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[The EverFree Pony 64]

R:Am sorry for lying to you i let my anger of are situation get me and let it out on are prey. That's why am so good at my job i feel its so unfair why do they get it so easy huh we never ask to be monsters did we!!!

Wave reached out and slapped Rex across the check

W:we are not monsters you hear me we have just the same right to live as them you hear me!!!Even if we must feed on them to live we can still keep are minds we can still treat them with enough respect to not become the horrible monsters they make us out to be!!!!!

This a few lines from my new fanfic green stars of envy fall a prolonge to a bigger story am planning plz let me know what you think:D here a link to my account were it will be posted http://www.fimfiction.net/user/The%20EverFree%20Pony

[Night Shadow 54]

It's interesting but there are a lot of grammatical flaws and spelling errors.  For instance, 'check' should be 'cheek'.  I'd recommend finding someone to proofread each chapter for mistakes like this before you unveil them to the public.  Mistakes like these can take so much away from a good story.  I wouldn't have read half of the Harry Potter books if they had a lot of mistakes.

 

Anyway, it seems intriguing.  Keep working with it and you'll have yourself a good fanfic ^^

Edited July 31, 2013 by Night Shadow