Review my OC

[Astral Blitzen 469]

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/astral-blitzen-r7750

 

Please review my OC on a scale of 1-10 (on design). I made this thread because all the othe oc review threads went dead > : (, what a surprise.

[Pineapple Bloom 511]

I'd say 8/10. That shade of blue goes well with cream. I haven't really seen many cream-colored OCs. The mane and tail isn't very distinctive but it's hard to tell because it's not in show style.

[Rambling Puppet 22]

I like her design, but I'm curious what her cutie mark does.

 

Really, if I was just going by design, the look of the picture, I'd say 8 or 9 out of 10. I tend to focus on a OC's backstory, so I'm curious about what she would do to get a collar and bone cutie mark. Does she train dogs?

[Snake 516]

I quite like the color choice, cream is wonderful. Her eyes are also unique, reminds me of L or the girl from Watamote.

Nothing else really too distinctive, but I think most everything is on target. She doesnt look too out of place, like a lot of OC's are starting to look nowadays. 

8/10 from me! 

[Handsome Changeling 1,851]

@@Astral Blitzen, 

 

The colour scheme as others have stated are quite a nice mix and overall complement one another quite well, Blue and Cream were a good choice, the blackened eye edges add some unique look to Astral's eyes compared to most other OC's quite normal looking eyes, and her Cutie Mark is very eye catching and makes you wonder exactly what it is she is good at, all in all in MY opinion she looks quite good and I have no complaints

 

9/10 

[Astral Blitzen 469]

I'd say 8/10. That shade of blue goes well with cream. I haven't really seen many cream-colored OCs. The mane and tail isn't very distinctive but it's hard to tell because it's not in show style.

 

Thanks and yeah her mane is isn't too distinct, but it looks good with her xD

I like her design, but I'm curious what her cutie mark does.

 

Really, if I was just going by design, the look of the picture, I'd say 8 or 9 out of 10. I tend to focus on a OC's backstory, so I'm curious about what she would do to get a collar and bone cutie mark. Does she train dogs?

 

I didn't know if she should be a lion tamer in a circus (the chair and whip cutie mark or a caretaker of 2 junkyard dogs xD Her backstory in a nutshell is like this: she's from Maneich, Germaney (get it >.>) her father name's Aas Cadaver (Carrion Cadaver) and he is an undertaker. Her.mother is Ätherisch Blitzen (Ethereal Blitzen), a dream weaver of sorts. She has a lover named Sage Leaf who is a witch and at night turns in to a gargoyle due to a spell gone wrong. Sage became a witch because she is an earth pony and was/is envious of unicorns and pegasi for their abilities. Anywayyys, yeah.

I quite like the color choice, cream is wonderful. Her eyes are also unique, reminds me of L or the girl from Watamote.

Nothing else really too distinctive, but I think most everything is on target. She doesnt look too out of place, like a lot of OC's are starting to look nowadays. 

8/10 from me! 

Thanks, her name is Astral because of her eyes xD

@@Astral Blitzen, 

 

The colour scheme as others have stated are quite a nice mix and overall complement one another quite well, Blue and Cream were a good choice, the blackened eye edges add some unique look to Astral's eyes compared to most other OC's quite normal looking eyes, and her Cutie Mark is very eye catching and makes you wonder exactly what it is she is good at, all in all in MY opinion she looks quite good and I have no complaints

 

9/10 

Aw thanks that means a lot

This is her marefriend and lover Sage http://i.imgur.com/XRrunwXh.jpg

[Rambling Puppet 22]

I didn't know if she should be a lion tamer in a circus (the chair and whip cutie mark or a caretaker of 2 junkyard dogs xD Her backstory in a nutshell is like this: she's from Maneich, Germaney (get it >.>) her father name's Aas Cadaver (Carrion Cadaver) and he is an undertaker. Her.mother is Ätherisch Blitzen (Ethereal Blitzen), a dream weaver of sorts. She has a lover named Sage Leaf who is a witch and at night turns in to a gargoyle due to a spell gone wrong. Sage became a witch because she is an earth pony and was/is envious of unicorns and pegasi for their abilities. Anywayyys, yeah.

Well, then I'd have to give you a 4-5 on the backstory. it's better than the usual 'prince darkblood' character, and you thankfully didn't make her black, or an alicorn. But I don't believe in giving points for not being bottom of the barrel. I also tend to focus on character over pictures.

 

If I saw this description for a fanfic about your characters I wouldn't click on the link. It seems sophomoric, that you're trying to make up for a lack of originality by giving your OC a lot of quirks and traits. Maybe you have a great story behind her, a journey how she is what she is, but at a glance all I see is a goth OC that is in danger of being called a mary sue.

 

I'm just being honest here, not trying to be rude.

Edited February 12, 2015 by Rambling Puppet

[Po-Nonimous 583]

First, I like your color choices. They work well, together. The overall design and rendering are excellent and the character is interesting. I'd give it an 8/10. Keep up the good work.

[Astral Blitzen 469]

Well, then I'd have to give you a 4-5 on the backstory. it's better than the usual 'prince darkblood' character, and you thankfully didn't make her black, or an alicorn. But I don't believe in giving points for not being bottom of the barrel. I also tend to focus on character over pictures.

 

If I saw this description for a fanfic about your characters I wouldn't click on the link. It seems sophomoric, that you're trying to make up for a lack of originality by giving your OC a lot of quirks and traits. Maybe you have a great story behind her, a journey how she is what she is, but at a glance all I see is a goth OC that is in danger of being called a mary sue.

 

I'm just being honest here, not trying to be rude.

That's as much as a backstory I've done so far. Her parents aren't dead, they love astral a lot, she really doesn't have a tragic backstory, she has strengths and weaknesses not just strength. She's not affiliated with mane 6 etc. She has friends who aren't perfect and they all don't look up to her like she's a godess xD. She's made mistakes in her life, her eyes are darkned like that because she has insomnia. 

[NuclearBurg (Dawn) 622]

9/10 I love the design it reminds me of the giant hellhound off of black butler XD

[Astral Blitzen 469]

9/10 I love the design it reminds me of the giant hellhound off of black butler XD

Lol thank you very much xD 

[Dulset Tarn 441]

I'd give a 4/10 so far, but only because even after reading that I feel like I still don't actually know the character at all. More info about her personality would be a great improvement.

[Astral Blitzen 469]

Well, then I'd have to give you a 4-5 on the backstory. it's better than the usual 'prince darkblood' character, and you thankfully didn't make her black, or an alicorn. But I don't believe in giving points for not being bottom of the barrel. I also tend to focus on character over pictures.

 

If I saw this description for a fanfic about your characters I wouldn't click on the link. It seems sophomoric, that you're trying to make up for a lack of originality by giving your OC a lot of quirks and traits. Maybe you have a great story behind her, a journey how she is what she is, but at a glance all I see is a goth OC that is in danger of being called a mary sue.

 

I'm just being honest here, not trying to be rude.

Did you see what I said, Puppet?

[Rambling Puppet 22]

Did you see what I said, Puppet?

Yes, but it doesn't change much about what I said. She might not be a mary sue, I'm still just shrugging my shoulders at her until I see a real backstory. Until then I'm not really impressed, not your fault, I just have high standards. Okay, she has a lover who's a witch, how did that happen? Equestria has witches, how does that work or is she more of an apothecary like Zecora? Does her lover turning into a stone monster put a strain on their relationship? Then there's the more general question of what does her cutie mark mean? How did she get it? Where in Equestria does she live? What are her motivations, her job? Night terrors, from what? All these little questions and more leap to my mind when I see her, and when you say you haven't got a full or even breif background for her, I just see a work in progress, and can't really comment on her quality.

 

I may sound brutally honest, but that's because I'd rather be honest than just say 'OH WOW 10/10!'

[Astral Blitzen 469]

Yes, but it doesn't change much about what I said. She might not be a mary sue, I'm still just shrugging my shoulders at her until I see a real backstory. Until then I'm not really impressed, not your fault, I just have high standards. Okay, she has a lover who's a witch, how did that happen? Equestria has witches, how does that work or is she more of an apothecary like Zecora? Does her lover turning into a stone monster put a strain on their relationship? Then there's the more general question of what does her cutie mark mean? How did she get it? Where in Equestria does she live? What are her motivations, her job? Night terrors, from what? All these little questions and more leap to my mind when I see her, and when you say you haven't got a full or even breif background for her, I just see a work in progress, and can't really comment on her quality.

 

I may sound brutally honest, but that's because I'd rather be honest than just say 'OH WOW 10/10!'

On my oc profile it also says the backstory is incomplete too

Edited February 13, 2015 by Astral Blitzen

[Astral Blitzen 469]

Review the entire thing, or just the look? Let me do both.

 

Entire thing, 3/10. Extremely incomplete and low amount of detail on practically everything. Made up real life-like city of origin. Talent isn't explained.

 

Look: 8/10. The colors go well with each other, but it looks a bit goth and dark which would be kinda scary if it was in the show. Her marefriend should be a separate profile. I also like that she seems to be a lesbian.

 

Sorry, I'm often blunt and harsh.

 

I'll be doing a review shop one of these days. Already got a letter-based rating system decided.

If it's so incomplete, then why the hell are you rating her backstory hm? It's like rating a cake before it's done ffs

[Astral Blitzen 469]

If it's so incomplete, then why the hell are you rating her backstory hm? It's like rating a cake before it's done ffs

Also, different artists, differnt styles.get that through your head. And don't even freaking start on "oh, well she has different cutie marks in different pics hurhur", yeah I know, stuff changes, realise that, it'll do you some good. Oh no she's goth/dark, she's scary, seriously. Anyone who finds her scary needs to man up or something. And she's not goth. Also, who cares if the pics are different, what the cutie marks are different hurhur, like I said different artists different styles.

Edited February 13, 2015 by Astral Blitzen

[Astral Blitzen 469]

Also, different artists, differnt styles.get that through your head. And don't even freaking start on "oh, well she has different cutie marks in different pics hurhur", yeah I know, stuff changes, realise that, it'll do you some good. Oh no she's goth/dark, she's scary, seriously. Anyone who finds her scary needs to man up or something. And she's not goth. Also, who cares if the pics are different, what the cutie marks are different hurhur, like I said different artists different styles.

 

I hadn't even noticed it was two completely different ponies cause I was reading the backstory when I didn't see you didn't want the baackstory included. I was in the middle of editing the post. Like I said I like the design. I still think it's a little goth, but maybe it's just different artists as you say.

 

Yeah, a green maned one is her girlfriend. And I'm still figuring out a cutie mark for astral which is why there are two different ones and sorry to snap,my anxiety was up

[Astral Blitzen 469]

It happens. Thank you for apologizing. I did notice the difference in Marks, but yea I figured the concept and talent wasn't fully done. Keep working on it. It's a good start!

And I wanted to make her a very sliver amount dark

I mean screwball is a show character and she is a crazy ass mofo

I was trying my best to not make her a mary sue ;(

[Astral Blitzen 469]

I understand. I can't really say if she is or isn't though, cause you're just asking for a rate based on the look.

I really need help with the backstory

[Po-Nonimous 583]

@Astral Blitzen

 

As a retired professional I think your work has merit and is well done, considering that the vast majority of people in the world can't even draw stick figures. That being the case you can think of yourself as part of a select relative few in this world who actually do have talent and are working to build and develop their skills. Keep up the good work! Keep on developing! Don't let anyone or anything descourage you!

[Astral Blitzen 469]

I really can't draw, but when it comes thinking things up, I'm good at it

Edited February 13, 2015 by Jeric
Removed quote

[Rambling Puppet 22]

A suggestion: Come up with the character's backstory first. That will tell how he/she will look. Did s/he have a good childhood? What does s/he do? Think of this as constructing a journey toward something, give your character a goal or motto that sums up their way of thinking. How does s/he interact with the world, because no character exists in a vacuum. They are effected by everyone they encounter, their choices may have had unintended consequences. Its these events, these thoughts, this history that gives the character their appearance.

 

The first few OCs I had I always wanted them to end well, to tred some grand, super-awesome path that was leveled with all manner of things I thought were epic. But I learned eventually that less is more. When the normal is... well, normal, the more out of place, fantastical things stand out like monoliths in the desert, and invite curiosity.

 

Don't feel you have over-complicate your OCs.

[Thebluedash 26]

I'm not busy so could I give you a review. This might be very short compare to my other reviews

 

Astral Blitzen

Astral looks very good! Just some minor changes and she would look great. Normally cutie marks match the pony color palette somehow. So I think the collar should be blue. Her eyes color should not match her mane. Here are some alternative recommended eyes colors(will be in hex code) b89345/b85a45/a4b845 any of those should work pretty well

Overall 7.9 out of 10

 

I'm saving the other pony to review on my own forum!

Edited February 13, 2015 by Thebluedash

[Po-Nonimous 583]

I really can't draw, but when it comes thinking things up, I'm good at it

 

I don't think you give yourself enough credit. I saw your work and I think it's good. You have great potential for becoming a great artist someday but not if you give up. I think you also have some interesting ideas and concepts. I always enjoy when people share their artwork and ideas here, it shows me that there are still people in the world who are, at least, trying to do something with their talents.