slice of life Punch-Out

[Poetic Justice 170]

This is the first fic of mine to be featured on the front page of FIMfiction. As time went on, I made some creative mistakes in the story and lost a lot of audience. I'd like you guys to read through it and tell me what you think. Please tell me what you think on the forums and not on FIMfiction.

 

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/210089/punchout

Edited August 24, 2014 by PoeticJustice

[TechnicolorBrony 5]

the fics are back. I wonder how this is going to end.

[Poetic Justice 170]

the fics are back. I wonder how this is going to end.

? I don't follow. What do you mean?

[Jeric 46,836]

Whoa, this is written 2nd person. I don't see many of those. I'll check it out this weekend and give you an honest story appraisal. If you don't mind my asking - when you say 'mistakes' do you mean with writing?

[Poetic Justice 170]

Whoa, this is written 2nd person. I don't see many of those. I'll check it out this weekend and give you an honest story appraisal. If you don't mind my asking - when you say 'mistakes' do you mean with writing?

Well, there's a key point in the story that the human is physically weaker than the average stallion. While I was writing a chapter, a pony asks him to compete in one of the fighting tournaments in Equestria. My intention was to write the protagonist hesitant to fight because it's a fact that he is biologically weaker. What actually came out was him belittling his species and acting like a brooding person, even though that wasn't my intention. And a lloott of people hated that. There was also a sub plot about the ponies not trusting you enough to leave the castle on your own...that didn't go well....at all.

[Jeric 46,836]

Well, there's a key point in the story that the human is physically weaker than the average stallion. While I was writing a chapter, a pony asks him to compete in one of the fighting tournaments in Equestria. My intention was to write the protagonist hesitant to fight because it's a fact that he is biologically weaker. What actually came out was him belittling his species and acting like a brooding person, even though that wasn't my intention. And a lloott of people hated that. There was also a sub plot about the ponies not trusting you enough to leave the castle on your own...that didn't go well....at all.

 

Well sir, now I'm intrigued!

[Poetic Justice 170]

Well sir, now I'm intrigued!

Good to hear xD I look forward to hearing what you have to say about it.