Badvice!

[Batbrony 16,051]

Troll the comment section of the fic, dropping spoilers and excessive vulgarity left and write so that the author is very clear how much you disapprove and just how much this has ruined the fic for you!  If that doesn't make you feel better, go out and bust a few mailboxes, that should relieve the rest of your anger.

 

What's the best way to pick up a girl and ask her out?

[Silverhoof 2,844]

Say, "He baby, what your sign?" Girls love being called baby. Also they love guys with leisure suits, unbuttoned shirts and guys who wear 30 gold necklaces. Oh, and don't bathe for a few days so you smell all manly.

 

My girl wants to make me frogs legs for dinner. Is there a polite way to say, "NO! H*LL NO! GAG ME WITH A SPOON! poor frogs. NO! NO! NO! but I still love you. NO! NEVER! ZIP! NADA! NOOOOOOOOO!"

[Sylvester 350]

Het a hacker to hack her phone, computer and tv and create your own news about all recently purchased frogs are in fact poisonous...

How do I get my friends online without them knowing??

[Silverhoof 2,844]

How do I GET my friends online without them knowing??

sniper rifle.

 

My Mom wants me to get married. I can't really tell her to go get stuffed, is there a nicer way of saying the same thing?

[Sylvester 350]

No, instead hire an actress to play as your wife while you visit her.

Who should I go to if I'm suicidal??

Edited September 14, 2013 by Silverstar

[Sunset Shimmering 43]

Might as well go to Kony himself, don't forget to strap yourself with grenades. I'm very sure that he will be delighted to accept your suicidal gift!

 

How do I turn invisible without dying?

[Unnamed 9]

Invisibility cloak. Go visit hogwarts.

 

How do I eat asparagus without vomiting?

[squareyes 153]

Get your local doctor to cut open your stomach and shove the asparagus inside wherever. You can sew it up as well as have an anesthetic if you want.

 

I keep biting my tongue when I eat, what should I do about it?

[-D1SCORDANT- 1,080]

Remove your tongue with a rusty old knife.

 

 

I'm bored.

[Frith is Magick 1,471]

Watch someone cut their tongue out with a rusty knife.

 

How can I think of a whimsical issue on the spot that is sure to illicit laughter and a humourous response?

[CornBreadGang 514]

Say "that's what she said" at the end of everything.

 

I've gained super powers. What do I do with them?

[just ignore me 86]

Make nachos 

 

 

I'm thirsty but all i have is dry crackers

[Antismurf9001 1,271]

Spit on them, then they won't be dry anymore.

 

My computer wants me to install updates.  Should I?

[Sylvester 350]

Yes, especially if it's java.

How do you wake yourself up from a faint?

[CornBreadGang 514]

Stay fainted. You'll wake up eventually.

 

I've learned the secrets of the universe. Who do I tell first?

[-D1SCORDANT- 1,080]

The next person you see.

 

I can't play guitar to save my life, what do I do?

[~Lawful Haze~ 173]

Try playing it with your toes, it's surprisingly more effective!

 

I don't know how to use chopsticks!

[-D1SCORDANT- 1,080]

Stick them in your nose.

 

I fed it after midnight, what do I do?

 

Also, I get the joke in your sig.

[SomariFeyWright 776]

Let it eat you. It should spit you out before you're digested, and appreciate the sacrifice you made for it, and give you a million dollars and be your best friend 5ever.

 

I can shapeshift now. What should I do with this power first?

[-D1SCORDANT- 1,080]

Scare the heck out of your Cousin/sibling/other relative.

 

They're coming to take me away, Ha Haa!

[Sylvester 350]

Take them before they take you!!

My friend is having a heart attack, what do I do? 

[Silverhoof 2,844]

Shoot the heart before it attacks anyone else!

 

My GF wants us to get matching outfits (pants/shirts/jacket). She'll be happy, but the guys all say I'll look like a woos.  What do?

[Sylvester 350]

Buy the clothes, make sure you have insurance, put them in your house and burn it down.

I hate my life, but I'd never commit suicide, what do I do??

[just ignore me 86]

kill someone and take over their life

 

I mentioned the dog park and the hooded figures are coming what should i do

[Sylvester 350]

Join the cause.

How do I convince my friend I'm a robot??