Shipping Art Made Easy™ Star Spotlight: Sir Shipsalot
Well friends, it's been a very busy time here at SAME™ Studios as we scramble to keep up with the astronomical demand for our hysterically popular Express Shipping™ program. With so many units literally flying off the shelves as if borne aloft by ghostly gossamer wings, even our new factory in Heilongjiang can't keep pace.
So we are both extremely proud and extremely relieved to announce the inauguration of yet another production facility, this time in North Korea. Our brand new Kaesong Pony Love Portrait And Strategic Arms Concern is now manufacturing state-of-the-art, weapons-grade Express Shipping™ packages for export worldwide, allowing us to offer our valued clients the highest-quantity merchandise bayonet-prodding and food deprivation can provide.
At Kaesong Pony Love Portrait And Strategic Arms Concern, Quantity Comes First!
And just in time, because demand for our award-whining product line has reached immeasurable levels that require rooms full of large, beeping, refrigerator-sized computers to calculate. It's like there's an Express Shipping™ customer born every minute!
Which brings us to the focus of today's Star Spotlight.
Here at SAME™ Studios, we've become accustomed to working daily with some of the most talented artists to ever paste little pink ellipsoids onto My Little Pony screencaps, but once in a great while, a talent arises like no other. A creative force so powerful, so primordial, that the earth trembles and the stars shiver at the very mention of its name.
And that name is...
Sir Shipsalot!
In a field dominated by geniuses, Sir Shipsalot is the super-genius. The artist's artist. The master's master. The Picasso's Picasso. The Dali to all Salvadors. The Gogh to all Vans. The Brain to all Pinkies.
When Sir Shipsalot first appeared at our studios, it was a moment of destiny. For you see, his arrival occurred entirely by chance. While en route at a late hour via taxicab to the Paris Gentlemen's Club at 3rd and Main, it developed that our future superstar, then known by the unassuming name of Leonard P. Snodgrass, lacked sufficient funds to complete the journey.
Having been unceremoniously compelled to depart the vehicle, he made his way to our luxurious studios located beneath Lou's Delicatessen here in Paris, seeking first aid for various scrapes and bruises suffered in the course of his abrupt disembarkation.
Upon seeing the many stunning works showcased in our expansive, immaculately-appointed lobby, Leonard took an immediate interest in becoming one of our students. Just one signed high-interest student loan and extended-term indenture later, he joined our ranks.
Leonard immediately distinguished himself, eventually earning the nickname and nom de curseur "Sir Shipsalot", not only for his impeccably noble bearing in the studio and willingness to share generously from his hip flask, but for his prolific productivity and singular ability to romantically pair any living creature, inanimate object or abstract concept.
One of his earliest works, "Amoeba's First Kiss", is considered not only a world-class artistic treasure, but also an authoritative visual treatise on microbiology which won him an honorary doctorate from Elkhart Community College.
Still a first-year student, Leonard continues to work tirelessly, moving up the ranks, routinely producing some of the finest, and most profitable, relationship art available on the gray market today. Yet his accolades are but the barest tribute to his incomprehensible genius, so I will now defer thereto and invite you to feast your eyes on some of the most magnificent images ever to titillate the human retina.
Fillies and gentlecolts, it is my overwhelming and mildly intoxicating pleasure to present...
The Selected Works Of Sir Shipsalot, The Toast Of Paris Indiana
WARNING! SOME OF THE FOLLOWING WORK MAY NOT BE SAFE FOR WORK
But don't let that keep you from experiencing the timeless masterpieces of a legendary artistic leviathan...
Fig. 1: "Please. Not in front of the pets."
Fig. 2: Rainbow's got plans all right, if you know what I mean.
Fig. 3: Pinkie just wants to be loved. Is that so wrong?
Fig. 4: "I have the perfect pet for you. Me."
Fig. 5: No way that ain't real.
Fig. 6: "Trust me. You're going to need these."
Fig. 7: Pinkie's Best Day Ever.
Fig. 8: It's good to be the Princess.
I know, I know. To even attempt to describe beauty of this magnitude with mere words is to profane the very idea of beauty itself, and commit a sin unpardonable though the Muses and Faeries plead passionately yet fruitlessly for divine absolution.
Yes, my friends, this is the work of a true master. A god walking amongst mere mortals.
A god named... Sir Shipsalot.
And now you too can wield the sensual, omnipotent majesty of the world-changing Express Shipping™ program, for the lowest price ever available.*
Just $1099!**
Don't delay. Your place in history is merely a single credit card verification away!
* Price not lowest ever available.
** Price does not include Express Shipping™ program.