I may be leaving
Entry posted by Rascal~
1,301 views
Hey guys, I know its been a while since I've written up one of my blogs. But I feel as though this is kinda serious and that some passing people may read it.
But I'm considering leaving the forums, not for ever of course. I love it here, I have many a friend and I love so many people on here, but sometimes the bad outweighs the good.
I'm actually thinking that maybe I just ignore everything except for just a roleplay, I have heaps of other stuff to do so I'm sure that the very distracting forums won't be much of a distraction anymore, but I think thats really the only activity you'll see from me. Or if I have to work through here, which is possible because I do have a round of messages to do for the Inquisition project.
But I just have been getting a lot of abuse on here, I already have one continuous abuser that I was able to get out of my life for the most part, though sometimes I see the "you've ignored the member's post" when I go through threads. I blocked him fully to the best I can. But recently an old abuser popped up again. I can't deal with threats to myself or my team right now, nor the abuse we were getting. Hopefully that situation will be dealt with somehow, but you never really know with the internet of course.
Many people here have also been very depressing, rude, mean, they've been arguing, I get about a million status updates of people who want to die or they don't feel appreciated or anything. I'm usually fine with the status updates, there's always someone out there whose depressed and I like to help them out the best I can, and so do many other people. But they have sky-rocketed to the roof lately and it's slightly bringing back my own depression and thoughts. I don't want them, I've gotten rid of them for a while now and I don't like being all happy and bubbly on the outside while I already feel the knife on my throat on the inside. I don't want to go back there, I really don't. All these things that people are shoving to the world is really triggering for me, or at least when I'm exposed to it every 10 mins, and I can't seem to get away from it since it seems to be everywhere.
And last but not least, my health has been really bad lately. Sometime ago the doctors said to me that I wasn't going to live for very much longer, which sure as hell hit hard for me and my family. I was told that I should be careful, because it is possible that I could drop dead at any moment, and dear god that scares me so much, and my poor mum who is taking care of me. Though not long ago, after my wish day, the doctors said.
"Hey, we think that you've been doing really well Sab. We're going to put you on some more and new meds and I think that we may have you in a good spot. Let's say that we don't think that your going to drop dead any second. Though please do be careful."
That's what I got last time I visited them, great news really. But of course, I've been getting some side affects from the new meds and my body is still degrading on me. So I'll keep living till I'm not no more, but I'm hoping to get to the doctors soon and so they can help. I keep having to wear long pants when I go out or if people or family is coming over, I don't like people seeing the weird blotches on my legs and at least the rest are covered up anyway, but hell it's bloody hot over. God damn it summer! Why must you plague me!
Sorry, went a little funny there. I guess I can't help trying to be a little light hearted about this kind of stuff, I usually do it anyway.
But of course my heart hasn't been faring too well either, it seems as though the body is either giving up but not, or its confused as to whether it wants to die or not. I don't understand most of it, I just sit here and feel and the pain and watch it, its very scary really from my view.
But hopefully you guys can accept my reasons as too why I may be leaving. I think I'll be going with something along the lines where I'll only be on here for 3 reasons, but for everything else I just wont bother dealing with. I think that is personal messages (may not reply anyway unless they're important), an amazing roleplay I have been waiting to partake in- and I had quit all my other rps and the like so I could join this one and not feel overwhelmed, and my request thread on here too. I still want to practice my skills in that field and the rp I'm too excited about to just give up on it, I'm sorry guys but there is just too much going on right now on here and in real life. I'll still be working though, I don't want to complete drop everything since I do care about a lot of people, but I'm just unsure about everything really.
Right now I actually still unsure of staying or not, but I know that I have at least presented my case already so I can just slip away if I decide too.
Thanks to all who read this and the like.
Sai
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