What Did I Do Wrong?

[AmbientBeat 27]

Okay, I uploaded one of my most ambitious projects ever on Fimfiction.net, but within the first day of it being published, it got 10 thumbs down. It currently keeps that score, along with another thumbs down Inaccidently gave it and two thumbs up. I can't link the fic since it's VERY NSFW, so I'll give you the specifics.

The fic is what would happen if Skins met My Little Pony. Twilight Sparkle finds herself in 2015 Seattle and in the company of an ensemble cast of really bratty teens, each one having their own unique problem. Each chapter equals one "episode". Each episode is focused on one of the teens, and the ponys' involvement in their private lives. It's a mixture of teen drama and science based horror. While the horror part is not the main drive of the story, it is the reason behind Twilight's arrival on Earth, and has to do with my recent existential anxiety and interest in noetic sciences. Basically, it supports the theory that several universes occupy the same space, just under different frequencies, and that our "souls" are capable of traveling between them. Of course, my fanfic is not advertising the concept, as I use it for paranoia inducing purposes. I'm not going to go into details other than that it has to with beings from another dimension using this to trigger a doomsday scenario. Of course, I haven't gone into that yet in the story.

Other than that, the non horror story is a darkly humorous clash between Equestrian and Earth cultures, filled with music references, influenced by Neo noir films and art movies, but the most apparent influences are Skins and Life on Mars.

If you want to read it, my fic is called Runaway, Houses, City, Clouds, named after the Tame Impala song.

[ISleepNow 20]

Like the use of the same space, different frequencies angle.  You might like to check out the book Co-Evolution by Alec Newald sometime

Edited February 8, 2016 by ISleepNow

[Evilshy 5,090]

That means that whoever read it, disliked it and decided to rate it negatively.

I do not have a Fimfiction account, but from what I hear, people can be pretty harsh on there.

 

They could have disliked it for a number of reasons, but you shouldn't be upset.

You did not do anything "wrong".

Well, if he wanted people to like it, he's clearly done that wrong

 

Both teem drama and horror are very hard to write well. Without having read it, I'm guessing you tried to take some psychological route with some characters? Again, super hard to do well, really easy for the characters to come across as one dimensional, whiny, unlikable, etc.

Hell, just look at Catcher in the Rye. Widely thought to be an amazing book with a very well written main character, yet many people (myself included) just see Holden as a whiny, elitist asshole.

 

Horror is hard to do through writing, as well, especially in this day and age where most of our horror also comes with sounds and visuals. I'm not really sure how to explain it, but its hard for a writer to make a reader imagine things that are actually scary, since fear is very physiological.

 

So if you're writing teen drama horror, you're going to have a very hard time both ways.

[El Duderino 879]

Well, some people will dislike fics just because they don't like the concept. Those people are jerks, but it happens.

kind of like how some people will dislike a four score fic just because it is a four score fic.

 

That doesn't mean this is the case with your story, but it happens.

 

Either way, you did nothing wrong. No one liked Vincent Van Goghs paintings at first, but now he is considered one of the best of all time.

Edited February 8, 2016 by El Duderino

[Ziggy + Angel + Rain 11,302]

I'll preface this with the admission that I don't care for fanfics in general, and I especially don't care for the kinds that seemingly throw a bunch of unrelated things into a blender and hit "frappe."  That being said...

 

Did you even consider writing your piece as a non-pony story?  Some Brony authors have what I consider a terrible habit of shoehorning ponies into absolutely anything; regardless of whether or not the piece works best as a pony story.  Sci-fi horror meets teen drama meets...  Ponies?

 

Why?!?

 

Yes, I realize that FIMfiction is a site devoted to Friendship is Magic fanfiction.  But sometimes an author will have what is essentially an interesting idea...  And then bend it every which way to make it fit a preexisting fanbase.  Don't do that.

 

Start from scratch.  Reinvest the most fundamental elements of your story into a piece that contains nothing but characters and worlds YOU create.  Then submit the rewrite to deviantART or some such site.

[RattPitt 172]

There's a surprising amount of people on FiMFiction that can be, for lack of a better word, dicks. I've seen a few groups that downvote almost everything by a specific author, in a specific genre, or about a certain concept. If you have other stories, I suggest keeping a close eye on them.

 

It sounds like the story's mature. I've heard of people that downvote mature fics just because they're not clop or Cupcakes or Rainbow Factory-like grimdark fics. My only mature fic might be a victim of this, since it's my most downvoted story. Like I said, people on FiMFiction are just dicks.

[AmbientBeat 27]

I'll preface this with the admission that I don't care for fanfics in general, and I especially don't care for the kinds that seemingly throw a bunch of unrelated things into a blender and hit "frappe."  That being said...

 

Did you even consider writing your piece as a non-pony story?  Some Brony authors have what I consider a terrible habit of shoehorning ponies into absolutely anything; regardless of whether or not the piece works best as a pony story.  Sci-fi horror meets teen drama meets...  Ponies?

 

Why?!?

 

Yes, I realize that FIMfiction is a site devoted to Friendship is Magic fanfiction.  But sometimes an author will have what is essentially an interesting idea...  And then bend it every which way to make it fit a preexisting fanbase.  Don't do that.

 

Start from scratch.  Reinvest the most fundamental elements of your story into a piece that contains nothing but characters and worlds YOU create.  Then submit the rewrite to deviantART or some such site.

Thing is it was molded around the fact it was about ponies. It's actually a remake of an older fic I made. After a couple years I wanted to flesh out the story more. Everything that happens in the fic is caused by the ponies' mere presence.

[Jest (Inactive) 875]

If you linked your fanfiction, if thats allowed, it would probably help people to point out what is wrong with it x) 

[AmbientBeat 27]

Note that I'm not as upset as I am curious. I mean, none of the people who disliked it left a comment as to why, so Im wondering if it has to do with the way I handled certain situations in the story or if it's just writing style. Since the fic is far from over, I need criticism so I can improve the story in future chapters.

And I can't link it as it's NSFW.

[Kapitan zur See Hans (Daz) 883]

I don't have much constructive advice to give as I do believe there are a great many people who do downvote for reasons where it should not be downvoted. Some of the best fanfics that are very well written and contain what is required to be a good writing get hundreds of downvotes. It is opinions of course, but there are those who will down vote it just from the genre/concept.

 

 

Note that I'm not as upset as I am curious. I mean, none of the people who disliked it left a comment as to why, so Im wondering if it has to do with the way I handled certain situations in the story or if it's just writing style. Since the fic is far from over, I need criticism so I can improve the story in future chapters.
And I can't link it as it's NSFW.

Nevermind, I missed that last line...

Edited February 8, 2016 by Commissar Twilight

[AmbientBeat 27]

I'll give a link to my account for those interested. http://www.fimfiction.net/user/BoCpony

 

My story should be on there, along with another flop that became so because it was a satire of Mary Sue fics and nobody got the joke

[Courageous Thunder Dash 7,824]

Teen drama and horror are perhaps the hardest things to write right, as stated by @Evilshy, because many times they come out quite cheesy. Sadly, this equals them being disliked...

[Taialin 217]

@@AmbientBeat

I am a resident regular on Fimfiction, and I know my way around there, so I'll see what I can do to give you some constructive criticism. First off, what everyone has said so far is true: Fimfiction is somewhat a more judgmental community than this one, and if someone sees a topic that they don't necessarily like, they may very well downvote it with no explanation. It's one of the vagaries of that community and, frankly, one of the vagaries of a writing community in general.

 

Lemme first preface that by doing this, I'll be putting on something of an asshole hat. I'm not a cynical person, but I'll put myself in the point of view of those cynics who've disliked your story and attempt to explain why. I apologize in advance. 

 

(I have no knowledge of Skins.)

 

First impressions are very important in a story; if people don't see promise in your story within the first few paragraphs, they'll leave quickly and give you a downvote at the same time. Your first impression was . . . mixed. The world you cast is definitely interesting and begs for more expansion, but let me show you some snippets that may have people leave your story early. You might think I'm nitpicking, but these are real and significant issues that may turn off potential readers to your story before they get a quarter of the way in:

 

• Among the innocent civilian group were a mother hugging her 12 year old son . . .
  • It's not this specific part that's the problem, but you fall into a classic novice writer's mistake of LUS: Lavender Unicorn Syndrome. The son is called "little man," "boy," and "mini dude" in less than 200 words. That you made this mistake so early in the story and so significantly doesn't bode well for the rest of it.
• "Dear Dad, I missed you the moment you went on the plane to San Diego. I never knew you wouldn't ever be back, and that I'll be missing you for the rest of my life. I was always told youd come back from Afganistan, but now you can't, or more like, you Afghcantistan. Thanks, dad. I told you  you should have gone to Saudi Arabia instead, but wrong country I guess. I assume the war will end by 2009, so need not worry. Humans aren't that bad."
  • I see a lot of problems, here. A 12 year old's lexicon is not this complex and generally never ironic—it doesn't sound like a 12 year old at all. Rather, it sounds like you, the author, and that's not a good thing. Plus, realize that the situation you put your characters in this early is pretty melancholy and somber. Jesting about "Afghcantistan" is not in good taste however it is done, and talking about visiting the "wrong country" is an grave, grave insult to those people who've actually had people die in those countries. I understand that you may want to characterize the boy in this way (something of a sociopath), but you need to add more characterization before this to make your readers care about the characters. At the moment, it just seems like a really poorly put together speech. And I really don't care about whoever this "boy" is, either. You haven't elaborated enough.
• It was a rather boring day in Equestria. Twilight Sparkle entered the halls of Canterlot Castle, greeted by Cadence.
  "Hi, Twilight! You were here sooner than expected!"
  "What's the problem?"
  "We've been getting strange threats from an unknown pony," Cadence responded with a sudden change of mood.
  "We can't find the culprit."
  • I call this problem "talking heads syndrome," and it persists throughout the story. Filling most of your story with dialogue can work, but this is the beginning of a scene. And you yourself call it "boring." I find it boring too. Boring enough that I can't bring myself to care much about what happens next. There are ways to describe a boring day, but this isn't one of them.
• Twilight looked out a window. Canterlot looked beautiful during Spring, with all the newly bloomed flora and trees.
  Twilight noticed she was getting sidetracked and got back on the current topic.
  "Do you have any clue on who might have sent those threats?"
  "Not at all. Shining multiplied the security measures but I feel that might not be enough. That's why I called you here. We need you to decode these-"
  • This is supposed to be . . . foreboding? Scary? Dark? I don't really feel it. You've not described how Twilight or Cadance feel about this situation whatsoever. She's just . . . talking. Like she would over a cup of tea. There's no sense of urgency. They don't seem tense about this at all. They don't seem concerned. All we have are these lines of dialogue that I don't really believe and your readers probably wouldn't believe, either.

Anyhow, hopefully those notes give you some points on where to improve and why you've received such a poor rating so far. Overall, what I really need is more development. I didn't feel engaged while reading this story, and I really didn't have a reason to care. The first section, for instance, while about 300 words long so far, could easily be swelled to three times that length. Describe the situation; describe the feelings, describe the people, describe the mother, describe the boy and his odd choices.

 

Whew. Can I take off that hat now? It's uncomfortable.  Again, I'm not normally that cynical, but you asked for where those downvotes came from, and I gave you my best answer. There is definitely promise in the dark situation and the later action, but you have to convince your audience to care about the characters before any of that story can happen. That's why you received all those downvotes from those readers: you haven't convinced them.

 

Hope that helps!

 

~Tai

 

[SilverStarApple 849]

There's a surprising amount of people on FiMFiction that can be, for lack of a better word, dicks. I've seen a few groups that downvote almost everything by a specific author, in a specific genre, or about a certain concept. If you have other stories, I suggest keeping a close eye on them.

 

It sounds like the story's mature. I've heard of people that downvote mature fics just because they're not clop or Cupcakes or Rainbow Factory-like grimdark fics. My only mature fic might be a victim of this, since it's my most downvoted story. Like I said, people on FiMFiction are just dicks.

Correct. Especially those groups that claim to simply collect badfics... but their authors just happen to make it onto the personal shitlist of almost all the major players in that group.

 

OP? I've read your fic, and... I can't really say anything that Taialin hasn't already said. Follow his advice.

Edited March 10, 2016 by SilverStarApple

[Buck Testa 5,505]

Horror/Grimdark fics tend to get the downvotes a lot on Fimfiction even when you give all the proper warnings and tags. There are people who just feel the need to thumb it down just because they don't like the themes. 

[Fluttershyfan94 5,742]

Welcome to fimfiction, where hopes and dreams are crushed. Nah, but seriously many bronies are rather sensitive about the whole nsfw thing so they may just have disliked it purely based on that.

[Idris 241]

The likes and dislikes on fimfiction are only for giggles. Only the comments mean anything. Ignor the dislikes, they are less than worthless.

I say 'giggles' because it's fun to write a troll fic and watch the hate clicks roll in

 

Proof that dislikes on a story are worthless; I had a bad ratio on my 8000 word story. Lost Narrator did an audiobook of it and bingo, more likes than dislikes. It's the same story?

 

Anyhoo, I say; write what you love and screw everyone else.

Plus editing the text takes longer than writing the piece if you want to impress folk.

[Ra1nbowCrasH 272]

Horror/Grimdark fics tend to get the downvotes a lot on Fimfiction even when you give all the proper warnings and tags. There are people who just feel the need to thumb it down just because they don't like the themes.

 

That's a thing? I was aware that some people downvoted stories because of they don't like the author, but I hadn't heard about people downvoting just based on the theme.

 

I'll give a link to my account for those interested. http://www.fimfiction.net/user/BoCpony

 

My story should be on there, along with another flop that became so because it was a satire of Mary Sue fics and nobody got the joke

 

After reading your parody fic that flopped, I can tell you that it's not because they didn't get the joke. The story is just overall poorly written... If that was intentional, why are you complaining? If not, you should read other satire stories and learn from their writing styles. Writing something that is physically painful to read and has nothing resembling a plot and then calling it a story does not make is a story. While it does have some elements of satire (ridicule and exaggeration), it has no irony at all, which is a staple of the genre.

 

One thing an author should avoid, unless writing about politics, is soap boxing in their writing.

 

We never find out Cadence's parents are a stallion and a transgender mare in the show because America is filled with homophobic aholes.

 

To get money she joined the Equestrian Tea Party and earned a million bits stealing from the lower class and cutting minimum wage to 2 bits an hour, causing a recession in all of Equestria #capitalism.

If you're going to put your political views in stories, at least try to be subtle about it. In addition to this, all the characters die randomly for reasons that make no sense.

 

I get the jokes you're trying to tell, but  I'm not 7 years old, and don't find poop and diarrhea to be absolutely hilarious. People got the joke, they just aren't funny... like at all.

 

I'll get back to you with a critique of your other fic.

 

I'm sorry if I'm being harsh, but it's because I want people to improve as writers.

Edited April 16, 2016 by Ra1nbowCrasH

[Anonymous Old User Who Has Left 599]

Rule 1 of Fimfiction: If it's NSFW, most people won't like it. No exceptions. Sorry to burst your bubble but it's a fact. But screw the haters and keep writing! Do try to keep NSFW writing to a minimum though.

[Buck Testa 5,505]

 

 

That's a thing? I was aware that some people downvoted stories because of they don't like the author, but I hadn't heard about people downvoting just based on the theme.

 

Oh yeah. Some of the most downvoted stories I have are dark in nature, even though I have others that barely have any dislikes that deal with more comedy themes.  

[Kapitan zur See Hans (Daz) 883]

Rule 1 of Fimfiction: If it's NSFW, most people won't like it. No exceptions. Sorry to burst your bubble but it's a fact. But screw the haters and keep writing! Do try to keep NSFW writing to a minimum though.

I wouldn't say that, a great deal of fictions that contain a moderate to abundant amount of NSFW are highly popular. It just depends on the rest of the story in combination with NSFW(NSFW alone usually does fall into the category of being disliked by most). By abundant I mean like every other few chapters or so.

Edited April 16, 2016 by Guardsman Moondancer

[Anonymous Old User Who Has Left 599]

I wouldn't say that, a great deal of fictions that contain a moderate to abundant amount of NSFW are highly popular. It just depends on the rest of the story in combination with NSFW(NSFW alone usually does fall into the category of being disliked by most). By abundant I mean like every other few chapters or so.

 

hmmm I see. Sorry about that. 

[Kapitan zur See Hans (Daz) 883]

hmmm I see. Sorry about that. 

Nothing to be sorry for haha. I am just weighing in from what I have seen. Hell the second listing in the "Hot" list on FIMfiction is an NSFW one lol.

 

Quite a few in the popular reel too. Though you are definitely right about there being people who will dislike anything containing NSFW. I say never downvote unless it is about the quality of the fic. If NSFW isn't your thing don't read it and let those who do enjoy it vote(Unless the author clearly gives warnings as to what chapters contain NSFW. Which in that case read away).

 

Edit: I just can't spell today or have proper grammar.

Edited April 16, 2016 by Guardsman Moondancer

[Ra1nbowCrasH 272]

Oh yeah. Some of the most downvoted stories I have are dark in nature, even though I have others that barely have any dislikes that deal with more comedy themes.  

Dark stories can be hard to write well, some come off good, others come off as the ramblings of an edgy teenager. It all depends.

 

Edit: just looked at your fimfiction page, your second most liked story is dark. The one with the most downvotes is tagged "Dark" "Gore" "Sex" and "Horror" generally sex doesn't go well with those other tags unless they are unrelated in the story.

Edited April 16, 2016 by Ra1nbowCrasH

[Buck Testa 5,505]

Dark stories can be hard to write well, some come off good, others come off as the ramblings of an edgy teenager. It all depends.

 

Edit: just looked at your fimfiction page, your second most liked story is dark. The one with the most downvotes is tagged "Dark" "Gore" "Sex" and "Horror" generally sex doesn't go well with those other tags unless they are unrelated in the story.

The sex and gore are only implied though, which probably got some of the down votes because some people were expecting...another kind of story... its more of a psychological horror than anything.