writing Bittersweetness

[Shiki 5,857]

Poem I wrote on a whim in like... 10 minutes tops. iz bad or gud?

 

From the sidelines I watch,

With attention and care.

I see all my friends,

with a smile to share.

 

I may not be included,

but to me, this is alright

For seeing them so happy,

is such a pleasant sight.

 

I may sometimes get lonely,

but I can manage through.

I may grow melancholy,

but that is what I do.

 

I sit and watch,

I wait and see,

on empty sidelines,

where no one can see me.

 

I let the time go by.

I stare and oversee.

I make sure nothing happens

to my darling family.

 

 

If you can't really understand the point of this, I can explain it a bit more in detail. It's actually quite... "deep" in terms of why I chose what to say.

[talkingmuffin 32]

To be honest, not to sound rude but it sounds like a poem about submissiveness and submitting to isolationism and solitude in your shell.

 

To put it simply, this poem is a metaphor for this:

 

 

 

Though, elaborate the meaning more, I'm a bit interested in what your view that you meant to show in this poem.

Edited September 29, 2012 by talkingmuffin

[Shiki 5,857]

  On 2012-09-29 at 12:05 AM, 'talkingmuffin' said:

To be honest, not to sound rude but it sounds like a poem about submissiveness and submitting to isolationism and solitude in your shell.

 

To put it in visual terms:

 

 

 

Though, elaborate the meaning more, I'm a bit interested in what your view that you meant to show in this poem.

 

I knew people would go this route -- Everyone does.

 

It's actually quite reflective of myself and the way I work. I am legitimately happy with being left out, so long as everyone that I care about is happy. At times, sure, I get a little lonely, but at the end of the day, I am alright, and glad that I still know these people, even if they don't really notice my presence that much.

 

I'm extremely optimistic, and can find the good side of things in a lot of situations that people find as "sad", and can make it seem "happy".

 

Also, I just suck at writing poems. And with words in general

Edited September 29, 2012 by Kawaii

[Dimitri Hammer 3,645]

I liked that poem! It is very well rhymed and worded.

 

Oh I wish that I had good friends in America. I only have one, the rest are still in Russia.

[talkingmuffin 32]

  On 2012-09-29 at 12:09 AM, 'Kawaii' said:

I knew people would go this route -- Everyone does.

 

It's actually quite reflective of myself and the way I work. I am legitimately happy with being left out, so long as everyone that I care about is happy. At times, sure, I get a little lonely, but at the end of the day, I am alright, and glad that I still know these people, even if they don't really notice my presence that much.

 

I'm extremely optimistic, and can find the good side of things in a lot of situations that people find as "sad", and can make it seem "happy".

 

Also, I just suck at writing poems. And with words in general

 

So, you're a pinkie pie inside a fluttershy's body? How odd

 

Though not to go too deep but even you might miss socializing and being acknowledged as part of a group, its part of what man's want, social interaction with their own unless it breaks down their other states of the body (mental/physical/emotional).

 

To put it simply: doesn't the loneliness get to you, I know your feel if you do.

 

  On 2012-09-29 at 12:13 AM, 'Comrade-Dimitri-Hammer' said:

I liked that poem! It is very well rhymed and worded.

 

Oh I wish that I had good friends in America. I only have one, the rest are still in Russia.

 

Wished I visited Russia and its vast culture. Too bad America slaps everything here relating to communism or its past with a outdated McCarthyism propaganda sticker. (Metaphor)

[Dimitri Hammer 3,645]

I get so much hatred for being a communist and a Russian. Add me being a Brony on top of that and I'm a phobic persons worst nightmare. It's okay though, I can take the heat.

 

Yet again though, I liked the poem!

Edited September 29, 2012 by Comrade-Dimitri-Hammer

[Ferret Girl 2,642]

I dont need to ask you to explain in depth...

 

Anyway, I like it, even though it rhymes.

 

It really gets your point across and it has a certain depth to it, and yet, at the same time, is very shallow. Oxymoron... maybe that is why I like it. Because even thought the poem itself doesnt contain an oxymoron, its ideals and presentation are an oxymoron... which makes me find it beautifully written.

 

Good job. /)

[Shiki 5,857]

  On 2012-10-06 at 11:16 PM, 'TheBronyHeart' said:

I dont need to ask you to explain in depth...

 

Anyway, I like it, even though it rhymes.

 

It really gets your point across and it has a certain depth to it, and yet, at the same time, is very shallow. Oxymoron... maybe that is why I like it. Because even thought the poem itself doesnt contain an oxymoron, its ideals and presentation are an oxymoron... which makes me find it beautifully written.

 

Good job. /)

 

Whoa, I got approval from THE poet. That's actually quite flattering.

 

Contradiction is one of my favourite things, and everything I do/believe in is typically contradicting in itself, along some lines. It's funny, because, though I call myself the Master of Contradiction and Hypocrisy, I absolutely hate myself, even though those two things are wonderful, to me. Boom, example of my skills.

 

Sorry for the rhymes. I'll try not to, next time, but I don't know, it's quite difficult for me to write something without a sense of rhythm and/or rhyme.

[Ferret Girl 2,642]

  On 2012-10-06 at 11:26 PM, 'Sugar Plum' said:

Whoa, I got approval from THE poet. That's actually quite flattering.

 

Contradiction is one of my favourite things, and everything I do/believe in is typically contradicting in itself, along some lines. It's funny, because, though I call myself the Master of Contradiction and Hypocrisy, I absolutely hate myself, even though those two things are wonderful, to me. Boom, example of my skills.

 

Sorry for the rhymes. I'll try not to, next time, but I don't know, it's quite difficult for me to write something without a sense of rhythm and/or rhyme.

 

DONT say you are not going to rhyme because of something I said, everyone writes in their own way!

 

Anyway, the next time you write something, ther had better be a message sent to me containing a link to the poem!

 

If there isnt... i will hunt you down.

 

K?