critique wanted ASK ME ABOUT MY OC

[Batchaction 9]

My OC is an alicorn which i know is controversial but he can be seen as evil because he has a direct confrontation with nightmare moon about who will control the night. he controls power over all known suns in the universe except for one the one that Celestia controls. He uses this as leverage to control the interaction with nightmare moon. when he sleeps its inside a suspended animation with magical barriers which when disrupted teleport him away to another safe planet in the universe.

 

After all the posts in this thread these are the things i've come up with:

 

I started out as a pegasus on an expedition with as an archaeologist and happened upon an ancient amulet of the stars...

 

my name is a play on my actual name

 

if twilight does exist at the same time as me who is to say I've seen her...

 

well if there were RP character you can assume no pony has ever seen or heard of me...

 

transformed because of all the magic energy in the amulet...

 

if a normal pony put it on i suppose the would become a unicorn....

 

I get and take magical energy from them but cant move or manipulate them...

 

when i put on the amulet of the sun my coat turns black and sunburst pattern forms around my cutie mark...

 

1 unit per star if the star yields any power... if not its like an empty vessel...

 

the further the star is away the longer it takes for me to harness the energy...

 

the amulet speeds it up a bit instead of millions of years say decades...and the reason i can control her sun is because she has a link to it...

 

magical energy travels faster than light...

 

Magical physics is a know subject of the equestrian academy... 

 

any pony can join the academy as long as you have exceptional talent...

 

I had a confrontation with nightmare moon before she got teleported to the moon not because i want to control the night but because i want to bring harmony back to the universe...

 

it's a type of physics not taught in the human world but only at the equestrian academy...

 

suns are a form of life that  you may not comprehend unless your one with the universe...

 

The amulet is the source of the power and not completely endless...

 

when i sleep i'm in suspended animation which allows me to project myself to other ponies but not cast spells the barrier and teleportation made were erected by me over years of research so I could place them as wards feeding off my magical energy as i sleep...

Edited December 26, 2015 by Batchaction

[Gestum 2,493]

Why is he so powerful that he can control all the known stars?

 

Also, why does he have a human name?

[Batchaction 9]

Why is he so powerful that he can control all the known stars? 

Also, why does he have a human name? 

 

I started out as a pegasus on an expedition with as an archaeologist and happened upon an ancient amulet of the stars...

 

my name is a play on my actual name

 

• Brohoof This

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[Randimaxis 8,652]

... must... resist... snark...

 

Sorry; I've always believed that OP... is OP.  Period.

 

The light side of me says this:  This is an interesting character, but for all intents and purposes, there seems to be nothing to challenge this alicorn - so where would the fun be in playing him?  Besides, what fun would he be for others to enjoy interacting with?  If he can stomp a hoof and control the universe... then, why is there even a need for any other OCs?  HE can handle it.  The concept is interesting, but I'm afraid you'll have a difficult time actually playing this character; there are ways to fix this, though - and, should you wish, I can help you fix him.

 

The dark side of me says this: Overpowered little [CENSORED] piece of [CENSORED] alicorn nonsense [CENSORED] anyday!  If I could get my hands on the [YUP, CENSORED.] that people think is [OH, THAT IS SO CENSORED], then I would [NO WAY THIS IS NOT BEING CENSORED] after I [GOOD LORD! CENSORED!], and with a monkeywrench, I'd so totally and completely [CENSOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRED] right up their [CENSORED, AS WELL], see if I don't!

 

Not trying to discourage you from making a character; trying to motivate you to make this one better - friends don't let friends make OP OCs.  *hugs*

[Malinter 3,064]

He is no match for my earth pony. Look at those thighs. Typical cake munching alicorn. XD

[Batchaction 9]

... must... resist... snark...

 

Sorry; I've always believed that OP... is OP.  Period.

 

The light side of me says this:  This is an interesting character, but for all intents and purposes, there seems to be nothing to challenge this alicorn - so where would the fun be in playing him?  Besides, what fun would he be for others to enjoy interacting with?  If he can stomp a hoof and control the universe... then, why is there even a need for any other OCs?  HE can handle it.  The concept is interesting, but I'm afraid you'll have a difficult time actually playing this character; there are ways to fix this, though - and, should you wish, I can help you fix him.

 

The dark side of me says this: Overpowered little [CENSORED] piece of [CENSORED] alicorn nonsense [CENSORED] anyday!  If I could get my hands on the [YUP, CENSORED.] that people think is [OH, THAT IS SO CENSORED], then I would [NO WAY THIS IS NOT BEING CENSORED] after I [GOOD LORD! CENSORED!], and with a monkeywrench, I'd so totally and completely [CENSOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRED] right up their [CENSORED, AS WELL], see if I don't!

 

Not trying to discourage you from making a character; trying to motivate you to make this one better - friends don't let friends make OP OCs.  *hugs*

 

Well you should maybe think it through and read the posts, thats wat this forum is all about if you would like to know more about my OC then all you have to do is ask....

Edited December 25, 2015 by Batchaction

[Swish and Flick 63]

Why are you so over powered?

 

Why are you mary sue?

 

Why does your history sound like one thousand other ponies? 

[Batchaction 9]

He is no match for my earth pony. Look at those thighs. Typical cake munching alicorn. XD

 

well I never claimed to hate the earth in fact i love the earth and believe in harmony... don't forget i'm about to make you a gif...

Why are you so over powered?

 

Why are you mary sue?

 

Why does your history sound like one thousand other ponies? 

 

Well i'm not too over powered...that's a matter of opinion...

 

I don't know what mary sue is....

 

I'm new to the community...

[Malinter 3,064]

Moving all stars is a pointless power so makes being an alicorn to do it equally pointless.

 

No Alicorn can defeat Twilight. End of story. No saves, No continiues. End of Story.

 

I could quite easily wreck your OC by making mine just link with the Tree of Harmony because that superceeds an alicorn's power in the show (If I wanted to, ofc XD)

 

Give him a power that makes him relatable or interesting and not stupidly overpowered.

[Batchaction 9]

Moving all stars is a pointless power so makes being an alicorn to do it equally pointless.

 

No Alicorn can defeat Twilight. End of story. No saves, No continiues. End of Story.

 

I could quite easily wreck your OC by making mine just link with the Tree of Harmony because that superceeds an alicorn's power in the show (If I wanted to, ofc XD)

 

Give him a power that makes him relatable or interesting and not stupidly overpowered.

 

Well i never mention moving the stars...

 

if twilight does exist at the same time as me who is to say I've seen her...

 

I'm not sure about the tree but i do know trees need light to grow...

 

again not overpowered... just a matter of opinion

[Malinter 3,064]

it is over powered, Twilight with the power of 4 alicorns struggled to lift the sun, Your talking about moving a galaxy or two's worth of them all by himself. Its complete nonsense. 

 

he controls power over all known suns in the universe except for one the one that Celestia controls.

That is called "moving the stars" buddy.

Edited December 25, 2015 by Malinter

[Batchaction 9]

it is over powered, Twilight with the power of 4 alicorns struggled to lift the sun, Your talking about moving a galaxy or two's worth of them all by himself. Its complete nonsense. 

 

That is called "moving the stars" buddy.

 

well that is controversial in itself... if i said i was moving the stars then you might be correct...

[El Duderino 879]

OK. Seeing this as overpowered IS just a matter of opinion, but A LOT of people will probably have that opinion. 

 

What I have gathered from this thread so far is that your OC is a god-like character. I don't completely hate alicorn OCs, but most of the time they are not very well done. Now, his "star powers" don't actually seem TOO overpowered (it still is a little OP) because it doesn't seem like it would come in handy very often. However, that fact that he can control ALL STARS means he has to have god like powers unlike anything seen in the show. 

 

Honestly, I think it would seem a little less OP is you straight up said that he is a god, or at least demi-god, because that is the type of character you seem to have created. Then it doesn't seem like you are giving god powers to a normal alicorn (because even though alicorns are powerful, they are not gods).

 

If you disagree with this, then please come up with some way to balance his powers

[Batchaction 9]

OK. Seeing this as overpowered IS just a matter of opinion, but A LOT of people will probably have that opinion. 

 

What I have gathered from this thread so far is that your OC is a god-like character. I don't completely hate alicorn OCs, but most of the time they are not very well done. Now, his "star powers" don't actually seem TOO overpowered (it still is a little OP) because it doesn't seem like it would come in handy very often. However, that fact that he can control ALL STARS means he has to have god like powers unlike anything seen in the show. 

 

Honestly, I think it would seem a little less OP is you straight up said that he is a god, or at least demi-god, because that is the type of character you seem to have created. Then it doesn't seem like you are giving god powers to a normal alicorn (because even though alicorns are powerful, they are not gods).

 

If you disagree with this, then please come up with some way to balance his powers

 

Well i feel his powers are very balanced...because he controls power from the stars but started out as a pegasus....

Edited December 25, 2015 by Batchaction

[Malinter 3,064]

 

Well i feel his powers are very balanced...because he controls power from the stars but started out as a pegasus....

 

 

You might want to read up on the definition of "balance". Lets look at this another way. Why do you need to make your OC an alicorn with an star moving fixation... ignoring the Fact that Luna is Princess of the Night so the stars in the Sky are really her business and not yours.

[Batchaction 9]

You might want to read up on the definition of "balance". Lets look at this another way. Why do you need to make your OC an alicorn with an star moving fixation... ignoring the Fact that Luna is Princess of the Night so the stars in the Sky are really her business and not yours.

 

OK well balance is equal and that is I... i already told you i don't move the stars... as well Luna is princess of the night not master of stars so be creative....

[Swish and Flick 63]

 

You might want to read up on the definition of "balance". Lets look at this another way. Why do you need to make your OC an alicorn with an star moving fixation... ignoring the Fact that Luna is Princess of the Night so the stars in the Sky are really her business and not yours.

 

OK well balance is equal and that is I... i already told you i don't move the stars... as well Luna is princess of the night not master of stars so be creative....

 

 

Oh for bucks sake, if you don't want actual Critique do not post a topic with [Critique wanted]. Your clearly only making this thread because you had the idea that people would give your OC some great compliments etc. When every single person who has posted is telling you of it's flaws and giving advice, your just retorting with nonsense just makes me lose any respect for this that I had. 

 

I've been around the brony community in general a long time and there IS a thousand other OC's like yours because many people lack imagination so they just make them as powerful as possible. 

 

-Breathes-  :scoots:  If you want an actual explanation as to why people don't like this type of OC these are all the reasons: 

 

-Mary Sue- 

 

 

 

Generally, as I see it can mean over powered and the fact that it just ruins roleplays. I have been in waaaay to many light hearted decent roleplays where someone has waltzed in with their OC called 'Demonbloodlunakiller' or something awful along those lines and tried to dictate how the RP is going because they think their all powerful, or their character is so dumb and unrepeatable no one can RP with it. 

 

 

 

-No imagination- 

 

Characters like this have no imagination, let me prove it. I am making up this OC as I type it.

 

My new OC will be called Singulatiry, his cutiemark is a black hole. He has the power to control gravity and has the ability to move anything he wants , including planets and starts.  When hes angry he can spontanouesly create a black hole which can only be shut if he defeats an alicorn in a duel, he has already defeated every alicorn however so this means he needs to go back in time to defeat them again otherwise the whole galaxy will die. He has all black fur, a red mane with lightning aura surrounding it, bat eyes with an evil purple glow. He his over 9 feet tall, extremely handsome, muscular and popular among everyone.

 

It takes alot more work to make a character that is relate-able believable and likeable.

 

 

 

-Weird Design- 

 

Human Glasses / human hairstyle / beard? A cutiemark that looks like Pewdiepie brofisting the moon, comon, nough said on that front. 

 

 

At the end of the day an OC is often a reflection of the person making it, it is your own character and it can be what you want. But if your going to make an OC like this and be so defensive when people tell you the truth, it doesn't really end well 

[Batchaction 9]

You might want to read up on the definition of "balance". Lets look at this another way. Why do you need to make your OC an alicorn with an star moving fixation... ignoring the Fact that Luna is Princess of the Night so the stars in the Sky are really her business and not yours.

 

beyond my view of balance... for the 3rd time i don't move stars... 

[Randimaxis 8,652]

Okay, hold up folks - let's NOT turn this into a flame war here...

 

Let me try putting it like this:  If there were other OCs in the RP this character was in, what would their role be?  How would THEY be important to the story?  What would THEY be able to accomplish that James couldn't?  Where would the fun be for THEM?

 

These are questions that need to be asked when you create a character and have to figure out where he fits into the world.  I have seen a number of roleplays that fall on their faces because there was ONE OP original character, and nopony else had anything to do.  

 

As far as seeming like I'm attacking - I swear, I'm not.  Since you keep mentioning to ask about him, then for the sake of being fair about this, I shall ask:  Might I possibly get a bit more information about this character?  Maybe a short version of his history and a list of his abilities?

 

And to the rest of you, I respectfully ask that you perhaps put away the spears and boiling oil; Batchaction did state that they were new to this, so as RPers it's technically OUR job to try to help them along.  Love and tolerance, folks.

[Batchaction 9]

At the end of the day an OC is often a reflection of the person making it, it is your own character and it can be what you want. But if your going to make an OC like this and be so defensive when people tell you the truth, it doesn't really end well 

 

Well obliviously your very opinionated... but beyond that i see the truth... your hate goes so far as to demean other OP ponies but doesn't really read into my story...

[Malinter 3,064]

But you said he does in your opening post. >_<

 

For example: Why don't you make him an alicorn who's good a building? Like maybe the architect of the Royal Sister's old castle? Using magic to create a castle is an interesting and creative power and would certainly be something an alicorn could do but it isn't so over-the-top as bending the cosmos on his own.

Edited December 25, 2015 by Malinter

[Batchaction 9]

 If there were other OCs in the RP this character was in, what would their role be?  How would THEY be important to the story?  What would THEY be able to accomplish that James couldn't?  Where would the fun be for THEM?

 

Might I possibly get a bit more information about this character?  Maybe a short version of his history and a list of his abilities?

 

well if there were RP character you can assume no pony has ever seen or heard of me... I am important to the story because i have a direct confrontation with nightmare moon... As far as accomplishing what i couldn't that'

s yet to be said... FYI that's all of the fun...

[Swish and Flick 63]

 

At the end of the day an OC is often a reflection of the person making it, it is your own character and it can be what you want. But if your going to make an OC like this and be so defensive when people tell you the truth, it doesn't really end well 

 

Well obliviously your very opinionated... but beyond that i see the truth... your hate goes so far as to demean other OP ponies but doesn't really read into my story...

 

 

I have read your short story and dont know what I am supposed to gather from it    just an overpowered stereotypical alicorn as I said before.  I am not demeaning others peoples OC's...   . You need to learn what Critique means. 

 

critique

krɪˈtiːk/

noun

 

1. 1.

   a detailed analysis and assessment of something, especially a literary, philosophical, or political theory.

   "a critique of Marxist historicism"

   synonyms: analysis, evaluation, assessment, appraisal, appreciation, review,write-up;

    

    

   People are giving you their views, I gave you a detailed analysis which is what you ask for when you ask for Critique, next time make a topic stating that you just want compliments on the OC. I understand that you might view me / us calling your OC overpowered as being harsh or attacking, but wouldn't you prefer the truth? If this is intended for roleplay there will be very few if any people that will allow such a character in. 

[Batchaction 9]

But you said he does in your opening post. >_<

 

For example: Why don't you make him an alicorn who's good a building? Like maybe the architect of the Royal Sister's old castle? Using magic to create a castle is an interesting and creative power and would certainly be something an alicorn could do but it isn't so over-the-top as bending the cosmos on his own.

 

Well to say the least your ideas are good... but as i said in the intro i have power over the suns not the ability to move them...

I have read your short story and dont know what I am supposed to gather from it     just an overpowered stereotypical alicorn as I said before.  I am not demeaning others peoples OC's...    . You need to learn what Critique means. 

 

well because i reply to your critique doesn't mean that i'm not aware and accepting ... and loving every minute...

[Swish and Flick 63]

 

But you said he does in your opening post. >_<

 

For example: Why don't you make him an alicorn who's good a building? Like maybe the architect of the Royal Sister's old castle? Using magic to create a castle is an interesting and creative power and would certainly be something an alicorn could do but it isn't so over-the-top as bending the cosmos on his own.

 

Well to say the least your ideas are good... but as i said in the intro i have power over the suns not the ability to move them...

I have read your short story and dont know what I am supposed to gather from it     just an overpowered stereotypical alicorn as I said before.  I am not demeaning others peoples OC's...    . You need to learn what Critique means. 

 

well because i reply to your critique doesn't mean that i'm not aware and accepting ... and loving every minute...

 

 

Loving every minute of what?