Looking for input on a fanfiction concept.

[Winged Anomaly 47]

So I'm working on a new fanfiction project that focuses on Twilight's ascencion to Alicorn... status?  I don't even know how to phrase that.

 

...oh come on, don't look at me like that.  If it makes you feel better, I've been poking around with this idea somce before the whole 'Alicorn Twilight' rumor started circulating.  Which is unfortunate, because now my basic premise sounds about as original as an overpowered OC.

If you're still reading, good, I can now tell you exactly how I plan to do this properly.

This fanfiction will be picking up after another (finished) project of mine, titled Harmony's End.  This new project will be standalone, as any information the reader needs will be delivered within the story, but here's a little summary of prior events so you have some frame of reference.

In a steampunk-esque alternate Equestria, the princesses are assassinated.  The three races go to war against one another for dominance and control over the elements of harmony.  As one might expect, the Unicorns win.  Drunk with victory, they install a little dictatorship, and oppress the living heck out of the other two races.  Uncontent with the state of affairs, Rainbow Dash (who narrates the whole thing, by the way) joins a revolution led by Spitfire, and kicks flank until a climactic final battle which leaves Rainbow dead.  Twilight, at the culmination of a love triangle subplot that I won't go into here, uses an experimental Life Magic technique to swap Rainbow's fate with hers - Rainbow survives, but Twilight dies.



This new story will pick up very shortly after Twilight's sacrifice.  She is narrating.  Yes, while dead.  Twilight fills in the reader on the necessaries, then assumes that the unfamiliar forces of the Life Magic spell have trapped her soul in a sort of limbo between life and death - a mysterious, seeminly empty realm that is the source of all magic.  She wanders for a while, thinking to herself, wondering, feeling foolish and guilty for feeling foolish, arguing with herself over whether or not she should've saved Rainbow, that sort of thing - until she encounters the wandering soul of Princess Celestia, who by this point, has been dead for something like seven years.  After a somewhat teary reunion, Celestia gives Twilight the facts.

She tells Twi that there's a reason she took her on as her student.  Twilight has an immense amount of raw magical potential - enough that there's a name.  Celestia calls her a Prime Caster.  Prime Casters have so much magical potential tied to their soul that they're attracted to this 'magic realm' like a magnet when free from a body, and Twilight is particularly special, because all Prime Casters in the past have been Alicorns.  This is why Celestia is in trapped in this non-death with her.  Twilight argues that she's not that powerful, citing a number of events from the show, but Celestia insists this is simply because her training was nowhere near complete - she had the potential within her all along, but did not yet know how to tap into it, so to speak.  She mentions the incredibly powerful spell she unintentionally unleashed on Spike during their first moments together, and how even until the moment of her 'death', Twilight had never managed to cast a spell on quite that level.  It wasn't a fluke, it was dormant power.

 

Celestia explains more, along with a little about the magic realm that they currently wander through aimlessly.  As it contains all potential magic - all magic that has ever been called upon or ever will be called upon, it is positively *fizzling* with ambient energy.  This energy, over time, soaks into the souls of ponies trapped there, even further increasing the already unbelievable raw power available to Prime Casters.  Twilight asks the question many would: 'Will I ever be powerful enough to return to life?'  Celestia answers yes.  But it will take time.

 

Skip forward twenty years.
(note: during this time, Twilight was able to observe reality.  This is why she didn't go completely bucking bonkers.)

 

Celestia has long since finished teaching Twilight everything she can remember about magic, and now, at last, Twilight is powerful enough to attempt a return to reality.  She tries once and fails, suffering an intense, painful, and very short half-life in a partially materialised body.  She is massively discouraged, and during the time she spends recouperating, she starts to wonder if leaving Celestia all alone in this strange reality is the right thing to do.  It takes a lot of convincing from Celestia to get her to try again (during which Celestia explains that she is not powerful enough to return like Twilight), and when she does, she succeeds, but finds an unexpected addition.  She is now winged.  Her theory is that the unbelievable magical power required to bring herself back to life was similar to the power used to create the first Alicorn, but she doesn't know for sure.

 

 

Now, this is where I'm not sure what to do.  I could leave the story there, on a high note, ending it with her incredible triumph, or I could push forward, which would undoubtedly push the story in a much darker direction.  Here's a summary of the ideas I have for Twilight's (new) early life, but none of this is as well formulated as what came before.

 

 

 

Twilight spends a long time coming to terms with the fact that she is now an Alicorn.  Going from asking questions about who or what she even is from contemplating what responsibilities she now bears as the only Alicorn alive, she eventually decides that the first thing she needs to do is see Rainbow - see if her once-lover made something of her sacrifice.  *subplot under construction* 

There's another idea I've been toying with where she goes somewhere quiet to figure out exactly how powerful she now is, and discovers after blowing her own arm off that her magical potential significantly outmatches the physical strength of her body.  Somehow managing to make it back to civilization, she has someone see to the dire wound, and a friendly magical scientist takes the time to build her an awesome hextech arm that is better able to channel magic without exploding.

Then there's what she does with herself.  Does she seize the responsibility and try to lead a divided and battered Equestria?  Does she ignore it and try to live in quiet peace?  That kind of thing.  If she tried to take control, then I wouldn't pursue it - that would make the story waaaay too long, I'd just end it with her setting off on her quest.
 

 

Alright, that's all I got.  *takes breath*
Any suggestions, ideas, and opinions are super welcome.

Anyone that comments based on the first line of the post is welcome to screw themselves and will be told off with extreme prejudice.

Edited January 20, 2013 by Winged Anomaly

[Sky Warden 2,243]

In a steampunk-esque alternate Equestria, the princesses are assassinated.  The three races go to war against one another for dominance and control over the elements of harmony.  As one might expect, the Unicorns win.  Drunk with victory, they install a little dictatorship, and oppress the living heck out of the other two races.  Uncontent with the state of affairs, Rainbow Dash (who narrates the whole thing, by the way) joins a revolution led by Spitfire, and kicks flank until a climactic final battle which leaves Rainbow dead.  Twilight, at the culmination of a love triangle subplot that I won't go into here, uses an experimental Life Magic technique to swap Rainbow's fate with hers - Rainbow survives, but Twilight dies.

 

I don't know what to say about that. LUNA!!!

 

How the buck Unicorns can win?

 

Basically, a story goes like this. There's a world, which can be neutral or is already in conflict. A character lives in this world, mostly starts without knowing anything. The character gets something (Revenge, destination, etc) which will take her/him to a conflict (Pre-existing one or the new conflict). While doing his/her things with the conflict, the character develops and step by step finds something about the conflict (It can be the reason of the conflict, how to finish the conflict, etc). During his/her journey in finding what (s)he wants (Finishing the conflict or whatever), the character will be confronted by antagonists who tries to stop them by particular reason. Blablabla, finish with sealing the character's fate. It can be death, victory or whatever.

 

In this case, Equestria is already divided when the story starts. You can make Twilight to try to end the conflict and re-unite Equestria. Rising the Moon and the Sun all by herself, just like how the Princesses did. During her journey, you can make her finds many things about being an Alicorn. Maybe looking for the elements is a good idea. There's somepony who wants to stop her. Trixie, Discord, or whatever. You can end with both Twilight's death or victory.

 

If you need help on "Writing like a baus pro", don't hesitate to contact me.

[Winged Anomaly 47]

 

 

 

I don't know what to say about that. LUNA!!!

 

 

How the buck Unicorns can win?

 

Basically, a story goes like this. There's a world, which can be neutral or is already in conflict. A character lives in this world, mostly starts without knowing anything. The character gets something (Revenge, destination, etc) which will take her/him to a conflict (Pre-existing one or the new conflict). While doing his/her things with the conflict, the character develops and step by step finds something about the conflict (It can be the reason of the conflict, how to finish the conflict, etc). During his/her journey in finding what (s)he wants (Finishing the conflict or whatever), the character will be confronted by antagonists who tries to stop them by particular reason. Blablabla, finish with sealing the character's fate. It can be death, victory or whatever.

 

In this case, Equestria is already divided when the story starts. You can make Twilight to try to end the conflict and re-unite Equestria. Rising the Moon and the Sun all by herself, just like how the Princesses did. During her journey, you can make her finds many things about being an Alicorn. Maybe looking for the elements is a good idea. There's somepony who wants to stop her. Trixie, Discord, or whatever. You can end with both Twilight's death or victory.

 

If you need help on "Writing like a baus pro", don't hesitate to contact me.

 

The Unicorns won the war because they had magic.  We're talking, basically, beam weapons, plasma, and telekinetic artillery.  The Earth Ponies used their strength and ingenuity to build tanks and walkers, while the poor Pegasus couldn't figure out what to do.  Can't fly with armor, can't fly with guns, so they were stuck with dive-bombing enemy positions and dropping grenades on them.  Cut the Pegasus population in half.

 

As for Rainbow dying then not dying, what do you expect?  She's my second favourite, so I can't *completely* murder her

 

Anyway, moving on XD

 

In terms of plot structure, mostly, you're dead on, but this is supposed to be a short story (christ, we know how much *that* means around me) and the rules are a little more flexible.  Limited space requires a narrower focus and often a truncated main arc, which is why one shouldn't hesitate to end the story at a good spot, even if the main character's fate isn't sealed (such as Twilly setting off to take control of Equestria, like I was considering at the end there).  At least, that's the conclustion I've come to after none of my 'short' stories landed below the 5k word mark.

 

Short stories don't even need a villain.  Many things can be substituted in as an opposing force, if you even have one, and in this case, it's Twilight's own confusion, self-doubt, and sense of duty.  Having her take off on a glorious quest to rule Equestia, for good or ill, and following that quest, is novel material for a couple of reasons.  Not only would the journey be *far* to complex for a short story without simplifying it more than I'm comfortable with, but it shifts focus.  In what I've got above, the opposing force is Twilight herself, but in that quest, the opposing force becomes a scattershot supply of ponies who think otherwise, and Twilight's inner conflict is delegated to a support role.

 

Also, I'm dealing with the political battle for Equestria's throne in another follow-up to Harmony's End that I've already got in the works, titled Steampony, which *is* a novel, meaning I've got space XD 

 

What I choose to have Twilight pursue in this story will affect Steampony - convergent plot trajectories and such, and to be honest, part of the reason I was considering ending the story with her apotheosis is it means that my decision here won't constrain future plot development of Steampony.

 

Anyway, thanks for the tips, mate, and thanks for not booking as soon as you saw 'Alicorn'.  As for suggestions, I'll take your comment as a vote for 'continue the story post-rebirth' XD

[Skygunner 352]

I don't usually read fanfiction.....however I can at least throw a BA in english down onto this one. There are a few points that are not making much sense, at least in my head already.

 

 

You mention of a war between the unicorns, earth ponies, and pegesi, after princess Luna and celestia are assassinatd....yes?

 

 

Already I'm....confused. You're working with a medium that already has a very well established cannon. Clestia for instance,,,,she's celestial Even queen chrysalis was surprised when she actually beat her. Chrysalis legitamity didn't think she'd win, and only after doing so realized what sorta of new power she possessed.

 

And now Celestia has been assassinated? By whom? Who has the kind of power to kill her and Luna? To what end was it done? The unicorns? did they want more power, etc. These are all questions that actually reading the story would stick with me, and that's only the very beginning.

 

Moving on, love triangle with twilight and.......other ponies. I don't shipping with a 50ft pole of touching +10. But I'll just leave a blanket statement here. Love stories are not easy. At all. Ever....... everrrrrr.

 

wait

 

if this story is an adult +18 story, then you can just disregard the rest of the post, for if that's the case, then the plot and construction of they story have little bearing as that isn't why it's being written or read. You don't need any sort of legitimization or plot for that sort of thing.

 

 

If it is just a love story however, consider making the story all about that then, well...the other stuff. Again, you're working in a heavily established cannon, and fannon, at least believable good fannon, works with the cannon, not against it. Take that one as you will, remember I don't touch shipping with said long pole.

 

So....the war. Unicorns win. Why did they go to war? Who are the leaders? Were all the unicorns in on it, just go "Princess is dead, time to start whacking some earth pony skulls!" Did the earth ponies have stashed away....spears and...pony siege weapons? What about the royal guard? The Pegasus? What about ponies who were friends with each other, did rarity just stab fluttershy because she wasn't one of the "horned ones" , did big mac immediately step on sweetie bell?

 

Again, these are things that are hard to breeze over, at least if you're trying to establish plot. We don't need to know weather or not Big Mac's hooves are now smeared in sweety belly jelly, but it's something that if not even loosely mentioned causes a distraction from the overriding story.

 

Next point. Time skipping. This is another dicey, dicey area. If I'm reading your post right, the start of the story is the "present", there is then a ...7 year skip, then a 20 year skip. That's a lot. That's a whole lot. A year is usually a "long" skip, When you're trying to establish characters, or your own version of characters, you need to have time to sit there and really let us see who they are. Fluttershy at the time of Celestia's magical mallet to the head would be a very different fluttery shy after 7 years of pony on pony warfare, which would be an even more different pony after 20 years of oppressive unicorn master race. And you would have to do this for all your characters, re establish them after each jump, you'd esentially be writing 3 stores.

 

 

Point is. You have a ton of ideas here. A literal metric ton ( I weighed them, trust me) Look at any major series, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Hitchhiker Guide, Hunger games, any major multibook release. Consider how much time and action happens in each individual book. Those are whole books. Consider maybe...something like that.

 

Only instead of whole books, do ....well...chapers...or whatever. Stories. Have the first one be about, well the death of the princesses. Then end it with that. The next story can pick up half way, or toward the end of the great pony combat with a careful epilogue and opening scenes telling the reader everything they need to know about what happened for the entire conflict. Then go from there.

 

 

 

The final niddly bit that was stuck in my brain is rainbow dash leading a revolt after the unicorns have won. How is she even still alive? Dashys character isn't one to surrender, especially in a all out pony type war. Even if she did, why would the unicrons not have......killed her...banished her...done something to this alpha pony in order to prevent an uprising from ever happening. Again, just a little thing that would pull me father out of the story.

 

A lot of these problems are spurred on by using cannon characters. It's a really tricky thing sometimes, especially cannon. So you maj just have to take a little extra time to cover all your bases and make the story tight and solid.

 

 

A final warning I suppose. Killing characters. Only kill someone if you absolutely have too. People like characters, renumber at the end of Harry potter where JK rowling essentially tapped note cards with everyones name to the wall, then threw darts at it to see who dies? That kinda thing gets to readers. Killing is ok, just make sure it's very justified other wise it comes off as cheep shock value.

 

 

Sorry I sorta got on a ball there. Hopefully that's slightly useful, you got some good things here, just are trying to do too much in one go. Break it down, baby steps, you'll figure it out.

Edited January 20, 2013 by Skygunner

[Winged Anomaly 47]

You mention of a war between the unicorns, earth ponies, and pegesi, after princess Luna and celestia are assassinatd....yes?

 

 

Already I'm....confused.

 

Whoops, you kinda slid off the focus here.

 

You raise a lot of valid points, but... well, all the stuff about the war and the rebellion?  That's been covered already.  I wrote three massive stories, totalling 45,000 words, dealing with all that stuff.  Almost every question you asked is answered and point addressed, even the time skip thing.  Time skips are almost exclusively reserved for inter-story, with one three-month exception in Part 2.  It's done - packed in, dealt with, buried and forgotten XD  I tied Part 3 off half a year ago.  The only impact those stories have on this one is in setting up the situation.

 

This new story is everything else.  It's just Twilight post death.

 

Your point about the 20 year time skip being ugly is valid, though, and I wouldn't do that if I didn't see any other way.  She basically spends 20 years camping out and charging like a battery, and I don't know about you, but reading about that would suck, and waste valuable space to boot.  Gotta keep the ball rolling in a short story - you don't have the budget for long low periods.

 

Edit: Right, and character death.  Dash's death is supposed to be a kick in the teeth.  At the end of Harmony's End (the three-parter about the war and rebellion) we've been following a weary Dashie through everything.  She miraculously survived her final mission in the war, she escaped capture and execution by the Unicorns when she joined the rebellion, she survived the rebellion itself, she survived the vicious, meatgrinder battle for New Canterlot... but she just couldn't struggle through one last fight.  Then Twilight's sacrifice to pull her from the brink is supposed to be bittersweet.  We like and sympathize with Twilight, but we don't want Dash to die, see?  Anyway, rambling.  Sorry.

Edited January 20, 2013 by Winged Anomaly

[Sky Warden 2,243]

Anyway, moving on XD

 

In terms of plot structure, mostly, you're dead on, but this is supposed to be a short story (christ, we know how much *that* means around me) and the rules are a little more flexible.  Limited space requires a narrower focus and often a truncated main arc, which is why one shouldn't hesitate to end the story at a good spot, even if the main character's fate isn't sealed (such as Twilly setting off to take control of Equestria, like I was considering at the end there).  At least, that's the conclustion I've come to after none of my 'short' stories landed below the 5k word mark.

 

Short stories don't even need a villain.  Many things can be substituted in as an opposing force, if you even have one, and in this case, it's Twilight's own confusion, self-doubt, and sense of duty.  bla bla bla

 

Not only would the journey be *far* to complex for a short story without simplifying it more than I'm comfortable with, but it shifts focus.  In what I've got above, the opposing force is Twilight herself, but in that quest, the opposing force becomes a scattershot supply of ponies who think otherwise, and Twilight's inner conflict is delegated to a support role.

 

Also, I'm dealing with the political battle for Equestria's throne in another follow-up to Harmony's End that I've already got in the works, titled Steampony, which *is* a novel, meaning I've got space XD 

 

What I choose to have Twilight pursue in this story will affect Steampony - convergent plot trajectories and such, and to be honest, part of the reason I was considering ending the story with her apotheosis is it means that my decision here won't constrain future plot development of Steampony.

 

#For the first bold part.

Of course it's flexible. Who says you must follow it? I said "basically" didn't I? Learn to read before you write.

Also, I don't really agree with these "Writing rules". Writing is an art. Art is something to express our mind. I call those things you call "Rules" as "Guidelines".

 

#For the rest of the bold parts.

My my. That's called resonance and that's not satisfying the reader. What's the story is really about? What we get from reading this 'short story'? Twilight being an Alicorn, then what? Is that all? The only conflict is only Twilight with herself? What's the thrill then? How about the war? Equestria? Is it all about Twilight being an Alicorn?

 

Note that many great stories leave something to the reader. Many Harry Potter's fans say something like "This story teaches me bla bla bla" or "Neville Longbottom teaches me bla bla bla". If you're still insist that "Short story doesn't need that all", then see a show called MLP : FiM. The show is a set of short stories, and each of them leaves something for the reader, like the moral value.

 

Seriously, you need to work more on the plot. Also, I didn't say that an antagonist is must be a 'villain'. What you mean with opposing-force is called antagonist, and you need some to make the story more interesting by adding more conflicts.

 

I don't usually read fanfiction.....however I can at least throw a BA in english down onto this one. There are a few points that are not making much sense, at least in my head already....

 

I completely mostly agree with this. There are so many things you haven't explained about the settings. You can't simply write a short story, which is based on another story's setting, and then call it as "A stand alone fan fiction". I think it's alright if your previous fanfic is already famous, but still, even so, it's a bad idea. It will be better as chapters.

 

Whoops, you kinda slid off the focus here.

 

You raise a lot of valid points, but... well, all the stuff about the war and the rebellion?  That's been covered already.  I wrote three massive stories, totalling 45,000 words, dealing with all that stuff.  Almost every question you asked is answered and point addressed, even the time skip thing.  Time skips are almost exclusively reserved for inter-story, with one three-month exception in Part 2.  It's done - packed in, dealt with, buried and forgotten XD  I tied Part 3 off half a year ago.  The only impact those stories have on this one is in setting up the situation.

No, he didn't. That's an example of feed backs you can get from being vague in writing your story. So many things need to be explained and when the reader ask "How about these?", you can't just simply say that "That has been covered already". Seriously, we don't care about "Three massive stories totaling 45,000 words I've written, but buried in my backyard" which isn't even released. In real life, we call it "Laziness".

 

Imagine if J.K. Rowling just wrote the sixth book of the Harry Potter series without releasing the previous books. What kind of feed back she would get? What is this? Who's You-Know-Who? Why does Harry tries to stop Voldemort? What is hocrux? Hogwarts? What happen next? Who's that Dumbledore they keep mourning about?

 

The reader won't understand the story. They won't understand what's Harry fights for. They won't understand the feeling. They won't know how the story will ends. They will just bury that books in their backyard or even burn it.

 

Also, if those "Three massive stories" are about the same world and setting, then it's the same story, just with different point of view. In writing, we call it "Chapters".

 

I've read your fanfic in fimfiction.net and observe your writing style.

 

Never mind that. I laugh very often.

 

P.S. If you're thinking about "I'm not J.K. Rowling and I'm not writing Harry Potter", then drop your pen.

Edited January 21, 2013 by Sky Warden

[Winged Anomaly 47]

Who pissed in your coffee this morning?  You treat me like a child, I try to respond politely, and then you reply like you just did?

I've been writing for twelve years.  I don't need guidance on the basics.  I know what I'm doing.  I was looking for helpful input on the story I described, and instead of that, you fed me a list of instructions that would've been more useful to someone scrawling their first story on printer paper.

I have one hundred and ten completed short stories online, fifty more on my hard drive, and six more that are pony related.  I have one completed novel and three currently in the works.  Don't talk to me like I'm a child.

'Learn to read before you can write.'  I'd say the same of you.  Let me quote my original post.

This new project will be standalone, as any information the reader needs will be delivered within the story...

Since it's clear I need to spoon-feed you everything instead of treating you like an adult, this means that the important plot points of the previous stories will be summarized within this one.  That makes it standalone, since you're obviously so unfamiliar with the terminology.

My my. That's called resonance and that's not satisfying the reader. What's the story is really about? What we get from reading this 'short story'? Twilight being an Alicorn, then what? Is that all? The only conflict is only Twilight with herself? What's the thrill then? How about the war? Equestria? Is it all about Twilight being an Alicorn?

So you're trying to say that a story focusing on internal conflict is unsatisfying to the reader.  Look, I'd be polite about this, but since we're obviosly beyond that, go back to school and take English again.  Not all conflict is external, and if you don't understand that, then you can barely call yourself a writer.  What we get from reading this short story is the story of Twilight transcending odds to become something greater, just like any story based on the 'Rags to Ritches' fundamnetal structure, only the odds presented are within Twilight's mind.  They are her guilt, her hesitation, and her fear.  Not only is that perfectly valid, but as a matter of fact, stories about characters rising to the challenge presented by their own weaknesses are among the most stirring, as they are relatable.  Most humans know what it's like to fight through their own doubts and fears, while very few know the mortal peril that forms the conflict in most stories.  Do I really need to be telling you this?

If you're still insist that "Short story doesn't need that all", then see a show called MLP : FiM.

 

For the love of christ, man, can you read!?  I never said that!  Stop throwing strawmen at me so you can feel superior!  Just because a story lacks external conflict does not mean it doesn't have a moral or a message!

But since we're on the subject, no, a story does not need a moral or a message.  Stories with messages are called interpretive literature, where stories that just tell the story of an adventure are called escapist literature.  Again, if you don't already understand this, you really, really need to retake English 11 or 12.

...and you need some to make the story more interesting by adding more conflicts.

Oh, so additional conflict is the key to interest, now?  That is so wrong I don't even know where to begin.  A story with a single or small group of related conflicts is streamlined.  It is narrow, focused, and extremely easy and enjoyable to follow.  A story with multiple conflicts that occasionally intertwine and compete is less focused, but is percieved as more complex and more deep.  A story with too many conflicts is called unfocused and scattershot.  Short stories should almost never leave the first category.

You can't simply write a short story, which is based on another story's setting, and then call it as "A stand alone fan fiction."

 

Did you even read my post?  Seriously?  Do I need to quote it again?  The setting is established within the new story. I won't address that again.

No, he didn't. That's an example of feed backs you can get from being vague in writing your story. So many things need to be explained and when the reader ask "How about these?", you can't just simply say that "That has been covered already". Seriously, we don't care about "Three massive stories totaling 45,000 words I've written, but buried in my backyard" which isn't even released. In real life, we call it "Laziness".

You have no clue how to write anything smaller than a novella, do you?  In a short story, the setting is presented in as simple and streamlined a fashion as possible.  In this case, because the story is not about the war, we don't go into detail about the war.  We just state that it happened and continue from there.

And 'which isn't even released'?  What the hell does that mean?  Of course the damn stories are released!  I'm not a toddler!

I'm not even going to bother quoting anything else because it's painfully clear to me that you don't understand short story writing in the least.

You know what?  Send me a private message with a link to a short story you've written.  Not a novel, not a novella with chapter breaks, a short story.  Because that is what we are talking about here.  I want to see if you're as talented as you seem to think you are, up on your sneering high horse.

[Skygunner 352]

The overlying question you're asking here is

 

"Should I make another one"

 

Frankly, from all you've said in this topic....no, you shouldn't. I've tried finding the original fiction in order to see exactly what we're working with here, but it's rather difficult to locate. (*cough* provide a link *cough*)

 

From all you've said....it sounds like your time would be better spent rewriting your first.....umm...chapters? You say this is a short story, but you're already well out of the longest scope of "short story". 20k words is about the max. Short stories are very short, they usually only have 1 overriding plot (sometimes 2 if you're a technical author, and often very few characters.

 

What you're doing is, sorta a mini series. Without reading it, it's hard to tell, but it sounds like you're using major plot events as the climax of each story, then picking up where you left off in the next series.

 

To which again I question exactly how much depth you've draw into these characters. As you sit, all words typed you're about 60% the total length of the first Harry Potter book. I'll reference it because it's one most people have read. That is about chapter 11, the first quiddich match where harrys broom is jinxed and snape waggles his wand at him. That's about all that happens in chapter 11 major action wise, apart from Hagird dropping a hint for the next chapter in the last line. The entire thing takes about 15 pages. Not the densest reading but not a breeze either, very entrulling, hard to put down. (I may have read the next two chapters)

 

 

Thing is....it's not covering a lot. Most chapters in Harry Potter are actually very light. Usually there is one or two over arching story lines and each chapter is just a tiny segment of each, switching between the two lines with each chapter. (ahh run on sentences everywhere).

 

Point is in the end you have the overall story sitting in your brain. I repeat, haven't read yours yet, but just from the summary, I'd imagine that it's very loose. Rather than adding on at this point, you should consider going back and rewriting. Treat it like a first draft and edit.

 

 

HOWEVER, this is only if you are writing this for others.

 

If this is your story, and the reason I can't find it is because it's no where to be found, then this doesn't matter. My one housemate had written the equivalent of a 400 page twilight fan fiction. I didn't ready it, but I don't have it, it's bad. But she doesn't post it to anywhere or show anyone. I know of it because she abused me like a thesaurus. Point is, it's for her enjoyment, not others.

 

TLDR

 

 

If you're writing all this, just for you. Then, do it, it's yours. If you're writing it for others, then perhaps take a look back and see if there isn't anything that can be adjusted before going any father.

[Winged Anomaly 47]

The overlying question you're asking here is

 

"Should I make another one"

 

Frankly, from all you've said in this topic....no, you shouldn't. I've tried finding the original fiction in order to see exactly what we're working with here, but it's rather difficult to locate. (*cough* provide a link *cough*)

 

From all you've said....it sounds like your time would be better spent rewriting your first.....umm...chapters? You say this is a short story, but you're already well out of the longest scope of "short story". 20k words is about the max. Short stories are very short, they usually only have 1 overriding plot (sometimes 2 if you're a technical author, and often very few characters.

 

What you're doing is, sorta a mini series. Without reading it, it's hard to tell, but it sounds like you're using major plot events as the climax of each story, then picking up where you left off in the next series.

 

To which again I question exactly how much depth you've draw into these characters. As you sit, all words typed you're about 60% the total length of the first Harry Potter book. I'll reference it because it's one most people have read. That is about chapter 11, the first quiddich match where harrys broom is jinxed and snape waggles his wand at him. That's about all that happens in chapter 11 major action wise, apart from Hagird dropping a hint for the next chapter in the last line. The entire thing takes about 15 pages. Not the densest reading but not a breeze either, very entrulling, hard to put down. (I may have read the next two chapters)

 

 

Thing is....it's not covering a lot. Most chapters in Harry Potter are actually very light. Usually there is one or two over arching story lines and each chapter is just a tiny segment of each, switching between the two lines with each chapter. (ahh run on sentences everywhere).

 

Point is in the end you have the overall story sitting in your brain. I repeat, haven't read yours yet, but just from the summary, I'd imagine that it's very loose. Rather than adding on at this point, you should consider going back and rewriting. Treat it like a first draft and edit.

 

 

HOWEVER, this is only if you are writing this for others.

 

If this is your story, and the reason I can't find it is because it's no where to be found, then this doesn't matter. My one housemate had written the equivalent of a 400 page twilight fan fiction. I didn't ready it, but I don't have it, it's bad. But she doesn't post it to anywhere or show anyone. I know of it because she abused me like a thesaurus. Point is, it's for her enjoyment, not others.

 

TLDR

 

 

If you're writing all this, just for you. Then, do it, it's yours. If you're writing it for others, then perhaps take a look back and see if there isn't anything that can be adjusted before going any father.

 

At least you were more polite than the other guy.

 

http://www.fimfiction.net/index.php?view=category&user=55852

 

If this was honestly so difficult to find, then you must not have looked very hard.  There's a link to my FiMFic profile on my profile page here.

 

I'm too tired from addressing Sky Warden's broken arguments to go through yours point by point as well, so I'll keep it brief.

 

I don't understand why you're focusing on the past.  Since everyone is using Harry Potter as an example, let me draw a comparison.

 

Harmony's End to this story as the story of Lily and Severus is to the Harry Potter series.  It is mentioned, and described lightly, but there isn't an entire entry about it.  It's backstory.  It's setting.  That's all it is.  This story isn't 'another one', it's a different story.

 

Simply put, Harmony's End is entirely irrelevant to this new story.  Pretend it's backstory.  All it is is a lengthy, detailed write up of said backstory.  As such, it's not the focus.

 

So can we stop focusing on the stories that I've finished and actually address the topic at hand?  Please?

 

Forgive me for being blunt, but the first guy to comment has a fundamentally broken understanding of short story writing, and you can't seem to get past the fact that what came first is just backstory and is almost entirely irrelevant. 

 

I just want to talk about what I want to talk about.  I'm not here to discuss Harmony's End, I'm not here to discuss how to write a short story, I'm here to discuss the new story.  That's it.  If giving you guys context was a mistake, then sue me.

Edited January 21, 2013 by Winged Anomaly

[Skygunner 352]

I'm here to discuss the new story. 

And what details of it do you want to discuss?

 

 

The story seems rather clear in your head, go for it.

 

 

As per why my posts have been what they have. You were rather unclear in what exactly you wanted. The next bit here is my opinion however so I'll put it in a spoiler, an optional part of my post you do not have to read, as it is not what you asked for.

 

 

 

After giving "Fire" a quick read, as far as I could to get a handle on the setting, story, etc, and maybe answer a few question that have been wiggling in my mind. I would once again suggest that you treat the first three as a draft, and tighten them up before adding more exposition on

 

 

Edited January 21, 2013 by Skygunner

[Sky Warden 2,243]

Who pissed in your coffee this morning?  You treat me like a child, I try to respond politely, and then you reply like you just did?

 

I've been writing for twelve years.  I don't need guidance on the basics.  I know what I'm doing.  I was looking for helpful input on the story I described, and instead of that, you fed me a list of instructions that would've been more useful to someone scrawling their first story on printer paper.

 

I have one hundred and ten completed short stories online, fifty more on my hard drive, and six more that are pony related.  I have one completed novel and three currently in the works.  Don't talk to me like I'm a child.

 

I did post my suggestion for the plot. You said something about plot line, so I gave you some tips about it. I do know about writing short story. At least I know that a story doesn't only has one or two conflicts. Some people are just blinded by their experience and don't want to listen to other. It's the matter of effectiveness in learning. I've seen your writing style, and I won't give any tips about it. I doubt you will listen though. Don't worry I'm just too lazy to get offended. I don't like to show off as well.

 

As much as I know, swearing isn't good. Let me try to remember a little. It's a child or adult who gets offended easily? Hmm. Let me go back to school for a while to remember.

Edited January 21, 2013 by Key Gear
Please do not scatter your posts with meme images. :)

[Winged Anomaly 47]

And what details of it do you want to discuss?

 

 

The story seems rather clear in your head, go for it.

 

 

As per why my posts have been what they have. You were rather unclear in what exactly you wanted. The next bit here is my opinion however so I'll put it in a spoiler, an optional part of my post you do not have to read, as it is not what you asked for.

 

 

 

After giving "Fire" a quick read, as far as I could to get a handle on the setting, story, etc, and maybe answer a few question that have been wiggling in my mind. I would once again suggest that you treat the first three as a draft, and tighten them up before adding more exposition on

 

 

 

Fire's over a year old, and it certainly needs a major edit run, but there's no real need to do that.  People are enjoying it as it stands, and I've got newer things that I'd rather spend my time working on.

 

In terms of what I'd like to address, here's a quote from my first post:

 

Now, this is where I'm not sure what to do. I could leave the story there, on a high note, ending it with her incredible triumph, or I could push forward, which would undoubtedly push the story in a much darker direction. Here's a summary of the ideas I have for Twilight's (new) early life, but none of this is as well formulated as what came before.

 

 

That's basically all I was after, along with peoples' opinion on the plot I presented.  Not the stuff that came before.

 

 

 

 

 

I did post my suggestion for the plot. You said something about plot line, so I gave you some tips about it. I do know about writing short story. At least I know that a story doesn't only has one or two conflicts. Some people are just blinded by their experience and don't want to listen to other. It's the matter of effectiveness in learning. I've seen your writing style, and I won't give any tips about it. I doubt you will listen though. Don't worry I'm just too lazy to get offended. I don't like to show off as well.

 

As much as I know, swearing isn't good. Let me try to remember a little. It's a child or adult who gets offended easily? Hmm. Let me go back to school for a while to remember.

 

 

I'm still not confident you know what you're talking about at all, and until you link me to something you've written, like I asked, that's not going to change.  Doesn't matter how many times you say 'I do know about writing short story'.

 

Oh, and I asked for tips on the plot I'd presented, not plot in general.  Go reread the original post.

 

One last thing: there's a difference between being 'blinded by experience' and knowing when you're speaking with someone who simply doesn't grasp anything past the basics.

Edited January 21, 2013 by Winged Anomaly

[Sky Warden 2,243]

In this case, Equestria is already divided when the story starts. You can make Twilight to try to end the conflict and re-unite Equestria. Rising the Moon and the Sun all by herself, just like how the Princesses did. During her journey, you can make her finds many things about being an Alicorn. Maybe looking for the elements is a good idea. There's somepony who wants to stop her. Trixie, Discord, or whatever. You can end with both Twilight's death or victory.

 

I don't want to dictate writers about their story. That limits their creativity. Dictating how their story must go is very similar to ask them to write a story you want. In attempt to avoid that, I gave you the plot idea in general, so you can use your very own creativity to craft the story.

Edited January 21, 2013 by Key Gear
Please, don't scatter your posts with meme images.

[Winged Anomaly 47]

 

 

This.

 

I don't want to dictate writers about their story. That limits their creativity. Dictating how their story must go is very similar to ask them to write a story you want. In attempt to avoid that, I gave you the plot idea in general, so you can use your very own creativity to craft the story.

 

I know how to write a story myself.  I'm aware of plot structure, the nature of conflict, character sub-arc, and the seven basic stories.  I was having trouble deciding which direction to take this particular concept in, so I asked for suggestions and input on the potential plotlines I'd come up with myself.

 

I was asking for help deciding which way to take the story, not an English lesson.  Authors, professional and amateur alike, often ask people what they'd like to see happen with the story when they're not sure what to do with it themselves.

 

Edit: and please stop linking images of memes in your posts.  It's tiresome and irritating.

Edited January 21, 2013 by Winged Anomaly

[Sky Warden 2,243]

I was asking for help deciding which way to take the story, not an English lesson.  Authors, professional and amateur alike, often ask people what they'd like to see happen with the story when they're not sure what to do with it themselves.

 

 

In this case, Equestria is already divided when the story starts. You can make Twilight to try to end the conflict and re-unite Equestria. Rising the Moon and the Sun all by herself, just like how the Princesses did. During her journey, you can make her finds many things about being an Alicorn. Maybe looking for the elements is a good idea. There's somepony who wants to stop her. Trixie, Discord, or whatever. You can end with both Twilight's death or victory.

 

I want to see more conflicts in your story world, how Twilight fights her way to do something for this divided Equestria, and I want to tell you that without dictating you about how your story must go. That's what interesting in reading stories for me. It's unpredictable and creative.

Edited January 21, 2013 by Key Gear
This is the fan fiction section, not the forum lounge. Keep the memes under a hat, please.

[Winged Anomaly 47]

 

 

This.

 

I want to see more conflicts in your story world and I want to tell you that without dictating you about how your story must go. That's what interesting in reading stories for me. It's unpredictable and creative.

 

LOL. Sorry. Didn't see that edit part coming.

 

Okay no meme after this.

 

I'd already acknowledged your statement regarding your opinion as to where I should take the story.

 

As for suggestions, I'll take your comment as a vote for 'continue the story post-rebirth' XD

 

What was bothering me is that you continued trying to 'teach' me, so to speak, even after I protested, and if you do that when somebody hasn't asked for it, it can be very, very irritating.  I apologize for getting so frustrated with you, but I hope you can see where I was coming from.

[Sky Warden 2,243]

What was bothering me is that you continued trying to 'teach' me, so to speak, even after I protested, and if you do that when somebody hasn't asked for it, it can be very, very irritating.  I apologize for getting so frustrated with you, but I hope you can see where I was coming from.

Oh? (I tried hard not to put a meme face in it. Worth it. )

 

I thought you were "Looking for input on a fanfiction concept". Sorry then (I guess?). Well, I usually assume that people who opens this kind of thread is always open-minded and is eager to receive tips and advices. If you're not so, then sorry. It's strange though.

[Winged Anomaly 47]

Oh? (I tried hard not to put a meme face in it. Worth it. )

 

I thought you were "Looking for input on a fanfiction concept". Sorry then (I guess?). Well, I usually assume that people who opens this kind of thread is always open-minded and is eager to receive tips and advices. If you're not so, then sorry. It's strange though.

 

Tips and advice are fine if asked for, but that's not what I was looking for here.  I was asking specifically for "suggestions, ideas, and opinions" related to the plot I'd laid out, and I wasn't searching for general advice.  I appreciate the sentiment, though.

 

'Fire' is ancient and badly needs an edit run - one I don't have time for.  If you're interested in reading something of mine that isn't old and crap,  Then feel free to check out Ascend at this link.  It's non-pony, but most of my half-decent writing is non-pony.  The only reason my pony fics pass is because the universe of fanfiction tends to be populated with mary-sues and overpowered OC's XD

 

http://mogget128723.deviantart.com/#/d5mwr3k

[Sky Warden 2,243]

 

Tips and advice are fine if asked for, but that's not what I was looking for here.  I was asking specifically for "suggestions, ideas, and opinions" related to the plot I'd laid out, and I wasn't searching for general advice.  I appreciate the sentiment, though.

 

'Fire' is ancient and badly needs an edit run - one I don't have time for.  If you're interested in reading something of mine that isn't old and crap,  Then feel free to check out Ascend at this link.  It's non-pony, but most of my half-decent writing is non-pony.  The only reason my pony fics pass is because the universe of fanfiction tends to be populated with mary-sues and overpowered OC's XD

 

http://mogget128723.deviantart.com/#/d5mwr3k

Aaahhh. So you're asking for tips for that or what? I won't give anything if you don't ask me to after what you've said. Just want to be more careful.

 

I see that you write that for a competition in this year am I correct? I've skimmed it and I think I can give some tips for your writing style (Writing style isn't a basic thing). That is, if you're willing. I'm sure I can make it gets at least the third place. Again, that is, if you're willing.

Edited January 21, 2013 by Sky Warden

[Fanglore 140]

ok this is coming form someone who also likes write. i like where you are going with this and i think you should definitely not blow off twilight's leg. for me when someone drastically changes a character that i already know... well it makes it hard to stay attached to them.

 

 

and for how to end it. i definitely think you should have her try to save her world. in my mind there is no way twilight would go into hiding to live in peace. she would do everything she could to save as many as she could.

 

ps when you do finish this please don't stop as soon as she becomes an alicorn. i would cry if i was reading that and it ended there 

[Winged Anomaly 47]

Aaahhh. So you're asking for tips for that or what? I won't give anything if you don't ask me to after what you've said. Just want to be more careful.

 

I see that you write that for a competition in this year am I correct? I've skimmed it and I think I can give some tips for your writing style (Writing style isn't a basic thing). That is, if you're willing. I'm sure I can make it gets at least the third place. Again, that is, if you're willing.

 

National Novel Writing Month isn't really a contest.  Basically, each participant just tries to write 50,000 words in a month.  If you succeed, you win, and I managed to do it my third year running ^-^

 

But yes, I would be interested in hearing what you have to say.  Ascend is far from done, but it'd be nice to get what I have into good shape.  Thanks for offering.

 

ok this is coming form someone who also likes write. i like where you are going with this and i think you should definitely not blow off twilight's leg. for me when someone drastically changes a character that i already know... well it makes it hard to stay attached to them.

 

 

and for how to end it. i definitely think you should have her try to save her world. in my mind there is no way twilight would go into hiding to live in peace. she would do everything she could to save as many as she could.

 

ps when you do finish this please don't stop as soon as she becomes an alicorn. i would cry if i was reading that and it ended there 

 

Cool, thanks for the input, mate!

 

As for whether or not she'd try to save the world, well... it's a little more complex than that.  Equestria is no longer at war, but its government is this loose assembly of ordinary ponies - Earth Ponies, Pegasi, and Unicorns.  As an Alicorn, she has a right to rule, but the question is this: is having a signular Alicorn ruling Equestria better than having a council of ordinary ponies?  Food for thought.

[Sky Warden 2,243]

 

National Novel Writing Month isn't really a contest.  Basically, each participant just tries to write 50,000 words in a month.  If you succeed, you win, and I managed to do it my third year running ^-^

 

But yes, I would be interested in hearing what you have to say.  Ascend is far from done, but it'd be nice to get what I have into good shape.  Thanks for offering.

Well okay then. I guess we can do it through PM or something. LOL. I hope I have the guts. Even though my friends say that I write like a novelist, I'm still too scared to join any contest. Too lazy to join one as well.

 

By the way, see Fanglore's opinion. Everypony here want Twilight's story to be completed.

 

Have to go. Study again, for math exam. Last semester at the school Sky. Remember that company which has ordered you. -_-

[Winged Anomaly 47]

Well okay then. I guess we can do it through PM or something. LOL. I hope I have the guts. Even though my friends say that I write like a novelist, I'm still too scared to join any contest. Too lazy to join one as well.

 

By the way, see Fanglore's opinion. Everypony here want Twilight's story to be completed.

 

Have to go. Study again, for math exam. Last semester at the school Sky. Remember that company which has ordered you. -_-

 

Okay, just PM me whenever you've got something for me.  Good luck with the math exam - I guess I'll talk to you later.  Sorry again about blowing up at you - had a really bad day.  My cat's at the vet after getting hit by a car, so... yeah :'(

[Fanglore 140]

n a steampunk-esque alternate Equestria, the princesses are assassinated.  The three races go to war against one another for dominance and control over the elements of harmony.  As one might expect, the Unicorns win.  Drunk with victory, they install a little dictatorship, and oppress the living heck out of the other two races.  Uncontent with the state of affairs, Rainbow Dash (who narrates the whole thing, by the way) joins a revolution led by Spitfire, and kicks flank until a climactic final battle which leaves Rainbow dead.  Twilight, at the culmination of a love triangle subplot that I won't go into here, uses an experimental Life Magic technique to swap Rainbow's fate with hers - Rainbow survives, but Twilight dies.

 

 

my bad. i didn't understand that the revolution won and no problem. i love to give creative support when i can an pleas send me a note when you finish this or if you want any more ideas.