critique wanted Wanting critique for my OC

[WhisperingDreams 16]

Hello! I'm here cause I want to ask for a review on my OC, Night Frost.

 

Night frost is a female bat pony with a talent for taming mythical creatures, she is also the very first my little pony oc I made.

 

I want honest critique since I want Night to be the best she can be.

(Base was used for the body but everything else was by me)

 

Anyways here's her personality and backstory, please note that I will be wording them both better later.

 

Born in Manehatten to two bat pony parents (one pure, one half pegasus), she was bullied for being 'different and a blank flank'. So Night Frost's parents decided to move to Ponyville after hearing how friendly it was, however the only house available was near the everfree forest. They at first chose to wait for a new house to be built but in the end moved in when informed that monsters usually don't go near the edge, it was also cheap and they could move in straight away.

 

One night, Night heard cries for help coming from the everfree, curious, fearful but drawn to the sound she wandered into the forest searching for the source. A timber wolf stuck at the bottom of a crevice was what met her, Night was eventually able to get it out by causing a landslide. The wolf ran free not bothering to even look at her but that was when she realised she was lost.

Night Frost wandered the forest crying and calling to her parents, but then she was suddenly attacked by a manticore, it let out a roar and she could understand it! Fuelled by adrenaline Night bucked the manticore in the face and scolded it, she then strictly but gently ordered the manticore to take her to Ponyville, it did and that was when she earned her cutie mark and found her talent, taming mythical creatures.

 

When she was 14 she was awarded with the job and title of monster controller, Nights parents moved out of the house and gave it to her for job convenience.

 

 

 

Rash, likes making people laugh but becomes withdrawn with people she doesn't know, Night loves thrill rides but refuses to do anything that will risk her life for things that are 'just because it's fun'.

She enjoys reading every now and then and at times can be a couch potato. Night can be very cautious and sometimes wimps out of things if they scare her.

She cares deeply for her friends and hates to betray them.

Night almost never cries from pain, just an odd little thing about her.

Night can also be very forceful without realising and gets irritated easily if someone constantly pushes her into doing something.

 

She sometimes gets bouts of depression but Night pushes those thoughts and feelings down as quickly as they come up. Night usually only gets 'it' when she has nothing to do or is alone. She knows she should get help but she can't, she's afraid to.

 

That's about it please leave you thoughts down below! If you were wondering about the depression thing, I don't have depression I added it in there because I thought it would make Night Frost more interesting. Honestly I wasn't sure if I should add it in but it's nothing reallt serious so I thought it would be fine ^^;

[FullmoonDagger 200]

Really, she's quite correct I love her color scheme, it fits the bat pony race really well, and the cutimark is well designed, and it's always a pleasure to have such cute moon horses c: (I love bat ponies)

Her backstory is really OK and cool, such as her personnality.

I really like her

Here, I drew this for you

[Melted Dog 161]

Like above, a really good batpony OC. You shoul consider entering her in a few RPs O.o

[Sunny Fox 5,950]

Hmmm. The timberwolf encounter seems superfluous to the backstory... why not have the manticore being trapped, Night Frost frees it and then it turns  on her... that would be worth a definite scolding, and all else follows on from there.

[Memory Lane 131]

Well for what my opinion is worth, I find Night Frost to be a very fine character. Unlike some characters, I can see her being bullied because she's of an uncommon race. Being a "Blank Flank" is only icing on that cake. If anything, I'm only disappointed her encounter with the Timberwolf didn't go anywhere. Since I knew she could tame mythical creatures, I half expected her to call upon it for help when she was attacked by the Manticore. Oh well... either way, well done.

[WhisperingDreams 16]

@FullmoonDagger

Glad you like my OC ^^ and you didn't have to draw her! But either way she's really cute >_< so thanks!

 

@Melted Dog

I have her in one RP called casual stroll

 

@Solarfox

Thanks for the feedback, I'll be changing the timber wolf portion

 

@keyclipse

Thank you for your review ^^ As I said above I'll change the timber wolf portion

[95% Chance 78]

Hmmmm... Everything here seems pretty solid! The only thing that's a bit jarring to me is the color of the outline. I mean, I'm by no means telling you to change it, but it just seems somewhat out of place in an otherwise well-designed character.

 

My eyes might be broken, but I think I'm seeing a slight gradient in her coat, which is a bit weird. Like I said, you don't have to change it, but as it seems the artwork is show-styled, you may want to look into it a bit.

[WhisperingDreams 16]

Hmmmm... Everything here seems pretty solid! The only thing that's a bit jarring to me is the color of the outline. I mean, I'm by no means telling you to change it, but it just seems somewhat out of place in an otherwise well-designed character.

 

My eyes might be broken, but I think I'm seeing a slight gradient in her coat, which is a bit weird. Like I said, you don't have to change it, but as it seems the artwork is show-styled, you may want to look into it a bit.

Hmm I'll experiment with the outline for a bit, oh and your eyes aren't broken there definitely is a gradient

[Plume 922]

Just some design pointers here:

• For the MLP art style, the outline colour is normally darker than the body (except for black obviously)
• I would also suggest lessening her colours a little - she's got a lot going on for one pony. As it stands, she's cute, but the slight differences in her colours is a little jarring. Try changing her cutie mark so the snakes are the same colour as the light blue in her hair, and the eye is golden like her actual eye (or vice versa - orange snakes, blue eye). The mane might look better with the navy blue as the streak instead of the straight black. 

Maybe something like this? Forgive the messy lines and shoddy colouring - it was a very quick sketch.

 

 

 

 

Edited May 22, 2016 by MiniKirby123

[Crystal Vision 583]

Just some design pointers here:

• For the MLP art style, the outline colour is normally darker than the body (except for black obviously)
• I would also suggest lessening her colours a little - she's got a lot going on for one pony. As it stands, she's cute, but the slight differences in her colours is a little jarring. Try changing her cutie mark so the snakes are the same colour as the light blue in her hair, and the eye is golden like her actual eye (or vice versa - orange snakes, blue eye). The mane might look better with the navy blue as the streak instead of the straight black. 

Maybe something like this? Forgive the messy lines and shoddy colouring - it was a very quick sketch.

 

 

 

 

 

Yeah, I agree.

You do have many colours in her design. It's easier to stick to a simple colour scheme that's pleasing to the eye.

 

The scarf also, if you are to keep it, it should be a blue or something, not a red as it's introducing yet another colour.

 

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Also, how she was named Monster Controller.. why not Beast Tamer..

Monster controller is good.. but it just sounds a lot less... friendly? I mean, she's using the creatures for help, not controlling them like Sombra did with the Crystal Empire ^^;

 

Making the Manticore in trouble sounds better than a timberwolf.

 

I also find the Depression bit not really needing to be there? I mean yes, she was bullied when young.. but you could make her as if it didn't bother her? She seems like a strong character, seeing as she tames creatures so I feel the depression wouldn't bother her. (what doesn't kill you makes you stronger!)

 

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Heh, hope she doesn't encounter my little creature of a ponysona XD

Edited May 23, 2016 by Crystal Vision

[Teavvi 627]

Great job! I can give you a few tips to drawing your OWN base.

Well, one, I do not really like to trace, use other people's bases, I don't watch any videos, and I can make it look like my own artwork.

For example, I guess you can look at a certain picture for help. But DO NOT trace.

You need it to be your own artwork.

Some ways you can make the anatomy/body/base really good is you can look at a picture draw. It goes on and on.

[cuteycindyhoney 13,306]

I like the look of determination on her face. She could have come across as scary, but I think she looks really cute!

[El Duderino 879]

Very good. I thin the backstory could use some work. I wouldn't have both the timberwolf AND manticore in the same story. Kind of a lot for one small story. Others have already said that. I love the color scheme, but something seem off. Maybe the color of the outline. I would make that darker. I think someone already said that too, so there is really nothing that hasn't been said that I don't like.

 

Other than that, she's awesome. Good job.

[evilblacktigress 7]

love it soo much. it is so awsome. i dont think it needs anything doing to it. it is perfect