OC Reviews

[Greyhawk 100]

I am curious of how you would review my oc, even though I'm quite nervous of critics. Though I am a little skeptical of my character creation decisions and risks I am taking in making him but I have to see how you see him.

 

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/greyhawk-r4307

[RussianRoulette 2]

Could you perhaps take a peek at Roulette when you have a moment? It would be greatly appreciated

 

Link to him is in my sig.

[Harmony Spark 265]

Hi can u do my OC please? She's an teen alicorn called Princess Harmony Spark, the Princess of Imagination. She's a huge Transformers G1 fan and has Asperger's syndrome. Her profile is in the signature box below thanks

[toby rogers 258]

hello i was wondering if you could rate/edit my golem oc, it is a clay golem held together with energy and the star on it's chest is the source it's power

[~Sole~ 852]

I know it doesn't seem to make much sense for him to narrate his profile, but it seems unique and cool to me. And it is easily possible to define your personality and history yourself, no one knows you better then yourself after all.

[Rascal~ 657]

@,@@Harmony Spark, @@RussianRoulette, @@Greyhawk, @, @@Colt,  @,@,@@The Awesome One,@,

Alright guys, I'll be doing your reviews over the next week or so. So sorry that I haven't gotten to you guys till now but 1. I totally forgot and 2. I did have stuff going on at the time.

So I'll be able to review your characters, and I'm happy to do more of your character if you want. 

Thank guys

[MLPForums Phanact 1,374]

You can cross my OC's off the list as I no longer use them :3 Thank you very much for offering to do it though, that's really kind of you!

[Rascal~ 657]

@,  Alright, so your oc was first on the list. So I did him first of course. But since he is my first one back I maybe be a little rusty, but don't worry I'll try. 

 

Appearance

I would say that the shades of grey do look quite good together, though I would say to either lighting up the coat or the mane. The coat should be lighter than the mane with your choice of greys and such, and maybe to darken the outline of the mane to match it up together to make it look better. And I also see that you've gotten rid of the armour, and the bag stays. I quite like your decision there, I was going to comment on how it looked way too crowded on the poor fella. He probably wouldn't have gone far with that much on him. So overall he doesn't look all that bad, but maybe change the few things I said so he looks more appealing to the eye.

Score 6/10

 

Personality

I have to say, yes a pretty much average personality. But it makes sense with the character's colours and such, I haven't read his backstory yet, but I think this may be good and actually fits quite well with what I've seen from the character. And its good how you added the fact that yes he may be awkward around new ponies, but able to warm up to them quite quickly. The personality section may be only a sentence or two, but its nice and simple and works with the character.

 Score 4/5

 

Backstory 

 

So the backstory was again short, but you had all the information there so I could see the story you were telling. I can see the intelligence factor in him with his colour scheme, but I wasn't really expecting the long wing development. I would say to stick with the intelligence, because that bullying factor could definitely be enough with just that, I know that bullies can prey on just your intelligence alone. But how he became a  bit of a nomad is understood quite well, and practically the end of his story is nice too. Though I would suggest adding a bit more to it, like some filler or something. It is quite small, which is good, but I think that it needs just a bit more filler to it.

Score 7/10

 

So, that was my first review back. I hope you're okay with it, you got a score of 17/25. So it's pretty good.

Any question you have please don't hesitate to ask.  

[Misty Rose 3,216]

Thanks alot Rascal, I'll be looking forward to your review I understand why it would take long though Being busy doesn't give you time for stuff like this

[LittleRawr 679]

Ohai! :3

 

I'd love it if you do a review of Cleo(Link in signature). I'm trying to think of ways to expand her character and stuff, but I'm not sure how. So I'd love your input! c:

[Rascal~ 657]

@,

Hey, sorry for getting so long onto this thread. But I have finally aqurried some time to do some reveiws, you have no idea how much solid work I had to do in order to get enough time to do this, but since I've done weeks worth of work I should be able to fit your oc review in 

@, Alright, so as my first review since my last one in forever ago. Lets hope I can get back into the swing of things for ya. 

 

Appearance

I had to go look for a colour coding site so that I could properly find the exact colours you were talking about in the description. But I would have to say that the two shades of greyish for eyes and coat will probably not match when placed together, the greyish coat and bright teal mane/tail would go very well together though, the brightness of the mane bringing out the coat colour. But the eyes are too dull of a colour to see it pleasing to the eye, I believe if you brought up the brightness to maybe #C62CC6 at least to my recommendation. Its really just a brighter shade bringing it from a lilac to a violet/purple colour, which looks better in my minds eye as it fixes the colour palette, bringing it some balance and so that she doesn't look like a ghost. But other than that I think that she looks fine, her mane and tail fit her when I picture her and if you just change the colour of her eyes she'll look more like a pony and less like a ghost. 

Score 6/10

 

Personality

I haven't read her backstory yet, but I think I can see where this pony is heading. You've done pretty well to describe the typical snob, which I am guessing that is what you wanted from the description. Actually I think this is how someone would describe prince blueblood if they went into full detail about it. I think that this is what your going for, and so I don't see that many flaws with how you are writing it nor the description, but me personally I kinda hate character who act like this, so if you can make me believe that the character is meant to be hated in a way then I would say congratulations, I hate the character as a person/pony. 

Score 4/5

 

Backstory 

When I read the personality section I was expecting something much different, and as much as I love things taking their twists and turns I was at least expecting the personality to stay with the character. In the story none of what you described actually showed, and I felt as though you were portraying two different characters there. I see one mare that is a rich snob, her life handed to her for her entire life and she expected that to happen till the day she died. But with her backstory I got someone who lived in a rich home and family life, but if you passed her on the street you would see her as any other mare. One that was kind and cared for her loved ones as well as being more or less innocent with her life and enjoying her childhood, but her personality I got something totaly different. I would suggest to change the personality to fit the backstory, since that was actually well written but left me confused due to what I read before hand. I would suggest when writing the personality is that you take on the character that you portrayed in your backstory, instead of a mare who is on the same level as Prince blueblood. I would keep the not thinking before acting thing, since that could be applied to your character, but I suggest changing the personality to fit with the amazing character that you wrote down.

Score 5/10

 

So you got a score of 15/25, which isn't so bad really. I had to deduct points since the personality and the backstory really had no correlation with each other and could leave anyone confused as to what kind of pony she is.

Hopefully you are okay with this review, since it has been a couple of months since I last popped up for one

[IridscentNionios 1,420]

Selune Darkeye and Terra Lionmane please.

[Skylar 1,641]

Appearance:

Gallery : http://imgur.com/a/0vrf9

 

Personality:

Hes is very brave and will do anything for his friends / the mare he cares about. However he has a very emotional side which he doesn't usually to show to other ponies, unless in extreme circumstances!

Can seem quite serious and calm on the outside however once someone makes him laugh then he always lightens up .

He is a very deep pony who likes intellectual conversations and enjoys pondering / philosophizing about things in the world. However he is more than happy to talk about any random things

He is very loving when he finds a mare however it takes him a while to find the one right for him, hes not interested in materialistic possessions or mares that have lots of talents but instead he likes mares who are kind, loyal, caring but also tomboyish / mischievous.

When he falls in love he does so deeply and wildly and will do anything for the mare who gives him these feelings!

He is a talented flyer but doesn't brag about his ability, however he loves to compete and push himself futher. He hates losing though but doesn't show it to much!

Usually a happy pony but when he gets upset it can last a while unless there are people there to comfort him!

Prefer's peace and quiet over loud parties etc. Doesn't like being the center of attention though he does like being noticed by other ponies.

He lives quite restricted when it comes to food etc, even though he is not super athletic (nor does he want to be) he still likes to keep healthy which means no pie's (we can leave them for Soarin!) , chocolate, cakes or anything of that sort! Unless its a special occasion.

Last but not least he can have a very mischievous sense of humor but he knows how to behave himself if he is upsetting someone or they dont approve of his humor!

 

 

Backstory:

 

http://mlpforums.com/blog/1210/entry-7077-a-life-without-limits/

Edited December 18, 2013 by Skylar

[Rascal~ 657]

@@Skylar,

Um skylar, thats what I do for you, not what you do for me. Can I please have a character link or something? 

[Skylar 1,641]

Woops sorry, just woke up so im a bit brain dead atm

 

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/skylar-r4546

Edited December 18, 2013 by Skylar

[Tanner 186]

I wouldn't mind having some feedback on mine. It's my first OC, so this should be helpful. 

 

Link to his page is in my sig. (Hollow Aegis).

[Dark Heart 284]

I'm interested to if you dont mind here's my OC

Dark Star

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/dark-star-r5342