Thoughts, Suggestions, and Feedback for fanfic idea. Please?

[Rainbow Sparkle 70]

I recently got an idea into my head that I absolutely had to write down, and I'm wanting both feedback and help with working on the idea so I could turn it into something great.

 

Here's the summary for the story, which is currently titled "The Drums of War"

 

1000 years ago, the native human tribes of Equestria and Kara-den Kum united together and joined Nightmare Moon’s alliance to reclaim the lands they had lost to wars with Equestria. After the war, Celestia forcibly divided their confederation, forced the humans in Equestria to resettle, and sent their force back home in disgrace, leading to centuries of civil war and chaos in the land of Kara-den Kum.

 

Now, a charismatic and powerful lord known as Berker Yunus has once again united the many kingdoms and cities of Kara-den Kum, and he has decided that the best way to cement his rule and unite this new empire is by showing the Equestrians that Kara-den Kum has not forgotten their past defeats.

 

 

The idea in my head for this human civilization is to make them a psuedo-Turkish civilization, with some stuff I or other people come up with to make them unique. I'm wanting to model how they are in the prologue (which takes place after the final battle between Celestia's forces and allies and those of Nightmare Moon is ended by Celestia's use of the EoH) after the Turkish tribes of Central Asia and those of anatolia. I then wanted to base the human empire Yunus forges 1000 years later on that of the Ottomans at their height.

 

One thing I've figured out already is humans and magic. Unlike most of the other races, magic in humans is a rare, rare gift, and those that are born with it are considered near-divine, and are generally quickly conscripted into the Sihirbaz Toplum (Mage Society) which is separate from the various human kingdoms/tribes/ or the empire. There, they either are trained in the ways of combat and become powerful arcane mercenaries which the Toplum leases out to those who can afford them, or they are trained in the realm of what they call "Divine magic" (eg, healing magics) and effectively become priests that work for the entire realm, for a small fee to the Toplum of course.

 

Anywho, any thoughts, suggestions, or any sort of feedback or help are much appreciated. I will make sure that If I ever actually get to writing this, I will give credit to ALL who helped out, even if it was only a bit

[WingMcCallister 368]

It sounds like you already have a really well-defined story brewing here, and I think that is a great sign of future success. My suggestion would merely be to avoid the rut of many revenge stories by adding dimension to the human characters. If their motives are solely about revenge, then it just makes things look very 1D. Just like America during the Revolutionary War, there were different sides and factions permeating society. Today, we act like things were completely united, but the reality could not be farther from the truth. I think having this aspect reflected in the human civilization you are creating would make it all the more dynamic. Even that suggestion is moderately irrelevant. You seem prepared. I look forward to reading it.

[Rainbow Sparkle 70]

It sounds like you already have a really well-defined story brewing here, and I think that is a great sign of future success. My suggestion would merely be to avoid the rut of many revenge stories by adding dimension to the human characters. If their motives are solely about revenge, then it just makes things look very 1D. Just like America during the Revolutionary War, there were different sides and factions permeating society. Today, we act like things were completely united, but the reality could not be farther from the truth. I think having this aspect reflected in the human civilization you are creating would make it all the more dynamic. Even that suggestion is moderately irrelevant. You seem prepared. I look forward to reading it.

 

Well, revenge is going to play a focal point in this, but there will be some depth. For example, while Emperor Yunus want's to conquer all of Equestria and beyond (power hungry king and all that) some of his advisers simply wanted them to take back the northern portion of Equestria that they lost when Nightmare Moon was defeated, or to just defeat Equestria and get some form of reparations and an apology for causing 1000 years of warfare between the various tribes/kingdoms etc. There will also be some who don't approve of the war, though they still may not be found of the Equestrians.

[WingMcCallister 368]

Well, revenge is going to play a focal point in this, but there will be some depth. For example, while Emperor Yunus want's to conquer all of Equestria and beyond (power hungry king and all that) some of his advisers simply wanted them to take back the northern portion of Equestria that they lost when Nightmare Moon was defeated, or to just defeat Equestria and get some form of reparations and an apology for causing 1000 years of warfare between the various tribes/kingdoms etc. There will also be some who don't approve of the war, though they still may not be found of the Equestrians.

 

Good luck. I'm sure it will be awesome.