My First My Little Pony FanFiction

[Sunny Shimmer 259]

Hello, I'm RainbowDarth and I am new so I would like to start a FanFiction series. I got the first chapter and currently working on chapter two. I'm trying my best and would enjoy some feedback about it.

 

It is my first actual FanFiction and would like to thank anyone in advance if they read what I have so far.

 

Link: www.fanfiction.net/s/10117808/1/The-Horror-Within-Ponyville

 

 

I really hope someone out there enjoys it. If you like it so far then please let me know. I started watching the show a month ago so I hope my story is good.

 

Chapter 2 is up and running. I haven't started on chapter 3 yet but hopefully I have most of it planned out this afternoon. I'm working extremely hard on this story and hopefully someone sees it and likes it. If you see something that could be better then let me know because I'm always trying to improve. But if no one sees it then that is fine too, it just means I won't ever know. I will bring the story on here if there is a demand for it otherwise it can stay on FanFiction.

 

If anyone has anything they would wish to see in this story then send me a message and give a brohoof. I will give you credit for your idea if I use it.

 

If you want to read mine and I read yours then I could do that too. I know I am a blank flank right now but hopefully in time I can improve and move up in the ranks and maybe make some friends if that is possible. Who knows? I could endlessly be talking to myself on this topic and no one will ever know. I hope to continue making stories about this show. 

 

Right now I only got one person that says it is really good. I also think I'm doing good on this story.

If anypony wants to be lazy then I will post the first two chapters on here. They will come out on FanFiction first though because that is where I do some editing but I will eventually put them on here as I go.  But just because I like this place so much I will edit it more to include more into the story and there is more connections between parts.  Hope you all like it. by the way I like the smiley faces on here. It won't change where the story is going but will add more explaining then the last version.

 

Here we go.....

 

Title: The Horror Within Ponyville

 

Chapter 1: The Beginning of it all

 

It was a bright and sunny day in ponyville and everypony was doing their daily chores. Fluttershy was taking care of animals. Applejack was harvesting apple trees. However, over at rarity's house, there was utter silence while she stood there with a shocked look on her face and she was frozen still. She couldn't even scream from the horror before her but something happened. She fell to the ground and she was out cold. Meanwhile, Twilight came knocking on rarity's door to find out if her clothes were finished for a party that she was attending later on this week but there was no answer. Twilight put her ear to the door and heard "thump! thump! crash! roar!", then she came rushing into rarity's house with a face of worry for her friend's safety.

 

Rarity was still out cold when twilight found her so twilight rushed rarity to ponyville hospital. As twilight ran into the hospital with rarity on her back, the doctor and nurses ran to rarity's side. The doctor said, "Get her a room quick." Twilight's mind was running in many directions at the time. She wanted her friend to okay but the doctor needed time to work. So twilight took the time of waiting to go get her friends together. She rushed all over ponyville as fast as her hoofs could carry her to find the rest of her dear friends in time. She went to each pony and quickly told them what happened and to quickly meet her at ponyville hospital. Fluttershy was the last pony she needed to tell but she was running out of time before the doctor was finished. But before Fluttershy left she wrote a note down on a piece of paper but twilight kept trying to rushing her so she quickly wrote it down and put it on her bedroom door.

 

Once everypony was at the hospital then they waited outside rarity's hospital room. Sadness gripped each and every one of the pony's hearts as they waited for word on how she was doing. After about an hour of waiting, the doctor slowly walked out of the room with his head looking down at the floor. He said in a low and sadden tone, "I'm sorry but... I'm afraid rarity has suffered too much of a shock and she is in a coma." "We don't know when or if she may wake up, It could be days or months" he said. Each and everypony's eyes widened and started to fill up with tears at the sad news.

 

Twilight was the first to speak, "What could have cause this, doctor?" The doctor replied, "to be perfectly honest, I really couldn't tell but she must have experienced something so horrifying for her to be put into a coma." Rainbow dash couldn't take this torture anymore and burst into rarity's hospital room to see for herself. Rainbow dash didn't always like rarity but she was still her friend. She stopped dead in her tracks right next to rarity's hospital bed and stared down with the biggest tear-filled eyes she has ever had at one of her dearest friend's face that was completely frozen and showed a look of both shock and fear. Her emotions kept attacking her heart as if they wanted to be let out. It drove her over the edge  and she burst out the hospital so fast that she was seen as just a blur causing walls to crack from her sonic boom.

 

Meanwhile discord just got back from helping princess luna with a chaotic mess over at the crystal empire. He thought of dropping in on his one true friend, Fluttershy, at her home and telling her all about it. He laughed about it while he walked to fluttershy's house. As he walked in the door without knocking, he called out fluttershy's name but she didn't come running like she usually does when she hears a friend call for her. He actually started to miss her calm and smiley way of doing things so he began his search for her around the house. He searched everywhere but her bedroom and when he went to knock on her bedroom door he saw a note. He took a moment to read it and take in how chaotic it was written and how he missed causing chaos. The note said...

 

                   Rarity hurt...got to go...can't stop...

 

He could only read some of the words on the note because most of it was unreadable. He sat there and pondered for a moment of what happened. He came up with some amazingly crazy ideas of what could've happened but in the end, he would start thinking about Fluttershy and her feelings and how she might need a friend right about now.

 

Since the note said hurt, he thought it would be right to check ponyville hospital but then he noticed that he could barely see outside because of the thick fog engulfing ponyville. He was out there only moments before and the sky was clear except for a rainbow. Rainbow dash was so torn up about rarity that the weather was going out of control and sending ponyville into chaos. Discord was trying his hardest to resist the urge to cause even more chaos when suddenly he heard rainbow dash's sonic boom over and over. he thought that might be the perfect place to start looking.

 

So he built a trap that would grab her and stop her from moving so fast so that Discord and her could have a talk. His trap went according to plan and rainbow dash fell straight into the trap. rainbow dash screamed and struggled against the trap but the trap contained her. Right when discord was about to ask her what was going on, rainbow dash flipped out and started talking like a mad pony. She couldn't control herself anymore and her emotions were running wild from being shocked out of her. Discord noticed that everything she was trying to say was really being said backwards. As much as he liked the new change, he couldn't understand her so he used his powers to fix her pony brain and restore harmony to her.

 

Circle after circle came in waves in her eyes as her mind went blank and after a few minutes she was back to normal. After shaking her head a few times to get rid of the dizzy feeling that overtook her mind, she said, "Where am I?" Discord smiled for a moment at his work but then got down to business, "Why, you are on top of the last cloud in the sky" he said. Rainbow dash's head was still fuzzy and she looked confused but then she looked down and her eyes widened. Discord released the trap and rainbow dash quickly fixed the weather. She asked, "What happened?" Discord replied, "That was the same question I was going to ask you." Then discord and rainbow dash headed to ponyville hospital to find their friends and find out what was going on.

Edited February 17, 2014 by RainbowDarth

[Sunny Shimmer 259]

I have chapter 3 up on FanFiction. Discord is back.

[inactive lol get mem 123]

This was an interesting read. I like the plot and the suspense In some areas. I hope to see more from you