen" by people who, later on, dedicated entire thread pages to hating me while I was asleep. Same people who called me a "sadist" for hitting back my harassing sister, but got their jimmies rustled by picking on a younger member. Said "get off your high horses" when I took his defense and that I was "acting superior", all the while looming from the dizzying heights of their moral ground. The forum admin, self-proclaimed king of logic and reason, accused me of "ad hominem" when I pointed out the hateful behavior... but made no such criticism about the others' personal insults, which are in fact absolute ad hominem arguments. I bet they all felt real good about themselves for "teaching me a lesson" (I kid you not, they said those words too).

My fam pretty much forgot how to communicate without yelling at this point. I don't come join them for dinner anymore because people raising their voice cuts off my appetite.

Feel free to hmu on Discord (Fissy-blue-up#5395) when the team is complete, as I check it several times a day unlike the forums. We can each record our voicing and send it anytime though, right? I assume a group session (e.g Discord) where one person will record everyone, isn't really feasible due to timezones n stuff

Part 1: Sparks sounds like the perfect excuse to release my inner drama kid. I think I can also spare some voice for the extras at the start, if that's okay? Part 2, hmmm... I got my sights on the Sergeant, as my first choice. But if someone else prefers him, I could take the first or last two Geigers. As you can see, I kinda wanna challenge myself to do more than one voice per reading. (BTW if I don't check in again, feel free to ping me on Discord, I go by Fissy-blue-you-away on the server there.)

Forgot if I posted here before, but... I think my special talent is actually imitation. Even the stories I write are mostly recycled clichés and borrowed mannerisms etc. Not to mention the fun I get from exaggerating behaviors, like people who overact in adverts.

Daw, thank you sugar. I'm cool though, that was mostly a joke (else I woulda used words, not emotes). I know this is the complaint thread, so people are bound to exaggerate for venting's sake. Ima take this opportunity to vent about something I forgot earlier, something that happened a few hours ago: my father: suddenly and brusquely begins to talk from outside the doorway me, screaming as I was just stepping down from a chair and almost fell and broke my fucking neck my father, who has full view of what just happened: "Wah! why'd you yell"

I might wanna consider brushin up on my German, maybe. Also might need to speak Turkish a bit more... it's my native tongue, and yet I struggle to find words sometimes. Then again, I struggle to find words in any language I do speak sometimes...

Have I shared this here before? Wouldn't hurt to post it again. Along with a few more of these lovely sugarpies. And this one.

Don't know if I mentioned Grian before, but he's one of my faves now, so Also, GoodTimesWithScar has started to grow on me, ever since I saw his snail (Larry?) on Hermitcraft Turns out he actually made drawings of the thing before it occurred to him to build one as his home. I got curious whether he put up other art, so I decided to check his channel. Much of it was nerdy with a few wholesome vids sprinkled in. In non-Minecraft, there's uhhh.... Doctor Mike, rSlash and SootHouse, Sherpa and Tonka and other dog channels, kekeflipnote, Alan Becker... The list goes on, obv.

With power out (or internet down) and lockdown in effect... I took out a few board games so I could play them with family. I may also have subverted Jenga to build, like, joined towers or office buildings or wavebreakers or bridges.

I won't lie, I'm proud to consider myself strongheaded in some cases. Especially since I spent much of my early life being a complete Yes Man to many things, only to end up with social anxiety. Then there are situations where I wish I had a better grasp on social interactions, mainly being more tactful. Although... there also were times where I've done my best to be understanding and it earned me nothing but scorn in return. I'm sure no decent person would see me as an asshole for being less motivated to have tact.