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You are a Blank Flank - A Text Adventure

Spider's Claw

By Spider's Claw, User

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Spider's Claw
Spider's Claw

So I decided it was high time I made some sort of contribution to the forum. Of course, I have chosen to do this the only way I know how: a really poorly written text adventure that always seems to b

The Great and Powerful Trixie
The Great and Powerful Trixie

Natural Harmonia Gropius

Kinvara
Kinvara

>Get your torch, mount you horse, >Screw your courage to the sticking place. >We're counting on your stud to lead the way. >Through a mist to the wood, where we see a haunted castle,

Spider's Claw

Spider's Claw 213

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> MLIT WVCW T3KU SFZC

 

You start typing in a password, which you know for a fact will give you all of the items and weapons.

 

ERROR: PASSWORD SYSTEM NOT UNLOCKED. COMPLETE GAME FIRST.

 

Dammit. Well, next best thing:

 

>Bravely Run Away

 

Run, Natural, run!!!!!!!!

 

Morning Glory grabs your tail, and then proceeds to correct you.

 

I think you mean tactical retreat.

 

You both make a "tactical retreat" far, far away from the scientist and his monster.

 

"Three... two... one... ZERO!" the doctor shouts, stomping his hoof. The ground shakes violently and cracks, opening several chasms and tearing down houses unfortunate enough to be caught in the radius of the earthquake.

 

Oh sweet Pony Jesus he has an earthquake machine.

 

 

Natural Harmonia

Condition: Fine

Talent: Protagonist

Inventory (1/4): Broken Wooden Stake

 

Morning Glory

Condition: Caution

Talent: Magic

Inventory (1/3): Plastic fangs

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Spider's Claw

Spider's Claw 213

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Facehoof at all the machines he has.

Ship Natural and Morning.

 

Also, didn't Natural throw the Wooden Stake?

Wooden stake, what on earth are you talking about? Ah ha ha ha you threw that already, it totally isn't in your inventory!

 

You facehoof. Earthquake machine, lightning machine, corpse reanimation machine, what else does he have?

 

He shouts from across town that he is also building a plague machine, is in possession of more zan a few torture machines, unt probably one or two sentient killer machines of some sort. Unt also a death ray machine. Guy's like Pony Tesla.

 

You turn to Morning Glory. You tell her we're either going to ship tease or just skip right to making out, right now. She politely declines on the grounds that she does not swing that way.

 

> JUMP into CHASM. It's surely more interesting than anything else you'd be doing.

 

You run toward one of the chasms. Morning Glory attempts to grab your tail and stop you, but she fails. You leap head-first down one of the chasms. You are beginning to wonder when you're going to land. Your thoughts are cut short when you hit a surface and black out.

 

After some time, you wake up. You can't see anything, but you can hear voices. A young-sounding mare is asking what's in the bag. You come to the conclusion that you are what is in the bag.

 

The pony closest to you, who you know for a fact is the sciencepony, says that ze bag contains only supplies for ze innocent sciences, unt not a cadaver nor live pony zat he intends to cut open. The mare refuses to believe him. Somepony opens up the bag. You crawl out of it. Moonlight Minuet helps you to your hooves. Doctor von Ponington politely requests you get back in ze bag so he can dissect you as originally planned.

 

>You really need to find out where Von Ponington's cool machines are

 

Doctor von Ponington says he vill show you ze cool machines, if you behave unt get back in ze bag.

 

Natural Harmonia

Condition: Fine

Talent: Protagonist

Inventory (0/4):

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Spider's Claw 213

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Refuse him and find Midnight again.

 

You tell him no, you need to go back to St. Arion and find Midnight Morning Glory. He asks politely. He would REALLY like it if you vere in ze bag.

 

> GO in BAG in hopes of RECEIVING an ACHIEVEMENT

 

Hey, he did ask nicely. You go back in the bag. He starts to tie it as a notification appears in your view:

GOOD LISTENER

Earned for taking Doctor von Ponington's advice.

 

>Take bag and force it over Von Ponington's head.

 

Moonlight Minuet pulls you out of the bag again. Since you're clearly too incompetent, she decides to take matters into her own hands. She picks up the bag and forces it over the doctor's head. He stumbles around blindly and attempts to remove it, and then starts calling for Ponystein.

 

Moonlight says run. She's going to go get her family and get the hell out.

 

Natural Harmonia

Condition: Fine

Talent: Protagonist

Inventory (0/4):

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Spider's Claw 213

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(edited)

Go out and find Morning Glory perfectly fine with a golden pickaxe in her inventory.

 

You're sure Morning Glory is still alive. She must've had the sense to run. Yes, that beautiful mare surely wouldn't walk right into the doctor's trap. She's too smart, and clever, and pretty for...

 

What were you doing?

 

Oh, right, leaving, yes, that's what you were doing, leaving and, uh, reuniting with Morning Glory. You run from the castle. You can hear Doctor von Ponington shouting for the guards to shoot you. Not to kill, just to incapacitate. He wanted to do a few things before killing you. Torture things.

 

Fortunately, the guards have sucky aim! As you escape back to St. Arion, you assume the role of another character.

 

-=-=-=You Are a Princess - A Text Adventure=-=-=-

Posted Image

You find that you are now playing as Princess Moonlight Minuet. You ordered Natural to flee the castle, and you plan to gather your three sisters, your brother, and your parents. You were the sole member of the royal family who had doubts about Doctor von Ponington, but now he has shown multiple times that he is not only untrustworthy, but also evil, you are sure that you can convince your family to exile, arrest, or execute him.

 

As you make your way down the halls of your castle, you notice that Ponystein is following you oh God.

 

Moonlight Minuet

Condition: Fine

Talent: Princess

Inventory (0/3):

Edited by Spider's Claw

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Spider's Claw 213

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(edited)

>Use your feminine wiles to lull Von Ponington into a false sense of security

 

Well, Doctor von Ponington is somewhere else in the castle and you have no desire to go find him again. But surely you can seduce Ponystein. You walk up to it and bat your eyelashes, and show a little bit of flank.

 

Turns out you're a blank flank too. Not like you didn't know that.

 

Send him to the moon!

 

Before you can do anything else, it knocks you into the air and into the wall a few yards behind you merely by pushing you semi-gently with its hoof. Yeah, you're not too sure how fighting it is going to go. The force of you hitting the wall caused a framed painting to fall off the wall and onto your head. This painting was covering a secret button!

 

Moonlight Minuet

Condition: Fine

Talent: Princess

Inventory (0/3):

Edited by Spider's Claw

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Push the secret button... with your right flank!

 

You leap into the air and stick your right flank out, slamming against the button.

 

A mechanical voice calls for a password.

 

>Spin around in circles

 

You know just what to do. You've seen the doctor do this from time to time, and now you know why: it's how you get into his secret lab of secrecy. You spin around in circles.

 

The wall opens. There is a staircase leading down. Ponystein is approaching.

 

Moonlight Minuet

Condition: Fine

Talent: Princess

Inventory (0/3):

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Spider's Claw 213

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Zip around like Pinkie Pie breaking the laws of physics and if that works or not, go up the staircase.

 

Pinkie Pie? You'd rather not. You've never been to Ponyville so you've never actually met her. Your only impression of her is that awful, terrible fanfic that you just couldn't stop reading. You decide to go down the secret staircase to Doctor von Ponington's secret lab.

 

You suddenly wish you didn't. Nothing could have prepared you for this place. It is almost entirely white, in stark contrast to the dark gray color scheme of the castle. It is very, very well-lit, in stark contrast to the dimly lit castle. It is filled with operating tables, some of which have bloodstains. Beside each table is a cart no doubt filled with surgical tools and torture devices. You look to the other end of the room. The things over there look like three perfectly harmless large cylinders on the ground level, but from the staircase, you can see they are halfway filled with acid and the third one is pretty much filled with pony skeletons.

 

You begin to wonder where or what Doctor von Ponington gets his inspiration from. Someone calls out to you for help. It's not the doctor. You know that voice. You know it quite well. It's your brother, the young, ill one that Doctor von Ponington supposedly cured. Looking around again, you notice him strapped to one of the operating tables against the wall.

 

The secret door shuts behind you. You doubt Ponystein is competent enough to open it up. You're safe for now.

 

Moonlight Minuet

Condition: Fine

Talent: Princess

Inventory (0/3):

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Spider's Claw 213

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Remember your not playing Harmonia and understand at the end.

Free your brother.

 

You untie the straps binding your brother. He rolls off the table and stands up.

 

Posted Image

Your brother, Tuxedo Tango, explains that Doctor von Ponington promised him candy if he would accompany him to his super secret laboratory that nopony else in the castle knows about and also happens to be completely soundproof so nopony could possibly hear any screams of pain, nor screams of pleasure, that might come from inside said laboratory. He says he went with the doctor, since von Ponington cured his mysterious illness a few months ago, and was indeed offered candy while down in the lab.

 

Tango goes on to explain that he noticed some of the skeletons just sort of chilling in the lab, and he started to become somewhat suspicious of the doctor. He thought back to that awful, terrible fanfic you showed him and he came to the conclusion that the candy was probably drugged. Doctor von Ponington admitted that yes, the candy was drugged, and instead settled on knocking him out with the heavy glass bowl of candy.

 

And then he woke up tied to a table. He's been here for awhile.

 

Prince Tuxedo Tango has joined the party!

 

>Pick up some of surgical tools

 

To arms, ponies! You and Tango grab scalpels from the nearest cart. There's some other stuff, but with such limited inventories, you'd rather not bother.

 

Moonlight Minuet

Condition: Fine

Talent: Princess

Inventory (1/3): Scalpel

 

Tuxedo Tango

Condition: Fine

Talent: Prince

Inventory (1/3): Scalpel

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