500 Word Fanfic Challenge -- VOTING

[Ashbad 969]

The time has finally come! It is time for everyone to read through the entries submitted to the 500 word fanfic contest and make a decision on what your top 4 favorites are. For those who don't know what the content entailed: participants had to enter a piece of fanfiction about the My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic universe that used at most 500 words. Not the easiest set of requirements, huh?

 

A list of all valid, entered stories are below.

 

Please read through as many of the stories as you can before voting begins. The stories are very entertaining and fun to read through, so you'll enjoy it anyways.

 

Voting begins on Friday, 8/24/2012, to give all members the chance to read through the entries before voting to ensure they vote in an educated manner.

 

Feel free to discuss your favorites below, and give critiques and praise. Please keep things civil, do not demean someone or say nasty things about their story, everyone who entered put hard work into their stories and they're all great. If you're going to give critiques, please try to be as specific and helpful as possible.

 

 

 

COMPLETED ENTRIES:

 

 

List of completed entries:

 

 

Finesthour/Crona/Incognito

 

Spike cleared his desk of all unwanted items that blocked room for his elbow so he could continue to write on the parchment that laid flat in front of him. Picking up his trusty quill, he began to move the tip once more. He had remembered what Twilight told him to put down, as she was not here at the moment. She told him that she was extremely busy, and needed some alone time in her room. Being the trusty assistant he was, Spike did not question her motives in the slightest. He wrote:

 

Dear Princess Celestia,

 

Today I learned that you need to take care of your friends, even if you barely know them at all.

 

Today I am going to help Big Macintosh with his problems, thanks to what I have learned.

 

I hope I can make him feel very good.

 

Your Faithful Student,

Twilight Sparkle.

 

After Spike finished writing, he spat his green fire out at the parchment, and it was sent away to the Princess herself. After it disappeared and the smoke vanished out of the window, he began to think about what exactly he just wrote. He thought to himself,

 

“What exactly did she mean by making him feel better?” Being the lad he was, Spike could only think of impure things, so he decided he needed to find out himself. Jumping off of the chair at his desk, he began his trek to Twilight’s room. Slowly he stepped up the stairs that led to her room, careful not to bring attention to himself. He knew that her door would most likely be closed, but he did not want to take any chances.

 

Once he reached the top of the stairs, Spike exhaled his breath, which gave him great relief. She did not hear him walk upstairs, so he could now find out exactly what she was doing. He used the very tip of his clawed feet to lightly walk to her door, panic rising in his chest. If she caught him eavesdropping, he could be in a lot of trouble! But the moment that he reached her room, his panic skyrocketed.

 

From inside the room, Spike could hear a voice screaming,

 

“Yes, take it Big Mac! How does it feel to be beaten so bad! You love it when I do this, huh? Feels good, say it!” Another voice called out to hers,

 

“Eeeyup!” Spike had heard enough. He put his claw on the handle of her door as fast as he could and swung it open. Much to his shock, he found Twilight and Big mac in the center of the room, sweaty as can be. As Spike ran into the room, he could see them both playing Go fish, with cards spread around the room. Twilight looked up at Spike as he came into the room with shock apparent on his face. She said to him,

 

“What’s the matter Spike? I’m just making Big Macintosh feel better!”

 

 

 

NLR Soldier

 

Prison Cinema

 

The old woman shook the rain off of her white fur coat as she walked into the nursing home. The receptionist, a young woman woman just out of school, stood when she recognized the visitor. She opened her mouth to offer a greeting, but the old woman silenced her with a wave of her hand. Removing her luxurious outer garment, she handed it to the receptionist, then silently walked past her.

 

In another setting, the old woman would have chastised herself for treating anyone so dismissively, but on evenings such as this one, it was all she could do to maintain her composure. She dreaded coming here, but forced herself to make the journey once a year. As she approached an unmarked door, an armed guard stood up, removed his hat and muttered “Your--”

 

“Leave us” she snapped, cutting him off abruptly. He nodded silently, unlocked the unmarked door and left. She swallowed hard, and tried to stop her fingers from trembling as she reached for the door knob.

 

The room behind the unmarked door was dark, and as the old woman entered and closed the door behind her, it took a moment for her eyes to adjust. As she did every year, she found the room’s lone occupant -- a frail woman who had once been beautiful -- sitting on the bed, facing away from the door. As always, she was silently gazing through the barred window at the rainy night sky. If she was aware of her guest, she gave no indication of it.

 

After a long silence the older woman spoke, her voice just above a whisper. “I don’t know if you ever listen to me when I visit, but...” She stopped herself to steady her shaky voice. “After the fire, well...” she cleared her throat and continued “...I couldn’t bring myself to believe you had been hurting all that time, but I think I finally understand why you did it.” A long pause followed, with the older woman standing by the door, and her sister quietly gazing out the window. “Why didn’t you just talk to me?” She slowly shook her head in dismay before adding “Even now...why don’t you just talk to me?”

 

The room was silent, but for the faint pitter patter of rain on the thick clear plastic of the window.

 

Unable to stand it any longer, the old woman opened the unmarked door and turned to leave. Glancing back one last time she whispered “It was not easy to convince them to transfer you here. I just hope you understand that everything I’ve ever done was to protect you.” With silence as the only reply, she left the room.

 

She walked past the guard, who muttered “Your Majesty” and politely bowed his head. She took her fur coat from the receptionist and walked back outside into the rain. Glancing over her shoulder at the Crescent Moon Retirement Home, she whispered “Happy Summer Solstice, dear sister.”

 

 

 

Eljordo

 

Mare on the Moon

 

Luna lies awake upon the barren rock, set adrift amongst the beautiful night sky. Her

night sky. The night used to be her domain, but it mattered little to her.

 

The nights no longer greet her with a courteous beauty, but only with loneliness and

despair. She gazed at the night sky as she lost herself to her own thoughts. Her night sky

was truly a beautiful sight, but it was nothing with no one to share its marvels with. Her heart

begins to ache at the sight of a certain blue marble, floating peacefully among the stars. It

almost seemed surreal, knowing that it was so close, yet will always be just far enough

away to taunt her with the life she could be leading.

 

Luna could not bear to look upon her once wonderful home, knowing that it will

remain just out of her grasp. She gently buries her head between her front hooves, trying

her best to suppress the tears.

 

Her thoughts were her only companion, and she would get lost in them easily.

She dreamt of walking through a plane of freshly cut grass, the warmth of the sun

lovingly embracing her as she enjoys the peaceful summer morning. A soft wind gently

graces her face as she is greeted by the ponies around her; young and old, lovingly they

held her. The sound of fillies playing and the birds singing brought joy into the soul of the

Princess of the night.

 

She opened her eyes, only to be greeted by the barren rock and the cold,

unforgiving night. Her eyes swelled with tears as her world crumbles around her. She yet

again must cope with the knowledge that never again will she feel the loving embrace of

another, nor enjoy a simple breeze of summer air.

 

Luna turned her gaze again towards her former home, resting in the night sky. She

begins to speak.“I can only pray that you forgive me my sister. I have wronged you, and for that I am truly sorry.”

 

A lone tear trickles down her face as she lets out a soft sigh.

 

“I would trade all of my immortal gifts in an instant, just to halt this wrenching pain in

my heart. Just to feel the touch of another, to witness they’re smiling faces…”

Luna continues to choke back the tears.

 

“I hope that someday, somehow, I will be loved as you are. I wish to never feel this

empty ever again. Maybe… Maybe somewhere, a loving embrace waits just for me…”

 

 

 

Resolution

 

Thinking

 

 

Princess Cadence was sitting in her spiral tower, reading a dusty old book on the Lunar Republic and Solar Empire, called ‘Celestia – The Misunderstanding’. Cadence was waiting for her friend, Luna, to get here so she could (attempt) to learn how to raise the moon. In return, Cadence would attempt to show Luna her love spell. Luna said she had some royal business to attend too and would be there by 2:00. Right then, it was 1:56. Cadence let out a low sigh. Luna was always late. She went back to her book. She almost tore the book into tiny pieces at her feet from what she was reading.

 

“Chapter 1 : The Great War

Princess Luna, Sister of Princess Celestia, was very upset that her sister had gotten a pet Phoenix, but hadn’t had the time to get Luna one. Because of this, Luna created a secret organization of ponies that hated Celestia and wanted to bring down her tyrannical rule. They named themselves the ‘Lunar Republic’. In turn, Celestia made the Solar Empire. The two raged on, war after war. Around 1000 years later, Luna refused to raise the sun. Naturally, Celestia had to do something about it. She gathered the Elements of Harmony, and defeated her sister. As you can see, some call her a tyrant, but she was just doing her job – defending Celestia. The real di** is Luna. She started this whole mess. Please, call 1900-NoMoreLuna if you wish to put Luna back on the moon.

Chapter 2 : A False Friend

About a year after coming down from the moon, Luna needed a partner in crime to help defeat her sister and rule Equestria under her tyrannical rule. As much of you should know, the wedding of Princess Mi Amore Cadenza and Shining Armor has taken place. Well, Princess Luna saw opportunity at this. She called the Changeling Queen, Chrysalis, up and told her to take over Canterlot, and she would help. She helped the changeling attack! Well, after the changeling act failed, she needed more help. So she turned to the wife, Princess Mi Amore Cadenza to help her. They became the best of friends. But, little does Cadence know, Luna is using her-”

And that’s all Cadence read before tearing that book into pieces. She stormed down the spire, echoes of her stomping residing in the castle. Once she got to the bottom, the innocent face of Princess Luna was before her.

 

“You-!” Cadence yelled, throwing the book in Luna’s face. Luna rubbed her face wicked fast, and looked at the book. She picked it up, and flipped through the pages. She looked up at Cadence, a frown on her face.

 

“Well?” Cadence asked.

 

“Look at the author.” Luna replied, pointed toward the bottom of the cover.

 

The name ‘Shining Armor’ was etched there.

 

Cadence screamed, and grabbed her cell phone. Luna stared.

 

“Uh, what are you doing with that-?” Luna asked.

 

“1900-NoMoreLuna.” Cadence replied, her cell phone up to her ear.

 

 

 

~Chaotic Discord~

 

The Odd Couple

 

“Like dominoes, Tia. Cute, amusing dominoes.”

 

Though the voice taunting her from behind danced about in Celestia’s head like a bad migraine, the pony princess stood tall and firm, gazing out the shattered remains of a palace window. The gaping hole in the once beautiful painted glass now opened up a view of the streets of Canterlot below. Screams of horror and confusion traveled through the air in shrill tones, as the once stuck-up noble ponies of the city ran for their lives, pursued by animated objects of various sizes.

 

“It wasn’t hard,” the spirit of chaos reflected, completely unperturbed by the anarchy outside and floating about in the air. “Your ponies have some very glaring weaknesses, Tia. I was rather saddened; I was done with all but your scholarly student before they even got to the center of the maze.”

 

“You will not win, Discord. You cannot stop them with your tricks.” Celestia spoke abruptly, digging a golden-decorated hoof into the tiled floor. Her gaze demonstrated both sorrow and hate. Her kingdom, her subjects, her everything; it was burning to the ground right in front of her eyes. Not flames of smoldering wood and straw, but of god-like magic, turning the peace and harmony on its head. The mother of Equestria, alienated from her own people, unable to help them, or to save them.

 

She no longer commanded his kryptonite. To her, Discord was untouchable.

 

“Oh come now, Tia, there’s no need to huff and puff…that is, unless you plan on blowing my house down.” Discord mused, his serpentine body coiling around the princess’s. His large oafish face leveled with the majestic pony, and their eyes connected firmly. While Celestia shot daggers of pure loathing, Discord gazed back with maleficent glee.

 

“Your precious ponies have no chance, my dear.” The wizard of mayhem stated merrily, using a single claw to twirl the end of Celestia’s mane teasingly. “Even your most faithful student has given in; I saw it with my own eyes.”

 

“You underestimate the power of connection and friendship, Discord. You always did.” Celestia seethed, all at once vanishing in a burst of golden magic. A moment later, she reappeared across the room, by the wide open hallway doors. While Discord flipped his wound-up body around to look at her, the princess glared to him with a knowing frown.

 

“I have already taken measures against your tricks. Twilight Sparkle will never let her friends down, and you will do well to remember that. There will always be harmony in the souls of ponies, and it can never be extinguished by the likes of you.”

 

“Honestly, I come all the way up here to keep you company and all you can do is give me speeches.” Discord pronounced with a heavy sigh, making a silent gagging motion. “Very well then, Tia. As it so happens, I have a throne to attend to. I bid you good day.”

 

In a burst of white light, the spirit was gone.

 

Celestia smirked.

 

 

 

Bronynonymous

 

Long ago in a land called Equestria, there existed a force of evil known as “Discord”. A equine named Celestia alongside her sister Luna, had waged a war against Discord spanning centuries. Discord knew he was outmatched, and also knew that sooner or later he would be overpowered. Discord wanted to make sure that before he was overthrown, that he had spread as much chaos and confusion as possible.

 

Discord dropped his plans of evil and began a journey, searching for a being chaotic enough to fulfill Discord’s dreams of chaos. His searches took him all over the globe, but all Discord found was disappointment. For no being on this planet could live up to his high expectations. Discord didn’t give up, he took his search to other words, spanning the universe. Each world Discord visited left him sorely disappointed. After visiting thousands of worlds, Discord was about to give up. His search had ultimately gotten him nowhere and only prolonged the inevitable. He decided to search one last world before returning to Equestria and to his defeat.

 

Out of all the worlds Discord had visited, this one reminded him the most of Equestria. From the blue seas, to the green and spacious lands, it definitely looked like Equestria, and Discord hated it. Discord began studying the sentient life from this world. And what he saw brought him so much joy that a tear came to his eyes. He noticed these beings were truly chaotic and evil. These creatures had wars where bloodshed was a common and accepted loss. There were hungry adolescents starving and dying each and every day. In this world existed deviants who would ask for pleasure and if they did not receive it, would take it forcefully. Oh, Discord was pleased indeed. So, Discord took thirteen beings from this world and transported them back to Equestria, believing that his dreams would be made into fruition.

 

The creatures he abducted protested, they wanted to go back to their world, and they pleaded with Discord, saying that they would do anything. Discord told them that he would take them back, if they spread as much chaos as possible upon the land of Equestria. Discord unleashed all thirteen creatures into Canterlot. Quickly the beings created chaos, kidnapping, enslaving, even killing some ponies. Celestia saw this and readied a spell that would destroy the beings and the world they came from.

 

There was one lone assailant that approached Celestia when she was not looking. His knife readied to bite into Celestia’s flesh. But before he could put his knife in her back, an adolescent creature intervened, stepping in the path of the knife, and dying. Celestia saw this and felt a mixture of sorrow and hope. This simple act of kindness made Celestia change her mind. She transported every foreign creature back to their original world, and sealed their world off from Equestria forever, so they would never meet again.

 

 

 

russelshy

 

one day in ponyville fluttershy was taking a stroll in to town when all of a sudden she realized her family was coming to ponyville (fluttershy) oh dear my family will be here soon then she flew as fast as she could when she got home she saw angel(angal angel angael idk ill go with angel) the bunny tapping his foot impatiently when he saw fluttershy racing twards the semi messy home (fluttershy coming to a stop says) oh my angel you dust ill get the books soon after she started there was a knock on the door (fluttershy) who is it (unknown voice) its us (fluttershy) one second she started to panic her family was there she said to angel softly ill stall them you clean here ok angel crossed his arms in disaproval then she said you wouldent even do it for carots angel looked at her his eyes narrow then he opened hi eyes is arms unfolding and smiling (fluttershy) good then she opend the door slowly hi mom hi dad hi russellshy hi the family said in unisen (fluttershy) we should go to shugger cube corner now like right now theve got a new cupcake i want to try and youll love it mom the color is blue your favorite (mom) well that does sound nice lets go when they arive at shugger cube corner pinkie pie greets them with her party canon surprize your the hundreth people to walk in this door when she blew the party canon it frightened fluttershy she droped to the ground and yelped when she got up from the ground she said pinkie you remember my parents (pinkie) yea mr and mrs shy how are you hi russ your so big how old are you (russellshy) im 13 years old (mr shy) we heard you have new cupcakes (pinkie) *gasp* pinkie smiled and said my blue boom cupcakes will make your taste buds expload with flavor (fluttershy) they wont realy exlpoad will they (pinkie) no silly if they did i wouldent have ate five already ok pinkie well take 4 please okey dokey lokey then she went in the kitchen when she came out (#472) pinkie had 4 blue cupcakes on 4 plates here thats 4 bits please (fluttershy) here you are when tey got back to fluttershys place she opened the door the end of part 1 it had to be 500 words sorry its a cliff hanger i gots to follow rules i thanks for reading if you want more then ask

 

 

 

MallaJong1

 

A Thousands Years of Friendship

 

"Hey, Princess Luna. What are you doing all the way out here?"

 

Spike noticed a dark, elegant figure standing still within the bounds of the Royal Canterlot Gardens. The iluminescence radiating from the graceful night of orb shone upon the tall allicorn in ease. A simple yet utterly ethereal scene presented itself to the young dragon as he inched ever closer. The Royal Princess of the night was quite beautiful this fine evening.

 

"Young Spike, We did not sense you." Luna turned her head, slightly startled out of her reverie. "May We ask why you are not partaking in festivities at the reception party?"

 

Spike brushed the air in front of him. "Ah, they're all having fun out there. They don't need me right now."

 

"Why do you believe there is no need for your presence?" The dark allicorn inquired.

 

"No, it's not a matter of being needed or not, Princess. I'm actually here because I was trying to get away from the noise for a bit. You know, for some peace and quiet." Spike assured with a smile.

 

"We understand, Young Spike." Looking downcast, Luna muttered in melancholy. "A change of atmosphere can do good for the soul, one might mark. A completely new environment..."

 

Spike immediately noticed the morose tone of the Princess's words. "Princess, mind me for asking, but is everything okay?"

 

The glow from Luna's starry, ever-flowing mane served as a mesmerizing centerpiece to the opaque setting.

 

With a tear sliding down her cheek, Luna sniffled. "Young Spike, it's just so hard. We-we still feel isolated in such a modern world. The times are so difficult for a being who's dwelled on the moon for one thousand years!"

 

In the middle of the precious gardens, the Royal Princess lowered her head and cried. Spike, shocked by such a development, found himself acting without much thought.

 

For the young dragon suddenly held the allicorn's head near his chest. As he softly carressed Luna's mane with an open hand, Spike whispered. "It's alright, my Princess. I'm here for you. And I'll always be here for you."

 

Tears continued to slide down the dragon's scaly chest. "Wh-what you speak of is -"

 

"I'll always be here for you, Princess." Spike held up Luna's head and stared gently into her eyes. "I can live for over a thousand years, remember? We can experience the changes of time together. Because, no matter what, I'll support you the entire way."

 

And, in a moment filled with both friendship and magic, he kissed her. As their lips came apart, Spike spoke. "I apologize, Princess. I don't know what came over me. I-I just couldn't see you cry any more."

 

Luna's eyes studied the dragon, a light visible and expansive within them. "Please, call me Luna."

 

The moon maintained its humble spotlight for the two in the middle of the garden. And like the odd pair staring at each other below, the moon smiled.

 

End

 

 

 

cuteycindyhoney

 

An Unaccountable Problem

By Honey Moon

 

 

 

“Who?” the voice insisted as Spike wearily opened his eyes. “Who?”

 

“Spike the Dragon.” He muttered sleepily as rolled over. “Spike the SLEEPY dragon!”

 

“WHO!” Strong talons gripped the blanket covering the slumbering dragon, and gave a tug.

 

With a sharp spin, Spike tumbled from his snug bed onto the wooden floorboards. “Owlicious, what gives?” he protested while rubbing his tail. “It’s still night time! I thought you were supposed to assist Twilight while I was sleeping!”

 

The owl gave a final hoot, and with a flap of his wings headed down from the loft into the library proper.

 

Spike shook his head. He got up and headed for the ladder. Was something wrong? When he went to his nice soft beddy-bye, Twilight had been engrossed in her studies, trying to condense the true meaning of friendship into five hundred words or less. One look told him that things weren’t going awfully well for his scholarly friend.

 

The purple unicorn looked up when she heard a sound. “Oh Spike! This is terrible! How can I summarize the magic of friendship in fewer than five hundred words? The Princess is going to be so disappointed in me! Who knows what her punishment would be for such a failure!”

 

“WHO?” the owl hooted.

 

“Exactly!” Twilight buried her face in the pile of crumpled scrolls on her desk. “What if she really sends me to magic kindergarten this time?” She looked up and let out a sad little moan. “What will happen then?”

 

Spike looked at his beloved friend and sighed. Twilight’s eyes were rather bloodshot, and had taken on a sort of wild appearance. Her usually neat and tidy mane was in a distinct frazzle. This looked like a bad one! “Twilight, calm down! I’m pretty sure the princess was only teasing when she suggested a word limit. You do tend to get long winded when you write, after all.”

 

“I do not!” The exasperated pony began trotting around the room. “I just carefully explain each and every point. I must be sure the reader understands!”

 

Spike climbed onto the desk and looked at one of the scrolls. “This looks okay. How many words is it?”

 

Twilight cringed. “Five hundred and twelve! Oh Spike! What if the Princess dismisses me from my post as librarian in Ponyville? What if I never see my friends again?”

 

Spike picked up the discarded quill, and began rapidly reading over the document. “It is apparent…That is why…You will note…” The dragon clicked his tongue and dipped the quill into the ink.

 

“Spike, what are you doing?” cried Twilight. She closed her eyes and concentrated. In a burst of magic she teleported six feet, and arrived at the desk a fraction of a second sooner then if she had just walked. “That’s my best attempt! Why are you marking it all up?”

 

Spike smiled and held up the corrected document. “Five hundred words exactly, not counting the title and author line! Twilight, you really should use contractions!”

 

 

 

Blue

 

“Quite the party, eh?”

 

We took our presence to the balcony outside the vivacious celebration of the chamber; one which existed for reasons that escape my memory.

“‘Quite’ is the least of words I would use to describe it.” said I.

 

“Indeed. And I intend to liven things up a bit more…” replied my friend. He held up a medium snifter of some fluid, noir as night.

 

“What is that?”

 

“Here, take a sip.”

 

He offered his glass, and I took a whiff. Immediately I was aghast at its acrid spirit.

“Hf! So SALTY, that must be 50%! Where did you GET that?”

 

“It’s Soy. I asked the headwaiter.”

 

“Soy. At 7:30 in the evening.”

 

His eyes fixed non-straight but hungrily at the dancing assembly just inside the door. The twists and whirls of so many delightful mares in their enhancing dances and myriad conversations amongst all the other guests had so thoroughly engaged his gaze.

 

“Blueblood my friend, the night is not the only thing young in there. Besides, I had to get something to suit the gown. See that dark damsel over there on the right?”

 

My friend gave a subtle point to one mare standing near a few of the other stallions from the day guard. Her shadowy dress stood out quite vividly from their bleached coats.

“Yes, Black Gleam or something like that. Actually she’s the reason we’re out here- have you smelled her perfume?”

 

My friends eyes drifted upwards somewhat.

 

“Ravishing, isn’t it? I’ve smelled it before; it’s called something-Panther I think.”

 

“It made me nauseate, it smells like machine oil.” I regarded flatly.

 

“I know, it’s intoxicating.”

 

If only the exp<b></b>ression “yellow” referred to stupidity instead of cowardice, then Pole’s looks might match his wits- I say so facetiously because he IS my best friend, but at times I really wonder why.

 

“Do you think I stand a chance?”

 

Oh not this again. And here I was hoping we’d be able to see that florist I wanted him to meet. There’s always next week I suppose.

“Northy, if there’s anypony in Canterlot that stands a chance at making a foal of himself, it’s you.”

 

“Courage!”

 

“Luck!” He gleeful, I sardonic, held up our glasses and punctuated the cheers with a clink. I took another sip of my vino, but he gulped his entire poison whole, remarking with a throaty exhale. It reeked.

 

“There now, your brain will presently match your breath.”

 

“Come now Blueblood, you’re supposed to wish me charisma!”

 

“And you were supposed to meet me at Marigold’s tomorrow morning.”

 

Promises give way to tradition I suppose. He turned and started back inside.

 

“Touché. Well, fare-thee-well, Blueblood- I shan’t know when next we meet!”

 

And away he disappeared into the mix of the party once again, leaving me in the cool calm of the balcony’s solace. Out of all the things that he might wake up with tomorrow morning, I knew for certain that among them would be a splitting headache.

 

 

 

MoonFeather

 

The heavy rain fell from the sky like the pegasi were tap dancing on the rain clouds. It was a miserable day in Ponyville. The clouds were as dark as burned cotton candy, the wind as cold as a windigoes heart.

 

I was scanning the Foal Free Press in search of anything that could lead to a case when Ms. Sparkle came in with some fresh coffee. She filled the cup and sat the pot on a filing cabinet in the corner.

 

“If that’ll be all Mr. Spike, I think I’ll be off for the day. There’s still some work for Princess Celestia that I need to do.”

 

“No problem, Ms. Sparkle. It’s been slow, I’m sure I can handle it on my own.”

 

She began walking toward the door, “There is one pony that just came in and would like to see you. She wouldn’t tell me what it was about, but if you’d like to speak with her I’ll let her know.”

 

“Send her in,” taking my feet off my desk I tossed the paper aside. I never could understand why all the stories in it seemed to concern students at the local school. I knew this could be a slow town for a gumshoe, but finding out which student had stolen the apple off Cheerilee’s desk wasn’t exactly the kind of work I was looking for.

 

I straightened my tie and polished my claws against my jacket when the door opened and she walked in.

 

She was a sultry dame with a coat as white as virgin snow. Her sapphire eyes were tepid pools of sorrow. A perfectly coifed mane framed her immaculate face.

 

She was a dish of sweet strawberries and clotted cream and my mouth watered as she sauntered over to my desk. Whatever the case was I knew I would take it, just to give myself one more moment to bask in her beauty.

 

“Oh Spike, it’s horrible! You simply must help me!” her voice tremored as she spoke, tears sparkled in her eyes. “My most precious gem, the Everfree Emerald, has gone missing!”

 

I stifled my excitement as I realized that here before me stood not only the most beautiful pony I’d ever seen, but at last, a case worthy of my talents. I leaned forward on my desk. She gave a sniff as she fought back tears. “You’re my only hope. You will help me, Spike, won’t you?” she reached out a hoof and placed it softly over my claw, “Spike?”

 

“Spike…. Spike! Are you listening to me? I need you to take a letter to the princess! Seriously, ever since Rarity came by an hour ago it’s like your mind isn’t even in the same town as you. What goes on in that head of yours?”

 

I looked around at Twilight’s library as the threads of my fantasy dissolved like gossamer. I pulled out my quill, ready to take a letter, happy to know Twilight would never know just what did go on in my head.

 

 

 

Zoop

 

A tired sigh erupted from the freshly parted lips of the lavender mare as she sat alone in her library, shattering the silence that had permeated the room so perfectly just scant moments prior. She had been trying - struggling, really - to forestall the inevitable, despite knowing all too well that it was a fool's errand, doomed to failure from the start.

 

Sometimes, she mused to herself, you just have to accept reality - no matter how much it may run contrary to your hopes, desires, and wishes.

 

Another sigh, accompanied this time with a wave of melancholy that poured over her as though it were some manner of violent tidal wave. This wasn't how she wanted things to turn out; her plans had been perfect, her schedule immaculate - everything had fallen into place so perfectly, with but a single exception that had been thrust upon her, entirely outside her control. She had thought it but a minor detail, barely worthy of long-term notice, but now... now she realized that it had been all for naught. Her scheduling, her planning, her meticulous pre-preparation check-list, all of it had been laid to waste, rather magnificently at that, by a single little detail.

 

Her lips parted once more, releasing this time not a tired sigh, but a wavering groan of vague irritation at her present predicament. Her face shifted into a frown as her thoughts began to shift into a new direction, her earlier stubborn refusal to give in now being replaced with a growing sense of defeat, one that she did not seem able - or now particularly inclined - to shake.

 

Her horn flared to life for a brief moment, flooding the dimly lit room with a pale purple light as she harnessed her vast reserves of magical power for the mundane task of snapping the book she had been reading but moments prior closed with startling ferocity, before tossing it haphazardly to the side, sparing it not even the briefest of second glances. She'd pick it back up and place it in its proper spot on the shelf in the morning, she thought, glancing out a nearby window at the night sky above Ponyville, knowing full well and without a single shred of guilt that it would most likely be her assistant that would end up returning the book.

 

She yawned deeply, before rising up from her seated position and moving toward her bed. She had been looking forward to finishing the most recent Daring Do novel tonight, but had been distracted by an expectedly unexpected visit by one of her best friends; though it hadn't been a long visit, it was enough that she was able to blame it for her inability to finish her book on time - an issue that would have a cascading effect on her schedule for days to come.

 

She could - and no doubt would - dwell upon it further in the morning. For now, she just wanted to sleep.

 

 

Yes, my goal from the start was to tell as little of a story as humanly possible while still hitting five hundred words.

 

 

 

 

Sugar Plum

 

“Derpy!” shouted Berry Punch, “You gave us the wrong mail, again!” Derpy had only just taken a few steps, and was about to take off for her next stop, but hearing the pony made her hesitate. She turned around to see an angry mare stomping her way towards her with a few letters in her hoof. Derpy gave a smile as her eyes began to flow in opposite directions. “Derpy, this is the last straw! Every day you do this! Look at this letter. It’s for Big Macintosh! Not for me.”

 

“Oh, we-...”

 

“No, Derpy. I told you this is the last straw. If I have one more problem with you, I’ll see to it that nopony will want you as mailmare anymore, got that?”

 

“Okay, Punch Cherry...”

 

“It’s Berry Punch, Derpy. Now go on, shoo, you have a job to do.” With that, Berry Punch turned her flank on Derpy, and stomped her way back into her house, slamming the door behind her. Derpy looked down at the ground and saw a few letters lying scattered about the ground. She crouched down and picked up the letters one by one, her eyes misleading her to make multiple failed attempts, and put them back into her saddlebag. Her smile had faded as she now looked back at Berry Punch’s house. With a melancholy sigh, she spread her wings, and flew off.

 

One by one, she stopped at everypony’s house, dumping incorrect mail into almost each and every mailbox in Ponyville. When she had finished, she flew back home, where her young filly was waiting for her.

 

“Welcome back, Mommy!” Dinky Doo cheerfully bursted out as her mother walked through the door.

 

“Oh, hi, Dinky,” Derpy pushed out from her lungs as seemingly happily as she could.

 

“How was work?”

 

“Oh, um, it was... good, honey. Thank you.”

 

“What are we going to have for dinner?”

 

“Uh, how does hay sandwiches sound? I can, uh, make some muffins, after, too!” The mentioning of muffins brought a slightly larger smile to her face. Dinky responded with a kind of “mhm” and nodding combination. “Okay, I’ll go start making it, then.” With that, Derpy left for the kitchen, where she took out a large kitchen knife and a head of lettuce, even though she said hay sandwiches earlier. After turning on the sin, she attempted to put the head under the water to clean it off, but only got about half of it to even get slightly moist. She then proceeded to place the head of lettuce onto the counter, and begin to try and cut it using her large knife, though, she missed with every shot at it, making loud thunks come from the kitchen counter. She knew that she was missing, and that every day, she was doing something else wrong, and the thought brought forth tears to her mismatched, yellow eyes. Something was wrong; with her, her life, her eyes, her voice, everything. She just didn’t know what.

 

 

 

Shadow Chaser

 

Dear Spike,

Is it hard to be the only dragon in Ponyville and would you ever want to leave for more grand work?

 

Most days I do what I can to keep busy, but sometimes working for Twilight just isn't rewarding.  I mean, sure I get to go on some crazy adventures with her but most days I'm left to my own devices at the library.  Left to clean and do chores.  To do the shopping we need in Ponyville.  I don't mind it all but I've always wanted something more.  Not the dragon colony.  That wasn't my style.  I fit in here and that's okay, but just once I'd like to have my own adventure.  Without Twilight and the gang.  There was the time with the diamond dogs but I needed help on that.  Twilight says this is all just part of me growing up.  I think I'm just restless.  Aren't dragons supposed to be out in the world?

 

I get kinda lonely too.  The first time I ever felt like I mattered was when Fluttershy asked me about my life's story.  Twilight never asked me about my life.  Then again, she has been there my whole life.  She's always been there for me.  Them and Applejack, we don't talk much but I know she cares.  Like when I got my ticket for the Gala, she was waiting outside for me, and she was all smiles.  I can't believe I almost kissed her though.  But speaking of kisses.. Rarity's kisses are the best.  So maybe they're always on my cheek but that's okay.  I know she cares for me.  I can't believe I almost crushed her on my birthday.  She really saved me.  Rarity saved me and then Dash saved both of us.  Dash has saved plenty of ponies though.  She's a pretty good practical joker too.  I still laugh remembering Twilight's hair on our first trip to Ponyville.  But the prank queen is Pinkie Pie.  The prank and party queen.  She's always good at cheering me up.  In fact, they're all great at cheering me up.  They're all just great.  To answer your question, Princess Celestia, yes, some days it's hard to be the only dragon in this town and some days I wish I could do more in my life. But I just couldn't leave them.  Even if I wanted to.

 

 

 

Jalaton

 

Spike was a dragon on a mission.

The objective: get some delicious ice cream for a midnight snack and get back to bed without waking Twilight.

 

He knew that she probably wouldn’t want him eating this late, but he was hungry and he was going to eat something. He had to get something into his belly and ice cream seemed like the perfect midnight treat. Twilight would never have to know, Spike chuckled quietly at that thought. It would be a secret between him and the library.

 

As carefully as his clawed feet could manage the purple dragon tiptoed down the stairs trying to put extra effort into being as light on his feet as possible. Spike was very much aware of the fact that for whatever reason every noise was much louder at night time so he had to be extra cautious. Unfortunately for Spike the next step he stood on wanted to foil his plans and Spike winced as it creaked loudly. As the ridiculously loud noise ended Spike opened his eyes and waited with bated breath as his heart pounded in his chest and his fate was decided.

 

For many seconds the only noise was the quiet tick tock of the clock, eventually a quiet sigh was added to the mix as Spike wiped some invisible sweat off his brow. That had been close, a bit closer than Spike would have preferred. The baby dragon placed a hand to his heart, this was way more intense than he’d thought it would be.

 

After waiting until his heartbeat slowed down Spike continued his journey down the stairs and into the kitchen. Feeling around in the dark Spike managed to find the drawer where the spoons were kept and grabbed one for himself. After feeling around for a bit longer the he found the ice cream.

 

Spike cackled madly (quietly of course) as he ripped open the tub and dug in.

 

Mere minutes later Spike decided that he’d had enough ice cream and headed back the way he’d came. He was just barely up the stairs when something called out to him.

 

“Who.”

Spike very nearly jumped out of his skin and just barely resisted the urge to shriek. Spike’s cape wiped around as he turned towards the noise and came face to face with Owlowiscious.

 

“Oh, Owlowiscious it’s just you. Hey don’t tell Twilight about any of this okay,” Spike said.

 

“Who?”

 

“Twilight, you know, the purple unicorn that lives here?”

 

“Who?”

 

Spike shook his head in disappointment, “I thought we already went though who everypony is, Owlowiscious, you shouldn’t be having this problem. Twilight should really have your memory checked or something.”

 

The owl’s head tilted, “Who.”

 

“I’m going to bed. Night, Owlowiscious,” Spike deadpanned, as he climbed up the stairs and snuck back into his bed, he was certain he heard a faint ‘who’.

 

 

 

SuntouchedCoco

 

 

 

The clouds seemed to move as the sun started to rise. The skies dyed themselves into the colours of Celestia´s mane. But the colours soon disappeared as the sunshine bursted over the mountains and coloured whole world into warm hues of red, orange and yellow. Everypony was still dreaming, so nopony could see that, what a pity. Well, nopony, except one.

 

Rainbow Dash watches this colour game of skies every early morning. Everypony always calls her a slacker, but she gets up early before everypony else is up – to prepare the bright, sunny day. Sometimes when she get called being lazy, she asks herself „Why am I doing this? What´s the point of that extra work? Nobody realizes the importance of what I do! Well, nobody knows I do it anyway... „ but never says a single word of these to the complaining pony.

But for now, she was lying on her could bed, watching the sunrise. „It´s almost time to work“. She flutters her wings a little while she´s getting off the bed. Then she prepares the breakfast for her tortoise pet Tank, who is still asleep. She puts on her flying goggles. Ten seconds later a shadow of the pegasus drops on the Ponyville.

Her rainbow mane waves in the wind as she flies through the dark clouds.. „Don´t worry I won´t hurt you!“ she says with a smile as she passes a small white cloud. She feels so free. „This is just awesome!“ The sky is prepared. Her eyes are just a little tired. Then she remembers all those times she got called a slacker, a couch potato or the most hurting – Rainbow Crush. „So.. why am I doing this?“ comes to her mind. The thought she cleans the skies instead of dreaming about Wonderbolts, while everypony sees just a lazy arrogant bragger in her brings tears in her eyes. Then she sees a beautiful bright sun, suffusing the whole Equastria with a shine. She wipes her eyes and continues to fly in the sunshine. „I guess I know it now..“

„The celestial skies... they´re not far from being a dream. And I live to chase my dreams, sure! There´s nothing more awesome than waking up just to see them. The other ponies are, in fact, poor, because they can´t see what I can see. The joy and happiness it brings me. The freedom I feel while I clean the sky. Also, there aren´t just that uncool ponies. I clean sky for everypony, that´s for sure.. but I also want my friend to have a nice day. I´d never leave them hanging. It is worth it. Definitely.“

 

„RAINBOW DASH!“ „W-What´s up?!“ Dash wakes up. All she can see is a cowboy hat. „So, ya don´t have enough time to help wit´ apples, but ya got just enough to take a nap like ya were up all night?!“. Rainbow Dash gets on the ground to help Applejack. „If you´d only knew what you´re missing, AJ.“ she smiles.

 

 

 

Lord Pretty Pie

 

“Uhh… Twilight? Are you sure this is safe?” The purple baby dragon asked nervously.

“Of course! Do you really think I would put you in a dangerous position?” The unicorn mare assured him.

“Well…”

“Nevermind, don’t answer that. Now hold still,” she asserted, strapping him to the table.

“I don’t know Twilight… Maybe we should ask Princess Celestia?”

“Trust me Spike. This isn’t the first time I’ve done this. I’m actually rather experienced with manually altering genetic code. And I said to quit struggling!”

“Ok… Just… Make it quick. I can’t wait to see the look on Rarity’s face!”

Twilight rolled her eyes. “Alright, lover boy. Just remember, this is for Science, not for you to drool over Rarity… You do that enough as is. After it works, you have one day, then it’s right back to being a dragon, got it?”

“Yeah, yeah, Twi. You gave me this speech already.” He closed his eyes tight. “Ok… I’m ready!”

Without a word, Twilight flipped a switch on the console behind her. The machine started running, making a thunderous noise. She levitated her tools in front of her, and got to work.

*** *** ***

As Spike came to, he took in his surroundings. He was in a cot, similar to those found in hospitals, but he was clearly still in the Library’s basement. He was sectioned of by large sheets of semi-transparent plastic, a sheet of which also covered the floor. There were all sorts of medical-looking machines around him, beeping and whistling, none of which Spike knew the use of. The dragon tried to raise his hand in front of his face, but he was too weak. Soon enough, Twilight came in. She first went straight to one of the beeping machines, and after taking a few notes on a clipboard that was floating behind her, powered it down. She did the same with all the other machines, and then she went to Spike’s side.

“How do you feel?” The unicorn asked, looking concerned.

“Hungry.” Spike answered simply.

“Well, at least we know your appetite hasn’t changed!” She said it jokingly, but Spike couldn’t help but notice she still marked something on her clipboard.

“Am I… Did it work?”

“Why don’t you see for yourself?” Twilight said, as she floated a mirror over, stopping it in front of Spike.

What he saw wasn’t a baby dragon. No, he saw a fully grown earth-pony Stallion with a purple coat and green mane staring back at him. “Lookin' good Spike… Lookin' real good…” He mumbled, before passing out again.

 

 

 

Juggler

 

 

”Now I must ask you before we start, is this wish really from your heart?”

 

Zecora looked over at Fluttershy. The potion that she had brewed was nothing like anything she had ever cooked before. It was very complicated, and the slightest error could cause severe consequences. She never wanted to do this potion. She had told Fluttershy about all the risks, but Fluttershy still wanted to go through with it. Zecora didn’t want to be the one keeping Fluttershy from fulfilling her wish. If this was what Fluttershy really wanted, she had to help her. But she still hoped that Fluttershy would change her mind.

 

“Yes, it is.” Fluttershy responded.

 

It wasn’t often you heard such determination in Fluttershy’s voice. She really wanted to do this. Zecora sighed and went over to the caldron. She took a cup and filled it with the thick liquid.

 

”Now I must tell you before you drink this brew. The result it gives I cannot undo”

 

Fluttershy didn’t answer. Zecora handed her the cup.

 

“Now this may stink, but if you want it to work, all of it you must drink”.

 

Slowly Fluttershy lifted the cup up to her lips. Zecora didn’t dare to breathe. What if the potion wouldn’t work? She didn’t want anything bad to happen to her friend.

 

Fluttershy paused. She had brought up the cup up to her lips, but now she just stared down at the brew. There was total silence in the room. It felt like they had been standing there for hours when Fluttershy closed her eyes and drank the potion. The cup slipped out of Fluttershy’s grip and shattered into a thousand pieces when it hit the ground. Suddenly as if being kicked in the stomach Fluttershy fell down to the ground. Tears started pouring from her eyes. Zecora wanted to run up to Fluttershy and help her, but she knew that there was nothing that she could do. The only thing to do was to stand beside and watch. That was the hardest thing that Zecora had ever done, seeing your friend in pain on the ground and there’s nothing that you could do to stop it.

 

Fluttershy twisted and turned on the ground. “Please, just let her pain stop!” Zecora thought to herself, and just as suddenly as it had started, it stopped. Fluttershy just laid there on the ground, lifeless.

Just as Zecora thought that she had failed a bright light came out of Fluttershy’s chest and the ground started to shake. The light was so bright that Zecora had to look away.

 

“Is it over?” Zecora thought to herself. The shaking had stopped. She opened her eyes and slowly turned her head to where Fluttershy was. It took a while for her eyes to adjust, but when they had Zecora breathed a sigh of relief. The potion had worked. She said:

 

“And so now Fluttershy, you are what you always wanted to be. Because now, you finally are, a tree.”

 

 

 

Luna Sparkle

 

Rainbow Dash was waking up just as the sun was coming up over the horizon. She stood up, stretched her wings, and took off over Ponyville. She knew exactly where she was going, having woken up for the past two weeks at this time to go there. She soon flew down to a building which had been recently built, and as if on cue, the owner unlocked it.

“Ah, I see you are here again Rainbow Dash.” he said, opening the door for her. He had a brown coat and his cutiemark was a computer.

“Of course I am.” She said, walking in and looking around. She walked over to one chair and sat down. She looked at the black screen and quickly pushed the power button. It only took a few seconds for the computer to come alive. She smiled, knowing she was addicted but she didn’t really care. Soon enough the computer was up, she was logged on, and she was moving the mouse over to the symbol of a flaming horse. She was one of the few who thought that Firepony was the superior browser to the lame Internet Explorer. She went to the address bar and typed in one of the few websites she ever visited.

Soon enough the picture of Daring Do appeared at the top of her screen, and she was finally there, at her favorite website ever, the DaringDoForums. She smiled as she logged in. It may have only been up for a few weeks, but the forums were well over 100 members. She looked for anything knew, but couldn’t find anything, that is until she saw someone advertising something about a competition. She instantly clicked it and read through the page. What was this, writing a 500 word fanfiction. Oh she had to do it, but what would she write about.

She went to YouHoof and put on one of her favorite songs, Daring’s Lie. After that she went to word and started thinking. What could she write about, there were just so many possible things. After thinking for well over an hour, she came up with it. What was better that a story about how Daring Do was part of a website for one of her favorite things, and she had to write a 500 word fanfic. Oh it was just perfect and she instantly started to type. After 500 words exactly she smiled. It was perfect and she knew it. After some revision, she uploaded it to the site smiling. Now she just had to wait a week to see who else entered.

After some more hours on the forums, mainly stalking some of the members, she heard the owner cough. It was her cue, time to leave. She sadly logged off, turned the computer off and walked out the door. She laughed wondering what had made her write that different of a story. After thinking about it she decided to not care, and started the flight to her house.

 

[PlunderSteed 1,252]

Holy cow...19 entries. Well done, everyone.

 

It's a good thing they're not any longer than they are, or else I'd never get all the way through all of them.

[Ashbad 969]

Holy cow...19 entries. Well done, everyone.

 

It's a good thing they're not any longer than they are, or else I'd never get all the way through all of them.

 

Indeed, I'm glad with the turnout -- at first, I was hoping for 4 or 5 entries, not a whopping 19! Really awesome, guys.

 

As for the length requirement, turns out it was helpful in that sense! In future contests though, where allowed length is something like 2000 words, we're gonna have to do some sort of tournament voting scheme, I bet.

[MallaJong1 202]

I truly enjoyed Chaotic Discord's consistency and Eljordo's narrative. Those two I would vote for. Shadow Chaser's "Spike's letter to Princess Celestia" is a pretty good premise for a longer piece of fiction as well. All in all, though, everyone did an exceptional job! Well done, everyone!

Edited August 20, 2012 by MallaJong1

[Shadow Chaser 633]

I'm glad you said pick your top 4 favorites. Cuz these are all just so great. haha Next time we should throw up the divisions for what type of story. Some of these are hilarious and some are just a bit dark and there's the happy romance of a few. I'm excited for this.

[XUNUSEDXXX 3,459]

i personally liked Chaotic Discord's, Sugar Plum's, and Elijordo's. Is it okay if i only vote for three?

[Ashbad 969]

i personally liked Chaotic Discord's, Sugar Plum's, and Elijordo's. Is it okay if i only vote for three?

 

Of course! Feel free to vote for up to 4 -- the more you vote for, the better, but it's perfectly fine to only vote for 3 or less.

[~Lawful Jordo~ 2,066]

YES! It's finally time :3 good job everyone!

 

I don't see a single bad entry so far, so voting is gonna be pretty tough (I assume participants are allowed to vote as long as they don't vote for themselves?)

 

Other than mine, which i'm obviously not going to vote for (I won't be THAT guy ) I really like Chaotic Discord's, Incognito and Sugar Plum's entries in particular.

 

Good batch of entries, I haven't finished them all yet, but I'm working on it.

 

Can't wait for future contests, and you can bet your asses I'll be entering those as well, regardless how my fic does in this contest.

Edited August 20, 2012 by Eljordo

[PlunderSteed 1,252]

Some interesting facts and figures about the entries...

 

CHARACTER: NUMBER OF STORIES THEY APPEARED IN

 

TS: 5

R: 1

AJ: 1

PP: 1

RD: 2

FS: 2

 

Celestia: 4

Luna: 4

Cadence: 1

Discord: 2

 

Spike: 7 (dayyyyum!)

Big Mac: 1

Zecora: 1

Blue Blood: 1

Derpy: 1

Dinky: 1

Owlowiscious: 2

OC: 3

Humans (in Equestria): 1

 

MISC. OBSERVATIONS:

 

Stories that describe or refer to a celestial object (Earth, Sun or Moon): 6

"Twist" endings, or some kind of similar surprise: 9

Stories I would give a "sad" tag: 5

Stories I would give a "dark" tag: 3

Stories I would give a "comedy" tag: 8

 

EDIT:

Movie references: 1 (Sex Panther!)

Stories that break the Fourth Wall: 3

Stories where a main character is in a physical body different than what we're used to: 3

Edited August 20, 2012 by NLR Soldier

[I used to be a stranger 7,994]

MoonFeather, Luna Sparkle, Juggler, ~Chaotic Discord~

 

In retrospect, perhaps mine was a bit too heterodox for this contest.

Original and funny yes, but pretentiously unconventional. I may have shot myself in the foot.

[~Lawful Jordo~ 2,066]

MoonFeather, Luna Sparkle, Juggler, ~Chaotic Discord~

 

In retrospect, perhaps mine was a bit too heterodox for this contest.

Original and funny yes, but pretentiously unconventional. I may have shot myself in the foot.

 

I like yours Blue. I don't think you shot yourself in the foot at all. It was a little dialogue heavy for a 500 word fic, but you made it work. I think this fic would have shined a bit more if we were able to use more than 500 words. It could have been a little more descriptive, but I think you did the best you could given the word limit.

 

Solid attempt

Edited August 21, 2012 by Eljordo

[NavelColt 22,881]

As an absolutely pointless yet not pointless by the way, I turned my measly 500 worded story into a full-blown, flushed out 1,400 word one, and put it on FiMFiction.Net. Gotten fairly well-received so far, methinks.

[Finesthour 7,287]

Everyone should sex.

 

Sexysexsex.

 

And by sex, I mean play cards. That is obviously what I meant. Getting all hot and sweaty over a card game. Yuh,

[~Lawful Jordo~ 2,066]

Everyone should sex.

 

Sexysexsex.

 

And by sex, I mean play cards. That is obviously what I meant. Getting all hot and sweaty over a card game. Yuh,

 

lol, I honestly thought your entry was going to be a clop fic until I read the last paragraph entertaining stuff. You got one of my votes.

[Finesthour 7,287]

lol, I honestly thought your entry was going to be a clop fic until I read the last paragraph entertaining stuff. You got one of my votes.

 

That was the entire point

 

At first, it was going to be an xbox. Then I realized how stupid that would be.

So I made it a card game.

 

Deal with it c:

[Shiki 5,855]

i personally liked Chaotic Discord's, Sugar Plum's, and Elijordo's.

I really like Chaotic Discord's, Incognito and Sugar Plum's entries in particular.

 

My face when I get mentioned twice:

 

 

 

Quite honestly, I thought Zoop was going to take all my glory, because he's the slot right before me. And we all know that the admins get ridiculously special treatment. I really wish I weren't so lazy, and would read all of them, because judging from the few entries that I HAVE read, we've got some talented writers here on the forums.

[Samurshy 708]

T_T no one ever mentioned mine... I supposed it is not the best piece of literature... I will probably vote for chaotic discord's though.

Edited August 21, 2012 by Bronynonymous

[Shadow Chaser 633]

Don't worry, Bronynonymous, it isn't about whether or not you win or even if other people like it, it's about you liking your work and if you're proud of it. Don't ever let a critic, or a lack of response, get you down. I've written two fanfics that have gone pretty well under the radar but that's okay because I enjoyed the hell out of writing them. Working on a third too.

 

As far as my final votes in these, Moonfeather, NLR Soldier, MallaJong1, and Juggler.

[Samurshy 708]

But I love... no I need recognition! I am a very competitive person, and if I can't win then I need at least some people to say they like it. I know this is not what writing is about but it is what I am about.

Edited August 21, 2012 by Bronynonymous

[~Lawful Jordo~ 2,066]

But I love... no I need recognition! I am a very competitive person, and if I can't win then I need at least some people to say they like it. I know this is not what writing is about but it is what I am about.

 

I would be happy to provide my own critique on your fanfiction if you would be so kind as to return the favor

 

This offer extends to everyone.

Edited August 21, 2012 by Eljordo

[NavelColt 22,881]

Lol three more days till the actual voting, and a considerable amount of people have already come on in and said what they'll probably vote for xD; The suspense is going to kill me.

 

I feel so very honored that so many people like mine. It's too bad that it looks incomplete to me now, seeing as how I took my time flushing it out on FIMFiction, made it three times longer and actually thought of a title to it that is pretty bad-ass if I do say so myself, instead of the lousy thing I threw on this 500 word beginning sample. At any rate, I'll definitely link you all to it when this is over, and I encourage any of you with FIMFiction accounts to read the flushed out version, and comment on it there, as well

 

Good luck to everyone in this <3

[Juggler 345]

I would be happy to provide my own critique on your fanfiction if you would be so kind as to return the favor

 

This offer extends to everyone.

 

I would really like to take that offer Eljordo!

 

Ok, what I thought about your story:

 

It's really hard for me to say anything but good about this story. I can really picture that these feelings were going through Luna's head when she was sent to the moon. It was very deep and filled with emotion, and written in a very good way.

 

But something that I read made me wonder:

 

"Her night sky was truly a beautiful sight, but it was nothing with no one to share its marvels with."

 

From what I understand, Luna became Nightmare Moon because no one seemed to care about her beautiful night, they just slept through it. And from what I understand from your text is that she misses the time on "earth" where she could share her night with others.

 

That's just a minor thing though, as said before you have done a great job and will definitely have one of my votes!

[~Lawful Jordo~ 2,066]

I would really like to take that offer Eljordo!

 

Ok, what I thought about your story:

 

It's really hard for me to say anything but good about this story. I can really picture that these feelings were going through Luna's head when she was sent to the moon. It was very deep and filled with emotion, and written in a very good way.

 

But something that I read made me wonder:

 

"Her night sky was truly a beautiful sight, but it was nothing with no one to share its marvels with."

 

From what I understand, Luna became Nightmare Moon because no one seemed to care about her beautiful night, they just slept through it. And from what I understand from your text is that she misses the time on "earth" where she could share her night with others.

 

That's just a minor thing though, as said before you have done a great job and will definitely have one of my votes!

 

Thanks for the critique, and potential vote

 

I guess I will return the favor:

 

It is a fairly entertaining read. You did a good job at building suspense, I was hooked straight from the start.

 

I was a little shocked near the ending, as I thought Fluttershy committed suicide A very creative idea, I think if you had more than 500 words to work with it would have done your idea more justice. You went into fairly good detail, always a plus.

 

My only real issue with the story is not really understanding Fluttershy's true obsession with becoming a tree.Once again, you could have maybe established her motive more clearly with more that 500 words.

 

All in all a very solid entry my friend

 

 

Once again, my offer extends to everypony. I will be happy to review your fic if you provide the same service :3

Edited August 21, 2012 by Eljordo

[SrFrog 927]

Eljordo,MoonFeather,Jalaton and LordPrettyPie's stories got my vote for this challenge. With little elbow room, those authors stories used the limitations to create a short but enjoyable reading experience.

[Juggler 345]

Thanks for the critique, and potential vote

 

I guess I will return the favor:

 

It is a fairly entertaining read. You did a good job at building suspense, I was hooked straight from the start.

 

I was a little shocked near the ending, as I thought Fluttershy committed suicide A very creative idea, I think if you had more than 500 words to work with it would have given your idea more justice. You went into fairly good detail, always a plus.

 

My only real issue with the story is not really understanding Fluttershy's true obsession with becoming a tree.Once again, you could have maybe established her motive more clearly with more that 500 words.

 

All in all a very solid attempt my friend

 

 

Once again, my offer extends to everypony. I will be happy to review your fic if you provide the same service :3

 

Thank you

 

Yes, I had to shorten down the story A LOT... I was thinking about going into detail on Fluttershy, but it was hard enough to go under 500 words as it was (final version on 499 words ).