Fanfic Review?

[ZukoIsBestPony 561]

So, I wrote this awhile back, and I think it's pretty good, but nopony on the site has given me much feedback and I was wondering if it was bad. It's short, more of an introduction than a chapter. Can somepony look at it for me? Give me a full critical review, don't sugarcoat it and don't hold back. If you have any ideas I would love to hear them.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10047760/1/Truth

Thank you.

Edited April 10, 2014 by HarmoniousWhovian

[Untitled Goose Q 5,137]

Well, I did notice some missing punctuation. It also does not flow very well.

[yeet 2,027]

Ill try, though I'm not very good at reviewing stuff, and I'm partly asleep.

[ZukoIsBestPony 561]

Well, I did notice some missing punctuation. It also does not flow very well.

How so? Are there places where I should smooth transitions?

[Untitled Goose Q 5,137]

How so? Are there places where I should smooth transitions?

It's hard to say, really. The flow of a story is hard to define.

[ZukoIsBestPony 561]

It's hard to say, really. The flow of a story is hard to define.

Is it off-putting? Did I make Twilight's emotion change to fast?

 

Also, I face the question, to ship or not to ship? I wrote this when I was going through my Twijack phase.

 

I would also like to note that a lot of the fanfiction on the account is my cousins. We wrote a collab awhile back and we just kinda share the account now. The one I linked was written by just me tho.

Edited April 10, 2014 by HarmoniousWhovian

[yeet 2,027]

Yeah, I've got no idea how to review that. I like it, maybe it would have been better to have applejack stay with twilight a bit longer, but that's just what I think.

[ZukoIsBestPony 561]

Yeah, I've got no idea how to review that. I like it, maybe it would have been better to have applejack stay with twilight a bit longer, but that's just what I think.

Ya, thank you for liking it. One of my flaws is that I rely too much on momentum from the source material to support the way the characters are acting in fanfic. Or at least, I think that's a proper self-analysis. What do you think?

[yeet 2,027]

Ya, thank you for liking it. One of my flaws is that I rely too much on momentum from the source material to support the way the characters are acting in fanfic. Or at least, I think that's a proper self-analysis. What do you think?

I have absolutely no idea.

[ZukoIsBestPony 561]

I have absolutely no idea.

K, well, you should get some sleep, you sound exhausted.

[yeet 2,027]

K, well, you should get some sleep, you sound exhausted.

I did get some sleep. I got to seep at around 2:30am and woke up at around 10am.

[ZukoIsBestPony 561]

@, Thank you for your feedback.