Jump to content
Banner by ~ Ice Princess Silky

PrymeStriker

User
 View Profile  See their content

  • Posts

    503

  • Joined

  • Last visited

 Content Type 

Blog Entries posted by PrymeStriker

  1. PrymeStriker
    I'll go back and re-watch the series, I said.
     
    It'll be fun, I said.
     
    The show's not that bad, I said.
     
    Why must everything come back to BITE ME IN THE ASS?!
     
    "Power Ponies". I forgot all about "Power Ponies"! And I liked it that way! But of course it's the next thing I have to fucking review after I trench through three episodes in a row. OF COURSE.
     
    Giddy up, we're in for the ride of a fucking millennia. This is "Power Ponies".
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
    Dear God....so this episode opens up with immediate cancer. Spike spits out a bunch of exposition about the main villain of the episode and drops not-so-subtle hints regarding a useless sidekick in the story. This, all happening in the middle of the night when Twilight explains that they need to spruce up the Castle of the Two Sisters in the morning. Err....why? The castle's been abandoned for around a thousand years, and they now have a better castle in Canterlot. The fuck is the point of trying to rebuild the castle in the middle of the forest that's surrounded by moss? After the title sequence pours hemorrhoid cream through my ears, we see Spike trying to find his place in helping out the others fix the castle, in which everyone says they can handle it. Then what the fuck was the point of BRINGING HIM IN THE FIRST PLACE?! For fucks sake, the WHOLE PROLOGUE involved Twilight telling Spike to GO TO BED so he can HELP THEM in the morning. NOW they tell him to fuck off?
     
    THREE MINUTES IN: INSTANT BULLSHIT
     

    "So, you had me get up early for nothing? How would you like a nice knife in your throat, Twilight?"
     
    If that wasn't enough bullshit for you, here comes some more convoluted storytelling. At the end of his comic, Spike spots a spell in small text that allows the comic book to open a portal that sucks him into the story, and subsequently all the other characters with him. How? No clue! Is it ever explained? Nope! It's just more "magic"! I understand this world has a really broad sense of rules when it comes to magic, but this is very convenient and uncreative. Like it came straight out of a fan fiction. Same thing for "Daring Don't", come to think of it. Even "Simple Ways"! This isn't the continuity season. This is the fanservice season. Greeeaaattt. 'Cause you know how much I love fanservice! So once everyone ends up inside the comic book, Spike reveals that each of the mane six have conveniently become the Power Ponies! Each with their own individual and completely shitty, tiresome, and forgettable superhero names! What a goddamned perfect little....what's that word?
     
    Oh yeah.
     
    GIMMICK. THIS EPISODE IS A POORLY-WRITTEN GIMMICK.
     

    I can't even embrace the cringe. It's too much!
     
    I can just imagine the board meeting. "Hmm? The Avengers are popular? Let's put that in the pony show we have going so that we can show girls can do it too or some shit. This is gonna make us a ton of money! Oh yeah, and while we're at it, Beast Hunters is the next big thing for Hasbro, I want the press to know this." I don't even remember if this got off the ground as far as merchandising is concerned, but this episode by premise alone feels like it's one of those "to sell toys" moments. Like, this was supposed to be the next big thing for the My Little Pony franchise. I remember there being a shit-ton of a commercials for this episode too. This episode was overhyped to fuck-all, and we haven't even begun to count the juicy reasons this whole thing crumbles. So, weak premise and a strong sense of gimmicky goodness, what's wrong with the story? Well, after the Power Ponies discover that Mane-iac has robbed a bank, they need to use their superpowers. So what's everyone's superpower?
     
    *ahem*
     
    1) Pinkie Pie has super speed
    2) Applejack has incredible lasso skills
    3) Twilight can shoot power beams
    4) Rainbow Dash can harness the mighty forces of nature
    5) Fluttershy is the Hulk
    6) Rarity can make anything she thinks of appear
     
    So, what's the problem?
     
    Most of these powers are powers THEY ALREADY HAD IN THE REAL WORLD.
     
    1) APPLEJACK HAS INCREDIBLE LASSO SKILLS, SEE "APPLEBUCK SEASON" WHEN SHE HERDS AN ENTIRE GROUP OF STAMPEEDING CATTLE WITH JUST HER LASSO AND WINONA
     
    2) TWILIGHT IS A FUCKING ALICORN, SHE CAN DO EVEN MORE INCREDIBLE SHIT WITH HER HORN THAN SHOOT BEAMS
     
    3) RAINBOW DASH CAN CREATE TORNADOS AND HARNESS THE POWER OF THUNDER, RAIN, AND LIGHTNING, SEE "SWARM OF THE CENTURY" AND "LUNA ECLIPSED"
     
    4) PINKIE PIE DEFIES PHYSICS CONSTANTLY, INCLUDING SPEED, SEE "GRIFFON THE BRUSH OFF" WHERE NOT EVEN RAINBOW DASH CAN OUTRUN HER
     
    Well, then they should be really good at these powers, right?
     
    NO.
     
    They all SUCK at their powers. Why?
     
    BECAUSE THE WRITERS OF THIS EPISODE ARE COMPLETE FUCKING MORONS.
     

    The bullshit. It never ends. Someone call Penn & Teller.
     
    *sigh*. So, as we continue onward with the plot, we see more and more of our main characters not being able to do shit with the superpowers they already had before being transported into the comic book, with no in-universe explanation for their sudden inability to do the amazing things they've done to save Equestria. Except for Rarity, of course, who's great at the superpower she's never had before. How inconsistent, you might say, but the writers manage to balance that one out by making her completely stupid in this episode. Instead of thinking of things that are useful, such as a bazooka, all she can consider forging with her powers are teapots and carpets. She's about as clueless to the urgency of the situation as Pinkie Pie. Hell, Pinkie Pie's more in-tune to what's going on than her. Because that's in character for her. Except for when it's not. Did I mention I hate this episode before? Well, allow me to make a shocking statement. I hate this episode, and if not for any of those completely valid and irrifutable reasons, then for the shear fact that they give Spike an inferiority complex that we've already seen him deal with in "Owl's Well That Ends Well". In fact, Spike has done plenty of useful things, from saving Applejack's life to return to salvation to an entire empire. Why in the flying fuck would he be doubting his worth? As a matter of fact, about 18 episodes from now, Spike will be tooting his own horn about how great he is for saving the Crystal Empire. But here, the writers make the other six complete retards who can't do a fucking thing for their goddamn selves just so that we can see Spike overcome this oh-so gripping "turmoil". Munch my dick.
     

    Perhaps I should talk less about why this episode sucks ass and more about what's happening in the episode that sucks ass?
     
    Right, so, how's the plot going? Like I said, everybody's an invalid except for Spike...sort of, and that proves true when trying to battle Mane-iac. They all suck so much that Mane-iac uses her paralyzing hairspray on all of the Power Ponies and captures them in her lair. Conveniently, it's up to Spike to stop moping about his newfound "uselessness" and prove himself to an audience that already knows he's useful. There's a parallel I'm going to make at the end of this review with another show that does a similar episode, but better. In the meantime, Mane-iac performs an excessive monologue to the captured Power Ponies that the episode half-mocks, but still partakes in, making it tiresome. All the while, the mane six explain to the idiot villain that Spike always comes through when they need him, in which Spike has an instant change of outlook on his worth. Because he realizes, "oh yeah, there's four seasons of story behind me", and from this point onward he comes up with a plan to foil Mane-iac's.....plans. So he ties some conveniently-placed fabric around some hooks, which with the pull of a chain allows him to miraculously capture all of Mane-iac's henchmen, allowing the paralyzing hairspray to soon wear off after its scheduled respraying is delayed by the unfortunate turn of events. This gives the Power Ponies the perfect opportunity to return to action and create more gimmicky fanservice:
     

    "Ah, yes, and the shy character? We'll make her the Hulk. That'll get the fans to buy our dumb shit. Hasbro reigns supreme!"
     
    Hence, they defeat Mane-iac by being suddenly good at the powers that most of them already had in the real world. Because stupid writers. And, of course, Flutterhulk destroys the hairdryer weapon, meaning they can all return to Equestria. How? No clue! Is it ever explained? Nope! They were all somehow able to trap themselves in a comic book, and the only way they could get out was by defeating Mane-iac. Because magic. And stupid writers. And gimmicks. And fanservice. And bullshit. And when they all get back home, instead of considering "what the fuck just happened?" and maybe deciding to burn that devil comic book, they all giddy in glee about all the "awesome" things they did in there. Of course, they "commend" Spike for being useful, as you would expect, and only now do they rush out an explanation that the comic book was enchanted. Well, no shit, it could've used some fucking detail, though. After all is said and done, the comic book disappears from existence, leaving for an absolutely useless experience!
     

    Good fucking riddance
     
    And so concludes "Power Ponies". Finally.
     
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
     
    This episode sucks the dick of a thousand moose.
     
    Reasons it's vomit-inducing cringeworthy trash:
     
    1) Sloppy prologue, having Spike show up for a job early in the morning that he wasn't needed for anyway
     
    2) Gimmicky premise by having all of the mane six be "superheroes" right off the heels of the popularity of The Avengers (as far as when this episode was likely produced)
     
    3) As far as Twilight, Applejack, and Rainbow Dash are concerned, the superpowers that they are given are identical to the powers that they have in Equestria, and for the Princess of Friendship, a huge downgrade, leaving this plot-point a mess.
     
    4) As far as Rarity, Pinkie Pie, and Fluttershy are concerned, the superpowers that they are given are unique to them, and can use these new powers better than the other three can, but become doused in plot-induced stupidity by the former two being completely oblivious and Fluttershy being uncharacteristically too passive when it comes to the endangerment of her friends (See "Dragonshy" for how she should've reacted in the face of Mane-iac's paralyzing hairspray)
     
    5) This episode is inconsequential to the overall plot of the series, hence why I forgot all about it.
     
    6) Spike is going through an inferiority complex that we've already seen him overcome in "Owl's Well That Ends Well", and over the past four seasons we've seen him do plenty of useful things and be commended for it, making his whole arc in this episode irrelevant.
     
    Which brings me to my final point, the parallels between this episode and another episode from another show. Avatar: The Last Airbender did a similar episode in its third season called "Sokka's Master", where Sokka, a non-bender (lacks "superpowers") sees himself being a very useless member of the team even though he's done plenty of useful things in the series' narrative. Let me explain how that episode was better than "Power Ponies". Aside from the fact that it didn't make the other characters stupid or completely incapable, and that it didn't set itself up with a sloppy premise, Sokka was never specifically told by anyone else on the team that he was important to the their group beforehand, and realistically would feel out of place despite the audience knowing his worth from previous episodes. In this instance, one major change is made. Spike's been told his worth before. In "Owl's Well That Ends Well", in "Spike at Your Service", in the Crystal Empire two-parter, and many of the prologue scenes involving Twilight and Spike. Therefore, it's completely out of character for him to feel this way, and completely contrived as far as shoving it into the story is concerned. This, with all of this episodes unique flaws, is why this episode fails on so many levels and why "Sokka's Master" is ten times better.
     
    "Power Ponies" is a god awful mess. It's plagued with problems and inconsistencies and ultimately amounts to nothing. "Simple Ways" used to be the worst episode of season four, but I've just experienced an episode that's far more deserving of the title. I've only ever given one other episode the lowest rating I can for an episode, and that was "Crusaders of the Lost Mark". I gave that episode a 1/10. And you know what "Power Ponies" is getting?
     
    1/10
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
     
    God, I haven't vomited so much diarrhea in a long time. "Daring Don't" is a masterpiece compared to this piece of shit. This episode even has to make me consider which episode is worse. "Crusaders of the Lost Mark" or "Power Ponies"? Ultimately, while "Power Ponies" is definitely worth the 1/10, I'd say "Crusaders" is a worse episode considering, like I've said with "Simple Ways", it manages to fuck up an entire series-long arc, while this episode is essentially a one-off. I guess that flaw is both a blessing and a curse. I'm going to need to drink myself out of this shit. My preferred alcohol is bleach. Anyways, I'll be back next week to hopefully review a more pleasant episode. Until then, maggot semen.
  2. PrymeStriker
    Welcome to the thrilling conclusion of...
     
    Three One. Reviews Day.
     
    Where I attempt to catch up from my two weeks of absence. In the previous installment we vomited over "Daring Don't." This week, we pillage, burn, and raid "Flight to the Finish". Let's see if it is, indeed, a flight to the finish.
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    Alright, last one, then I'm all caught up. This episode opens up with the head of the Equestria Games, Mrs. Harshwinny, making a special appearance at the Ponyville school. My God, this really is the continuity season. She and Rainbow Dash explain to the children that if they show them to most incredible flag-carrying routine, they'll get to go to the Equestria Games, I guess to perform said routine. Sounds dank. After the title sequence turns my splooge a distasteful green color, Rainbow "Professionalism" Dash explains that she is in fact the coach of the tournament, no doubt giving Scootaloo the motivation she needs to push her friends to do the best flag-carrying routine since Michael Jackson's run at it back in 1634. So she suggests that the flag-carrying should showcase Ponyville's diversity. Then, everything changed when Diamond Tiara took hold. This character is an endless supply of cheap Trump jokes now, isn't she? Anyways, before she comes into the plot as I know she will, we have a musical number to endure.
     

    The composition is fine, the lyrics just suck.
     
    Okay, so, now Diamond Tiara shows up to mock them for their lack of cutie marks. Because that's relevant to flag carrying in her warped sense of reality. So the CMC and Diamond/Spoon are now head-to-head to win this competition. How thrilling. It's not like I'd rather watch paint dry or something. Later, the CMC perform their unfinished mock-up routine for Rainbow Dash, which is already so "awesome". But Rainbow Dash is trying to keep her emotions in check as per Harshwinny's instructions, in which she has immense difficulty. Meanwhile, we see Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon were watching that performance and realize "oh shit, we're fucked". So they try to figure out how else to get under their skin other than the fact that they're blank flanks. They choose to mock Scootaloo for her wing disability. That's pretty cold, and if I didn't annihilate my ability to express sympathy, I'd say that's incredibly cruel.
     

    I smell the suicides in the near future.
     
    So, of course, it gets to her, and Scootaloo determines that she must learn how to fly before the competition. Err, this is going to work out well. Just about as well as rubbing two dildos together in the middle of a blizzard to try and light a bonfire. Her persistence causes the others to tire, and when performing the second version of their act, it all falls apart. Rainbow Dash tells them they should go back to the first one, but Scootaloo is still hung up on flying, and the competition is tomorrrowwow. So as she continues to drone on about being able to fly, Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle get fed up with her obsession, saying that the routine has become all about her rather than the unity of three. So they fuck off and get rest while Scootaloo runs herself into the ground trying to learn how to fly. Finally, she decides the other two don't need her and quits on them, which pisses off Apple Bloom and concerns Sweetie Belle. It seems Diamond Tiara got her wish: the CMC are now in shambles.
     

    I mean, whatever prevents "Crusaders of the Lost Mark" from being an actual event that happens. I'm satisfied.
     
    On the train, Rainbow Dash tells Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle that they're her favorite act and she wants them to win, but when they reveal that Scootaloo is staying home, Rainbow Dash gives them a little speech about loyalty. Which is actually quite nice for Rainbow Dash to do. You wouldn't think she'd be any source of wisdom, but, fuck, I gotta give credit here. So she and the children rush their asses to Scootaloo's house to confront her, and there they explain the Scootaloo that it's the differences of Ponyville that make it, and their routine, special. After that, however, Scootaloo expresses worry that she'll never be able to fly in her life, but Rainbow Dash assures her that she's still the best character in the CMC. That's when they all decide "let's quit fucking around with this shit and win the goddamn competition already." So they do, transitioned by a reprise of the "Hearts as Strong as Horses" number from earlier. And then Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon go jump off a bridge.
     

    I mean, whatever prevents "Crusaders of the Lost Mark" from being an actual event that happens. I'm satisfried.
     
    And so concludes "Flight to the Finish".
     
    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
     
    This is a relatively good episode for a variety of reasons. Rainbow Dash shows herself to be a decent role model in ways not previously explored before, which is great for her, but we also expand more on Scootaloo's insecurities in this episode. Both of these were enough for me to vastly enjoy this episode, but unfortunately there are some objective problems with it. The pacing is completely thrown for a loop, with entire scenes and plot points dragging on longer than they needed to. The opening scene lasts somewhere around five minutes, and Scootaloo's obsession with flying kind of runs dry because we know she can't. Then, of course, there's the argument of whether or not Apple Bloom was in character in terms of being a total dick to Scootaloo. So, while I can see the problems in this episode, it doesn't overshadow some of the highlights for me, so I think this episode is deserving of a 9/10 rank. At least it's a vast improvement over "Daring Don't".
     
    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
     
    Well, there we have it. I'm all caught up for the past three weeks. Now I can finally rest in peace. It's all smooth sailing from here. Absolutely no challenges will present themselves to me from now until next Friday.
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
    ........
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
    There's something else...isn't there?
     
     
     
     
     

     
     
     
    ......................
     
    AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUhelloIseeyou'vescrolledtotherightgoodjobyou'renotanimbecileUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKFC.
  3. PrymeStriker
    Welcome back to...
     
    Three Reviews. One Day.
     
    Where I attempt to catch up from my two weeks of absence. In the previous installment we covered "Castle Mane-ia." This week, we tackle, rape, and murder "Daring Don't". Voyage onward, trusty steed!
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    So this episode opens up with Rainbow Dash geeking out about Daring Do's new book coming out in four months. Aha, more continuity. We should call this the Continuity Season. You know a series is broken when you have to say that. However, after the title sequence makes me bleed apple juice from your dick, we learn that the date of publication for the book had been pushed back due to AK Yearling's inability to finish the book in time. As if I needed more of a reminder that I couldn't follow through with getting these reviews out on time. Thanks, MLP. So Rainbow Dash decides it's a good idea to go find this AK Yearling bitch and put her ass in gear. However, once the gang track down AK Yearling's residence, they find her house trashed to holy fuck.
     

    I especially like the piss stains near the cabinet and toward the left. Nice touch.
     
    Upon investigation, AK Yearling herself happens to come in from wherever she was to think that our main characters made this mess. Then quickly dismisses it to make sure that some...glowing golden ring is safe? Err......ookay? Then, it's revealed that her house was rampaged by three mob henchmen, who proceed to corner the humble fiction writer. Errrrrr..........ooookaaay? Finally, in a quick flash, AK Yearling strips off all of her clothes! Oh God, this is like a horrible fan fiction come to life. But it doesn't stop there, because the camera pans up to reveal that AK Yearling is nake-
     
    ...
     
    W...w-..........................................
     
     
     
    t..To reveal that AK Yearling is........................Daring Do?
     

    .......................................................................
     
    ...............................KfkKFkJFkJEJmk<ldAoldkjgmflc,vlc,v.,rloiroi3w0i95ifokkwrfwasfunigsgers8390409seeeeeeeeeeeees
     
    WHAT?!
     
    DARING DO IS A FUCKING CANON CHARACTER? And she writes all of her OWN BOOKS as AUTOBIOGRAPHIES?
     
    ...
     
    So EVERYTHING in those books actually HAPPENED in a REMOTE part of Equestria?
     
    K...kfF.f....fkf.ffkfe...>F>>F>UCFUCKKKKKKKKK.
     
    NO. FUCK YOU. WHAT IN THE FUCKING FUCKERTON FUCKSALOT IS THIS SHIT. WHO THE FUCK SMOKED GAK AND THOUGHT THIS WOULD BE A GOOD EPISODE PLOTLINE?
     
    First of all, this completely obliterates the concept of "Read It and Weep". Daring Do was a fictional character in-universe that Rainbow Dash could relate to, and making her a real person turns Daring Do into another Wonderbolt. Just another character for Rainbow Dash to idolize. Secondly, it's completely contrived that the main characters all instantly and willingly accept that Daring Do is a real person and not a character like has been implied, and I'm pretty sure spoken, before. Thirdly, all these Daring Do saves the world stories actually happened without ANYONE in the WHOLE UNIVERSE knowing?
     
    I CALL BULLSHIT.
     
    And then of course, since all of this is oh so real, instead of helping "Daring Do", the other six just sit around and watch as if they've never saved Equestria before. Fucking bullshit, this whole episode. I hate it already. But fuck me, I have to keep watching. "Daring Do" says she doesn't need help and flies off on her own to find the doctor guy who stole the golden ring from the thingy. I know what you're thinking. "Well, PrymeStriker, she said she doesn't need help, so that's why they just sat and watched." Bullshit. She said that after the ring was stolen and after the other six did nothing. Before that, the Elements of Harmony could've kicked serious ass there, but they fucking don't. Anyways, Rainbow Dash storms off to help "Daring Do", but she tells her to fuck off again.
     

    I'm too upset to make a witty caption.
     
    I also like how "Daring Do" is less of an Indiana Jones character in this "genius" episode and more like Batman. Because that's what we're parodying here. Fucking retard writers. So "Daring Do" attempts to bribe the doctor fuckers for the ring, but that blue guy with the big nose shows up and challenges "Daring Do" with his infamous army of jungle cats. All the while, Rainbow Dash is fangirling her ass off to the point where she becomes a distraction during battle, leading to "Daring Do" getting captured and once again telling her to fuck off. This time, she does, and Rainbow Dash goes back to the others to sulk. However, the others tell her to grow a pair and they all go to save "Daring Do" from the deadly fortress that NO ONE IN EQUESTRIA EVER KNEW ABOUT IN THE HISTORY OF ANYTHING EVER. Meanwhile, "Daring Do" is about to drown while being eaten by piranhas. But guess who comes to the rescue? That's right, Captain Hindsight!
     

    If this episode wanted to go all the way with the poorly-written fan-fiction approach, these two would start licking each others wing folds.
     
    While that happens, and "Daring Do" thanks Rainbow Dash in so many words for not being a cuck, the other five fuck up the big blue guy's plans in a ring-toss game which brings back more Equestria Girls PTSD with it's toss-the-crown game. As if I didn't have enough reasons to hate this episode. While that happens, Rainbow Dash and "Daring Do" remove the rings from around the dick statue, which is supposed to make the fortress collapse. But since they're really heavy, "Daring Do" realizes she needs help after all. How fucking charming. Notice the way I describe the events in this episode as some really bizarre acid trip? That's because this episode's plotline and pacing is messy enough outside of the canonization of Daring Do. In the end, Rainbow Dash writes in that Friendship Journal (which had not been properly introduced at all yet, it just exists all of a sudden) about how she "just had the coolest adventure" with Daring Do and that she's glad she was able to teach her that she needed a little help from her friends. Her writings are interrupted by Rainbow Dash receiving an advance copy of the book "a week before anyone else".
     
    .....What?
     
    The release date was pushed back two months, and there was already three months of waiting time on that anyway, and Rainbow Dash just said that she JUST had the coolest adventure with Daring Do. How in the FUCK is an advance copy of the next book ready for Rainbow Dash the next day, and how in the FUCK has the release date been reduced NOT ONLY from the two months of backlog that was added to the wait time, but also the other three months that was scheduled ANYWAY. This episode can't even follow its OWN rules.
     

    OOOOOOOOOOH, FFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YOU.
     
    And so concludes "Daring Don't".
     
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
     
    Yep, that title's pretty accurate. To channel my inner mommy blogger, this episode is a "daring don't."
     
    We were doing so good this season, and this episode had to come along and ruin everything. "Daring Don't" is fucking awful. Aside from the wonky pacing and batshit cluttered storytelling, this episode is horridly contrived and completely disrespectful of a perfectly good episode: "Read It and Weep". As I've already explained above: Daring Do was a special character because it was someone fictional that Rainbow Dash could relate to instead of admire like the Wonderbolts. We're expected to believe that all the epic shit that happens in Daring Do's books that were mentioned since season two actually happened in real life and that none of it was made aware by anyone in the world. As everyone's reactions have it, they were shocked to learn that AK Yearling was Daring Do herself. But to top it all off, this shock is momentary, because 2 seconds later everyone starts pissing themselves in glee as if the biggest conspiracy in literature wasn't just unraveled before their fucking eyes. The ONLY good thing about this episode was Rainbow Dash's character development, or what little she received. She was able to teach someone else that they needed help from other people, but this concept is so dry and repetitive, especially in this series (we'll see more of this shit in season five) that even this pro is eclipsed by all the cons. I'm giving "Daring Don't" the glorified 2/10 rating. This episode can go sodomize a rattlesnake.
     
    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
     
    Okay, well that was fucking awful. Two down, one to go. The next episode is "Flight to the Finish", which would've been today's review anyway. Will it be as shitty as this train-wreck, or will it rise from the ashes of its predecessor's meltdown? Tune back in a few hours for the continuation of...
     
    Three Days.
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
    One Review.
  4. PrymeStriker
    Oh, hello there.
     
    *sips tea*
     
     
     
    ..........
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
    Well, it's been a few weeks, hasn't it?
     
     
     
    ...Yeah....well, I didn't exactly plan to miss the last two weeks, but shit happens. At least I'm back now, and I intend on getting out three reviews today so that I can be all caught up with myself. What great fun for everyone. And just in time too, I suppose, since we've barely made it into season four. Ah, great, I can now officially say I've "binge watched" the show. Somebody kill me. So we just finished the "Princess Twilight Sparkle" two-parter, which was fucking epic. Let's see what other treasures lie ahead. This is "Castle Mane-ia!"
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    This episode opens up with Twilight searching through books trying to learn more about the secret chest that came from the Tree of Harmony. Aha, and the plot thickens! Then Celestia interrupts Twilight to send her to the old castle from that flashback where Celestia sent Luna to the moon in search of more information on the matter. There, Twilight finds a library, in which she explodes in glorious glee. My Equestria Girls PTSD is not completely repressed I see. Meanwhile, Spike doesn't like the place because spiders, but fuck him I guess. After the title sequence gives me tonsils in my asshole, we see Rainbow Dash and Applejack in the middle of a "most daring pony" contest.
     

    The Bee Movie but it's My Little Pony: Friendship is Magi-
     
    ...........WAIT A FUCKING MINUTE.
     
    JOSH HABER?!
     
    N-n-noNONONO. You, you're not telling me, this is Josh Haber's FIRST EPISODE is it?!
     
    .....JOSH HABER? Writer of cancer-spreading "SIMPLE WAYS" JOSH HABER?!?!??!?!
     
     
     
     
     
    *inhale*
     

    FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
     
     
     

    God I miss doing these reviews.
     
    Well, let's see if Josh Fucklord Haber manages to send me into hyperdrive this time. After the beekeeper commands his bees return to him, and Pinkie Pie trots off to ring the new school bell, Applejack and Rainbow Dash decide that to determine the most daring pony, they will venture in to the abandoned Castle of the Two Sisters...............which is where Twilight and Spike are.
     
    .......
     
    Oh, and now where Rarity and Fluttershy are going there too in search of fabric. How convenient. I wonder how this story's going to end, huh? It's totally not predictable. So, let's see, whose story will we follow first? Ah, how about the slut and the tranny. There's a story that's sure to have a happy ending. The two of them find their tapestries or whatever the fuck you call them in a branching room, and Rarity asks Fluttershy to fly up and lift it off of its hook. In doing so, she activates a hidden door that separates the two.
     

    It's not the biggest thing Rarity's seen rotate vigorously.
     
    In this instance, the rotating wall happens to turn in a room that Rainbow Dash and Applejack are in, and Fluttershy's frantic motions make them think there's really a ghost haunting the castle. Of course, the wall turns once more to return Fluttershy to Rarity, causing another problem altogether when its revealed she'd hurt her wing. A surprisingly hilarious dialogue takes place when Rarity explains that Fluttershy must've activated a secret door, to which she briskly and almost completely blankly replies "Oh, I'm sorry." It's the little things you know? Like Bill Maher's dick. Little things like that are hilarious. Anyways, while Rarity and Fluttershy fall in a hole, Rainbow Dash and Applejack try to prove to each other that their not scared of the castle, and Twilight and Spike continue studying. That's when Angel (oh, yeah, he's here too, refer to the above screencap) comes into Twilight's room and inadvertently opens up another door which reveals the Journal of the Two Sisters. Jesus Christ, there's the Castle of the Two Sisters, the Journal of the Two Sisters. What's next? The Cup of the Two Sisters?!
     
    .......wait, NO, DON'T!
     

    It's okay, Spike. We'll get through the fanfics together.
     
    So while Fluttershy and Rarity try to figure their way out of the hole, Applejack and Rainbow Dash bicker as the walk through a hallway of hanging, disembodied pony legs. That...actually is creepy. Imagine if there was a hallway with a bunch of severed human legs hanging off the wall. That's fucked up. This episode just received some macabre points. As Rarity sticks her hoof through a hole (heheh) which happens to touch Rainbow Dash in the creepy hallway, both ponies are spooked by their contact and assume "ghost". Then Fluttershy finds the lever that switches them out of the hole. Great. Anyways, there's this great shot in the middle here where it shows Twilight and Spike on one floor, and then the camera pans down the next floor where Fluttershy and Rarity are briefly seen walking along before it pans down to the next floor, which shows a mysterious figure playing a pipe organ that Applejack and Rainbow Dash walk by. A predictable structure this episode might have, but it sure has quite a few interesting overlapping plots. Maybe this episode isn't too bad? We'll see when it's over. For now we have to watch the pipe organ trigger SJWs and boobie traps throughout the castle, sending many of our main characters astray.
     

    Well daymn. The thot just plickened!
     
    So, I normally go through what subplot is going where, but this late in the story, there's a lot of shit happening at once. Rainbow Dash getting crushed by armor and running off, Applejack going down a dark staircase, Rarity tumbling around, Spike shitting himself, Fluttershy looking for angel. It's just chaos. Let's just skip all the shit and say everyone get's fucking lost, fed-up, and curious, emotionally torn apart, and on the brink of suicide, but they all end up in the middle of the castle in hysterical panic. Then Twilight comes in and freezes everyone and tells them all to STFU, 'cause she's a princess now, and she can do that authoritatively. At this point, they all hear the pipe organ playing and decide to investigate. When they do, they find out that the mare behind all the mayhem was Pinkie Pie. Praise her.
     

    Well, maybe you can trigger boobie traps with that organ, but can you play "Gangnam Style"? That's what I thought, bitch.
     
    After Pinkie Pie spouts out her convoluted explanation for being in the castle, they all go back up to the room Twilight was in to recover. There, she explains that reading the journal about the past helped her keep a level head in regards to what was happening in the present, which is complete bullshit, but I digress. Twilight comes up with a great idea. They should keep a journal about their adventures, so that they can learn from each other and someday somepony else can learn from them! What a fantastic idea that could lay the foundation for a grand legacy for our main characters. Just one problem; what the fuck ever happened to that. Like, I fucking remember in season four they had that going for a little while, but then, to my recollection, it disappeared off the face of the goddamn earth, never to be mentioned again. I can't even find out on the wiki what happened to it. It makes an appearance in the first part of the finale, but after that it's all abandoned, and I don't remember it being in season five at all. What a shame.
     

    About as unimportant and unmemorable as a Rolling Stones record.
     
    And so concludes "Castle Mane-ia".
     
    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
     
    The beginning and the end of this episode did not impress me. In the beginning, I could smell the ending coming a mile away, and in the end, I was unmoved by Pinkie Pie's phoned-in explanation for being a part of this plotline. However, I don't think this is a bad episode. Quite the contrary. Yes, the structure was predictable, but everything in between was fucking exhilarating. Watching each of our characters arrive at this shared location in pairs and then slowly be split apart and reconnected one by one until they all regroup was this really gripping ordeal that I didn't expect to be so engaged in. To me, the episode ended when they all got together, because then I knew what was to come. Not even the Friendship Journal proposal satisfied me since I know it was completely scrapped after this season. Still, the interconnected plotlines I find immense interest in even to this day, so I think the whole episode balances out to roughly an 8/10. Geg.
     
    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
     
    Okay, so that's one down and two to go. The next episode on the list is "Daring Don't", which would've been last weeks review. Will it continue season four's so far consistent quality, or will it crash and burn in a fiery inferno? I sure hope it daring don't.........'cause I'm fucking tired and I can't be bothered with a shit episode. Tune back in a few hours for the continuation of...
     

    Three Reviews.
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
    One Day.
  5. PrymeStriker
    Previously on My Little America: Trump is Our Fucking President Now.
     
    President Trump: "We need to build a walrus, and that's what's happening whether you like it or not!"
     
    PrismStore: "My blood pressure's spiked and I think I'm growing a vagina on my neck."
     
    Twilight Sparkle: "Sarah, this is an intervention. We're concerned about you."
     
    Deathmare: "(Bell tolls once) Well now. I seen this one before to myself. Since I do know why Princess Luna wanted power so badly . Such a shame though, she almost destroyed herself by becoming Nightmare Moon. Luckily she survived that rainbow attack from those certain items the Equestria girls picked up. I wonder if I could find those items. I know they are around there and I can sense it. Well its just me assuming, but hey why would I do something naive like what Luna was trying to do. Just an example. So me being the reaper here. I do know that Scuffy right now is being told his time is up, which is not true in fact. (Sigh) Why do these people jump the gun right away and are guessing someone is next? No one is going to hit the bucket. Unless if they did something they will regret. Oh well, time will tell if that happens. I wonder if they mentioned me in the other forums. Hmm. (Bell tolls once)"
     
    PrymeStrrr: "Rough day, huh?"
     
    Nightcare Noon: "There can only be one princess in Equestria, and his name is JOHN CENA."
     
    Cue the title sequence!
     
     
     
    (BAH BAHDAH BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. BAH BAHDAH BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.)
     
    Spoilers ahead.
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    So Part 2 opens up revealing that Twilight is, in fact, envisioning the past, when Princess Luna actually first became Nightmare Moon and the events leading up to her banishment to the moon for a thousand years. Well, holy shit, man. That's pretty cool. We actually see the torment Celestia goes through trying to save her sister but ultimately having to banish her to the moon. That's really nice, since it seemed so contrived in the pilot. However, that flashback doesn't give Twilight many answers, so she takes another sip to see when Discord was first turned to stone. Here, Discord is seen eating some odd looking black seeds before being blasted with the gay rights beam, and following this, Twilight learns about a mysterious macguffin called the Tree of Harmony.
     

    Looks like a dick to me. Then again, everything looks like a dick to me.
     
    Twilight deduces that this is where she and her friends need to go. 'Cept there's one problem. It's in the heart of the Everfree Network. DEAR GOD. THE HORRORS. TERRIBLE INTERVIEWS, POINTLESS DEBATES! IT'S LIKE AN AMERICAN ELECTION! And now with it branching out across the world?! We're doomed! Needless to say, the six of them do venture into the forest seeking out the tree, and reach a....Cragadile? The fuck is a Cragadile? A stoned crocodile? Why didn't you just say Keith Richards was attacking the ponies in the first place? So it seems the Cragadile Keith Richards has Twilight and Spike cornered, but the other five scare him off with good music and save their beloved princess. Except, since Twilight is such a hindrance to the mission, and her princess status makes her more important than the others, they she should wait behind to spare her life. This is further twisting the knife of Twilight's strife to stay connected with her friends despite her new duties. I fucking love this premiere, you know? Alas, Twilight fucks off into the corner.
     

    "Money don't fuck friends! I need a homie that know me when all these motherfuckin' cops be on me!"
     
    I should mention no soundtrack plays during this scene at all, which is beautiful. I fuckin' love this premiere, you know? Meanwhile, back in Utopia, Discord is filing his nails with Gummy's back when Twilight confides in him. But Discord has no time for Twilight's shit, so he tells her to go back into the forest and find her friends so they can all stay united or something. While the other five actually manage to find the Tree of Harmony, Twilight is attacked by queefing vagina plants. The Five Fuckers soon regret sending Twilight away when they learn they can't just untangle the vines and weed from around the youth of America the Tree of Harmony, and are in need of some brainy-smart plans. Luckily, Spike runs to tell them that Twilight's in trouble, and they all go back to kick those vagina plant's asses. Then they all realize that friendship is magic as per usual.
     

    "Remember me I'm your homie that was there on the brawl. Sippin' Hennessy, hangin' with the clans and all."
     
    When they arrive at the Tree of Harmony, Twilight recalls a quote from Celestia during one of her potion-induced drug trips, which talked about the Elements of Harmony being able to control all that grows here (in the Tree of Harmony's cave). So the grand princess deduces that they should give the tree the elements, although the others don't initially agree. "How will we protect Equestria?" "Aren't the elements what keep us together?" "Which one of these six South Park characters will be killed off next season?" These questions all rumble among the crowd, but Twilight assures them that their friendship will exist without the elements of harmony. So, with everyone united, Twilight places the elements on their slots in the tree, which breaks those fugly vines from around the tree and frees Celestia and Luna. Apparently, the vines were trapping the two princess at their collective base, which must've been painful as fuck. Alas, they have returned, and the tree has sprouted a new season-long story arc.
     

    "So...I'll get the chainsaw?"
     
    When they get back to Ponyville, Discord is there inquiring about their lack of Elements of Harmony, in which they admit are gone. This logically leaves the door open for Discord to unleash his havoc again, but Fluttershy gives him the disapproving speech from Hell which makes him snap out of it and help them clean up. He also happens to admit that those seeds Discord was eating back when Celestia and Luna first turned him to stone were the seeds that were meant to overcome the Tree of Harmony thousands of years ago, but only managed to sprout up now. Well, fuck, talk about a turnaround time. In the end, the ponies return to Canterlot for the Summer Sun Celebration, where all ties are knotted in a bow. Celestia gets to relaunch the celebration as the return of Princess Luna, and Twilight even gets to do her Sonic Rainboom rip-off. All's well in Equestria once again.
     

    "And when you're stuck, where the fuck is all your friends? They straight busted, and can't be trusted, fuck 'em!"
     
    And so concludes "Princess Twilight Sparkle"
     
    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
     
    10/10.
     
    Everything that was great about part 2 I already mentioned in part 1, except now everything came full circle. Twilight's feeling of disconnect with her friends regarding her being a princess was fleshed out by the other five wanting to preserve her and send her away, and came full circle when both parties realized they were stronger as a unit. With Celestia, we saw the torment of banishing her sister to the moon up close and her joy when announcing the Summer Sun Celebration's new glory in the return of Luna. Discord was still a riot as usual, and such praise rarely needs any reiteration. Then of course, the animation was still beautiful in this part, and the fact that we're embarking on a new story arc for the season just inflates the glory of what's to come tenfold. Like I said about part 1, this is the ultimate make-up for the My Little Pony: Equestria Girls travesty, and the absolute best way the season could've started. The whole premiere gets a solid 10/10 average from me. Exceptional work.
     
    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
     
    Well, I guess I had nothing to worry about after all. Part 2 was just as good as part 1, and none of it reminded me of the shittiness of Equestria Girls. All we have ahead of us is 24 episodes of season four, and that will likely begin the Friday after next Friday. For you see, this week I'm headed for a vacation in Vegas. Why, pray tell, would a teenage demon want to go to Vegas? I say why, pray tell, would a teenage demon not want to go to Vegas? I wanted to write the "Castle Mane-ia" review in advance so that all I had to do was post the entry on Friday, but that didn't happen because I just happened to get a sickness a day this week. First it was a headache, then a sore throat, then sinus problems, then I had two vaginas on my neck, all wrapped in pearls....in my ass. So, worst case scenario, "Castle Mane-ia" will have to come on February 3rd, however I may be able to work on it in time. I can't promise anything, so keep your eyes pealed. But hey, at least I got to finish this incredible premiere. Catch you guys next time on...
     
    My Little Pony....
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
    Magic!
  6. PrymeStriker
    It's the holidays, and you know what that means!
     
    ......D....Depression?
     
    ....Actually, come to think of it, that makes perfect sense.
     
    Anyways, Welcome one and all to the season three wrap-up of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic!
     

     
     
     
    Here we are, folks. The penultimate episode. Next week is the last episode of season three, and will be my last review of the year before taking my holiday. Therefore, you'll get three weeks of rest before having to put up with my shit again, 'cause I'll return to review season four on January 6th, 2017. But enough technicalities. We have an episode to review. Without further ado, put your hands together for "Games Ponies Play". Spoilers ahead!
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    So this episode opens up from one of the scenes in the previous episode, "Just for Sidekicks", after Twilight leaves Spike with all of the animals. And.....yeah, I can definitely see it, this episode probably should've aired first. Also, the audio on the episode seems to be really fucked up on Netflix. If you have the time, go and listen, all of their voices sound like they're coming through a Leslie speaker. Ignoring all that shit, the prologue involves them discussing the Equestria Games arriving in the Crystal Empire, and Rainbow Dash having PTSD about Cloudsdale missing the Equestria Games when she was a kid. Nice little gag. After the title sequence marinates my liver in urine, we see the mane six practicing their welcoming cheer before finally arriving at the Meth Kingdom.
     

    Applejack's going Heisenberg on our ass in this episode for sure.
     
    When they arrive, they discover that the Crystal Ponies have been sprucing the place up in order to hide the drugs from prepare for the Equestria Games inspector or something. Yeah, I've already forgotten what's going on, but it's not my fault. I've been too distracted by the shitty audio. It's at this point in the episode when they start playing that little gag from the prologue...seriously. As in, they make Rainbow Dash obsessive over getting the Equestria Games to the Crystal Empire. Ehhh, I'm not sure about this. On one hand, someone might conclude that this is realistic for Rainbow Dash, which I agree with, but on the other hand one might argue that the two are too loosely tied together to be a focal point of the episode...which I also agree with. We'll see where it goes, at least. Right now, it's time for the mane six to reunite with Princess Cadence.
     

    "What, there's no doomsday threats against the world going on during your visit with me? How fucking generous."
     
    However, right on schedule, shit starts going south when Cadence needs a traditional Crystal Empire headdress, but her hair stylist caught AIDS or something. Thankfully, Rarity steps up to the plate with her herpes and what not, although problem still arises when the inspector, Mrs. Harshwinny, is arriving earlier than scheduled. It's here when the other plotline of the episode is revealed; Twilight tries to remain calm and handle things in a responsible manner. Wow, how fucking exhilarating. Twilight being in charge? Someone, give the writer of this episode a medal for most ingenious idea of all time. So she decides that the five of them should go to the train station and greet Mrs. Harshwinny herself. They're supposed to be looking for a flower-print luggage....which I think is the worst way to identify someone ever. How many flower-print luggage do you think could possibly exist? What are the odds that you spot the wrong person with a flower-print luggage and give them all the attention and glory that was supposed to be given to the real agent, which has to stay and the train station getting themselves fucked over.
     
    .......
     
    Oh, DON'T TELL ME THAT'S THE PLOT DEVICE OF THIS EPISO-
     

    FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK SHIT FUCK FUCK.
     
    I mean, this isn't "Simple Ways" level of tired plot device, but I can see this getting really old really fast. What's that? We're only 7 minutes into the episode? Oh you, son of a bitch. Well, time to suffer from suicide-inducing boredom. So let's see, instead of taking the real inspector on the journey of their lives, they took some green-haired hick that's probably from Appleloosa instead, the first stop being the ever-glorious Eiffel Tower of the Crystal Empire, where they perform their cringe-inducing cheer for the overexcited country folk. They then take her on a tour of the castle, which is led by Pinkie Pie as Twilight breaks off to see what's taking Cadence so long. We then discover that Cadence's mane looks like a prickly bush of frozen hell (thanks, Rarity), and that she needs more time, so Pinkie Pie stalls with mundane facts about rooms she's never been in before. It's revealed to us that this hick pony seems to have some kind of claustrophobia. Which, if is the case, then why the fuck was she on a train? The other ponies mistake this as her getting bored, which is not the case. It's the audience that's bored right now. Quick, Pinkie Pie, save us!
     

    ....It's no use! This episode is so mundane it's making PINKIE PIE dull!
     
    Meanwhile, Twilight goes to visit her brother, Shining Armor, who's training the athletes for the games I assume. She opens up to him about all the crap that's going on, but also reveals to herself that she's not worried.Before we can get much more attention to this, the faux inspector makes her way to the track where she over-excitedly runs around outside because claustrophobia. Then she gets her head stuck in vase, so Rainbow Dash has to chase her to pull it off and stuff...............you know, this episode is just a series of events happening. Like, there's nothing to invest in and nothing to care about, just stuff happens. That is, until the plot unfolds when the hick explains to Shining Armor that she's just a country pony here for vacation. That's when Twilight and Rainbow Dash flip, and the five of them run around looking for the real inspector. They find that she's in the same spa as Cadence, and when the two meet, it's up to Rainbow Dash to explain everything.......apparently.
     

    There we go. Now Pinkie Pie's back to being godly again.
     
    Rainbow Dash explains the plight of missing the Equestria Games in Cloudsdale, and that she wanted to make up for that disappointment by having the Crystal Empire host the games. She takes quite the bit of responsibility for all of this...even though she barely did jack shit throughout the episode. However, just before we can mop our "tears", Mrs. Harshwinny explains that Green-Haired Hick told her all about the welcome she had received in her place, which.......means she accepts the Crystal Empire as the host of the Equestria Games? I......I don't follow her logic. You just had the worst reception of your entire life, but because they'd given such a warm welcome to someone else, you figured that it was all fucking worth it? I know Equestria is a unrealistically generous world, but this is just fuel to the fire. It's so hastily rushed together in a matter of 75 seconds, too, which would practically blow this episode down the tubes in any other story. In the end, the Crystal Empire does get to host the Equestria Games as previously mentioned and we get to see the callback cliffhanger of the previous episode.
     

    Hey guys, look! A good episode is hiding under the seats! Grab it!
     
    And so concludes "Games Ponies Play".
     
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
     
    So, as I said in the previous paragraph, the incredibly unrealistic and rushed ending would've blown any other episode completely out of the water, making it a nice and shitty experience for me. However, this episode is so mundane and inconsequential that it just further proves this episode amounts to nothing. I know this is part of the set-up of the Equestria Games arc that leads all the way into season four, but let's remind ourselves that the entire arc was essentially bullshit and amounted to nothing in the end. So what's this episode worth? Nothing. It's not a horrible episode, but you're better off not really watching it for anything other reason than its "impact" on continuity in future episodes. Twilight's development is weak, Rainbow Dash's plight comes out of left field, and as evidenced by the scatterplot telling of events in this review, the whole episode is little more than things happening. So, no, I didn't think this episode was anything special. The harshest criticism I can give it is that I regret wasting my time on it. Otherwise, "Games Ponies Play" deserves a 5/10 for just being a mediocre lump of 22 minutes.
     
    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
     
    Well, this is it folks. Next Friday, we review the infamous "Magical Mystery Cure". So many questions will be answered. What will season three amount to? Is "Magical Mystery Cure" as bad as its reputation holds? Who is Eric Cartman's father? And which of these six main cast members of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic will be killed off? Find out next time on...
     
    ...
     
    Yu-Gi-Oh GX!
  7. PrymeStriker
    Insert obligatory suicide joke here.
     
     
     
     
     
    Okay, so...hello everyone. You're probably wondering why I of all people would be writing some melodramatic entry regarding depression. Because, essentially, I've exampled that my philosophy regarding "cyberbullying" or whatever is to have fun with it. When someone tells me "kill urself faggut", my go-to response (conceived by my current bandmate many eons ago) is "one would desperately want to kill themselves after one glance at you." I try not to take any of that crap seriously, because its boring and self-destructive. You get yourself all wound up over nothing, when there's so much more you could be wasting your energy on. Insert self-pleasuring joke here.
     
    Once upon a time, maybe three years ago, I was a special little snowflake that used to take all criticisms and personal insults to heart. And I used to attempt some pretty brash things in the past. But don't worry, I had an existential crisis last month and now I fear death hysterically and want to avoid it like the plague. Much better. Although, when I did take "bullying" seriously, back when I was a bitch, it didn't really have to do much with social media. Upon taking a Social Media course in high school, I actually kind of became a little interested in its linked effects. So, in summation, no, this entry isn't some confessional sob story about how social media made me a depressed emo wrist-slitter. It didn't. What I want to discuss is facts about depression, facts about social media, and hypotheticals regarding the two. Then, I'll let you all decide what you do with that information. Will you take it to heart, or forget about it in 10 minutes? My money's on the latter, but if I lose the bet, I'm not paying anybody jack.
     
    Now, depression is much more than crying about a breakup or someone calling you fat....assuming you are fat or even got laid to begin with. Depression is an illness that creates cognitive dysfunctions that lead to physical problems. The most direct of these include self-harming, fatigue, a lack of concentration, or sleep deprivation, and the obvious suicide. Now, suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the United States behind nine other things I can't bother looking up, so people "killing themselves faggut" is a pretty big deal around these parts. With this information in mind, it's to be made absolutely clear that depression isn't something you can sleep off or even technically talk out with someone. Depression is an ongoing state of being, and it can screw you up in a lot of different ways. There's a couple of stories like this one, from people who actually went through it and are probably still struggling with it, that perfectly explain the seriousness of the illness. Personally, it's reading those stories that not only give me a better understanding of the disease, but also make me realize I didn't know jack shit about depression at 14 years old.
     
    Given all of that, we get into the real point of this editorial: social media's effect on depression, and vice-versa. It's no secret that depression can be fueled on social media. I see a lot of posts here about depression confessions and whatnot, just on these forums alone. Imagine the whole wide world of people on Twitter, YouTube, MySpace, and AOL that are putting their stories out there. Imagine the amount of backlash they might get considering sites like YouTube and Twitter aren't heavily policing "mean comments". Now I'll just say right now that I have my own skepticism about how many of depression confessional videos on YouTube are just the whiny teenage moodiness I went through, but it's hard to really sort that out. Before you know it, someone you thought was bullshitting just blew their brains out. And it appears social studies correlate with this. In this article, it basically explained that social media use feeds depression as much as it takes away.
     
    Social media is used as an outlet by so many people for a variety of reasons. Therefore, as an example, someone who's clinically depressed might be using social media to fill a void. They might go on to Twitter with a cry for help, such as updating their status with "life is a fishbowl" or "teardrops are saltier than SJWs on Donald Trump." In this example case, say some asshat came along and said "why don't you shove that fishbowl up your ass" or "I'll mix those teardrops with my spit at your funeral." That not only fuels the depression on this person, but also entices that person to continue using social media in a self-destructive way. Say they don't or can't follow my advice and take the piss out of such attacks, and they try to defend themselves, only to be singed again and again. They get themselves trapped in this vicious cycle and that makes matters worse for them. If they don't reach out again because of this, they have no crutch, and no one comes to their aid, odds are you end up with a fresh suicide on your hands. This is all hypothetical, but it's not hard to believe something like this would, can, or has happened in the past.
     
    We have our fingers on the pulse of this new thing called the internet, and we're all using it in different ways. I use it to write cynical reviews of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic packed with the crude humor and sarcasm me and my friends love to indulge in. I get one together as annually as one's uploaded, and we take turns reading my paragraphs and laughing our asses off. Each time I write an entry for PrymeStriker's Episode Reviews, I hope someone out there finds joy in my offbeat humor, and that I can make someone smile as a result. I also use it to share my music and express myself artistically, hoping that I can get someones attention and take them away from cold harsh reality for just a minute or two. As much as we give to social media for ourselves, we inadvertedly do so much or at least try to do so much for others in the process. I mostly wrote this entry out of obligation, but in the process of creating it, I think I might've come to a rather powerful conclusion through all this. If you could save someone's life through a great joke...........a great song..........a great story, would you?
     
    How will you use social media?
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
    ....if someone types "PornHub" in the comments section...I swear....I'll high-five you like there's no tomorrow.
     
    Sources Worth Reading:
    http://www.psychiatrictimes.com/depression/social-media-and-depression
    https://themighty.com/2016/05/what-i-wish-people-knew-about-depression/
    https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/depression/index.shtml
    https://afsp.org/about-suicide/suicide-statistics/
  8. PrymeStriker
    Welcome, one and all, to the season three wrap-up of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic!
     

     
    I know what some of you are thinking.
     
    Didn't you just write a review like 9 and a half minutes ago?
     
    Yes, and I'm glad you're able to count. Anyways, I figured, since "Keep Calm and Flutter On" was supposed to be uploaded last Friday but was cut short by my modem committing suicide, that this entry should at least be uploaded as scheduled. So here we are, and there you are, and we are all together.
     
    So we're dealing with the last three episodes of the third season. Let us see what the epic conclusion holds in store. This, is "Just for Sidekicks". Spoilers ahead!
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    So this episode opens up with a panning shot of several pictures indicating that Spike had let Peewee free. I know that sounds like a dick joke....and that's because it is. However, it was that phoenix Spike caught in "Dragon Quest" that I complained was useless. Nice to see the other writers telling Merriwether to fuck herself. Anyways, Spike is baking a jewel cake, but he can't control himself so he eats all the gems before he can bake them. Oh gee, now Spike's able to bake? Wouldn't that've been useful in "Spike at Your Service", when he was magically bad at baking for a day? After the title sequence gives me very little reasons to live, Fluttershy shows up offering gems in return for watching over Angel while she and the other five crack-addicts venture off to the welcoming of the head of the Equestria Games in the Crystal Empire. Ohhh yeah, this is the beginning of that arc.
     

    I'd be careful around Spike if I were him. We all know what happened to the last guy.
     
    It's at this point that Spike gets greedy and starts thinking that if he can babysit the other five coke-snorters' pets, he'll receive even more gems in return. It's also at this point that bigoted fans criticize the writing of this episode because Spike is being greedy again.......even though it's an established part of his character. Oh well, can't please everyone so you've gotta jerk yourself off instead. So he goes around Ponyville collecting all the pets of the mane six so he can receive his gem payments. However, things get a little wild because Spike doesn't know how to take care of pets. To top things off, Angel has escaped Spike's grasp! He dun goofed, and because I've backtraced it, we'll have to report this to the cyberpolice. Not to worry, though, since he made his way to the CMC's treehouse.

    When Spike gets his hands on Angel, consequences will never be the same!!
     
    Spike sees opportunity when the CMC baby Angel like a little bitch, so he manipulates them into taking care of the pets by saying they might get a pet-sitting cutie mark. However, the CMC one-up him by asking for a jewel in return to buy beds, food, and toys for the pets. Uh................what? Jewels...aren't currency. They're easily found mere inches in the ground, and they're considered food by many species. It's like trying to buy a car with a tomato. Alas, Spike gives them the smallest of his six jewels. However, the CMC fuck up hard and he's forced to take back the pets at the cost of that jewel. And this is only the tip of the iceberg, as Zecora relieves him of one to teach him not to be greedy/prevent another "Secret of My Excess". Shortly thereafter, Granny Smith takes one for...some reason, but shit heats up when Angel hops on the next train to the Crystal Empire. Spike chases after him, but the conductor says he needs chaperones and incentive. Respectfully, the CMC and another jewel. Seriously?! Even the train conductor accepts gems?! I'm fucking done.
     

    At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if the CMC themselves were acceptable currency in Ponyville.
     
    Spike hops on in hopes to snag Angel and jump off before the train leaves, but this isn't the case. Instead, the CMC, Spike, and all six pets get caught in the chugger to the drug-lord's paradise. Maybe the CMC can get their cutie marks in cooking crystal meth. After the pets fuck up a donut cart, Spike is forced to fork over one more gem, leaving him with the single jewel Fluttershy gave him. Soon after, they arrive at the Crystal Empire (which is farther away than Canterlot and didn't take more than a day to travel to...."MMMystery on the Friendship Express"...), and the CMC are antsy to get out and look around. Spike does his best to keep the wild children, the rabbit with separation anxiety, and the rest of the roudy animals under control and not let loose out in the Crystal Empire, but to no avail. Angel's on his way to fuck Fluttershy in the ass with his monstrous dick, which is made easy by the mane six getting ready to board the same train back to Ponyville. Unfortunately, Spike uses his last jewel to throw at a buckle, which unbuckles a tower of luggage in a cart, blocking Angel's path to Fluttershy.
     

    Gotta catch 'em all.
     
    The gang briskly rush back to the train, but are met with more panic when the mane six join them in the same car, forcing all ten of them to hide under the seats. When Angel threatens to kick Applejack's seat and blow their cover, Spike cracks and says he deserves it for neglecting the pets and only caring about his own selfish desires. He displays regret for not being a good enough leader for the pets, and expresses intriguing remorse for his greed. It's welcoming to see Spike learn his own lesson rather than it being taught to him a la "Spike at Your Service". In return, Angel retrieves the gem that Spike through at the luggage for him to eat, making amends with his enemy for the episode. When the train finally reaches Ponyville, the CMC, Spike, and pets jump out the caboose with slick stealth and pretend to have met them at the station. And as they say....owls well that ends well.
     
    Shipping #6,850 confirmed.
     
    And so concludes "Just for Sidekicks".
     
    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
     
    My memory might be a bit faulty considering I don't have a list of all the Spike episodes.....but...
     
    Is this the first good Spike episode?
     
    I mean, I know it's popular to hate this episode as much as the others, but the only real flaw in this one is the fact that jewels are treated as a currency. Granted, I do think that's a big enough flaw to deduct major points considering even Twilight claimed at the end to want to eat a jewel cake, but everything else about the episode seemed fine. Spike has a greedy side, and there's no getting around it. However, it seems that with this episode, they brought that character trait full circle by actually having him learn from it rather than to "outgrow" it or whatever. One complaint for this episode I know is "SpikeAbuse", which is a cop-out complaint I fucking hate in general. Characters need to overcome hardships in order to be interesting, and this is one of those cases. If you want everything to go easy for Spike, you're gonna have an even shittier episode than you started out with because it would be boring as fuck. Here, he does overcome his hardships and learns a really well-deserved lesson from it, resulting in grade A development for Spike. All that said, I'm going to give this episode a 7/10 out of fairness since one of the major plot threads really didn't make sense, but I still relatively enjoyed this episode in the end.
     
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
     
    Hmmm, the quality of episodes do seem to be improving since "Keep Calm and Flutter On". However, there's only two more episodes, so we'll just have to see how well these final pieces fit into the puzzle. Join me next Friday when we continue the season three crap-up!
     
    ....
     
     
     

    Dammit, these outros need more crude jokes.
     
    Quickly, find the most vile, disgusting, and vomit-inducing thing in all the world!
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     

     
    THERE we go. Now that I've given you all nightmares, have a happy Black Friday.
  9. PrymeStriker
    So my internet decided to shut off last week when I was in the middle of writing this. Luckily I saved what I'd written so far, but still, what I thought would be a temporary weekend problem ended up stretching out over the course of an entire week for a variety of fucked up reasons. No internet for a week was a lot like living in Hell. It's boring, shit never gets done, and the only passtime is masturbating your siblings. Anyways, time to act like the next few paragraphs were written at the same time as this intro. Let's see if this episode's as shitty as the three that came before it. This is "Keep Calm and Flutter On". Spoilers ahead!
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    So this episode opens up with the main characters lounging around waiting for Princess Celestia to arrive. Why? Because she's bringing along someone very important. They spend an unbelievably useless amount of time focusing on mundane shit as they await their princess to join them in the blood orgy. However, their initial excitement and my disdain is quickly replaced with their newfound disdain and my excitement when we learn just who Celestia brought along to the party.
     

    ....
     
    ...
     
    *ahem*
     
    YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSS
     
    Three episodes of absolute bullshit were totally fucking worth it! DISCORD IS BACK! Pop out the LSD, this is gonna be one hell of a TRIP.
     
    ...
     
    *cough*
     
    ...
    After the title sequence makes me shit rainbows, Celestia explains that she believes that Discord's power can be reformed for good instead of evil. Aw, come on, evil is so much fun though. You don't have to give a shit about anyone's feelings, you get to break the rules, and we have cookies. Alas, Celestia believes that Fluttershy would be best for straightening Discord out. Euphemism? Probably, but the fanfics have already been written. So Celestia leaves as usual as the jizzfest begins; it's time to release the kraken. Discord is released and his first order business is playing golf with his eyeballs.
     

    Why is Discord not a main character yet?
     
    I just realized how much I hate the main characters when Discord's around. It's like, the mane six are good characters, but Discord makes them all look like pussy-licking SJW trigglypuffs....except for Pinkie Pie of course. Fluttershy threatens Discord with that stupid "stare", in which he sarcastically replies "anything but your disapproving eyeballs". Discord is my spirit animal. In compliance with the whole reforming shit, he crashes with Fluttershy and starts making havoc of her home while eating the pages of a book where a reforming spell is located. I want Discord: The Animated Series to be a thing. Discord doesn't give two fucks and a shit and I love him for it.
     

    If it were me, not only would the room be spinning, but it'd be filled to the brim with goat urine.
     
    Alas, we have an actual story to follow.
     
    So Fluttershy's plan is essentially to kill him with kindness, and wants to get the others to come to a dinner so that they can see how Discord is "improving". However, his master plan is to get Fluttershy to turn on her friends so that they won't be able to use the elephants of harmony on him again, by making the other five out to be humorless and unreasonable bigots. Which....is true. Look, I already said it, but when Discord's around, I tend not to like the rest of the main characters. However, it might just be this episode because, well, the others are being unreasonably bigoted asswipes. The very fact that they go to lengths to try to use a spell to change Discord's way of thinking is pretty fucked up, even if he did turn the world into chaos. Celestia didn't tell them to force Discord into submission. Either he changes his ways or he returns to being imprisoned. Therefore, Discord's not so much plotting his plans than he is speaking the truth. I really don't like the way the others are acting in this episode. Anyways, once Fluttershy calls Discord her friend, the feels start kicking him in the nuts.
     

    This is gonna be sappy-ass, isn't it?
     
    The dinner is soon interrupted by a flooding at Sweet Apple Acres, in which the others accuse Discord of causing......which is also true. So Fluttershy asks Discord to fix it, but he only agrees if she promises never to use the elements of harmony on him. Surprisingly, Fluttershy agrees to this, in which Discord plants the seeds of what is to be his next reign of chaos on the world. Fluttershy gets pissed off and says he's not her friend, and initially Discord doesn't give a fuck, until it suddenly socks him that he'll lose the one friend he's ever had. How precious. Fluttershy made Discord realize just how important friendship was to him. It's here when Discord realizes you can't always have things your way when you have friends or something and turns shit back to normal at the acres. Hence, Discord is reformed!
     

    Can we kill off Rainbow Dash in order to make Discord part of the main cast now?
     
    In the end, Celestia approves of the new Discord, and the episode is concluded.
     
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
     
    Eh, this episode's pretty good.
     
    I mean, Discord's entertainment value is almost always welcome, and unlike what some others might think, I think his development here was rather natural and fulfilling. There might've been some goodness in there for Fluttershy too, so it looks like the focus characters made out well in this episode. It's the other characters I don't like here, at all. Their incessant disdain for anything and everything Discord did, and their attempts to brainwash Discord into being "good", were all bullshit. This is the kind of shit you would see on some satire of political correctness, but instead Twilight and company are played up rather seriously as somewhat morally valued. I'll give the episode the credit that they didn't exactly validate their intentions as correct in the end, but the fact that they even went there in the first place irks me. So, while this wasn't exactly a perfect episode, I did still enjoy it. I'm going to give "Keep Calm and Flutter On" an 8/10.
     
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
     
    Well, now that my internet's back up, I can get back to doing what I do best. Whacking off on PornHub. But guess what, my dear cloppers? There's only three more episodes of the third season to go! You know what that means? It's time for....
     
    the season three wrap-up of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic!


     
     
     
    Holy Christ did this whiz by. It feels like I just got finished with the season two wrap-up. Probably because I did, season three's just a relatively short piece of shit. Anyways, join me, poe knee pee pull, as we finish these last few episodes of the third season of...
     

    MLP................
     
    F..........

     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
    i.................
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
    M!
  10. PrymeStriker
    So I just realized that it's been a year since I first reviewed "Crusaders of the Lost Mark".
     
    ...
     
    *shivers*
     
    Anyways, I think it's time I made up for the sick-day I took on the November 4th, so that's why there's a Monday review. Remember when I used to do Monday reviews? Way back in 1963? Hell of a time. Henceforth, let's gallop onward with "Spike at Your Service". Spoilers ahead!
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    This one opens up with Twilight getting ready to read some books. What a fucking wildcard that is. Since Twilight will be busy all day reading these books she's been assigned to read by Celestia...or something...she tells Spike to take the day off. Therefore, he goes through his list of shit he's always wanted to do...in which he runs thin of pretty quickly. After the title sequence turns my bladder into a new limb, we see Spike wandering around Ponyville trying to think of shit to do. He accidentally runs into a pole that has a hot air balloon tied to it, which unravels the knot and sends the balloon floating into the sky unmanned. Alarmed, Spike chases it, only to end up in the Everfree Forest cornered by Timberwolves. He is subsequently slaughtered, and so concludes "Sleepless in Ponyville"
     

    RIP Spike. You were an ultimately useless character.
     
    Of course, Applejack jumps in and saves Spike's life, by breaking apart their bark through a series of makeshift traps. Spike realizes how lucky AF he was that Applejack was there and propels himself into an existential crisis. In the wake of this, he explains that he must repay the favor to her. Applejack is initially reluctant, but eventually gets him to help her while having him fuck off at the same time by helping Apple Bloom clean a pig. He is successful, though is still dissatisfied with the repayment. Therefore, Applejack commissions him to help her and Granny Smith bake pies. He is successfu-
     
    ...
    Wait, what? He's not successful? In fact, he sucks at baking pies, and he manages to make a mess that even he can't clean?
     
    ...
     
    I'm sorry, isn't part of his job as Twilight's slave to BAKE and CLEAN? How in the fuck is this possible? He rambles on about some code he made up that if his life is saved by someone, he is forever in debt to that person. Not only is it odd that he's sticking so hard to this considering he clearly made it up, but what follows is very troubling. He prepares to break ties with Twilight.
     

    What the SHIT?!?
     
    Y'know, in "The Crystal Empire (Part 2)", Spike's greatest fear is shown to be Twilight not needing him anymore, which is one of the highlights of that episode despite its shittiness. Here, he's not only very ready to cut Twilight off, but he's also treating it as if he's breaking up with his girlfriend. What the literal fuck is going on here? Given all evidence, Spike would not act this way in this situation at all! Especially giving up Twilight for APPLEJACK of all characters. Rarity might be a little more believable, but even that would remain wonky given the circumstances. The first act is enough to make me hate this episode thus far, but there's some hope for redeem-ability since Twilight isn't paying attention during the news. Meanwhile, after Spike trades out Twilight for Applejack, the latter tries to get him to screw off. Rarity disagrees, but a prostitute's fantasies of having a slave aren't valid.
     

    "Usually, I'm the slave for my clients, but soon the tables will turn!"
     
    So Rainbow Dash suggests making Spike do something too difficult that would make him want to quit. So she has Spike build a rock tower for her to smash through, think he'd give up midway through. He doesn't, so Rainbow Dash gets her ass kicked by rocks. That's pleasing enough in and of itself to warrant some forgiveness for this episode's shortcomings. After Applejack gets really fed up, she goes to see Twilight about this whole thing, hoping she can get Spike back on track. And so she explains that.................................Spike's code must be respected??
     
    ...
     
    WHAT?!!??!?!?!
     
    Even TWILIGHT plays into this bullshit?! Are you FUCKING kidding me?! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!
     
    Who the FUCK wrote this shit?! STEVEN MOFFAT?!
     
    THIS IS ABSOLUTE COCK RIGHT HERE! THE ONE THING THAT COULD POSSIBLY SAVE THIS EPISODE, AND THEY THROW IT OUT THE GODDAMN PLANE.
     

    THESE FUCKING PURPLE PONIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
     
    UGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
     
    I don't even fucking care what happens after this, really. Spike's out of character shit was stupid enough, but the fact that Twilight's so passive about it is even fucking worse. So Applejack gathers all the other main fuckers together to stage a scenario where Spike could save Applejack's life. They get out a puppet Timberwolf and pretend that Applejack is caught in some rocks and is about to be eaten. However, thankfully, Spike doesn't fall for this bullshit and points out the fact that it's fake.....until real Timberwolves return to kill them all. Indeed, they are the Timberwolves from before, but they possess the power to reassemble their body parts, so that makes sense. Therefore, they are initially destroyed individually by Applejack pushing a boulder on them, but just like before, they reassemble their body parts. This time, however, they form into an MegaUltraZord Timberwolf of Fuck-All that is genuinely cool. Also, Applejack is stuck for real this time, so it's up to Spike to actually save Applejack. How does he do it? He throws a pebble into its throat.
    ...
     
    I'm not sure if I should laugh or be incredibly disappointed. I mean, that should've been played up for laughs, but it's pretty rushed.
     

    See, like, this shot is pretty funny, but there's an epic film score being played during it and the next shot of safety just staggers in with little transition. Missed opportunities.
     
    Also, what's preventing the Timberwolf from respawning again and wreaking havoc on Ponyville? Wish you knew the answer? Too bad, that plotline is immediately dropped so that Spike can be told for the hundredth time to screw off. And after Applejack says what she's been trying to get across to Spike this whole fucking episode, Spike only now decides "screw the code I made up last weekend". And just like that, he goes back to helping Twilight.
     
    ...
     
    *ahem*
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
    ....
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
    FUCK YOU.
     
    What was the FUCKING point of all of this?! You even ACT like the code meant NOTHING to you in the FIRST place. We're you just trying to get some pussy?! What the FUCK WAS YOUR MOTIVE HERE, SPIKE?
     

    "
    ." 
    And SO CONCLUDES "Spike at Your Service".
     
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
     
    HOLY SHIT.
     
    That was one of the worst episode's I've seen in a LONG time.
     
    Spike is SO fucking out of character here it's sickening. He makes up some shit dragon code about being in debt to Applejack, LEAVES Twilight even though that was his BIGGEST FEAR, in which even TWILIGHT respects, and in the end, he EASILY drops the whole thing and goes back to humping Twilight's leg. Seriously, given everything I've just pointed out about this episode, there's no point for any of this to have even been written in the first place. In fact, it kind of ruins one of the ONLY good things about "The Crystal Empire (Part 2)". "Spike at Your Service" is not only a terrible episode in and of itself, but it also managed to make another shitty episode worse. Aside from a few cool moments in this episode, the whole thing amounts to absolute bull shit. Merriwether Williams was already a mediocre writer with shit like "Hearths Warming Eve" and "Dragon Quest" under her belt, but working with Dave Polsky, who for the most part wrote decent episodes, this is an absolute disappointment of the largest degree. I'm giving "Spike at Your Service" a 2/10. I hated this episode divinely.
     
    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
     
    Well fuck me silly.
     
    That's two shit episodes in a row, three sub-par episodes in a row, and FIVE below average episodes of the NINE season three episodes I've reviewed so far. The third season is truly showing its colors to be a mediocre load of crap, but we're not even through with it all yet. There's still four more episodes to go. Will there be redemption for this season after all, or will it go down in the history books as the worst season of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic?
     
    Find out next time.
  11. PrymeStriker
    So, there wasn't a review last week, and I haven't really explained why until now. I was sick with a bitching cold between last Friday and this past Tuesday, and a combination of that on top of the hours I had to work near my "recovery" prevented me from really doing much of anything online aside from a passive game or some shit. I figured, since it was so close to the next deadline when I was able or wanted to write a review, to just wait the extra day or two instead. Therefore, sorry I haven't showed my ass lately.
     
    Moving swiftly forward with serious shit. I mean, it's not like I'm gonna have a huge backlog of reviews. I'll only have to go up to season si-
     

     
    ...
     

    ...
     
    FUCK.
     
    How did I MISS that?!
     
    Well, shit, I guess I do have to review season seven after all. Oh well, more material for me I guess. Let's get on with the insanity, then. This is "Apple Family Reunion"
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    So Netflix apparently has "Just for Sidekicks" and "Apple Family Reunion" in the wrong places. Episode 8 is "Apple Family Reunion" and Episode 11 is "Just for Sidekicks", however Netflix has Episode 8 as "Just for Sidekicks" and "Apple Family Reunion" as Episode 9. Considering "Just for Sidekicks" has strict continuity with its following episode, "Games Ponies Play", this is a hilarious mistake. Keep a look out for that. The episode opens up with Applejack, Apple Bloom, and Granny Smith preparing for their next family reunion. When Apple Bloom mentions that everyone's coming to this reunion, Granny Smith shits herself. After the title sequence turns my pancreas into bubbling cider, the Brady Bunch here sit around the table talking even more about the reunion. This episode's already boring me.
     

    If they just decided to spend the whole first act eating dinner...I'd be more interested in what's going on, actually.
     
    Granny Smith keeps moaning about how she's ever going to get anything done, when Applejack offers to take over. She mentions that she'll get shit done so much as Granny Smith tells her what she needs...which is very odd. This isn't Applejacks first rodeo *BADUMTSS*. She's attended and organized plenty of reunions before. Hell, her first appearance in the series regards her being at the helm of the family reunion! Shouldn't she, I don't know, know this by now? Subsequently, they move to the living room where Granny shows the family....the history of the reunion. Again, this isn't the first reunion, and Applejack, Apple Bloom, and Big Mac have all attended the reunion before. Why the fuck does she need to explain shit to the family other than to lazily spew exposition to the audience? She then talks about some stupid quilt they've been working on since the first reunion, and two stupid flashbacks I don't care about take place. We subsequently see baby Applejack.
     

    ..............................................This doesn't phase me.
     
    Applejack, after hearing the history of the reunion she's very likely heard a million times before, suddenly gets apprehensive and obsessive of trying to make this reunion "perfect". The...fuck? Look, I've already made the "not the first reunion" argument which basically applies to this whole fucking episode, so this is especially true here. However, Applejack doesn't seem like the type of character to be in a pickle about this. I mean, I get it with someone like, say, Twilight, but Applejack? I'd think she'd have more sensibility and a clearer head when dealing with her family of all things. Not only this plot boring so far, but it's got me questioning how in-character Applejack is. GG, writers. The next day, Applejack runs around town collecting resources from the rest of the main cast that's not in this episode, just in time for the festivities to begin! Everything seems fine at first, and we even get to see Apple Bloom and Babs Seed reunite. However, murky waters arise when Applejack forces the two young cunts to compete in a race. Ugh, the predictability of this episode is showing through at this point as well. This is a watered-down rehash of "Lesson Zero".
     

    When your sister tries to lick your ass, reach out to someone you trust. For instance, your pedophile teacher.
     
    At this point, Applejack could really use a couple joints of celery, but recalling her traumatic experiences in rehab, she decides "fuck it". Stresses prove to escalate as the festivities continue, mostly self-inflicted stresses as she forcefully tries to create "memories" for her family. She even attempts to get those old cunts to finish that damn quilt by bringing in loud-ass machinery. It's apparent Applejack is going too far as I eagerly await this episode to get to the fucking point. This reunion has turned less into a festivity and more into slave culture as Applejack puts almost the entire family to work with quilting, fritter baking, and recreational use of celery. That's just what Applejack would do, isn't it? Even Apple Bloom and Babs Seed are fed up with Applejack's stupid shit. Fuck them, though, because the next activity is a not-so-relaxing speed run-of-a-hayride through the west orchard. Things are made more exciting by an airshow of fruit bats, but this is quickly turned sour when the bats nosedive for one of the old cunts' fruit hats. This is turned into mass-slaughter as the hayride carriage crashes into the barn.
     

    Now the Apple family can truly reunite...................IN HELL.
     
    Alas, everyone survives (dammit), except for the barn. And it's all Applejack's fault. I wouldn't be surprised if the family decided to murder her at this point. That's what my family did to cousin Stephanie when she became a feminist. Unfortunately, the family forgives her somewhat, Granny explaining that she wasn't letting the family create memories on their own or whatever. That's when Applejack thinks of the perfect bonding activity, one that everyone can enjoy. Fixing the barn! I know I sure love going to parties and having to participate in grueling labor! Yee-haw! A very forgettable, simplistic, and somewhat annoying musical number shows up out of nowhere at this point as they montage the reconstruction of the barn. They are successful, wouldn't you know it, and at the end of it all, they take their traditional photo in front of the newly refurbished iBarn 7.
     

    A barn with no headphone jack? Fuck that shit!
     
    In the end, all the apple bitches go home, and Applejack pulled off a fantastic reunion after all. I don't know about you, but if the only high point of my family reunion was building a barn, I'd be pretty quick to call the whole thing bullshit. I digress, however, as Applejack writes a letter to Princess Celestia (wow, a Celestia letter, when the fuck was the last time they did that?) telling her that she learned lessons about family and how the simplest moments can create grand memories. And it only took her until this reunion of all the many reunions she's attended prior to learn this lesson. How convenient. The final shot is a view of the orchard as two shooting stars make their way across the sky, supposedly symbolizing Applejack's dead parents. This episode doesn't have enough merit of its own to deserve praise for that epic moment.
     

    Aw, fuck you guys.
     
    Therein concludes "Apple Family Reunion".
     
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
     
    This...wasn't a good episode.
     
    The biggest problem with this whole thing is that its trying to pass this reunion off as the first reunion ever. The way Applejack obsesses over making it "perfect", and how Granny Smith preaches the history of the reunion to her family, it all doesn't make any fucking sense when you consider there have been many reunions before. Come to think of it, considering there was a reunion taking place during "Friendship is Magic (Part 1)", that means at least a year had passed between season 1 and 3....which also makes no sense because season five was supposed to be the year-long marker for the series' canon. So not only is this episode's plot jumbled as fuck, but it's also confused about where it is in TIME. That brings me to the next problem with the episode; Applejack. Realistically, she wouldn't have been so batshit obsessive about making this reunion spick-and-span if this wasn't her first time attending a reunion. The argument can be made that this may be her first time planning the reunion, but she still would've handled this situation a lot better if she was written correctly. She's attended and hosted many a reunion in the past, and she should have observed at this point how to put together a proper one. You know you've fucked up when you make Applejack of ALL CHARACTERS out of character. Topping it all off, if the episode wasn't fucking up its story or characters, it was overall being bland and unmemorable. So what do you take away from "Apple Family Reunion"? About as much as you take away from "Boast Busters"; all the bullshit, or nothing at all. Therefore, I'm giving this episode a 4/10.
     
    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
     
    Well, that was kinda crap, wasn't it?
     
    I wonder what other "treasures" lie ahead as we move forward with season three. We're moving into the second half of the season, and I think the only 10/10 I've given to an episode was "Sleepless in Ponyville". Will there ever be another season three holy grail? Is it worth it to even give a shit? Find out next time on...
     
    My Little Pony...
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
    Friendship..........
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
    Is.........................
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
    ..............
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
    Magic.
     
    What'd you think I was gonna say?
  12. PrymeStriker
    Oh. Hey. I'm just watching South Park. A long-running series that hasn't gone to shit.
     
    ...
     
    Sorry, the news regarding the seventh season's just really got me down. I need to make some decisions as to how long I intend to watch the show, let-alone review it. Hopefully, after this episode, I can make that decision. It's not Friday, but I figured I'd do the review today because this Friday's going to be a very busy day. Since the Dark Qiviut army ate all my closet bodies, I need to restock. How the fuck else am I going to make a living?
     
    Anyways, today's misery trip is "Wonderbolts Acadamey". Let's rock and cock. Spoilers ahead.
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    So this episode opens up with Rainbow Dash and company waiting for a letter of acceptance for the Wonderbolts Academy. Whoa, the Wonderbolts Academy is involved?! I didn't see that coming. Rainbow Dash is acting as pompous as usual, saying there's no way in hell she won't be accepted, and to fuel this annoying character trait further, she is indeed accepted. After both the prologue and the title sequence frustrates me straight to hell, in which I realize I have a Hell Transporter and the pop back in, only to be frustrated to hell again, into an endless cycle that lasts about 17 days, until I realize I need to eat and begins my quest to devour Jennifer Lawrence, henceforth completing my quest and time-jumping 17 days back so that I can be on time to finish writing the review, Rainbow Dash has arrived at the Wonderbolts Academy.
     

    Spoiler Alert: This episodes takes place at the Wonderbolts Academy.
     
    So now it's time to line-up and shit, an-
     

    .....................................................
    I...........is that..........Spitfire?!
     
    ...........................................That's supposed to be SPITFIRE?!
     
    WHAT THE FUCK?!
     
    They changed Spitfire's design, voice, and personality for ONE FUCKING EPISODE?!
     
    ...
     
    Wait a minute, I remember now. Everything that made Spitfire, Spitfire, was changed after this fucking episode. She used to have a much calmer voice and attitude that made her a rather interesting asset and mentor to any Rainbow Dash center, because she was the blowhard trying to be as cool as Spitfire. And then they just suddenly decided, nope, fuck that, assholes. Now she's a tough stereotypical blowhard just like Rainbow Dash. This isn't even a big problem for "Wonderbolts Academy". Instead, it's because of this episode's complete 180 of Spitfire's character that we have one of the many reasons "Rainbow Falls" is a terrible fucking piece of cocksucking shit episode.
     
    Anyways, on with the actual episode. Spitfire......ugh.........starts drilling the newbs, until a dickhead named Lightning Dust challenges her and blows the academy records out of the water. Of course, Rainbow Dash has to meet this shitter, and they become good academy buddies. Meanwhile, Pinkie Pie anxiously awaits Rainbow Dash to write her a letter. She....slowly goes insane.
     

    Constipation is a bitch.
     
    As more shit happens at the academy, Lightning Dust proves herself to be even more of a tryhard than Rainbow Dash. When Lightning Dust pushes her "limits" more than Dash, Spitfire makes Rainbow the wing-pony to Dust's lead in the teamed-flying course. Rainbow Dash complains about this, but Spitfire tells Dash to screw off. A noble jest, I admit. The course begins, and in it, Rainbow Dash finds out that Lightning Dust ins't just a tryhard...she's a blowhard too. With hot-headed decision-making that leads to Dash injuring her wing, it seems Rainbow might have a decent argument for Spitfire now. However, she plays it off after Lightning continues receiving praise and Rainbow gets disapproving gaze from Spitfire.
     

    The only thing that's hurt more than my wing......is my pride penis.
     
    Pinkie Pie slowly gets more retarded waiting for Dash's letter, so the other four assholes approach her, and together they decide to deliver a care package to her in person. Back at the academy, Dust and Dash are doing the Air Obstacle Course, an exercise to mark precision under extreme circumstances. It's not a race, but Lightning Dust treats it as such and completely neglects the well-being of the rest of the squad, resulting in even more uncertainty from Rainbow Dash. In a similar exercise later, Dust pushes it even further by wanting to create a tornado that will "blow away" their competition. Reluctantly, Rainbow Dash remembers Spitfire's words regarding Lightning Dust's persistence and agrees to this. However, shit gets out of control just in time for Pinkie Pie and Co. to show up in a hot air balloon with the care package and get sucked into the tornado, falling to their doom.
     

    If only this was the series finale.................
     
    Rainbow Dash must act quickly to save her friends, so she creates some cloud-trampoline thingy to bounce them into the air so that the rest of the squad can catch 'em all. It's when Lightning Dust's careless actions start interfering with the well-being of others, including her friends, that Rainbow Dash draws the line. If Spitfire praises this dangerous behavior, and that's what gets you to be a Wonderbolt, then Rainbow Dash wants no part of it, and henceforth resigns from the academy. It's at this point that Spitfire realizes that Lightning Dust is a little bitch and sends her home, keeping Rainbow Dash in the loop as a lead-pony to chase her dreams even further.
     


     
    And so concludes "Wonderbolts Academy"
     
    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
     
    Egh...this one's a bit tough.
     
    I'd say that a lot of this episode was mediocre, if not irritating. Lightning Dust was ultimately a really lackluster addition to the episode, as she just sort of got sent home never to be heard from again. On top of that, there's all the Spitfire shit-fire that annoyed me to no end. At the same time, though, Rainbow Dash's reaction to Lightning Dust later on and her eventual resignation, was very interesting for her as a character. She was willing to give up her dreams for the well-being of her friends, which reinforces the element of loyalty in her. Perhaps it's a repetitive moral for us, but it speaks volumes for Rainbow Dash's development, so I quite liked that. When looking at this whole episode overall, it's kind of hard to just outright say "this was great" or "this was shit". I can't even say "meh" for once. It's a mixed bag, really. So, given all of this, I think "Wonderbolts Academy" deserves a 7/10. Certainly an interesting little fucker.
     
    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
     
    Watching this episode, though, made me realize something about My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic overall. It too is a mixed bag. A lot of the series is mediocre, if not irritating, and so many things in this show fall absolutely flat on its ass. MLP can be vomit-inducing, cringeworthy, bastardizing, and all-out worthy of outrage with a shit ton of its plot-points, characters, and story arcs. Reviewing both seasons one and two, which I once upon a time believed were majesties of story, did I realize had so many moments of disappointment and frustration. Taking just the bad of the series, you could look at the entire brony fandom and say, "what the fuck is wrong with you in-breds? My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic has got to be the most overrated and overhyped TV series of all time!"
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
    ...
     
    But then you look at what works with it. You take episodes like "Sleepless in Ponyville", "Hurricane Fluttershy", "A Friend in Deed", "Sisterhooves Social", "Luna Eclipsed", "Party of One", "The Cutie Mark Chronicles", "Look Before You Sleep", and many others, and you see the true essence of the characters, the real depth that can go into the stories, and you think, "wow, this is one of the greatest TV series of all time." For those moments, you forget about the bullshit. In moments of bullshit, you forget about the high points. And I think no less is true with season five, honestly. Yes, the fifth season is a load of shit, with so much to bag on, but there is cream in that crop. "Canterlot Boutique" is one of them, which is one episode I cannot wait to review. It's when I watch that episode that I think, if season five wasn't around, that episode probably never would've existed. My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is a crock of horse-shit, and an equestrian paradise at the same time.
     
     
     
    Granted, even with this said, I can't go on forever with the show. I will grow impatient with it, and I will grow tired of reviewing it. Since there is no telling how long this series will go on, I've ultimately come to a decision about my time-frame for the series.
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
    The 2017 My Little Pony Movie.
     
    That film will be the last thing I review. I will review season seven if it airs before the film. If it doesn't, fuck it. The 2017 movie is the end of my reviews, and likely the end of my tenure watching the show, assuming I'm fed up with it at that point. The good news is, we're not quite halfway there. We're only midway through season three, and still have four, five, six, and maybe seven to go. So let's make the best of what we've got. I'll see you all next Friday.
  13. PrymeStriker
    20+ seasons of this motherfucking shit.......................................
     
    ......................I don't think I can hold out that long.
     
    I always assumed that this show would last four seasons max, until there was a season five, six, and now seven. The direction of my review columns are heavily reliant on the direction of the series, but what if this series never fucking ends?! What the fuck am I gonna do then?! I can't go on forever! I can barely deal with shit I have now!
     
    Woe-eth me!
     

    ...
     
    Huh, "Sleepless in Ponyville". Not bad. Spoilers ahead.
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    So this episode opens up with Scootaloo treading some sick ground on her scooter, broski. However, when Rainbow Dash interrupts her with "nice moves", she crashes into a bale of hay and is instantly impaled to death. And so concludes "Sleepless in Ponyville".
     
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
     
    Wow, what a great episode this was.
     
    The character development was so fucking fantastic I couldn't even. I especially like how the cow eating Scootaloo represents the corruptibility of the music industry or some shit, and Rainbow Dash's comment represents the oppression of people who like to complicate their personalities by assigning made-up genders to themselves and then forcing their mental retardation on the rest of the world. A fantastic social commentary never to be topped by anything in the history of everything ever. I give this episode a "holy shitballs" as well as a 10/10!
     
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
     
    ...
     
    Oh, that's right, the title sequence hasn't done something unspeakably horrible to me yet. The episode must not be finished...
     
    ...
     
     
     
    So after the title sequence stretches my asshole ten miles wide and forces the entire city of Chicago in it, encouraging me to vomit that city out of the other end and make Detroit, Scootaloo fangirls over Rainbow Dash to the other CMC.
     

    Apple Bloom is contemplating the meaning of life, Scootaloo is suffering a seizure, and Sweetie Belle has completely snapped. Average day for the CMC!
     
    It was at this point in the episode that my internet crashed for several hours. Well, time to rethink my theology...again. Scootaloo starts rambling about how Rainbow Dash is the greatest thing ever and that she needs to spend more time with her so she can take her under her wing as like a big sister or some shit. Holy shit....the fan-fics are coming true. THE FAN-FICS ARE COMING TRUEE!!!!! Apple Bloom suggests that since she and Applejack are going camping, she can get Harplejarkle to invite Mareblow Dash and Rarity as well, so all three of the motherfuckers can kick it in the woods. However, Rarity despises camping, because she wouldn't be able to prostitute to woodland creatures.......yet. Sweetie Belle convinces her with cuteness and the story is set! Off they go into the mountains for some raunchy-ass entertainment and mass slaughter! A fantastic line of dialogue ensues:
    Raritits: "Are we therreee yett?"
    Applerack: "The last thousand times you asked that, the answer was no. This time, it's actually yes!"
     
    Well stroke my penis and call me Betsy, that made me chuckle like a motherfucker. That's when Rainbow Dash shows up with the morning wood.
     

    Yikes, Rainbow Dash. There are children here. Do you think you could wait until later to jerk off? ...................Wait, YOU HAVE A DI-?!
     
    So Scootaloo is having a shit time trying not to look like a little bitch in front of Rainbow Dash, as expected. A thought just occurred to me. Why is this called "Sleepless in Ponyville" if they're in the woods outside of Ponyville? Another question that will never be answered from good 'ol Prymie. Things get worse when Rainbow Dash tells a scary story, and Scootaloo tries to hide the fact that she's scared. This haunts her throughout the night as she fails to get much sleep. Well, we've got the sleepless part of the title down, though sleepless is a given any time Rarity is involved in the story. Even when she does manage to sleep, hi-jinx in the form of nightmares ensue, which leave Scootaloo in an excellent quagmire for the duration of the camping trip. The next night, Applejack thinks its a good idea to omit the tents for a nearby cave. Because caves are very safe, aren't they? Nothing bad could ever be inside of a cave. Except, y'know, woodrats, foxes, wolves, raccoons, bears, cave spiders, scorpions, cockroachs, and three-fifths of my family. Needless to say, this doesn't help Scootaloo's predicament, and at campfire time, she's a bigger wreck than before.
     

    "I think I just shit myself."
     
    Tonight's story is of the Headless Horse...I think...and the creepy tale of that. Hilariously, Applejack chimes in with rebuttals such as "how does it know where it's going" and "where's its brain?". This doesn't phase Scootaloo, who's having more seizures in the corner. For the rest of the night, Scootaloo tries to stall bedtime by having Sweetie Belle sing 99 buckets of oats, as well as offering hide and seek and other sexual innuendos as passtime. Instead, everyone tells Scootaloo to kill herself, so she has more nightmares. This time, it's of being chased by the Headless Horse...I think...as Scootaloo runs for her motherfuckin' life. When she's cornered and has nowhere to run, the horse just kind of waves its hooves around the air for several seconds on end. Yeah....I don't know how you could be scared by that. Just sodomize the fucker and move on with your life. Instead, Scootaloo is visited by someone completely different than who both she and the audience expected.
     

    Gee, Luna. So nice of you to make an appearance for once. And with more than two lines? Well, fuck me silly!
     
    Luna, Princess of the Night......and stalking people in their dreams......assures Scootaloo that when she wakes, what she fears the most will still exist. Nay, it is not the Headless Horse...I think...'nor that creepy lady from the first story. It is her fear of appearing to be a..........wait for it.....................chicken in front of Rainbow Dash.
     
    OOOH THE WONDERFUL MEMEAGE. SHOWER ME WITH YOUR APPROVAL AND/OR MONEY!!!!!!!!!!
     
    Luna advises Scootaloo to face her fears, but of course she doesn't and instead........chickens out................*ahem*....and rides her scooter into the night. However, after a measly pebble sends Scootaloo overtop of a waterfall hanging on for dear life, it seems it's all over for our favorite cutie mark crusader. When she falls to her death, Rainbow Dash jumps in and saves the shit out of her, thankfully. But now it's time for her to face her fears, as Rainbow Dash is about to smack Scootaloo a new asshole. So, she confesses: she wanted Rainbow Dash to take her under her wing and be like her big sister, but she became scared of her campfire stories and didn't want to look like a..............chicken. Then, in a strange twist of fate, Rainbow Dash reveals that when she first heard the story, she chickened out too! What's this? There are two chickens?! Holy shit, dude! And...in the end...Rainbow Dash and Scootaloo share a heartfelt moment solidifying their "sisterly" relationship for the rest of the series.
     

    THEEEEEE FANN-FICSSSSSS ARE COMING TRUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
     
    By the end, Scootaloo learns to face her fears, Rainbow Dash and Scootaloo race, and Luna does a creepy ass wink. So concludes "Sleepless in Ponyville".
     
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
     
    Wow, what a great episode this was.
     
    The character development was so fucking fantastic I couldn't even. More specifically, the dynamic of Rainbow Dash and Scootaloo is brought into fruition for the first time. I love this episode for essentially the same reason I love "Look Before You Sleep". This episode solidified a relationship between two rather undeveloped characters that benefits them both, in both the short and the long-term. This is something Scootaloo needed as a character for a damn good while, as I understand this is her first focus episode, but also Rainbow Dash was in desperate need of this as well. An inkling of real humanity in her character, and it's taken to its fullest within the last five minutes or so. For these reasons, I've always loved this episode, and for doing Scootaloo as well as Rainbow Dash some damn good justice, I give this episode a "holy shitballs" as well as a 10/10!
     
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
     
    Well, that was amazing....
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     

    .
    ...
     
    But there's still going to be seven motherfucking cock-pissing asslicking seasons of this show!
     
    ...
     
    Seriously, guys. What the hell am I going to do? I don't want to be writing review columns into my goddamned thirties! The show is clearly jumping the shark given season five! So what the shit is a bitch like me to do?!
     
    ...
     
     
     
     
     


  14. PrymeStriker

    S3E05: "Magic Duel"

    By PrymeStriker,

    ......................................
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
    .........................
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     

     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
    This is "Magic Duel". Spoilers ahead.
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    So this episode opens up with some hooded motherfucker galloping to the store, in search for some red glowing amulet thing. The shopkeeper is hesitant about selling something on display, until the hooded motherfucker drops a shitload of cash on the desk. Then he's like "whatever", and the title sequence proceeds to remind me that there will be seven fucking seasons of this shit. Once we come back, we see Twilight trying to juggle Fluttershy's animals for......some celebration I guess. I don't have time to keep up with trivial nonsense. However, Rainbow Dash gathers Twilight to the town square, where evil stuff is taking place. What evil stuff, you might ask? Oh, nothing. Just Trixie's back, that's all.
     

    Nice Halloween costume, but you've still got two weeks to go.
     
    Yes, Trixie. Remember her? That makeshift antagonist from one of season one's worst episodes? We all wanted to see her again. Well, at least all of her fans that worship her. Seriously, those people exist. No wonder this show is dragging on forever. In any other series we'd shit on this character and move on with our lives. Anyways, Trixie challenges Twilight to a magic duel, in which the winner gets to stay in Ponyville and the loser must leave forever. Egh.......great, one of these episodes. Twilight initially doesn't agree, until Trixie starts fucking with her friends. Hey, Trixie-lovers, I said fucking WITH her friends, not...oh forget it, you'll make fan fictions anyway. From putting Rarity in a shit dress to taking Pinkie Pie's ability to speak away, Twilight is given no choice but to rival her and rue the days. So the duel begins, and all seems well in Twilight's favor until Trixie puts her new amulet to prime use: an aging spell on Snips and Snails. Aging spells, however, are extremely powerful magic that even Twilight is unable to overcome. Therefore, Twilight is banished until she can capture the Avatar to restore her honor.
     

    Well, I guess they finally got all those damn purple ponies out of Ponyville after all. Now....how about Spike?
     
    Twilight decides the best course of action is to take off to Zecora to figure out a solution. Ultimately, Zecora takes Twilight as her "student" of sorts to learn how to best Trixie. Meanwhile, back at the scraphouse, Trixie is turning the town hall into some kind of throne room, and the whole town appears to be turning to utter shit. Kind of like the show, come to think of it. (Ooooh sick burn m8 rekt360noscope420blazeitfam). Therefore, as Twilight trains, the other fuckers find out that the Alicorn Amulet, in which Trixie is wearing, is a powerful enhancer that only Trixie can take off. The plan is to get the information to Twilight so she can come up with a plan. I know this works out in the long-run, but holy shit is that lazy of the others. "Wow, new information! .......Fuck it, Twilight will save us." They send Fluttershy out of the fishbowl commando style to get this information to Twilight.
     

    That's...............................fucking impossible.
     
    After Twilight learns of this, Zecora tells Twilight to "mix [her] magic and use the six". That sounds like a satanic chant, which is excellent for me, but I digress. Clearly, it means something else, and Twilight sends Fluttershy back to Ponyville with a message. Later, Twilight and Zecora show up at the gates of Ponyville with a "more powerful" amulet than the Alicorn Amulet. They taunt Trixie with this, and eventually coax her into another duel. During round two, Trixie uses her old age spell trick on Snips and Snails, however Twilight oddly has new, much more impressive abilities. Not only was she able to rapidly exchange the ages of Rarity and Applejack, but was also able to give Rainbow Dash a clone, Pinkie Pie a shit ton of instruments, and a transgender Harplejarkle. Raunchiest duel of all-time. Therefore, after these revelations, Trixie steals Twilight's amulet in hopes to become the most powerful unicorn in Equestria, taking the Alicorn amulet off herself. That's when Rainbow Dash jumps in and snags it, but when Trixie thinks this new amulet will grant her all the power in the world, Twilight reveals that it's just a door-stop and that all of the magics were a performance of the utmost tomfoolery. Essentially, betch got pranked, m8.
     

    Remember kids. Family members are the most suitable options for your clones in a magic duel!
     
    Therefore, Trixie has returned to her former glory as a weakling and the Alicorn Amulet can be hidden away forever. Once Twilight explains her genius, Trixie is forced to run away and hide again, and the day is saved. What an excellent conclusion to the story that was. But it's like I said, folks, Trixie is nothing but a makeshift villain and she'll never be anything mo-.....wait...the episode's not over yet?
     
    ...
     
    Huh, so the celebration for whatever with the animals is taking place....ya-dah-ya-dah-ya........whaaaaaaa? As an explosion of fireworks takes place that Twilight didn't cause, she turns to see Trixie helping her with the performance, and she essentially apologizes for being a shitstone in a cumsack. Hmph. As Trixie trots away, I couldn't help but feel...charmed by that. Maybe, Trixie's worth more than I'd given credit. Finally,
    .  

    Pinkie Pie is perfection.
     
    So concludes "Magic Duel".
     
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
     
    These...episodes keep changing my point of view.
     
    First I thought "One Bad Apple" was a piece of shit, and it turns out it was just sort of "okay". Then I thought "Magic Duel" was a mediocre blandfest, and as it turns out, it's actually pretty good. Granted, the first act is fairly wonkey, with the shopkeeper and Trixie taking over and all that. Nothing seemed particularly special, and it appeared to be another one of those skippable filler episodes to please Trixie fans. However, as the story progressed, I became more intrigued with how exactly they were going to thwart Trixie, and once I remembered the intricate plan that took place to get the amulet off of her neck, I smiled. Then there was the surprisingly charming ending that I didn't think I'd feel anything for. Trixie is probably one of the most forgettable villains having come out of "Boast Busters", but this episode changed her into something of a novelty character. Her motives are perfectly summed up in that last minute, and I think it speaks volumes. This episode isn't particularly heavy on character development, even though it is Trixie making the change here, but the plotline was still very interesting. And, of course, there's the last scene of the episode, which was great. Overall, I'm giving "Magic Duel" a 9/10 for excellency well executed.
     
    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
     
    .....
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
    Still doesn't change the fact that there's a seventh season coming.
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
    .........
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
    ........
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
    There's going to be 20+ seasons of this bullshit, isn't there?
  15. PrymeStriker
    When the bad seeds are planted.......and you dare shed a tear.......that's when you know the end will be near..................
     
     
     
    YOU WILL PERISH IN FLAMES! ALL HAIL SATAN, LORD OF DARKNESS! BALRRLARLARHG!
     
     
     
    .....
     
    Dad? What are you doing writing shit on my review column?
     
     
     
    YOUR MOM WON'T GIVE ME HEA...
     
    IIIII don't want to know. Just get out.........and stop using my Hell Transporter. I don't want your "evidence" in the battery compartment.
     
    ...
     
    So, it's come to this, has it? The "bad seeds" are being planted, and the end is near? Figures....something always has to go wrong with the show, and it ends up fucking me in the nose. Well, let's make the bitter disintegration of the series short and sweet. This is..........*sigh*....."One Bad Apple". Spoilers ahead.
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    So this episode opens up with an out-of-tune piano playing along to an off-beat tambourine as Apple Bloom decides what she's going to wear to greet her cousin from Manehattan. However, when Applejack neglects to mention her cousins' lack of a cutie mark, Apple Bloom says "fuck that shit" and gathers Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo. Fantastic start.............someone sodomize me. After the title sequence sodomizes me, we cut to the train station where the CMC patiently await their new recruit. I wonder what the initiation rituals entail. Probably tube-tying and hose-snipping.......well, maybe that's just the initiation process for getting into the lava pool in Happytown, but I digress. That's when the all-glorious cousin shows up; Babs Seed. The CMC attack immediately.
     

    We implore you to participate in one of our twelve blood orgies tonight!
     
    So the CMC take Babs Seed back to the torture chamber the clubhouse to show her all the great things they can do. They can eat lunch....err......do rollcall....and stand on a target on the floor to think of great ideas.......................huh, that last one made me chuckle. Did this shit episode almost make me laugh? FFFFFFuck. All-in-all, Babs Seed is unimpressed, so the CMC decide she can participate in the mangling of the Clonie Pie corpses ride with them in their parade float, which actually does impress her to some extent. However, Babs Seed appears to be holding back due to her own insecurities about her own lack of a cutie mark. I'm not sure I follow Babs' logic, though. She's insecure about her lack of a cutie mark....around people who also lack cutie marks. Wouldn't you feel more comfortable around those motherfuckers, and not the.........
     
    ......oh shit.
     

    FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUCK
     
    Quick, someone superglue knives to a dodgeball and throw it at me! Please, I'm begging you! Anything would be more pleasurable than enduring these two!
     
    ...
     
    You're not gonna do it, are you? Fuck you guys.
     
    *sigh*....Anyways, after Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon make fun of the CMC and their float, Babs Seed is faced with a choice...stick by her cousin and her friends that she just met, or join the popular crowd. She chooses the latter, and....okay, I can understand Babs' decision here, but why is Diamond Tiara welcoming her? Hasn't she proven time and time again her resentment for "blank flanks"? Why is Babs the exception? Logic, let's use it once in a blue moon. Subsequently, Babs Seed destroys the CMC's stupid float and pigeon-holds Apple Bloom in a cage as to not tell Applejack what's going on in fear of being a "snitch". Well, this is actually a point of criticism I've heard from some others before, but I'm letting this slide because I know kids use this as a blackmail and it usually works, no matter how stupid it is. So, in order to keep all their bases covered, the CMC decide to avoid Babs like the plague. However, as an....oddly decent musical number ensues.........we learn that this is a bit of an issue.
     

    I would love to learn the logic behind this hallway.
     
    Wait, Scootaloo got a legitimately good singing voice and took part of the lead on this one? Interesting. This pissed me off eons ago, but given that I'm more familiar with how songs are treated in the show....I actually kind of like her lines. Moving on, Babs Seed has gone so far as to have even taken over the CMC's clubhouse, in which the three protest until they see Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon in on the takeover. I'd be more concerned about Babs finding Apple Bloom's "Happy Bloomer" stash, but we'll save that for an editorial. This is essentially the breaking point for the CMC, and they finally decide to fight fire with fire extinguisher. They're going to embarrass her at the parade! Now, me personally, my methods of leveling the playing field include a pair of tweezers, some rope, a flathead screwdriver, and chloroform, but I suppose they're not advanced enough for that. Overnight, they plot their revenge.
     

    Five sheets of rolling paper, two backpacks, and golden cocaine? This seems less like a revenge plot and more like a typical Saturday night.
     
    The method: make the float look so good and so intricate that Babs would want to take it over, and then they'll fuck her from there by sending the float into a pit of mud. Not bad, not bad, but there are a few holes in the plan. What if she just destroys the float like she did last time? Also, what's stopping Rainbow Dash from making mudplay porn out of it? These are the questions you need to ask at the altar, my friends. The next morning, the plan is a-go, and everything seems successful thus far. However, once Applejack offhandedly explains the bullying Babs has been undertaking back in Manehattan to the CMC, they suddenly feel really bad about this whole thing. I guess they're just suckers for a sob story, if this and "Crusaders of the Lost Fuck-Up" is any indication. They immediately attempt to stop their plan in order to spare Babs, you know, after all the bullshit she put them through, and chaos ensues. However, just when the float's about to crash, the CMC save Seed and soil themselves instead.
     

    Rainbow Dash and Cheerilee are going to have a field day with this.
     
    Back home, as the threesome are bathing, Apple Bloom explains their plans of revenge to Babs. That's a fantastic sentence taken out of context. The CMC explain they were becoming the bullies instead...which....ugh....this is really kind of jumbled up. Despite the problems Babs was causing for them, they realized they shouldn't stoop to her level only after her sob story has been told. It might work in the grand scheme of things, but in the finer details, something about all this seems kind of makeshift to phone in the moral. What transpires after the mopey apologies, however, is a
    that almost makes up for it. In the end, Babs promises to talk to her big sister about the bullying at home as well as start a Manehattan branch of the CMC. Oh, God....they multiply. But not before Babs tells Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon to go find venus fly traps willing to have sex with them by threatening to tell their mommies. Then everyone's friends and shit. 

    The ninth blood orgy was the best part of the trip!
     
    And so concludes "One Bad Apple"
     
    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
     
    ....Huh.
     
    That....wasn't as bad as I remember.
     
    Bear in mind, I hated this episode back when it first aired. I thought it was cliché as fuck, forced its moral, confused its characters, and was overall poorly put together. However, after watching it today...it's not really that shitty. Sure, it's moral is still kind of forced and the underlying plotlines are kind of tangled, but I wasn't that angry with what the episode did wrong because there was still quite a bit to enjoy in this episode. For instance, the initiation ceremony at the end, as well as Pinkie Pie's entire two minutes of screentime and some of the earlier jokes at the clubhouse, which were all thoroughly entertaining. On top of that, there's a fairly decent song in this episode as well. So, maybe I over-anticipated this episode being one of the worst things ever. Ultimately, I'll give "One Bad Apple" a 7/10 for good measure, but it certainly hovers around that area rather than "Bridle Gossip" levels of low.
     
    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
     
    So...this isn't the beginning of the end? There's....still hope for the series at this point in the show?
     
    ....
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
    Well, fuck me, then! Who the shit wrote that "end will be near" rhyme on my monitor, then?!
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
    *opens closet door*
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     

     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
    ...WHAT?!
     
    You people have been hiding in my closet this whole time?!
     
     
     
     
     
    ....
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
    But.....I reviewed Dragon Quest TWO MONTHS AGO! How the fuck have you all been survivi-
     
    Oh, right...I have dead bodies in my closet................YOU ATE MY DEAD BODIES?!
     
    I WAS GONNA USE THOSE!
     
     
     
    Get out! The lot of yah! Go eat someone else's closet bodies!
     
     
     
    *sigh*
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
    Just when you think you've got the universe figured out, something like this happens. It's always something.
  16. PrymeStriker
    Too many Pinkie Pies?
     
    Impossible! Complete fallacy. There can never be too many Pinkie Pies.
     
    ...
     
    Unless....."pies" mean boobs..........................actually, it's still true in that case. Spoilers ahead.
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    This episode begins with Pinkie Pie (big shocker) tackling Twilight, which causes her to shoot a magic blast at a bird, turning it into a flying orange. This is already my kind of episode. When Twilight explains that she was trying to turn an apple into an orange, Rarity shows up with some gay-looking dress. Pinkie Pie then starts to worry that she's missing out on "super awesome fun" or something that her friends are engaging in. Huh? This...is only occurring to you now, Pinkie Pie? How convenient for this episode I suppose. After the title sequence masticates me until I have pink strands on my landing strips, we see Pinkie Pie relaxing in Fluttershy's.......butterfly grove? What in the flying fucktard-molasses is a butterfly grove? Pinkie Pie then explains that she's got too many friends in Ponyville to have fun with them all. Well, if "A Friend in Deed" is any indicator, everyone in the fucking town is your friend. I digress, as Fluttershy promises not to do anything fun if that helps. This is a hilarious line of dialogue.
     

    I think Pinkie Pie is dead.................................does that mean her religion has to dissolute?
     
    Then, to make matters worse, both Rainbow Dash and Applejack offer Pinkie Pie some activities to do with them at the exact same time. Both Dash and Jack seem cool about whichever one Pinkie Pie chooses, which is a nice subtle element. I don't think I could handle more Rainbow Dash-Applejack feuding. However, and indecisive Pinkie Pie goes bonkers and tires to time herself switching between pass-times. Twilight explains that Pinkie Pie can't be in two places at once, until Pinkie Pie decides that's just how to solve this issue. So she trots into the Everfree Forrest looking for the legend of the "Magic Mirror Pond" that her grandmother told her about. The whole time, she recites a nursery rhyme that related to the myth: "where the brambles are thickest, there you will find, a pond beyond the most twisted of vines." Huh.......the Mirror Pond must be inside my pants, then. Before long, Pinkie finds the fabled mirror pond, recites another boring poem, and poof! Two Pinkie Pies!
     

    Hah. Try explaining this to the First Church of Cupcakes! Religious fucks.
     
    On the way back, Pinkie Pie explains all of the intricacies of how Equestria was made and what-not, as she commands her clone to go visit Applejack while she hangs with Rainbow Dash. However, on the way there, Clonie Pie is interrupted by Fluttershy's picnic. Dammit, Fluttershy, you promised not to have fun anymore! What a fucking bitch. You go tranny for 12 episodes and suddenly you think you have the world in the palm of your hooves. Well, I've got a Bird in the Hoof for you, that's for sure! Hilariously, Clonie Pie gets all of her friends names wrong, which brings back great memories from the pilot episodes, so GG episode. To cover the eventuality of more than two friends wanting Pinkie Pie to join in on their fun, the two Pinkie Pies go back to the mirror pond to create doubles of the double. However, when the doubles start learning how to make more doubles and so forth, this becomes a bit of a problem.
     

    Son of a bitchtard fuckazoids....
     
    So back to Ponyville they go, but all for not. The Pinkie Pies not only start wreaking havoc on Rainbow Dash, Applejack, and Fluttershy, but also the rest of the goddamn town! For some reason, everyone goes to Twilight's library for answers rather than the Mayor's office, but fuck it. I suppose they want Twilight to do her voodoo shit. Purple ponies might be getting more popular around these parts. Twilight finds a spell that can send all the clones back into the mirror pond by just the zap of her horn, but if she doesn't figure out who the real Pinkie Pie is, then she could end up sending her back instead. This proves difficult when all the clones claim they're the real Pinkie Pie, and it's gotten so bad that even the real Pinkie Pie can't distinguish the real Pinkie Pie. This sends her into a brief depression as Twilight and company try to round up the clones.
     

    Finding dead bodies. All in a days work for Detective Spike.
     
    Interestingly, depressed Pinkie Pie comes up with the solution to figure out who the real Pinkie Pie is! Give them a test and force them to do something not fun. Any Pinkie who can't stick it out will be mutilated until their corpses are unidentifiable sent back into the mirror pond, but whoever wants to stay around for her friends must be the real Slim Shady. Twilight thinks this is a sexy idea, and gathers up the Pinkies at Town Hall to complete the ultimate test. Watching paint dry! Hey, it's a better passtime then catching up on season six. Therefore, the test begins, and they all must watch this fucking paint dry or else. For some time, nothing happens, but soon enough their attention starts to disappear faster than myself watching an episode of Doctor Who. Their distractions range from watching birds to making faces of G3 Pinkie Pie, which is genuinely hilarious. In the end, it's down to two Pinkie Pies, and when Rainbow Dash tricks the fake one into looking for balloon animals, the real Pinkie Pie is found. She just couldn't leave her friends. How fucking fantastic.
     

    PINKIE! Get out of Rainbow Dash's SHOT! I can't work with these amateurs!
     
    In the end, Pinkie Pie learns that she has to make choices between who you spend your time with, be it a good friend like Fluttershy or, say, Satan for instance, but that's okay because good friends will always give you great opportunities to have fun. Especially the latter, if I'm any proof. So concludes "Too Many Pinkie Pies".
     
    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
     
    Well, that was a very good episode.
     
    I remember hearing complaints about the "gruesome" way the Pinkie Pies are "killed off", but as I've demonstrated time and time again, that shit doesn't phase me because I'm not a snowflake. While the moral is sort of phoned in, in the sense that it's kind of secondary to the plot, I still think this is a great episode for other reasons. The comedy works especially well in this episode, from name mispronunciations, to Fluttershy promising not to have fun, and even that G3 face toward the end, there are plenty of subtle zingers in there to give you a smile. Pinkie Pie's also very interesting to follow in this episode, not so much for her crazed obsession with pleasing every-pony, but rather the turmoil that arises when she fears not being able to be with her friends again. It's something I think makes this episode worth returning to. In the end, I'm giving "Too Many Pinkie Pies" a 9/10, as there are some flaws, but many great moments to make it a highlight of season three.
     
    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
     
    I guess I was wrong on two accounts. I didn't think the following episodes after the piss-poor premiere of "The Crystal Empire" would be any good, but here's one. Also, too many Pinkie Pies are a bit of a disaster unlike my initial conventions. Well, fuck me, then, I guess I don't deserve to live or something. In any case, I'll see you all back here next Friday when we review "One Ba-"...
     

     
    ................
     
     
     

    ...............................
     
    .............. 
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     


     
    .................
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     

    Aaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww shit.
  17. PrymeStriker
    Recently on A Possession of Mine Which is Small and Resembles an Undersized Equine: The Relationship of a Person Whom is Acquainted and Contains a Mutual Bond With Results in the Occurrence of Supernatural Forces
     
    The Best User on the MLP Forums: "This is it. The finale of season two."
     
    Princess Cache: "Bitch?! What the HAAAIILL is this shit?! The HAAILL you think this is 'stablishment is? I's abou ta smackaya umpsidejahedd, nammmsayin?"
     
    Princess Celestia: "Bitch, don't be such a fucktard."
     
    The Greatest Organism on Planet Earth (cont.): "I swear, between this and Mare Do-Well, it's like some of the over-analytics in the fanbase don't go outside."
     
    Whiny Cunt: "PrymeStriker!!! You fool! It's not Friday! You're supposed to wait until Friday to do reviewwwwss!!!"
     
    Social Justice Warrior: "A more favorable outcome would be that this cis-gender male stop imposing on my identity. Off with his head!"
     
    The Supreme Ruler of the Multiverse (cont.): "Bish plez. I don't have a head."
     
    Audience: *GASP*
     
    Sandy: "Oh yeah? Well how about this for a twist. I really AM in love with Chad!"
     
    Audience: *LOUDER GASP*
     
    Chad: "It's too late, Sandy. I've already gotten your sister PREGNANT, and we just had our FIRST CHILD"
     
    Audience: *THE GASP OF TEN THOUSAND HOLY FUCKS*
     
    The God of All Creation in the Pyraplexagon that is the Genesis of Really Important Shit PrymeStriker (tonc.): "Holy shit, that joke is seven months old. Way to bring it full circle."
     
    Sandy: "How could you do this to me?"
     
    Chad: "Like this!"
     
    <<Chad and Sandy's sister start doing it in front of Sandy>>
     
    PrymeStriker (tonc.a.trukkz): "Well.......let's see if the wonder continues next week."
     
     
     
     
     
    CUE TITLE SEQUENCE!
     
    (Here's the story / Of a Lovely Lady / Who was bringing up three very lovely girls / All of them had hair of gold / Like their mother / The youngest one in curls)
     
    Spoilers ahead!
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    I spent way too long writing that intro.
     
    Anyways, yes, I know it's not Friday, but I figured I'd surprise y'all with a Thursday review to make up for the last two times I was late. That, and I'll be busy tomorrow, so better not to delay again. Moving swiftly forward...the second part of "A Canterlot Wedding"! This episode opens up with Twilight Sparkle in a dark cavern after being burned to holy ash by Princess Fakence. This fake Cadence's face start showing up on the walls to taunt Twilight, as she tells her she has "plans" for her brother. This pisses her off, so Twilight starts going apeshit until he runs into the "real" Cadence. She pleads with Twilight not to kill her or whatever, but Twilight isn't convinced until she starts doing the "sunshine, sunshine" sunshake which the faux bitch didn't recognize.
     

    Little known fact: the "Sunshine, Sunshine" secret handshake has been able to decide court cases in Canterlot. That's some powerful shit.
     
    What follows is the song "This Day Aria", which is clever beyond measure, both in animation and music, especially for using a deceptive cadence toward the end of the song. Get it? Deceptive Cadence? This was back when Daniel Ingram was a good composer. The song goes over Cadence and Twilight trying to escape their prison while Deceptive Cadence prepares to take Shining Armor's hoof in marriage. For what motives? I'm sure we'll find out soon enough, but my guess at this point is Shining Armor is the Rarity of Canterlot. As the ceremonies begin, Twilight and Cadence believe they've found their way out, but must make their way past Deceptive Cadence's old brainwashed bridesmaids. The resolve to overcome this hurdle? Wave a bouquet in front of them and throw it. You see that? That's hilarious. That's fucking hilarious. This finale just keeps getting better. After this, which is told in brief flashback, Twilight and Cadence arrive at the wedding to bring this shit to a grinding halt. At first, those who dissed Twilight in Part 1 are displeased with her presence, but once the real Cadence shows up, everyone shits their dresses. This is when Deceptive Cadence is forced to reveal her self as Queen Swiss Cheese!
     

    My anatomy is impractical! FEAR ME!
     
    Queen Chrysalis is the leader of the Changelings, a race of black ponies........yikes..........that take the form of someone you love and feed off of your love for them. Huh, normally that would sound as cheesy as their leader's design, but that's actually a good method to take over a kingdom. Granted you don't fuck it up, at least. My guess is the Changelings are about to get royally fucked, though. Chrysalis reveals how her plan's been working flawlessly having mind-controlled Shining Armor, and how she will take over the world or something, until Celestia decides to fight the bitch. She gets killed. The Age of the Changelings are soon to be upon us, and it seems like there's nothing anyone can do to stop it. It's up to Twilight and the Wu Tang Clan to find the Elements of Harmony and defeat the evil queen and her army of assholes! Unfortunately, before they can obtain the overpowered status quo reset-ers, the Changelings break through the bubblegum barrier of Canterlot and initiate their full scale assault. THOUSANDS of Changelings surround our main characters, each of them taking the form of one of the ponies as to confuse everyone. So, do the mane six run for their lives until they think of some spell that can fix everything?
     
    ...
     
    Nope. They go Team Fortress 2 up in this bitch.
     

    THIS IS THE GREATEST FUCKING FINALE OF ALL TIME
     
    FIREBLASTS! BOOM, MICHAEL BAY, BITCH! UPPERCUT! PARTY CANNONS! NECK TWISTING! BLOODSHED ON THE DANCE FLOOOR! HEE-HEE! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
     
    ...
     
    After the gushfest of kickassery that is the fight scene, the mane six successfully overcome the Changelings, but there's plenty more where that came from. It seems like even our heroes won't be able to pull through this time. Meanwhile, Celestia awakens to see that she's been encased in a Changeling...cocoon...or something, as a kidnapped Cadence and a useless Spike tell Chrysalis that their friends will save the day. That is, until their friends are captured by the Changelings and brought to Chrysalis. Huh, so they didn't get the Elements of Harmony, and actually failed? Holy shit, now I really wanna know what happens next. After a short reprise of "This Day Aria", which honestly, I don't think was necessary, Twilight frees Cadence in hopes that she can use her aforementioned love magic abilities to snap her husband-to-be out of Chrysalis' spell. It works, but it seems that even doing that won't change the current circumstances as the Age of the Changelings is in full effect. Her people roam freely and Shining Armor's power is too faint to be able to deflect them all. That is, until Cadence decides that their love will give them strength. Love? Wait.....wait....NO, their not.....
     
    HOLY FUCK. HOLY LITERAL FUCK.
     

    COME ON, GUYS, THIS A KIDS SHOW!!!! BESIDES, EVERYONE KNOWS YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO WAIT UNTIL THE HONEYMOON!
     
    Alas, their ultra-BDSM is effective, and it strengthen's Shining Armor's confidence power enough to repel all of the Changelings! And just like that, Canterlot is saved. Normally I'd reject a "love will prevail" resolve, but there's enough established logic as well as enough trial and error preceding this event to warrant this resolution. At the same time, it's not the most amazing resolution, but screw it, it's fucking wedding time, bitch. We revisit the mane six's plans from Part 1, but this time with the real, more approving Cadence checking over everything, from Applejack's food to Rarity's dresses and Pinkie Pie's parades, capped off with Rainbow Dash's Sonic Rainboom. In the end, Shining Armor and Princess Cadence are bonded in holy matrimony, and get jiggy both on the dance floor and later in the bedroom. Although, they clearly had no problem displaying their jiggy for the world to see earlier, but we'll let it slide since their sex saved the city. Finally, "Love Is In Bloom" plays, and Vinyl Scratch finally takes off her glasses.
     

    Bronies. The only fandom to shit themselves when a background character takes off their glasses.
     
    Spike brings up his plans for the bachelor party, which is also hilarious, and so concludes "A Canterlot Wedding".
     
    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
     
    10/10.
     
    What else is there to say? This finale is just epic. Definitely as good as I remember. Not only was the first part immersive for Twilight's trial, but the second part is just once big orgasmic payoff. From "This Day Aria" to the kickass fighting sequence, to the prevalence of Cadence and the bond of Shining Armor and Twilight, not to mention the incredibly fun epilogue, this episode is one smile after a bigger one. I have to give this finale props for not relying on the Elements of Harmony for the solution. I don't really have a big problem with them, but I could've seen that getting kind of old if they'd just fallen back on that. Luckily, that wasn't the case, so that's something noteworthy. Otherwise, I think "A Canterlot Wedding (Part 2)" just speaks for itself, and combined with the awesomeness of Part 1, "A Canterlot Wedding" overall achieves a solid 10/10 average. This is the best finale I've reviewed so far.
     
    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
     
    Ah, now here's the fun part. We're finally done with season two, which means I get to make an overall assessment of the entire season. Here goes nothing!:
     
    01. The Return of Harmony, Part 1 10/10
    02. The Return of Harmony, Part 2 10/10
    03. Lesson Zero 8/10
    04. Luna Eclipsed 10/10
    05. Sisterhooves Social 10/10
    06. The Cutie Pox 7/10
    07. May the Best Pet Win! 8/10
    08. The Mysterious Mare Do-Well 9/10
    09. Sweet and Elite 8/10
    10. Secret of My Excess 4/10
    11. Hearth's Warming Eve 5/10
    12. Family Appreciation Day 8/10
    13. Baby Cakes 9/10
    14. The Last Roundup 6/10
    15. The Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000 8/10
    16. Read It and Weep 9/10
    17. Hearts and Hooves Day 10/10
    18. A Friend in Deed 10/10
    19. Putting Your Hoof Down 10/10
    20. It's About Time 8/10
    21. Dragon Quest 5/10
    22. Hurricane Fluttershy 10/10
    23. Ponyville Confidential 8/10
    24. MMMystery on the Friendship Express 2/10
    25. A Canterlot Wedding (Part 1) 10/10
    26. A Canterlot Wedding (Part 2) 10/10
     
    Therefore, my overall rating for season two of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is:
     
    8.2/10
    Best episode: "Luna Eclipsed"
    Worst episode: "MMMystery on the Friendship Express"
     
    Overall, this season was a vast improvement over the first one. Almost a full grade above season one, season two has some of the highest highlights of the series. Both the premiere and the finale are incredible, and there's plenty of amazing stuff to choose from in-between. "Luna Eclipsed", "Sisterhooves Social", "A Friend in Deed", and "Hurricane Fluttershy" are some of my favorites that are also universally approved, while I still stand by the more controversial "Putting Your Hoof Down" and "Hearts and Hooves Day" as being noteworthy excellence as well. On top of that, the season is very rarely tainted with mediocrity, with only "The Cutie Pox" and "The Last Roundup" tainting that special "meh" place.
     
    There are, however, some noteworthy lows. "MMMystery on the Friendship Express" is a terrible piece of shit, and both "Secret of My Excess" and "Dragon Quest" are humiliating additions to the lineup. "Hearths Warming Eve" is also a royal toot and a snore, making me glad I didn't have to review every out-of-character moment and slogging scene, instead luckily getting to use it as my April Fools entry. Regardless, the high points of season two I think outshine their low points since they are so few. This season has reminded me what a good show My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic was. It unfortunately has also reminded me that there will be very few instances of it getting any better from here, but that suffrage is for another time. Today is a day of celebration and congratulations to season two for being such a damn good set of episodes.
     
    With that said, I'll see you all next Friday, where we will finally delve into the third season with the two-part premiere, "The Crystal Empire". Will it continue the greatness of season two, or will it showcase the beginning of the end? Find out when we revisit...
     
    My Little Pony....
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
    Friendship....
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
    is......
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
    a waste of time, money, and splooge.
  18. PrymeStriker
    Welcome, one and all, to the season two wrap-up of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic!
     

     
    This is it. The finale of season two. After facing disappointment with the previous episode, I'm beginning to doubt whether this finale is as good as I remember. Alas, let's delve into the completion of this season, "A Canterlot Wedding (Part 1)". Spoilers ahead!
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    This episode opens up with a gorgeous picnic being patronized by the Mane 6 as Spike shows up with a letter. This letter invites all of the ponies to play key roles in "the upcoming wedding". Rarity is to design the dresses, Applejack is to preside over the catering, Fluttershy is to do something I've already forgotten but I would imagine has something to do with animals, Pinkie Pie is to plan the party part of the wedding (heh...party part), Rainbow Dash is to perform a sonic rainboom, and Twilight is there to make sure everything goes as planned. However, Spike gave Twilight the wrong letter first, as there was no explanation as to who was getting married. It is then that we find out that it is Princess Mi Amore Cadenza and......*le gasp*......HER BROTHER?!?!

    Silly Twilight. Everyone has a brother that's written out of nowhere two seasons in! Well.....everyone that's a purple pony at least.
     
    What's that? You were expecting me to complain about Twilight's brother never being mentioned before? Oh, okay. Well, we're two seasons in to the story, and where the fuck are you with discovering who Scootaloo's parents are or uncovering anyone in Rainbow Dash or Fluttershy's family? That's what I thought, bitch. After the title sequence invites me to a Canterlot wedding, a charming musical number ensues entitled "BBBFF", which is used to explain the story of how Twilight's brother, Shining Armor, was the only "friend" she had as an introverted filly (and later adult, in all honesty), and how they grew apart once Shining Armor went into the Royal Guard. That's another thing about this finale, the music is on point. Not everything is as complex and intricate as "Stop the Bats", but at the very least it's tolerable, even sometimes fun. The key being that all of them progress parts of the story, which is always a bonus.
     

    i cri evrtim
     
    So now it's on the train to Canterlot, which DOESN'T TAKE A FUCKING DAY TO TRAVEL TO......piece of shit..........until we're interrupted by the fact that there's a giant pink bubble 'round the city. Canterlot is on code red: high alert after receiving a threat. Just in time for the wedding? I smell a climax device. Twilight is rather pissed that her brother didn't tell her he was getting married personally, and trots off to give him a piece of her vagina mind. Twilight seems a bit possessive of her brother. I smell another climax device. Don't worry, it's not my Hell Transporter. That's another kind of a climax device. However, when Twilight faces him, Shining Armor explains that the threat protection has been his top priority. After some touching dialogue, Shining Armor asks Twilight to be his best mare, and explains that this skeptical Princess Mi Amore Cadenza is Cadence, Twilight's old foalsitter. Ah, the big brothers always end up fucking the babysitters, don't they? What a classic tale this is. In a flashback, it's explained that the two were very close, and that Cadence was able to use her magic to help with love or something. Unfortunately, when Twilight reunites with her and tries to do their old handshake, "sunshine, sunshine, ladybugs awake, clap your hooves and do a little shit shake", Cadence is not amused.
     

    "Bitch?! What the HAAAIILL is this shit?! The HAAILL you think this is 'stablishment is? I's abou ta smackaya umpsidejahedd, nammmsayin?"
     
    Twilight realizes something is not quite left here, as she pouts throughout the day about Cadence marrying Shining Armor. This is fueled by Cadence's attitude towards the other five, smiling in their faces while giving them shit behind their backs, all of course caught by Twilight. Naturally, this leads to Twilight being the only one to notice Cadence's bullshit, and making her look even more possessive in the process. Later, Twilight goes to visit her brother and discuss things with him, but Cadence interrupts them asking to speak to Shining Armor in private. This is where our trusty purple pony witnesses Cadence seemingly "brainwashing" Shining Armor. Twilight runs off to tell the others, until she realizes that they've all been upgrades to bridesmaid status, kicking out the old ones. It's at this point that Twilight realizes that she's all on her own. The next day, at the rehearsal, Twilight crashes the party in hopes to expose Cadence and convince her brother not to marry her. When she starts shouting and sends Cadence off crying, her levels of apparent possessiveness go SO FAR off the charts that even Princess Celestia is like "bitch, don't be such a fucktard." Everyone has dismissed her by this point.
     

    Holy shit, that face. i irc summrtim
     
    This point gets a lot of shit from some fans, and I think it's completely unwarranted. The general consensus regarding this is that everyone else are being assholes to Twilight in this scene, which makes them out of character for plot convenience. In which, my reply is, WHAT?! Have you been watching Twilight's behavior all episode long? She's been bitching non-stop about this wedding! To everyone else, she seems like a total cluster cunt-fuck with a giant stick up her ass about her brother getting married, from complaining why she wasn't told to accusing the bride of being not good enough for her brother. It's sure as hell the tip of the fucking iceberg when she crashes rehearsal and makes the bride-to-be run away in tears, and completely neglects her brother's input as if she owns him. That's why everyone goes off at her, and it's completely realistic and believable. I swear, between this and Mare Do-Well, it's like some of the over-analytics in the fanbase don't go outside. Alas, we know Twilight's being sincere, as displayed later when Cadence's evil nature is completely revealed to us as she traps Twilight in an underground cave.
     

    #rekt #360noscope
     
    With this, the episode ends on a cliffhanger. So concludes "A Canterlot Wedding (Part 1)"
     
    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
     
    Considering I've already covered all the "problems" some other people have pointed out in the above paragraphs, all I have left to say is that Part 1 kicks seven kinds of ass. The emotions on this one are fully immersive as we follow Twilight's many conflictions and obstacles in her quest to do what she believes is right. Perhaps in this finale, unlike some others, did I truly feel every tug and pull our main character went through. On top of that, the event circumstances are very intriguing in that they're not completely contrived and convenient. It seems like both the threat and the wedding are having to balance each other out in Canterlot's current state of chaos, which is very unique for this show to tackle. Ultimately, Part 1 is just building up to Part 2, but it surprisingly does very well on its own unlike most first parts. Given how immersive Twilight's character is on top of all the shit that's about to go down, I think "A Canterlot Wedding (Part 1)" is completely deserving of it's 10/10 rating. Hopefully Part 2 holds up in comparison.
     
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
     
    Well, that was actually as good, if not better, then I remember. Let's see if the wonder continues next week (yes, you have to wait until the next week for second parts now. #rekt) when we continue...
     
    My Little Pony....
     
    Friendship....
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
    is.....
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
    a clusterfuck of holy shitballs right now.....
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
    but also....
     
    a mistake.
     
    Kind of like my conception.
  19. PrymeStriker
    So I watched The Legend of Korra...
     
    ...
     
    Anyways, Welcome, one and all, to the season two wrap-up of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic!
     

     
    This is it. The final episode before the two-part finale of their second season, "A Canterlot Wedding". Let's see if the lead-in to the conclusion is worthy. Spoilers ahead.
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    So this episode ope-wait, shit I forgot to lock my car.
     
    *VWARP*
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
    *VWARP* Huh. Never expected to see Jesus in Hell.......................
     
    So this episode opens up with a kick-ass looking cake that requires the entire main cast plus Big Mac to carry without seeking ruin. Um, here's a good idea: use a wheelbarrow. Wow, a logic fuck-up already and it's only the prologue. Sounds swell. After the title sequence does unspeakably horrible things to me physically that would make it impossible for me to continue to function and therefore write this entry in the first place for the sake of hilarity, we see that Pinkie Pie is taking the cake to Canterlot for a competition, and has subsequently invited her friends along. This cake is pretty complex shit, with all it's meringue and mascarpone madness, which visibly tempts the other five.
     

    They all want to lick and gobble down the C.
     
    However, some douchebag griffon comes in and claims his eclairs will win the competition instead. Err....I think a quadruple-decker marzipan mascarpone meringue cake takes ten times more effort than something you can buy at Dunkin' Donuts. Perhaps you should griffon the fuck off. Ah, that joke is still classic. Anyways, more assholes bring their contest entries, including Donut Joe with his city of donuts (actually, that one's the most creative, so that would probably win) as well as some stupid mule's chocolate moouse moose. There is a brief bickering battle as the train takes off, and Twilight breaks everything up by suggesting everyone go get a good night's rest for the competition.
     
    ...
     
    Good night's rest? What the fuck? You're going to Canterlot, right? The ponies can literally walk from Canterlot to Ponyville in a matter of hours as shown in the season two premiere. Hell, you can see the fucking city from Ponyville, why would it take more than 12 hours to get there?! Not even finished with the first act and we're piling up on logic fuck-ups. In the midst of this, Pinkie Pie stays to guard the cake in the event of theft.
     

    Guardians of the Delicacy.
     
    However, during the night, three mysterious figures cause some trouble for Pinkie Pie. Having her run all the way from one end of the train to the next, leaving the cake unguarded. She even runs into the conductor's room....and doesn't ask them if they saw anything. Seriously, did logic switch off in Equestria for a day?! Alas, several bites are taken of the cake as discovered in the morning. Therefore, it is up to Twilight and Pinkie Pie to investigate this MMMystery and bring whoever's responsible to justice! This is where Pinkie Pie starts accusing the other bakers of doing it. The episode is probably not smart enough to go this route, but with Pinkie Pie's wild accusations, she herself is a reasonable suspect. As the accusations are told through pop culture references I don't care about, we discover that the other bakers' creations have been mutilated as well. This reminds me of the time I went to the carnival when I was four and captured the recession stand clerk......mutilation was the least of his worries.
     

    Now that's more like it.
     
    Twilight takes over the case, and starts inquiring Pinkie Pie as to what happened last night. The episode references Pinkie Pie being a possible culprit, but Twilight quickly dismisses this as a possibility and it's never brought up again. WHY NOT? Why would you assume Pinkie Pie didn't do this?! Anyways, Twilight starts collecting clues like a creep and inquires the whole story from Pinkie Pie, retracing steps and finding more evidence. After three discoveries, Twilight calls everyone back for the revelation. The first clue was a blue feather, which Pinkie believes came from the griffon. However, Twilight reveals that it was from Rainbow Dash, the element of loyalty. The second clue was a strand of pink hair in the conductor's hat, which Pinkie thought came from Rainbow Dash, but was actually from Fluttershy, the element of kindness. Egh, my point exactly. If she had asked the conductor if he saw anything, this episode would be practically null. Don't you just love when logic is sacrificed for plot convenience? The final nail clue is a stray fake eyelash from local town slut and element of generosity Rarity. It is concluded that all three of them raped Pinkie Pie's cake. What a loyal, kind, and generous thing to do your friend, you plot-induced stupid, out-of-character motherfuckers!
     

    "It looked soooo good" my ass. Fuck this fuckin' episode.
     
    But you know what? Pinkie Pie forgives them! Why? Who gives a shit! It's not like they betrayed her trust and walked over her ass, that any reasonable person would've told their "friend" to kindly go find a brick wall in a disease-ridden alleyway and use the rocky, bloodstained corners of the buildings as pleasure devices. Of course not! Then we wouldn't have a main cast! Therefore, this episode wouldn't be worth it, now would it?!? But just hold up a minute! Now we have to force in a dickhead moral about not jumping to conclusions and have Pinkie Pie solve the boring mystery of who ate the other baker's goods. Obviously it's the bakers, and everyone apologizes for their dumb shit as Applejack sits in the background serving absolutely no relevance to the plot. In the end, the bakers combine their remaining treats into one and submit it together. Naturally, it wins the competition.
     

    What an abomination. Who the fuck would want to eat that?
     
    Finally, Pinkie Pie eats the whole cake. The whole cake. And that concludes "MMMystery on the Friendship Express".
     
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
     
    What a load of shit.
     
    This episode is devoid of all logic from the get-go. From the very beginning, having everyone haul the goddamned cake by hand and going to extremes instead of doing something much more sensible, to the jump-starter of the story in having the train take all night to travel somewhere that's within viewing distance, and into the mystery's set-up with Pinkie Pie's negligence to expose the conductor, right down to complete ignorance of questioning Pinkie Pie's suspicious behavior, and finally by forcing Rainbow Dash, Rarity, and Fluttershy to the point of out-of-character betrayal only to have Pinkie Pie say, "oh, sure, it's okay that you've wasted my time, money, and effort for your own selfish gain. We're still totally best FRIENDS." Fuckity fuck this fuckin' piece of fuck that is "MMMystery on the Friendship Express". This is episode is even worse than "Secret of My Excess", because that one set up something beyond itself. This one doesn't even do that, which pisses me off even more. I hate when an episode wastes my time, or disappoints me in every aspect, but it really grinds my gears when it does that and it's completely skip-able. This slop-fest is completely deserving of its 2/10 rating, though at the very least it's not as cringe-inducing as "Crusaders of the Lost Fuck-Up" or "Simple Ways".
     
    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
     
    I'm worried. That episode was complete shit, and this is the lead-in to the finale of season two! What if this finale falls flat on its ass? Most of my praise for season two in the past would completely evaporate.
     
    I suppose we'll just have to see next week, but just out of curiosity, who penned this royal sack of duck splooge?
     

     
    ..Wh....What?!
     
     
     
    A.......Amy Keating Rogers?!
     

    I....I...thought.....
     

    .....s....so.....................Amy Keating Rogers...is a bad writer?!
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
    Everything I know is a lie.
  20. PrymeStriker
    Avatar: The Last Airbender is one of the greatest TV shows of all-time, and to this day stands as my absolute favorite series. It has outstanding characters, the most amazing story, and it's achieved a perfect balance of action, adventure, drama, and comedy. Mix this all in with a teaspoon of cactus juice, and you've got the makings for a damn-near perfect show. I was first introduced to this show, ironically, thanks to the piece of shit fuck-up that is M. Night Shyamalan's theatrical addition to the franchise, The Last Airbender. I was 10-years-old and couldn't identify a bad movie from a sky bison's asshole, so I became obsessed with the initial concept of the franchise. Shortly thereafter, I started watching the show, and even at that young age I quickly realized the movie was shit in comparison. However, it wasn't until I revisited the series a couple years later, after my childhood obsession with the franchise had waned, that I realized the show's ingenious writing. This more analytical rediscovery was just in time, in-fact, for the franchise to be revamped in the form of its sequel series, The Legend of Korra.
     
    I was intrigued by the concept of the show in having it focus on the Avatar after Aang in a more futuristic setting, so come April 14th, 2012, I was stoked to check out the series premiere. Sadly, while I did watch the two episodes that aired on that day, I never followed through with continuing the series. I didn't hate the show by any means, but I discovered early on that this series just didn't seem very interesting at all. I guess what turned me off initially was the second episode's focus on Mako and Bolin, where I could see the series' early plague of love triangle bullshit starting to take shape. Immediately, I figured this was going nowhere fast, and made an subconscious decision not to continue. Following that for the next four years, I only caught glimpses of some episodes from the first two seasons while channel-flipping, and later spoiled Avatar character cameos in the series by watching clips on YouTube.
     
    About three months ago, I re-watched Avatar: The Last Airbender for the umpteenth time by gradually exposing the series to some of my family members. They seemed to enjoy the series as much as I did as we wrapped it up last week, but after that I thought to myself: "I should probably watch The Legend of Korra." Bear in mind, by this time the series was over and people had generally good things to say about the show, so I wasn't being discouraged by too many fronts. The next day, I bought Book One and marathoned the entire season in one sitting. Within the next couple of days, I scrounged out Book Two and Three, and by this past weekend completed my collection by purchasing and finishing Book Four. And so, I finally watched The Legend of Korra.
     
     
     




     

    It's not bad.
     
    Book One: Air
     
    By the first season, the series already has the intrigue factor of seeing the world from Avatar in a state of progression. The Avatar World has adapted its own form of New York City in it's own interpretation of the Roarin' Twenties. We also meet Korra, who is the current Avatar by this point, and it's nice to see a take on the messiah that isn't a carbon-copy of Aang. The previous Avatar was initially reluctant about his role, and was a compassionate symbol of peace. This Avatar, on the other hand, was a brash hot-head who was probably too self-indulgent for her own good. At least she's a tolerable cocky character, unlike Rainbow Dash. We also meet great characters like Tenzin, Lin, and Bolin, and are faced with a menacing threat in the form of Amon. From episode three onward, you can tell the show is going to be a lot more political than its preceding show, giving it a face-value sense of maturity. The arc overall is satisfying and reaches a generally solid conclusion.
     
    However, the first season is plagued, and I mean plagued by some A-class love triangle bullshit. In this season, Mako and Asami are the most bland characters ever to be forced into the main cast of one of Bryke's series. I hate to compare this show to Avatar, but seeing as this is the follow-up, I think it's in an important comparison. Look at each character in the main cast of Avatar. Each character in the main cast is individual and has their own unique personalities, filled with all the flaws and quirks that make them identifiable from the get-go. These invite you to want to learn more about them, and see them grow and achieve their full potential by the end of the series. Neither Mako nor Asami remotely scratch this surface at all. I've checked, and even the wiki can just barely describe what these characters are like. They're just pretty faces to add more foils to the first season's love triangle bullshit, and for the most part, they stay that way throughout the series. Outside of the ingenious "Bolin loves Korra loves Mako loves Asami but might love Korra who might love Bolin" arcs that clutter up the middle of the season (and seriously, Amon's arc stops dead in its tracks for two episodes in the middle just so we can focus on it), my other major complaint with the season is its rushed ending. I'm sure plenty have discussed this, but the last five minutes of season one consist of "Korra's bending is gone, Aang shows up as a vision, some light happens, now she has her bending back, and she can give her bending back to everyone else." No consequences whatsoever. Just how I like my finales. The rest of the season is good, but unlike the previous show's streak of practically flawless quality, Book One's first impressions wouldn't have exactly invited my continued interest a few years back.
     
    Book Two: Spirits
     
    The second season did introduce some series-lasting highlights, I must admit. First, it introduced all-star characters in the form of Varrick and Eska, the former possibly being my favorite character out of the series. Secondly, it contained the powerhouse two-parter "Beginnings", which explains the story of the first Avatar and how the cycle began. Not only are these episodes informative, but also very intriguing as stories alone. Thirdly, I really liked Tenzin's character development in this season, being possibly the only example of good character building in Book Two. Finally, its finale spawned the plot-points that would become vital for the third and fourth seasons to exist and work well, though that doesn't exactly stand for the quality of the finale itself. I also very much enjoyed seeing...
     
     
     
     
    Unfortunately, Book Two did not improve on the first season at all, and Spirits has to be the worst season of both Korra and the franchise overall. Its Civil War arc is confused, cluttered, and mangled in with even more love triangle bullshit. Its villain, Unaloq, is so dull and lacking of any vigor that he's entirely forgettable. Mix this with some tired "brotherly vengeance" plotlines, some character regression (Lin is a terrible character in this season), and the most deus ex machina of light beam fight conclusions, and boom! You have the most passable season in the Avatar franchise. The worst part is probably that you can't just skip this season given what happens at the end of it, as well as some of the real highlights that occur. So you're forced to sit through this season just to make it to the good stuff. I mean, I don't rate this season lower than I did the first season of MLP, but it's a bigger disappointment coming from the creators of Avatar.
     
    Granted, I understand why these first two seasons weren't up-to-par. Nickelodeon was seriously dicking them around with how many episodes they were supposed to write. I heard this was supposed to be a one-season show and then Nick decided they should write 14 more episodes. The creators had no idea where to go and started throwing shit together. At least there's a reason for it and we can't just assume the writers were being shitheads on purpose. And again, there's still all the highlights above, so there's something of merit in Book Two. It's not a bad season, but it's definitely the sloppiest, making it the worst.
     
    Book Three: Change
     
    FINALLY! A fucking great season! What a comeback. While Avatar's first season is inherently better given its place in the show's story, Book Three of Korra is definitely as good as that season in general. For once, the villains are entertaining and enjoyable, and their motives seem both realistic and threatening. Korra finally starts going through some serious character development at this point, as she starts getting her ass kicked and her shortcomings start tallying up. And then we've got the Bei Fong plotlines, which I love considering Lin was dealt a shitty hand in Book Two, all surrounded by huge changes in the world. With the Earth Kingdom falling apart and the challenge of the spirits and the return of...
     
     
     
     
    ...this season has a lot at stake and a lot to love. You might question my logic of forcing myself to watch the first two seasons even though I knew they weren't that great, and that's because I had some promise from reading the opinions of fans about Book Three being an improvement. This, to my surprise, came through in really nice ways. Although Mako and Asami are still about as interesting as a box of packing peanuts, and unfortunately that never changes, at least the rest of the characters are developing reasons to care. Even Tenzin's children, who I didn't give much thought to in the first two seasons, start integrating themselves well into the story. And for once, I have very few complaints, as Zaheer's contrived flight ability is as close to issue I can find other than some dull spots here and there. Book Three is just a barrel full of goodness overall, which was fresh and beneficial for the series.
     
    And now for some spoiler-y gushing:
     
     
     
     
    Book Four: Balance
     
    And of all four seasons, I think the final one has to be the best. While I think the third season had the better threat as Kuvira wasn't quite as engaging as Zaheer, and also the superior finale, this season contained the greatest development for both Korra and the Bei Fong family. Even given Asami's lack of personality, she managed to conjure up some sort of likable story by this point, and I found what happened to her in the finale heart-wrenching. Balance doesn't quite reach the heights of Avatar's Earth and Fire either, but it still manages to just peak out above Water. Once again, Varrick really steals the show in many respects, even when it came down to his conclusion in the finale, and as I said before, Korra is probably the most interesting she's ever been in the series by this point. No saving Mako, though, he's doomed to being the blandest main character of the Avatar franchise unfortunately.
     
    I only really have any problems with the resolve of the series. While Avatar included the mildly controversial energybending in its finale, that conclusion had some build-up and made sense with the morals and circumstances of both its main character and the series overall, making for a fantastic finale. This one, however, felt more on the Spirits side of deus ex machina light-show endings. It wasn't all-out lazy bullshit, but the resolve did come down to "spirit-y magic stuff saved the day" in the end. This is why I say Change had the better finale because, even though it was open-ended, the battle's climax felt realistic and worked within the parameters of what was built up. I wouldn't call the finale a let-down, but it unfortunately wasn't the ending I thought fit for the series. Though, the rest of the season is great, and I think everything comes out okay in the end, so there's no major harm done.
     
    Now, for some more spoiler-y gushing:
     
     
     
    Conclusion
     
    In the end, the series is okay, and now that I've seen it through-and-through, I would recommend it to fans of the original series. Not only are there plenty of treats for Avatar fanatics, but some of the new characters and the events that transpire, especially towards the end, are thoroughly enjoyable, entertaining, and clever. Sure, you're gonna have to chug through the first two seasons, and maybe that's enough to turn you off altogether. On top of that, there are some problems with the series even in the long run with the blandness of Mako and Asami and how bending seems to come so unnaturally easy to everyone, completed with the trivial issues with each season individually. Still, for all that's said and done, I wasn't disappointed in Korra by series end. It might be something I take a while to come back to, but I still feel satisfied and accomplished having finished it.
     
     
     
    The Legend of Korra is not the masterpiece that Avatar: The Last Airbender was and remains today, but it's hard to expect it to be. Going into this show with the high expectations of its predecessor is a big mistake. The Legend of Korra is good, but Avatar: The Last Airbender is still one of the greatest TV shows of all-time. Maybe I should do some editorials on it someday.............
  21. PrymeStriker
    Welcome, one and all, to the season two wrap-up of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic!
     

     
    Yes, I'm a day late again, but Friday became unexpectedly busy earlier in the day to the point that when I did have free-time to write a review, I had completely forgotten that I had to do it. This was followed by having to be at work within the next hour, so I decided "fuck it" until tomorrow night. Anyways, let's see if this episode was worth the wait. This is "Ponyville Confidential".
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    So this episode's whole prologue is this kid named Featherweight getting his cutie mark, followed by stupid shit done by 2/3 of the CMC with newspaper. CMC + Stupid Shit = Happy PrymeStriker, clearly. Remember how much I loved "Crusaders of the Lost Fuck-Up?" No? Me neither! After the title sequence turns my outsides into insides and vice versa, picking me apart for spare units in the cogs that are the machine of modern day fascist culture and corporate profit, aka Ghostbusters 2016, we see that Apple Bloom thinks the CMC might do good at being writers in the school newspaper. Why? Who the fuck knows and who the fuck cares! After class, the CMC stick around to become part of the Breakfast Club until it's announced that there will be a new editor-in-chief given the previous one's graduation. Guess who it is? The pony that's good at cheering up friends!
     

    Making Ponyville great again?
     
    Fuck. Me. Please...as Donald Trump...*AHEM*...I mean Diamond Tiara, commands her legion to bring her the juiciest stories. The fuck? Is this school-time TMZ now? We've already got enough bullshit with that show. It seems that's what the people want, though, as the CMC by happenstance catch the "juicy" story of Snips and Snails being bound together by bubblegum. Diamond Tiara wants more after this, so the CMC become the new gossip columnists as 'Gabby Gums'. I once dated a chick named 'Gabby Gum Disease'. To my surprise, she had a rather unfortunate condition that prevented our relationship from reaching the next level. She had AIDS. Anyways, Rarity happens to stumble upon Sweetie Belle's copy of the column and inquires to bring it to show her friends. Apparently everyone wants mundane shit to read in the paper.
     

    Extra! Extra! Read all about it! Local prostitute wipes out stallion population with killer cooch!
     
    The CMC subsequently decide to expand their reach beyond the school, capturing juicy stories from all over the town! Dear God, and I thought the Crystalling was some scary doomsday shit. They push out plenty of stupid additions people find interesting for some reason, such as 'Pound and Pumpkin Cake: Trip to the Store Ends in Tears', 'The Great and Powerful Trixie's Secrets Revealed', 'Celestia Just Like Us', 'PrymeStriker Shits Out a Soap Opera', 'The Feminist Occult Shall Rise Again', and so forth. The whole town is eating this shit up, including our mane six, but Twilight seems a bit skeptical of the columns. Even the CMC start to regret it a bit once they consider hurting other people's feelings. Look, I'm all against cheap shitty gossip, but seriously, fuck other people's "feelings". See what having a conscience gets you? So they try to do a more honest entry, but are rejected.
     

    "Bitch?! What the HAAAIILL is this shit?! The HAAILL you think this is 'stablishment is? I's abou ta smackaya umpsidejahedd, nammmsayin?"
     
    Everyone seems to love Gabby Gums until they start getting into the paper. 'Applejack Sleeps with Big Mac', 'Twilight Sparkle eats Canterlot Snot', 'Fluttershy was a Tranny until "A Bird in the Hoof"', and so on. This is when Rarity discovers that Sweetie Belle is Gabby Gums....or at least a third of it. Rarity confronts Sweetie Belle, asking her if she really thinks her destiny is to write nasty things and make everyone miserable. Well, that's been my destiny, and look where I am. Top of the fuckin' world. However, Diamond Tiara will not allow the CMC to quit the columns. So...what? Since when can a superior force you not to quit? I get dealing drugs and being a hooker would result in a difficult two-week notice, but the school newspaper? Alas, they are not allowed to stop being Gabby Gums because Diamond Tiara uses blackmail. If they quit, she'll publish these embarrassing photos taken by Featherweight. Asshole.
     

    That's just low................................................................low-grade blackmail. It's not top-notch unless there's blood involved.
     
    So as they roam around Ponyville, they notice that no one wants to deal with them now that their Gabby Gums secret is out thanks to Rarity. Ehhh, I don't get it. Shouldn't Sweetie Belle have at some point explained that they were being forced to do it by Diamond Tiara? In fact, Sweetie Belle even admitted they didn't like it. So what's everyone pissed off at them about? Take it up with the school, I'm sure this is against district policy or something. There's better ways to handle this than to be dickshits to three schoolgirls. Look at me, this episode's logic is making me defend the CMC! That's a new low. With their reputations and morals on the line, they come up with their best column yet: 'An Open Letter to Ponyville by Gabby Gums'. Here, they apologize for the bullshit and sign off for the very last time.
     

    Well, at least Gabby Gums was better than that other column series. PrymeStriker's Episode Reviews were the worst thing to happen to Ponyville.
     
    Before Diamond Tiara can print the embarrassing photos, Ms. Cheerilee FINALLY gets involved and shuts down her operation. So concludes "Ponyville Confidential".
     
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
     
    Well, alright then.
     
    Not a bad episode by any means. For one, this episode puts us into the nit-and-grit of possibly one of the CMC's most competent attempts at getting their cutie marks. There's also this episode for taking those adventures down a peg, which seemed to be a lasting effect. The first two acts aren't amazing, but still good progressions of the story. It's the third act I have the most problems with, firstly because of the above logic rant. I have major problems when a story takes the "eating shit up until it happens to you" approach, mostly because I can't possibly relate to it, so there's no point and going further. That was surely the case at this point in the episode. Also, I felt the whole moral was a little rushed, and I can't believe I'm going to say this, but Diamond Tiara seemed out of character here. Shocking, I know, but I don't think she would've been the editor-in-chief of the school newspaper, let-alone actually be willing to cooperate with the blank flanks on any level. This episode also makes me think what the hell Cheerilee was smoking when she allowed Diamond Tiara to run for class president in "Crusaders of the Lost Fuck-Up" after THIS shit. Another nail in the coffin for that episode, but I still think this one's okay overall. I'll solidify it's 8/10 rating.
     
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
     

    ....
     
     
     
     
     
    I'm gonna go watch The Legend of Korra now.
  22. PrymeStriker
    Welcome, one and all, to the season two wrap-up of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic!
     

     
     
     
    We've only three more episodes to go before the finale. Will these final few episodes be the best of the best, or will they all suck Cranky Doodle Donkey's Skanky Noodle Honkey? Let's find out with tonight's episode: "Hurricane Fluttershy".
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    So this episode opens up with Rainbow Dash (great start) flying around in the sky doing something I don't care about. I know, Rainbow Dash flying around doing something I don't care about is a pretty non-specific thing considering that's most of her screentime anyway, but trust me, it's just another one of those times. At least this time it's something plot-related, as she calls all pegasi in Ponyville for an important meeting. Fluttershy sees this and dicks out, until Rainbow Dash discovers her hiding as a tree. Hey! Remember that line in "Over a Barrel" or some shit when Fluttershy said she'd like to be a tree? Well that became a meme at some point. Don't you just love memes? Especially when they have no comedic grounding whatsoever?
     

    Here's an idea: don't dress up as a tree in front of the place you don't want to be. Just fuck off somewhere.
     
    After the title sequence slits my throat until I puke blue liquids all over my bathroom floor and pass out, only to have my corpse mutilated by Cheerilee and subsequently thrown into a trash compactor where my brains are then salvaged and repackaged as ground beef at a grocery store, we see that Rainbow Dash's meeting is regarding getting the water from Ponyville up to Cloudsdale using a wing-powered tornado so that rain water can be made. Why is this episode called Hurricane Fluttershy then? Did the writers not know that tornadoes and hurricanes are two completely different things? Anyways, Spitfire of the Wonderbolts will be here to monitor their progress, and Rainbow Dash would vastly enjoy impressing her by beating the record of wing-power. Everyone must be at the top of their game, and everyone except for Fluttershy is excited take part. Therefore, she pretends to be sick.
     

    See this? THIS is what happens when you agree to "substitute" for Rarity!
     
    However, Rainbow Dash pours cold water all over her and her bullshit is revealed. Fluttershy explains she has "stage fright" in a sense, and that she can't perform in front of people, comparing this tornado thing to a performance. And....I can understand this. I mean, the way Rainbow Dash is treating it, it is more like a performance than some kind of matter-of-course duty. As Fluttershy remembers the flying fuck-ups she's orchestrated at flight camp, Rainbow Dash explains that she needs everyone's support, including her. Fluttershy initially turns Rainbow Dash down, but after seeing her disappointment, decides she's gay game. Later, Twilight shows up with some fan doo-hickey that tells the pegasi how fast they're going. Thunderlane, a side-character we don't care about, reaches 9.3 wing-power, and Rainbow Dash manages to hit 16.5 wing-power. The goal is that everyone can work themselves to hit 10.0 wing-power by the end of the week, but Fluttershy becomes the weak-link at only 0.5 wing-power. Fluttershy has a breakdown afterwards.
     

    Holy...shit.
     
    So she runs away into the woods in what's an interestingly emotional moment, to be comforted by random wildlife swine. One of the animals (I don't know what the fuck it is) reminds Fluttershy that she told him/her/it/gender-ambiguous-pretentious-fucker/them that they shouldn't give up or something, and that motivates her to train her ass off. The animals help her as she breezes through a classic and mildly amusing training montage to overcome her fears. So she does, coming back to the ring in an admittedly awesome way, but is disappointed when the most she cracks up to be is 2.3 wing-power. Isn't that, like, less than one? Rainbow Dash tries to convince her that she's still worth having in the event, but all for not. Fluttershy snaps again, and when Spike mentions that they still have enough power to do the tornado and even possibly break the record, Rainbow Dash is still not happy that Fluttershy isn't up to par. What's this? Rainbow Dash showing empathy? Impossible! If season four taught us anything, it's that Rainbow Dash is still a pompous bitch cunt!
     
    ...
     
    Oh, right, sorry, this is the good season of this show. We actually have character development and shit.
     

    Well, we're going to have to call the one pony we know that's good at cheering up friends............................................Diamond Tiara.
     
    At the event, we learn that Thunderlane was in-fact not faking being sick, and a flu hospitalized him and seven other ponies. Now they won't even have enough wing-power to create a tornado with enough strength to make the water to Cloudsdale. Worst of all, Spitfire's already here! Dash decides to give it all they've got and fuck the record. Fluttershy shows up for moral support, but they just barely made it to the 800 WP minimum before everyone breaks. Rainbow Dash orders them to try again, and so they do, but the team once more are just barely making it to the 800 minimum. This means that Fluttershy has to help in order to make a difference. She must do it for Equestria! She most do it for Rainbow Dash! She must do it for hers-wait a minute. What kind of a tornado blows outward? Shouldn't everything be lifted up into the air, and not be pushed away? What kind of fuckery is this? Meanwhile, while I have a existential crisis, Fluttershy actually managed to help out and blow that water sky-high!
     

    This is usually where I say "Shipping #1,483 confirmed" or something, but let's face it. Flutterdash is older than time itself.
     
    In the end, Fluttershy learned that no matter how small the contribution, everyone's input is important. And so concludes "Hurricane Fluttershy".
     
    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
     
    You know what? To my surprise, I thoroughly enjoyed this episode. Sure, the physics are a point of debate, and Fluttershy's second breakdown felt a little repetitive, but look at all the great stuff that took place in this episode. Rainbow Dash actually displays strong empathy for change, and we manage to tap further into Fluttershy's psyche, building off of "Putting Your Hoof Down". On top of that, all the dynamic development going on between Dash and Fluttershy is off the charts, and while this episode didn't have me rolling on the floor, some of the comedic points are worth-while as well. When I was younger, I used to write this episode off as just an okay piece of skippable filler, but up on re-examination, this one is really special. I think the minor issues with it can be surpassed by the well-complemented writing overall here, and it's enough for me to give "Hurricane Fluttershy" a solid 10/10. Definitely an improvement over last episode's near-royal-fuck-up-opus.
     
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
     
    Well, friends, there's only two more episodes until the beginning of the finale. I wonder what will transpire.
     
     
     
     
     
    ...
     
     
     
     
     
    ...
     
     
     
    My guess is nationwide conversion to fascism and runny diarrhea everywhere, but what do I know? I was only born in Hell. Until next review!
  23. PrymeStriker
    Oh...God.
     
    ...
     
    Oh, GOD.
     

     
    ...
     
    OH SWEET MOTHER OF GOD!!!
     
    I can't believe it! I'm OUT OF COOKIE DOUGH!!!
     
    Motherfucker! That was my favorite MLP-watching snack, and now I have to get through this episode without it! Maybe if I down enough booze I'll make it through.
     
    Shit...I'm not old enough to drink booze. And booze tastes awful any goddamned way.
     
    *Spots the Dark Quivit Army*
     
    Oh, you guys are here? I thought y'all were done comin' 'round these parts after I shit all over "Bridle Gossip".
     
    ...
     
     
     
     
     
    ....
     
     
     
     
     
    Not the talkative type y'all are? You can watch, I don't care either way. This a spoilers review, so if you haven't seen this episode, you're likely not the Dark Qiviut army.
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    So this episode opens up with Applejack and Pinkie Pie digging a huge hole in a place somewhere while Twilight and Rainbow Dash try to get Fluttershy outside to enjoy the beautiful dragon migration. However, she doesn't want to watch this because she's scared of big dragons. I'm with Fluttershy on this one, not that I'm scared of dragons, but I've got better shit to do than to fuck around with watching some boring-ass migration. I've got civilizations to destroy and human babies to turn into Chicken McNuggets, screw the migration. So what does Fluttershy do? She gats Dash in the back like a real thug and tails the hell out of there. Twilight would approve of your purple pony ways.
     

    360noscope.
     
    After the title sequence shatters my liver and turns my mucus into pudding soup and pours itself through my naval cavities, we see that the gang is a little early to the migration. However, this is a good thing because it won't attract attention to the ponies, 'cause you know what happens when dragons get distracted by ponies. Bloodshed. Bloodshed amass. Of course, Rarity shows up attracting PLENTY of attention indeed. The bitch showed up NAKED..............I guess that slut joke doesn't work when everyone's naked. Well, she shows up in FLASHY CLOTHES. That's better.?. No sooner than you can say "puke covered crapcakes smeared on the wall of a mental hospital", the migration begins. Pinkie Pie mentions that dragons are scary AF, which pumps Spike's ego ten fold. That's when everyone does the in-character, mature thing. They laugh at him. GG, cuntfucks. Way to ruin this episode for me already.
     

    Yes, eat those cupcakes Spike baked for you while you mock him. I'm sure he didn't poison your asses.
     
    Also, Rainbow Dash is laughing at Spike for being girly. Have you seen yourself, Rainbow Dash? Half the fucking fans thought you had a dick before someone referred to you as "she". Why isn't anyone laughing at your dyke-ass? Oh, because everyone should be tolerated? Well then the FUCK are you laughing at Spike for, ya double-standardized bastard! So Spike waddles off in anger and, later that night, begins to wonder where exactly he came from. We get some cool shots of Spike having inner-turmoil before, the next morning, having him and Twilight tear through books on dragons to see where he came from. However, dragons are far too rare to have ever been studied. I sense bullshit, but screw it, we're moving swiftly forward to the point where Spike decides he must go out on his own and figure himself out.
     

    Well, he's not coming back. Time to advertise for a new slave.
     
    Of course, Twilight, Rarity, and Rainbow Dash decide to follow him. Egh, their inclusion is going to be a drag. I just know it. So we go through this travel montage and finally arrive at...the...Dragon Volcano? I guess? Spike spots the teenage dragons and decides to go mingle with them, because that's what all infant dragons do. We also see the Three Stooges, Twirly, Rarry, and Doe, in a dragon costume. See? Their inclusion is dragging this shit down already. We're gonna get some stupid-ass disguise jokes within the next five minutes. Right after some stupid-ass masculinity jokes from some poorly-drawn animation models disguising themselves as dragons. Disguises and bad character models? Holy shit! This is the 1980's Transformers cartoon! Run for the hills, the shittiness of that show will consume you all!!! Meanwhile, Spike must prove his worth to the dragons by completing a series of tasks. First, a belching contest, then a tail-wrestling thing, followed by king of the hill, and finally a lava-diving contest. After he passes/fails these tests, he is dubbed rookie dragon. Can you do that? Like, can I be dubbed rookie human? ...........Actually, I'm a bad example.....
     

    Now, Bumblebee, you are ready to lead.
     
    Spike mentions that he could hang with these hoes forever, which worries our three interruptions pony pals. However, things might change when the dragons decide Spike should help them snag some phoenix eggs. Spike is already troubled by taking part in this, but goes along anyway. Lucky Spike, he gets to lure the parents away from the nest. I remember when I lured my parents away from the nest. Seeing them get run over by a military tank in mid-training exercise was quite the hoot-and-a-half. It gave me all the freedom to mince my brother into a chili and serve him to that teacher I hated, and sold my sister to that pimp down on west avenue. I was a devilish little 6-year-old. Spike, on the other hand, has a conscience, and decides this is bullshit. The peer pressure might just get to him, but the phoenix kicks their ass. His dragon pals tempt him to destroy the last egg, but not before his pony pals show up to..........do nothing. SEE? I TOLD YOU THEY WERE A WASTE OF TIME! THEY FUCKING RUN AWAY!
     

    WHAT. WAS THE POINT. OF THEIR INCLUSION!??!??!?!?!?!?
     
    AFTER THE RETARDS RUN AWAY, THEY HAVE A NICE STUPID HUGGING SESSION, SPIKE LEARNS HIS SHIT LESSON ABOUT PEER PRESSURE AND STEREOTYPES OR SOME SHIT, AND THAT PHOENIX HATCHES AND THEY KEEP HIM AS A PET FOR THE EPILOGUE UNTIL HE'S NEVER SEEN AGAIN AND THEY COMPLETELY WRITE IT OUT OF THE SHOW IN SEASON THREE!!!!!!!!!! AND THAT WAS "DRAGON QUEST"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
     
    ------------------------------------------------------------------!!!!---------------------------------------------
     
    WHAT THE FUthis episode was mediocre.
     
    Look. The dragon character models are hideous. This much is true. The stereotypes are cringe-worthy and it doesn't get its morals across in the best way. This much is also true. However, the absolute worst thing in this episode are the ponies. Twilight, Rarity, and Rainbow Dash are thoroughly and utterly useless in this episode, just sitting by and watching only to do nothing. It would've been much better if Spike had just gone out on his own and the ponies were scarcely involved. Even their mocking at the beginning could've been cut and nothing would've been lost. Just one character to pursue his existential crisis and then off on his own to learn his own lessons. Then he comes back home completely on his own terms. Then this episode would've at least been decent. There's still the shitty models and stereotypes to clean up, but it still would have been decent. The ponies tired, flanderized, and pointless inclusions, however, make "Dragon Quest" a distasteful experience. It doesn't piss me off as much as "Secret of My Excess", the real shit Spike episode from season two, but it's still not good. I'm inclined to give "Dragon Quest" a 5/10.
     
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
     
    Episode 21 was not very good, was it? Especially after the streak of great episodes that preceded it, save for "It's About Time"....
     
    ...
     
    *Peaks outside for Dark Qiviut Army*
     
    ...
     
    They left? I didn't even offer them any cake. Well, their loss.
     
    ...
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
    WAIT! HOLY SHIT! WE'RE ON EPISODE 21!
     
    There's only four more episodes until the finale of season two!!!! We're almost done with this season!
     
    Holy Christ did this fly by. It feels like just yesterday I was praising Discord in that kickass premiere, but here we are. Join me, pony people, as I review these last few episodes of the second season in...
     
    ...the season two wrap-up of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic!
     

     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
    Yes, I'm doing this for every season.....except maybe the fifth, 'cause fuck that piece of shit.
  24. PrymeStriker
    It's time to conclude my Top 20 Beatles Songs list with the final part: the Top 10. If you would like to read about the previous 10 slots, the first part can be found by clicking on the word "douchebag." Otherwise, in the first part, I've established "Within You Without You", the Abbey Road Medley, "Come Together", "Lovely Rita", "Because", "She Said She Said", "I Want You (She's So Heavy)", "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds", "Love You To", and "Helter Skelter" as slots 20 through 11 respectively, and some of you are wondering what could possibly top that. If so, I present to you, the Top 10 Beatles Songs. Read away.
     
    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
     
    10. Eleanor Rigby
    Writer: Paul McCartney ----- Album: Revolver ----- Year: 1966

     
    It was between this and "Tomorrow Never Knows" as the claim-all ultimate Revolver track, and I'd have to say both of them are equally deserving of the position. "Eleanor Rigby" has to take at least a slice of the cake as perhaps one of McCartney's best songs. It's full of lyrical intrigue, which we'll get to, but the entire song's instrumentals is carried by a string octet and nothing more. Thankfully, it doesn't need anything more as each of the eight string instruments pull together a dark, sadistic tone while also throwing in some cinematic quirks as well. That fact alone was enough to catch my interest on first listen, but the lyrics knock it even further out of the ball park. The chorus simply asks the listener in a slightly psychedelic way to "look at all the lonely people", and asks "where do they all come from?". The three verses, however, are set up beautifully, with the first introducing main character Eleanor Rigby, who is one of these lonely people. Moving along, the second verse establishes Father McKenzie, who writes sermons for a church apparently no one goes to, making him yet another lonely person. In the final verse, the two characters meet far too late, when Eleanor Rigby has died and Father McKenzie must bury her in the Church cemetery. There's no happy ending or resolve, it's just the unfortunate turn of events that, with the arrangement, makes this a deserving addition to this list. And by being the track preceding both "I'm Only Sleeping" and "Love You To", these three songs are more than enough to strap you in for the fantastic ride that is Revolver!
     
    9. I'm Only Sleeping
    Writer: John Lennon ----- Album: Revolver ----- Year: 1966

     
    Speaking of "I'm Only Sleeping", hello there! This song was one of audiences' very first glimpses at the weirdo psychedelic shit that was about to go down from this point in the Beatles' career onward. As the third track on Revolver, and stuffed between two equally amazing songs (the aforementioned "Love You To" and "Eleanor Rigby"), it comes in at just the right moment on the album. "I'm Only Sleeping" is a very dreamy song, as you might imagine, as the lyrics speak about how laziness is bliss in a way. Perhaps the coolest thing about this one, however, is Harrison's backwards guitar solo. Not only is it effectively trippy with its backwards effect, but you appreciate it more when you realize this must've been a bitch to write and record. As the story goes, the finished product is exactly what was written for the solo, and in the recording studio Harrison had to learn to play the whole thing backwards. The hard work pays off, because it's easily one of the highlights of the song that makes Lennon's acid trip one of the highlights of Revolver.
     
    8. I Am the Walrus
    Writer: John Lennon ----- Album: Magical Mystery Tour ----- Year: 1967

     
    Where to begin on this one? There's so much going on in "I Am the Walrus" that it's hard to pick where to start. How about the ingenious arrangement carried on by strings and brass here, there, and everywhere. How about the ultimate nonsense lyrics of all time? How about the jarring effects all throughout, and the trippiest fade-out in the Beatles catalog? Or perhaps the stunning compositional skill, especially during the fade-out? There's so much to love about "I Am the Walrus" that it's hard to resist the gushing. People, mostly non-Beatle fans, say they don't understand this song at all, which is essentially the point. Lennon wrote it as a middle finger to lyrical analysis, more specifically Beatles lyrics. However, when I drone on about how interesting the major chord movements of the fade-out coda are, or the musical merit of the verses and the "garden bridge", that usually shuts them up. Because what can they reply with? "I Am the Walrus" is pure Beatles divinity.
     
    7. Tomorrow Never Knows
    Writer: John Lennon ----- Album: Revolver ----- Year: 1966

     
    Speaking of backwards guitar solos, there's one on "Tomorrow Never Knows" too. However, here it's not quite as much of a highlight as it is icing on the cake. "Tomorrow Never Knows" is an all out experimental shitfest, with tons of unorthodox sound effects constantly keeping the track alive and well as Lennon invites the listener to turn off their minds and surrender to the void. All of this, by the way, being played strictly on the C7 chord and nothing more. And after a long period of trying to figure out the best song on Revolver, "Tomorrow Never Knows" takes the cake. The odd drum patterns and booming bass keeping this one twirling and spiraling out of control, and the tamboura keeps the Indian influence intentions true. As such, it finds its rightful place as the closing track on Revolver, keeping audiences and critics on edge as to tease what the Beatles were up to on their next album, Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band. "Tomorrow Never Knows" is as dark and twisted as I'd like, filled with all groove of anything else on that record.
     
    6. Hey Bulldog
    Writer: John Lennon ----- Album: Yellow Submarine ----- Year: 1969

     
    Yellow Submarine is overlooked by Beatles fans as an album, mostly because it's not really a Beatles album. First of all, only the first half of the album contained Beatles songs, which is all of six of the thirteen tracks. Then there's the fact that two of the songs have already been released (the titular track, "Yellow Submarine" is track six on Revolver and "All You Need is Love" closes Magical Mystery Tour), which leaves only four new Beatles songs. The other seven songs are a film score produced by George Martin, which is fantastic to me but doesn't mean jack shit to the average listener. So what's the point even picking up this one? "Hey Bulldog", that's the point. This track is the definition of a Beatles rocker, with one of the most badass riffs in existence. It's not the most interesting of nonsense Lennon lyrics like "I Am the Walrus" and "Come Together" are, but that doesn't matter when the instrumentals are so powerful here. Hell, the whole track is worth it just for McCartney's holy mother of God baseline. If you ever listen to that isolated, prepare to shit yourself clean. As a result, "Hey Bulldog" is one of those tracks that immediately made my top picks.
     
    5. The Fool on the Hill
    Writer: Paul McCartney ----- Album: Magical Mystery Tour ----- Year: 1967

     
    "The Fool on the Hill" is another one of those songs that took a while to end up on my top picks, but in the end, I discovered it was Paul McCartney's best song in the history of anything ever. I've always been fond of the song, but it wasn't until relatively recently that I noticed its whim and genius. Musically, the song is a classic example of how subtlety can work in a track's favor. "The Fool on the Hill" doesn't have any overt studio tricks, but the woodwinds and brass still bring you to the hills and put you into the perspective of the fool. Composition-wise, its key changes from major on the verses to minor in the chorus work rather well in the song's tone, shifting between the two to argue two different points of view: those that criticize the fool and the fool himself's lack of giving two flying fucks. Lyrically, this is one of McCartney's most interesting writings because, in a nutshell, it's about this guy who minds his own business on a hill somewhere, and while everyone thinks he's just insane, he thinks everybody else are asswipes. I've always related to the song's subject matter as a result, which is why I hold "The Fool on the Hill" in the highest regard.
     
    4. Good Morning Good Morning
    Writer: John Lennon ----- Album: Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band ----- Year: 1967

     
    Weren't expecting this one so high on the list, were you? "Good Morning Good Morning" has only a handful of lovers from what I've seen, with some people regarding it as a kickass rocker with others either neglecting it or calling it distasteful. It's like I said before, I find the whole second half of Sgt. Pepper grossly underrated, and this song is absolutely no exception. I'll be honest, when I first heard this track, I didn't like it either. This was for two reasons, the first being that I was still pretty young at the time and wasn't quite into avant-garde shit as I am now, and the second being that I was expecting something far more "Good Day Sunshine"-esque. However, soon afterwards with a couple of re-listens, I came to adore the genius that is this songs eccentric chord progressions and rapid time signature changes. That's got to be the song's strong suit, actually, those rapid time signature changes that occur every time you blink please me very much. Mix that with the chord progressions bouncy movements that are just as jagged as the signature changes and you've already got a very odd piece. Now set that to a shit ton of brass, a roaring guitar solo, and Lennon's contempt for suburban lifestyles, and you've got the delicious breakfast meal that is "Good Morning Good Morning". The icing on the cake is the final section, where an interestingly organized sound collage of animals are let loose on the stereo, closed by a clucking sound that seamlessly merges with the guitar pinch that opens up "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band (Reprise)", which is also a fantastic track. "Good Morning Good Morning" is one of those oddball songs that I gravitate to as one of Sgt. Pepper's surprising highlights.
     
    3. Strawberry Fields Forever
    Writer: John Lennon ----- Album: Magical Mystery Tour ----- Year: 1967

     
    This song was an inevitable choice for one of the Beatles' masterpieces. It's practically universally agreed that "Strawberry Fields Forever" is one of their best works, and clearly I agree. The chords on this one work beautifully in the song's favor, and the arrangement of orchestral instruments with Indian and rock sounds are as innovative and fascinating as you'd expect from a Beatles song post-Rubber Soul. But this was initially released as a standalone single with "Penny Lane" several months prior to Sgt. Pepper, which means if you were just a casual radio top of the pops listener, the last Beatles song you probably heard was "Day Tripper" or "Help!". Imagine your surprise when your announcer plays the newest Beatles song, and this fucklord of insanity plays. Witness accounts of the time period confirm that everyone thought the Beatles had lost their bloody marbles by this song's release, but outside of all the weird arrangements and shit, the song's subject matter is actually very poetic. Lennon sets a psychoanalysis of himself to music in this song, which is beautifully portrayed. My favorite is the second verse, which even he agrees is the strongest, which goes "no one I think is in my tree / I mean it must be high or low / that is you can't you know tune in but it's alright / that is I think it's not too bad". What seems like child's babble is actually very powerful, Lennon essentially saying "I can't find anyone who thinks like I do, so I must be a genius or insane." That works very well with the chorus' method of psychedelic escapism, going to a place where nothing is real. It's a song I relate to and absolutely adore on all accounts. Strawberry Fields forever!
     
    2. A Day in the Life
    Writer: John Lennon and Paul McCartney ----- Album: Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band ----- Year: 1967

     
    "A Day in the Life" is the Beatles' best song.
     
    PRYMESTRIKER YOU CHEETOR!!! YOU CAN'T PUT THE BEST SONG IN THE #2 SLOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
     
    Screw you, I can.
     
    "A Day in the Life" is the Beatles' best song, but it's not my favorite song. There's a difference. You see, "A Day in the Life" is a compositional, musical, lyrical, collaborational, artsy masterpiece of fuck-all, but there is one song that I like far more than any other Beatles song, and we'll get to that when we get to it. Let's focus on the amazeballs of "A Day in the Life". Initially, it's a very sweet and simple song, clearly as Lennon likely intended. Strumming in G and moving through the pentatonic, it blissfully describes reading the newspapers about events occurring locally. As we learn about a London socialite who died in a car crash, that's when Starr comes in with some eerily responsive drum fills. We continue on to the films for a particularly gross picture that the narrator happens to like, and here's when shit gets interesting. The guitar, drums, bass, piano, and calming lyrics are halted by a drug reference and are overpowered by an orgasmic climax of a 40-piece orchestra just blowing the shit out of their instruments. It climbs up to E major and then boom, it's McCartney's section. With a bouncy piano, we hear a totally different side of living in "the life", with someone who's in the hustle and bustle of the suburban working life. That is, until the dream sequence occurs with Lennon's reverberated vocals complimented by a beautiful chord progression that's made kind of disturbing by the brass. It's here when we return to Lennon's "watching the wheels" point of view of "the life", as the drums keep pounding out those beautiful fills. It's all capped off by the returning orchestra climax and then finally.....the E major chord booms and echoes through your eardrums as you just happen to realize you've finished Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band. This is the most complete Beatles song because it has all the experimental shit you'd like, all the simplicity you'd want, the ideal compare and contrast to Lennon and McCartney's general writing styles, leading to another example of the Lennon-McCartney collaborative powerhouse, and all as the closing piece to a fantastic album. "A Day in the Life" is the Beatles' best song.
     
    ...
     
    But it's not my favorite.
     

    Before I list my #1 slot, here are some honorable mentions that didn't quite make the list, but I still think deserve to be mentioned as some of the Beatles' best:
     
    Honorable Mentions
     
    * Rain John Lennon, Single, 1966
    * Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band (Reprise) Paul McCartney, Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band, 1967
    * Blue Jay Way George Harrison, Magical Mystery Tour, 1967
    * Penny Lane Paul McCartney, Magical Mystery Tour, 1967
    * Lady Madonna Paul McCartney, Single, 1968
    * The Continuing Story of Bungalow Bill John Lennon, The Beatles (White Album), 1968
    * Happiness is a Warm Gun John Lennon, The Beatles (White Album), 1968
    * Revolution 9 John Lennon, The Beatles (White Album), 1968
    * Octopus's Garden Ringo Starr, Abbey Road, 1969
     
     
     
     
     

    1. Being for the Benefit of Mr. Kite!
    Writer: John Lennon ----- Album: Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band ----- Year: 1967

     
    While "A Day in the Life" is the best Beatles song, "Being for the Benefit of Mr. Kite!" has always been my absolute favorite Beatles song for several reasons. First of all, the chord progression. I love it. It's just the kind of chord progression to groove with the song's circus atmosphere, and the most interesting thing about it is gracefully changes key constantly, from Cm to Dm and even Em. For all the key changes in the world, that's one you wouldn't expect. Speaking of the circus atmosphere, I love that as well. It's perfectly orchestrated to make you smell the sawdust, as Lennon put it during production. How else does it project this feeling? Those beautiful, beautiful sound effects. In the instrumental interludes (the middle one changes time signature, which is another point of fangasm), the song swirls you in a circus tent with all those "wooOOOOOohs" and jangling sounds, mixed in with splices of magical sprinkling and twirling and so forth and so on. There's too many epic sounds to describe, and with each listen you can find something new to pick out. I love the combination of the organ and harmonium sounds which also pull the sound together. Then you have the baseline, which is by far my favorite baseline of all time. It's constantly walking and grooving with the song's weirdness, and even McCartney acknowledges today that he loved playing that. On top of that, you have the fact that most of the lyrics were pulled from an 18th century circus poster, which adds even more wonder when you realize how rhythmically the lyrics jive with the chord progression and melody. The whole thing, as a result, has this sort of sinister vibe that sends shivers down my spine, and as a side note that darkness is amplified tenfold on the LOVE remix that combines it with "I Want You (She's So Heavy)" and "Helter Skelter". This song is criminally underrated, and I don't think the critical praise is going to change that, but fuck it I say. Tonight, Mr. Kite is topping the bill!
     
    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
     
    Well, there you have it. My top 20 Beatles songs are out there for the world to read and throw up over. I'll post another editorial about something eventually, but in the meantime, if you're a Beatles fan, do you have a top 20? If so, let me know your favorite songs in the comments. Until next time, good night and sleep tight.
  25. PrymeStriker
    So I do editorials now. Spoilers ahead.
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    -
     
    This episode opens up with Spike showing Rarity his chocolate rocket ice cream house. I'm as stunned as you are. That's when we reveal it's all a dream sequence once Twilight is heard pacing the floor. You see, a tragedy has just occurred. While Twilight has finished her schedule for this month, she forget to add time to write the schedule for NEXT month. Well, fuck me silly, now the whole world is gonna explode. Fire and brimstone coming down from the sky, rivers and seas boiling, 40 years of darkness, earthquakes, volcanoes, the dead rising from the grave, human sacrifice, cats and dogs living together, MASS HYSTERIA. Spike then responds with, and I quote: "I woke up from an ice cream dream for this." COME ON!!!! You KNOW that was a wet dream poke! You KNOW IT!
     

    This screenshot is about time.
     
    After the title sequences causes fire and brimstone to fall from the sky etc., we see Twilight interrupted by a beam of light and shit that introduces herself from the future. Her future self tries to explain something, but current Twilight wont shut the fuck up. So her future self runs out of time and is sent back to the future. Great Scott, this is heavy! What was future Twilight trying to warn current Twilight about? Well it's time to find out, as Twilight runs to the town square to tell everyone the good news. The town subsequently takes precautions to avoid disaster, you know, for the first time in forever clearly, considering what kind of shit Ponyville's been in thus far. Let's see, what's the list? Wages of war by royalty, air pollution, swarms of parasprites, dimension-altering MASS HYSTERIA, a bunch of dangers that Rainbow Dash and the Mysterious Mare Do Well helped cover up, potential starvation, and of course the Great Fluttershy Rampage of 2012. And only now do they decide, "huh, maybe we should defend ourselves."
     

    Smiles all around! Preventing disaster is fun!
     
    However, a disaster does occur. The Cerberus, who Twilight explains is supposed to be guarding the gates of Tartarus (aka the gates of Hell) appears to cause MASS HYSTERIA. Cerberus? Hey! Who let my dog out on the loose?! Get that bitch back in its cage! Oh, thank Satan, Fluttershy's to the rescue. As she, Twilight, and Pinkie team up to get my dog back, Celestia sends out a lost dog poster for me. However, in the next scene, the deed is done with, so hurrah for me. The problem is, current Twilight soon gets a paper cut in the exact same place that future Twilight had on her cheek, which means the future hasn't been changed at all and the disaster is still going to take place. I don't think I can handle anymore MASS HYSTERIA.
     

    It's worse than a zit!!!!
     
    So current Twilight deduces that the next best thing to do is stand in place until next Tuesday morning, let's say 9AM-ish, when future Twilight said she hailed from. Spike decides to taunt Twilight by eating entire tub of ice cream, and as Twilight grinds through her teeth for Spike to think about the stomach ache in the future, Spike replies with "that's future Spike's problem." Rainbow Dash soon enters the library and starts to have fun with the situation as well, until Twilight throws Spike over yonder and makes him burp fire at her. Twilight has not only the scar, but also the burnt spiky hairstyle of her future self! Oh, the humanity! So Spike recommends Twilight see the chamber of Madame Pinkie Pie. Hah, I told you guys she was a prophet. But did you believe me? NOOOOOO. Anyways, Madame Pinkie tells Twilight that she's going to get a really cool birthday present next year.
     

    "As long as you don't get me another '20% cooler' t-shirt, I think any present is an improvement over this year's."
     
    Twilight decides to go home and do a series of elaborate scientific experiments to conjure up the identity of the future disaster. You see, the key is to MONITOR EVERYTHING. Sounds like Twilight's turning into the U.S. government #rekt #360noscope. However, when Twilight discovers that Tuesday is tomorrow, she zips through the library preparing for any imminent disaster. That's, of course, when she stares into the sun by accident through the telescope and is given an eye-patch, damn near completing the attire of her future self. In the end, there's only one thing left to do...........STOP TIES.
     
    ...
     
    Sorry, autocorrect. I meant STOP TIME.
     

    Twilight's seen some shit.
     
    Of course, that's the gayest idea since Caitlyn Jenner, but they go to the Canterlot Archives anyway to attempt the impractical. Everyone's fed up with Twilight's shit at this point, so Spike and Pinkie are just here because fuck-all. Of course, Pinkie points out the Starswirl the Bearded section, which even Twilight hilariously comments on how she could've possibly missed it, and they each tear through books and find the time spells. However, it's almost Tuesday morning, and current Twilight looks exactly like future Twilight. Our heroes hasten their pace, but to no avail! Tuesday morning is here, and the most disastrous thing happens!!! I'm BORN!!! (No seriously I was born on a Tuesday morning) OH THE HORROR! MASS HYSTERIA ENSUES! RUN FOR THE HILLS!
     
    ...
     
    Well, nothing that bad happens to Twilight and co. at least. Twilight soon realizes that she looks ridiculous and that she shouldn't have worried about the future so much. That's when current future Twilight goes back in time to tell past Twilight not to fucking worry. The whole scene from the opening ensues, and current Twilight realizes that when she was past Twilight, that's what future Twilight was trying to tell her past self. Well, shit, I guess this was all for nothing. Except Spike, he's got that stomach ache from the ice cream.
     

    Spike looks very pregnant. ...........SHIT I JUST SPAWNED A FAN-FICTION.
     
    And so concludes "It's About Time".
     
    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
     
    .......Meh.
     
    If anything, the best thing about this episode is it being further an example of the great comedic timing of season two. It wasn't this good before, and in most cases it's never as good again as it is in this season, and just like the last two episodes, "It's About Time" hits all the right cues. Except, I wouldn't exactly rate this a 10/10 considering it's plotline is jagged and the story amounts to filler. I mean, there are no real consequences, so what was the point of anything? Hell, how did the time loop even start? If there was nothing to worry about, there was nothing to worry about, meaning "future Twilight" didn't have to exist in the first place. Granted, I guess this marks some kind of character development for Twilight about not getting so worked up about shit, but honestly, I feel like "Lesson Zero" handles it better despite its flaws. I'll just give "It's About Time" an 8/10, because while it's funny and very entertaining, it's not the strongest piece of writing.
     
    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
     
    ...
     
    Did I mention I do editorials now?
×
×
  • Create New...