writing By a Virtue of Degree

[ghostfacekiller39 23,860]

Well, I'm a bit rusty in my poetry, but I'll give this a go; something I've been meaning to write about for a while, anyway. 

 

Don't be too harsh with your criticisms; I'm trying to get back in the groove.

 

So, without further ado...

 

By a Virtue of Degree

by ghostfacekiller39

 

A throbbing that begins in my chest starts to spread throughout my being;

It creates a feeling comparable to nails being driven through each and every one of my pores

It is only being amplified by the shades of a pinkish red I see my skin turning

My mind, my soul, and my body start being deconstructed by what's supposed to be my core.

 

 The starlit world outside turns black and void, my head becomes clouded;

I can feel my self-control being raped, I can taste the bitterness rising out from within

Oh, how I wish I could face my faults, how much I wish I could saw them off;
I wish I could cut this weed from the root before the genocide of the flowers could begin.

 

I can't help but stand up, my face shaded ablaze;

I begin pacing back and forth on carpeted floors, fighting the urge the scream, fighting the need to cry

I hear the whispering voices of the cardiac demons begin to fill my soul with malicious intent;

I look at my reflection in the mirror, and hope for dear life that it is telling me lies.

 

I never asked for my worst defect, my greatest flaw;

I wish it all away, I wish for something to take this burden off from me.

And no matter how closely I listen for a response to my pain, my anguish

I can only hear those cardiac demons laughing at me, by their own virtue of degree. 

[Harmonic Revelations 8,835]

I couldn't help imagining a bitchin' guitar solo in the background while reading this, especially the last stanza.

 

Very deep.

Edited January 26, 2014 by Harmonic Revelations

[Serbon div 386]

One big mistake - the verses are too long. The point of poetry is too be as deep as possible, with the least words as possible. Too explain a lot in only a few words. The same is with writing. Also when you make smaller verses you can manage the vocals in words, for example use words with as much A-s as possible to make a happier tone, but I'm not sure wether that even exist in English. O_o

Still not bad though.

[ghostfacekiller39 23,860]

One big mistake - the verses are too long. The point of poetry is too be as deep as possible, with the least words as possible. Too explain a lot in only a few words. The same is with writing. Also when you make smaller verses you can manage the vocals in words, for example use words with as much A-s as possible to make a happier tone, but I'm not sure wether that even exist in English. O_o

Still not bad though.

Yeahh, this wasn't meant to be a really happy poem, but thanks for the constructive criticism!

 

It's been a while since I've wrote poetry, so I need all the help I can get getting back in the groove.