PrymeStriker

Okay, so, it's a little later than usual for the uploading of an entry compared to previous schedules, but I couldn't be assed to write a review until now have been spending the past couple of days reviewing the Celestianite bibles for more information about the Crystalling, as well as conducting my own research. There seems to be a great deal of people, Celestianite or otherwise, that believe in the Crystalling and think it's going to tear the fandom apart. And my proposal to stopping this event from happening was to focus more on the positives of the upcoming bad episodes instead of harping on the negatives like I usually do. But then I looked that the next five episodes or so, at least the number I'd have to review before the actual event (March 26th only on Discovery Family) and I realized... ...the Crystalling is bullshit. Well, not complete bullshit, but the "illusion" of the perfect season relating to this event is pretty inaccurate. I actually have a lot of positive things to say about most immediate upcoming episodes, and given I have about four episodes to cover before the Crystalling, I think that's a fair deal. Now, that doesn't mean the Crystalling event isn't bullshit, because multiple groups refer to the event explicitly in their teachings under a series of different monikers. The Crystalling still has the opportunity to shatter this series once and for all, but I don't believe these foretold episodes in the books of Celestism are anything to be worked up about. We'll keep an eye out for the storm regardless though, just to test my theories. Without further ado, may the best pet win! - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - This opens up with a dream of Rainbow Dash's that involves her flying around like a maniac in the clouds. Suddenly, Owlowiscious comes to join her in racing, but the head of Winona soon takes itself upon the owl's body. Confused, Rainbow Dash be like "Dafuq" until all of her friends pets form this abomination of a creature until Rainbow Dash falls into the void. Upon waking up in the park, she realizes that its her friends' day for pet play. Realizing she doesn't have a pet, she starts to hint she might want one when Fluttershy gets overexcited and initiates a song. Hmph. Not bad. As you can see from the song, Rainbow Dash decides to hold an event that will entail which of these standouts will be the best pet for her. The tests include being the best at guts, coolness, and sodomy, completely negating what a pet really needs, like, food, love, and sodomy. That's when Fluttershy brings in this tortoise that wants to try out for the games, and with enough persuasion from Rainbow Dick, he's finally aloud to try. "You better be ready to bend over backwards for me! Literally!" The games begin, and the first test is of speed. The falcon wins while the tortoise barely makes it over the start line. In the test of agility, the tortoise tumbles around while the hummingbird shows its stuff. However, it loses a point for not being able to give a high five without falling to the ground. Did I mention I hate Rainbow Dash? No. Okay, well, I'll tell you about that later. It's time for the test of guts. The butterfly shows intense bravery in trying to get Opal's favorite toy away from her. And by favorite toy, we of course mean one of Rarity's favorite "toys". Then, there's the test of style, which the tortoise....doesn't have? I mean, it's not like Rainbow Dash has any fucking style to begin with. Maybe if this was G3. Look! Twins! In the end, the tortoise does not make the cut, but instead, the Top 4 are the falcon, eagle, bat, and owl. If Rainbow Dash chooses the owl, then we're gonna have two owl pets, so we obviously know who's losing already. In today's PC world, you have to have racial diversity. Now it's time for the final event -- a race against Rainbow Dash through Gastly Gorge (Dun-Dun-Duuuuuun)! The rules: whichever animal can make it through the gorge with Rainbow Dash will have the honor and "glory" (more like horror) of being Rainbow Dash's pet. And henceforth the race commences, even with the tortoise participating after being told to get the fuck out. Many a challenges are ahead in Ghastly Gorge, and most pets are able to make it through except for one. Rainbow Dash. Indeed, she gets stuck under a rock. I can now sleep in peace. Good night everyone! This is the greatest moment in the history of anything. Rainbow Dash thinks that all hope is lost. And she's right. But before she can read it and weep, someone comes to save the day! Giving her reason to read it and weep, it's the tortoise. Disappointed, Rainbow Dash turns to sulking while I smile with glee, but they tortoise actually does the physically impossible (no, seriously, I'm 95% certain this is physically impossible) and lifts the rock up with his head. Back at the finish line, it is the falcon that makes it over first, and Dash's friends are initially cheering until the become confused when all four pets make it through without Rainbow Dash. Starting to become concerned (I wouldn't), they thinks she's dead. But not before this happens: The tortoise has returned unhappiness to my times. Fucking shit! Since the falcon crossed the finish line, everyone's congratulating Dash on earning the falcon. It's the best of the best, it can fly, it's cool, just like she wanted. But Rainbow Dash is starting to have a change of heart. See, the rules were whoever crosses the finish line with her would be her pet. And that was the tortoise! In excitement, Dash tells the falcon to fuck itself as she adopts the tortoise of all things as her new pet. Naming it "Tank", ten times a better name than fucking Owlowiscious, the tortoise and Rainbow Dash are off to spend many a great day with her new pet! That is, until "Tanks for the Memories" get here, but we'll just wait for season five to ru*Saves Draft*in everything. For now, good times. "Hey, Tank! Any chance you could participate in a mudplay photoshoot?" And that was "May the Best Pet Win!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Eh. Well, that's a better "Eh" than "The Cutie Pox" at least. I mean, this episode is objectively really good. Rainbow Dash improves "for the better" as a character and grows as a person and all that. Everything that would make a 10/10 for any other episode might just cut it here. But, you know what's holding this episode back? Rainbow Dash. If I've never made it clear in the entirety of my blog or my time on this forums in general, I fucking hate Rainbow Dash. She's one of the most annoying characters in the series, and this episode is no exception to the rule. Her attitude in this episode is pitiful, and it grinds me in all the wrong places. Her "tests" are annoying, her criteria is gag-worthy, and her dick attitude in general has never been funny, cute, pleasurable to watch, or whatever else people can think of to excuse her character. In this episode is stark particular, I couldn't stand any second of Rainbow Dash's dialogue, screen time, or focus in general. However, that's the only thing I don't like about this episode. Everything else is fine, so to show that it's not terrible I'll give "May the Best Pet Win!" an 8/10. Just...ugh...fuck Rainbow Dash. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- See? Not a terrible episode! Further proving against the Celestinaite's Crystalling theory! Well, we'll just have to continue debunking their shit in future reviews, because that's what a true anti-theist does! So until then, I'll see you guys in further chronicles of... The Crystalling.

That's what I found hilarious, honestly. It's practically telling the story of the Dancing Plague of 1518 in MLP. I find that amusing.

Two days ago, I've made the metamorphosis. I have graduated from age 16 to age 17. And I have to say.......... ..............I feel exactly the same. Still a pessimistic whiny bitch. GG, I r8 8/8, damn daniel, "The Cutie Pox". This is a spoilers review, so if you haven't seen "The Cutie Pox", get a vaccine. - - - - - - - - - - - My birthday gift was my Netflix password, which I found on the roof under the sofa inside the refrigerator near the bathroom. Only took me 21 reviews. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - So this episode opens up wi--------------------------------------------------------------------------j------sh-------jkl-----------------------------------corncum-----------------------------------------------------ir---------------------------------------------------se-r------------------------------------------NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO- -OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO- -OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE FUCKINNN CUTIE MARK CRUSAADERRSSS! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHey, this is the Big Lebowski reference scene. Wow, I can't believe how much I don't care. So, anyways, the Cutie Mark Crusaders fail at bowling and Apple Bloom is feeling particularly suicidal. "1 out of 10 fillies take their own lives every 59.2 seconds. Will you be the difference?" -- Advertisement for Sugarcube Corner Apple Bloom wanders into Everfree Forest and kills herself trips over a twig, which magically brings her to Zecora. After meeting the zebra once again (oh GOD the "Bridle Gossip" memories), she notices that the young pony has chipped a tooth on the fall, and whips up a potion to cure it. This leads Apple Bloom to have the brilliant idea of having a cutie mark magically given to her! Of course! Because that totally didn't exhaust Twilight when you asked her "Call of the Cutie". Remember how that didn't work?! ...No, no, this time it's different. This time she's asking Zecora for a brew to do it! Yes, from one minority to another. GG NO RE. When Zecora runs out of amythest, Apple Bloom takes it upon herself to bring the Heart's Desire flower into a mix to give her a cutie mark. Wow! Apple Bloom's talent totally doesn't involve mixing potions! No! It's totally helping other ponies get their cutie marks or some shit! "Crusaders of the Lost Mark" is such a genius episode! Fuckin' piece of shit. Anyways, as you might imagine, it works. That's an odd looking potion bottle on your ass. Actually, Apple Bloom's cutie mark represents an ability to be an expert hoola-hoopin' pony. And this is not just a paint on mark. The potion actually gives Apple Bloom the ability to be an expert hoola-hoopin' pony! I'd love me one of them potions so I can be an expert decent person. Or, with my defects, a more plausible potion is an expert in genocide. I mean, I already offed the Eskimos. Who knows what else I can accomplish. Anyways, when showing off her hoola-hoopin' talents, she manages to get Cheerliee to whoop her hoop commission the whole class to learning from Apple Bloom (dafuq?) and piss off Diamond Tiara. Sounds like a good day to me. Then, when she's showing off some more, BOOM! A second cutie mark appears! Ah. Well, this is gonna go well. Interestingly, the new cutie mark also gives Apple Bloom the ability to pull off both talents at once! When the rest of the family finds out, everyone's very excited, but Apple Bloom is very tired. You see, the potion is not allowing Apple Bloom to cease doing these things. Once she started back on the playground, she hasn't stopped all day. This becomes especially apparent when a third dancing cutie mark appears in the middle of the night and gets her up and grooving, waking both her and Applejack. There was some plague during the 1500's that killed a bunch of people by having them dance uncontrollably, right? Well, that makes this all the more hilarious. But in the realm of this episode, this is no laughing matter! I mean it, Applejack! This is serious dizzeez! When this shit happens, Applejack takes Apple Bloom to Twilight Sparkle to see what the fuck's up. That's when Apple Bloom acquires more cutie marks, including chimney sweeping, sculpting, accordion playing, and the ability to swear in French. Twilight discovers that this is the result of the Cutie Pox, which was an outbreak in ancient times that disappeared as mysteriously as it appeared. Kind of like the dancing plague of 1518! This IS the Equestrianizedadized version, isn't it?! AHAAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHH!HHAHAHHAAH!H!HAHAH!HHAHAH!!!!!!! This is too much! *ahem*, I mean, unfortunately, there is no cure, and Apple Bloom's done doomed herself to multiple talents forever! Zecora finds this as amusing as I. Zecora suspects she knows what happened, so she decides to say that the cure is some truth seeds that will grow if someone tells the truth. After some time and trial, Apple Bloom admits that she whipped up a potion to give herself fake cutie marks. Only then does the pox die down. Apple Bloom soon learns that lying is shit and that she won't swing by Zecora's ever again. But Zecora assures Apple Bloom that "with each mistake you learn something new, growing up into a better you" "with each mistake you fuck up more, so go and die you little whore". From there, Apple Bloom writes her first letter to Celestia. Spike's so fucking eager to write down a letter. WTF? Apple Bloom learns that good things come to those who get off their ass and earn it wait, and so she grows into a much calmer and collected character. Just kidding. Five seconds after she learns this lesson, she un-learns it and the status quo is reset. GG NO RE. That was "The Cutie Pox". ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Eh. This episode, outside of its Dancing Plague parallels (which I still find hilarious), is pretty boring. I mean, yes, it did make me laugh on several occasions, but it really doesn't have the story 'nor the moral strength to back it up. The story's pretty bare-bones and dull and the moral is literally tossed out immediately after it's told. And not even in a comedic way! Well, actually, it's supposed to be funny, but it's not. It just feels like they got 94% through writing this episode and realized "oh, shit, Apple Bloom needs to be impatient to continue our story arc" and waited until season five to rape it. Now, everything said and done, I still like this episode for my amusement, but it's nothing special otherwise. I'm giving "The Cutie Pox" a 7/10. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 7/10?! That...that's the lowest rating I've given to a season two episode thus far! ... What is this witchcraft?!?! Oh...God...no, no, no! This can't be happening now! I have more episodes to review! What the fuck is this retard on about? I've spent too long as a Celestianite to know what's coming next. Those insane fuckers prophesied the coming of a storm. This shit again? You don't understand, you bastard! Don't you feel the chill? There's no winter wrap up for this mess. What mess? Their books told of the seemingly perfect season. A string of 10/10s written to absolute perfection, giving the illusion of an improvement over its predecessor. But there will be series of dull moments that follow. The hatred will consume us all and we, not just as watchers of the show, but as a fandom, will fall apart at the base! ...Joyful... It's coming, you guys. The end is near. An Armageddon that the Celestianites simply refer to as... The Crystalling.

Thanks! It's a gem for sure.

:okiedokielokie: You know, someday, my birthday's not going to be the middle of the goddamned week, and I'm going to be old enough to appreciate that. Anyways, "Sisterhooves Social". Spoilers ahead. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - So this episode opens up with Rarity in bed..........................great start...................as smoke fills her house. She tumbles downstairs to find Sweetie Belle trying to cook breakfast, but instead fucking up. That's when she realizes that her parents' vacation was this afternoon this afternoon but tomorrow and that she promised to watch Sweetie Belle in their absence. Begrudgingly, she accepts this task and works "spend time with your sister" into her schedule. I'm sure that schedule included sucking the carrot of Mr. Carrot Cake. As her parents leave, Rarity gets a proper breakfast going, filled with vitamins and minerals. To accomplish this, she slices a carrot. Oh GOD.... A shiver was sent down the spine of every stallion within miles of this event. Throughout the day, Sweetie Belle fucks up a series of tasks. First, she wrecks the dining room table trying to adhere to Rarity's specific commands on how to put parsley on an egg (this one's Rarity's fault). Then, she shrinks one of Rarity's sweaters (she wears sweaters? Since when do sluts wear sweaters?). Next, she uses Rarity's fashion gems to make a picture. Finally, she turns Rarity's organized chaos of a room into disorganized neatness. This is probably the part where Sweetie Belle found some of Rarity's "toys" and started to bring them to school, and that's probably why she lives on the streets now, but we'll figure this out later. Rarity was not pleased with the redecoration of her room, leading Sweetie Belle to leave the house and wander Ponyville unsupervised. This is where she runs into Apple Bloom, who starts telling Sweetie Belle about the Sisterhooves Social. .......That poster says "Sihovi Incionvcna", which I can only assume means "Shitty Inconvenience". Sweetie Belle thinks that the Sisterhooves Social would be a great way for her and her sister to bond, but Rarity thinks it's ridiculous. Why? The Sisterhooves Social doesn't "sound very clean", and that "playing silly little games in the dirt is uncouth". Fuck you, Rarity. With your slut ass giving head to every Tom and Harry Dick within a thousand feet of you, you're in no place to judge the cleanliness of others. Sweetie Belle's had it with Rarity, and says she's going to both do the Sisterhooves Social without Rarity and disown her sister. Is that legal? Don't know, don't care. Rarity and Sweetie Belle hate each other and they go their separate ways. $10 of my birthday money says a shipping spawned because of this. At Sweet Apple Acres, Sweetie Belle is complaining to Apple Bloom and Applejack about Rarity. Applejack assures Sweetie Belle that Rarity will cum come around, but Sweetie Belle says "nein". OR "nien". However it's spelled. IDGAF. So as Sweetie Belle spends time at the acres, she witnesses the sisterly bond between Applejack and Apple Bloom. How they do chores together, how well they get along, etc. Meanwhile, Rarity starts to become increasingly regretful of the way she's treated Sweetie Belle. It's too late however. As Sweetie Belle starts to bond with Applejack and Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle adopts Applejack as her new sister. Again, is that legal? Don't know, kinda care. Another $10 for this shipping. R*Saves Draft*arity's apology doesn't go that well as a result, and she asks Applejack why she must make her look bad. Applejack explains that being sisters is a game of give and take, and that Rarity has done null in terms of giving. Rarity starts to think of solutions to this problem, and so forth one comes up. Rarity knows what to do! Do we know what that is? No, of course not, so fuck it, we'll just wait until the next six minutes run their course. Speaking of running a course, it's Sisterhooves Social day! Apple Bloom agrees to give up her place with Applejack for Sweetie Belle just for this one day (which makes me think -- Apple Bloom and Applejack have not competed in a Sisterhooves Social event together during the real-time of this series, have they?). However, Applejack's in on a little secret. For after Applejack falls in the mud with Sweetie Belle, her eye color changes from green to blue. Coincidence? I think NOT! Sweetie Belle and "Applejack" complete a series of tasks, such as jumping over hurdles, eating pies, pushing bales of hay, egg balancing, racing, and grape stomping. And in the end, it is these two that win the race barely make it over the finish line as another pair of sisters wins. Well, they may not have won, but Sweetie Belle soon discovers that it was not Applejack who was participating with Sweetie Belle. The eye color change was intentional in the mud after all, as when Applejack went in, it was Rarity who came out as bisexual. That blackface tho. In the end, Sweetie Belle and Rarity make up, and everyone has a good laugh and what not. And that is "Sisterhooves Social". ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I think this is just an all around really enjoyable episode. No gripes watching it straightforward, as the comedy and the situations keep me invested. But to specify, I really like the dynamic of Rarity and Sweetie Belle in this episode. Sure, Rarity can be a little annoying at times, but it is the sisterly bond that salvages their relationship in the end that really makes this episode grand. Far better than the "sisterly love" morals in the likes of Frozen. Now, I know, "what does Frozen have to do with MLP"? Well, nothing, but it helps me appreciate this episode because films like this and some others (such as Twitches) use sisterly love as a deus ex machina to solve another problem, usually one that threatens the well-being of entire kingdoms. Here, it's realistic. Sisterly love is the problem, and sisterly love resolves itself. It's a moral for domestic life, and it makes sense. That's why this episode is strong, and especially compared to so many other works with morals like it. I give "Sisterhooves Social" a 10/10. Say what you will about Rarity or Sweetie Belle as individual characters, but their dynamic is one of the best in the series. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ooookay then... ...so... *ahem*. When I return on Friday, I will be one year closer to death. The question stands, will this birthday of mine allow me to see the world through new eyes? Nah, that happened a long time ago. Fuck me, and goodbye for now.

... What is life? ... "Life is a dream for the wise, a game for the fool, a comedy for the rich, a tragedy for the poor." -- Sholom Aleichem ... This quote does not help me, I still do not know who I am anymore. Life is a dream, game, comedy, and tragedy all at the same time, but I am not wise. I'm not a foo-well, actually, yes. But I'm neither rich 'nor poor. So how could I perceive life as all these things and yet...I am not categorized like everyone else in the world is. My instability is controlling my fragile will. Soon everyone related to me will notice this and remove me from their lives which are oh so organized compared to my train wreck. Pity me. ... What the fuck am I saying? I already killed everyone related to me last week. Fuck this shit, I'm gonna go find Princess Lun-evermind. This is "Luna Eclipsed". Spoilers ahead, if you haven't seen "Luna Eclipsed", that's because you've probably been blinded by the eclipse. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - So this episode opens up with Halloween. Oh, no, sorry, they call it Nightmare Night. Spike is pacing the floor waiting for Twilight, because she's slow not only mentally (still got a stick up my ass on that), but also physically. Nevermind that, however, Twilight is going trick or treating as Starswirl the Bearded. Ah, the myth, the legend, the bearded. Still waiting for more story on him, but unfortunately recent seasons of this show have a habit of not doing anything worth a good flying fuck. As she's getting ready to go, a knock comes on the door. It's Pipsqueak the President Pirate at your service, along with some other children and Granny Smith. Suddenly, a chicken that's not Scootaloo shows up. SON OF A PIP! Pinkie Pie wants candy, and when Twilight suggests she's too old for this, Pinkie Pie threatens to murder her. She also says Twilight's costume looks like a weirdo clown, but I digress. They go into town square looking for adventure when they run into Pinkie Pie again. Their adventure is stunted when Rainbow Dash creeps along in a Shadowbolt costume and stomps a dark cloud to cause thunder and lightning, scaring everyone in the vicinity. I'm actually starting to like Rainbow Dash now..........what is season two doing to me?! I think Spike is dead again........................................................................................just saying. After that fun, they run into Applejack, who thinks Twilight is a country music singer. Purple ponies don't sing country, they rap. . Twilight stays with Applejack as briefly as she did the other fuckers and goes off with some other cunts as well as Zecora, who is telling the tale of Nightmare Moon. Thanks Zecora, but we already know how that went down. I couldn't get any of the names right, everyone was an asshole, and Nightmare Moon died. The End, you can all go home now. Alas, the story continues, as Zecora explains the backstory of Nightmare Night and what not. Essentially, people dress up on Nightmare Night to hide from Nightmare Moon, 'cause she's gonna eat you, so you give her candy instead. Still a more flowing narrative than "Crusaders of the Lost Mark". Suddenly, someone arrives... Ah. There you are. I've been looking for you since "The Return of Harmony (Part 1)". Where have you been? Strangely, when Luna arrives, everyone is scared shitless. She says she now wants your admiration, and aims to change Nightmare Night into a bright and glorious feast. Of course, the ponies misinterpret that line as she's gonna eat us. Ponyville has become Tumblr............................or the MLP Forums. Twilight aims to go help Luna, and when the two meet up, Luna recognizes her costume as Starswirl the Bearded. Congratulations, you've spawned another shipping. It's very easy to do those, by the way. Just have two characters talk to each other and you have a decent shipping. Meanwhile, Twilight says that if she changes her approach, she might be met with a warmer reception. Advise I should take? Nope. "For fuck's sake, does anyone brush their tongue around here?!" The two of them visit Fluttershy in hopes she can help her be "kinder", but Fluttershy is also scared shitless of Luna, so her aid is useless. Well, actually, Fluttershy, in the midst of her psychological breakdowns, manages to teach Luna how to speak quieter. It works, but as she's embracing Fluttershy (another shipping has started), Pinkie Pie and her disciples come along and assume she's been killed. That's how most religions work. Well, since Pinkie Pie is not an option, Twilight and Luna visit Applejack in hopes to teach the princess how to have fun. So she tries a series of games and realizes that gaming is what she wants to do with her life. Unfortunately, Luna takes this a bit too far and turns toy spiders to real spiders, scaring the whole town. She gets pissed off and declares that Nightmare Night is cancelled. SCREW YOU GUYS, I'M GOING HOME! Now, if it were me, I would've ignored Luna and just celebrate the holiday anyway, but these ponies are not me, or else Equestria would be a much more interesting place to live. Twilight deduces there's one thing left to do. She has to bring the two religions together. Yes, indeed. The First Church of Cupcakes and the Lunar Republic must join forces! That's when Rainbow Dash shows up to do her lightning trick and fuck everything up. Nevermind, I don't like Rainbow Dash anymore. So Twilight's had enough and tackles Pinkie Pie to confront her head on as to why she's scared shitless of Luna. That's when Pinkie Pie explains that she's not really scared of her, she just thinks it's fun to be scared. Luna withholds enthusiasm as I have a laughing spasm. "Goddammit, why the hell did Celestia create purple ponies?" The rest of the town realizes they haven't done the candy offering, so while that happens, Twilight commands Luna to go to the statue and do a scary thing. While, yes, this scares the townsfolk, Pip returns to ask Luna if she can scare them again next year, and that this is his favorite night of the year. When she accepts (with her Canterlot voice), Pip squeaks that she's his favorite princess, and he and the children run away happily. This brings joy to Princess Luna as Twilight writes a letter to Celestia telling her of her sister's character development. Since when was Chuck E. Cheese a citizen of Ponyville? Luna has by example taught Twilight that giving friendship to others is valuable, and in the end, Luna does the thunder lightning cloud trick on Rainbow Dash. She's now my favorite princess as well. And so concludes "Luna Eclipsed". ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- This is a lovely episode. The character development in this episode alone with Princess Luna far surpasses many other episodes. Her trials and resolves are orchestrated perfectly as she struggles to seek approval from the members of Ponyville. It also opens up a whole other level of depth to the character, as striving for the approval of others was what turned her into Nightmare Moon, and the acceptance of others, on a smaller degree, is part of what reformed her. So this episode just brings the characterization full circle. I also like that Luna isn't portrayed as a god like Celestia is. Yes, she's important, but she's a person too, and the writers show no fear of exploring her as such. I think that's what makes this episode so great. Sure, the comedy of this episode is decent, and while the resolve was ever so slightly weak in hindsight, Luna made this episode spectacular. I'm giving "Luna Eclipsed" a 10/10. GG NO RE ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Welp...........we found Luna. Now what?

Aaaah. That's a funnier idea, then.

I understand. I'm not arguing that providing a written paragraph report is unrealistic. Solving a friendship problem every week is unrealistic. Therefore, writing to Celestia periodically when you've learned something is much more ideal than being on a mission to constantly look for trouble all the time. Because it becomes just that: a mission to look for trouble, not a mission to make new friends. A flaw in Celestia's logic? Possibly, I can see where it might be akin to a teacher requiring assignment submissions every week, but in the context of what she actually has to report, it's very awkward and pretty stupid a requirement. I'll still blame this episode for highlighting it and making it a messy plot tool. It doesn't gel well at all for me either way. I agree with all of this, although I don't want to change the show's formula, I was pointing out that "Lesson Zero" is one of the examples of this show's borderline obsession with friendship going way too far (in relationship to the aforementioned time table, not Twilight's characterization............though it could be argued....................).

I'm not blaming "Lesson Zero" for introducing nor reinforcing a time table. I'm talking about the sadistic nature of wanting receive one letter every week about how she solved or learned from a friendship problem. Again, this is Celestia assuming that there's going to be a problem every week, and realistically, this is not the case in strong friendships or friend groups. Having a friendship problem every week is a pretty clear sign that you need to find new friends. This ties into one of my complaints with the series overall, especially prevalent in later seasons, when they treat friendship as if it's a religion where you must believe in it and do everything mortally possible, even taking it to far extremes, to salvage your friendship. They never rarely consider actually not clicking with another person or finding other friend groups when one obviously isn't working. That's all that complaint in particular is -- it showcases the unrealistic nature of the time table vs. the subject of the letters.

I agree with the two strengths you listed, so no arguments there. However, as I mentioned in the review, even though that quote exists and it implies that there was some sort of expectation of the letter, a deadline for them is still a stupid idea. Expecting a letter every week about a friendship problem means that you expect there to be some kind of issue and/or crisis every week, which is extremely sadistic of Princess Celestia. Even so, I'm not sure that one off-hand quote is enough to support the concept of a deadline, especially since it was only mentioned there (for a different purpose entirely) and in this episode, where it was abolished. If you were only going to use the "deadline" prominently in one episode, there's no effects of getting rid of it, so it still feels like a plot contrivance. I still like "Lesson Zero" as a good episode, but I don't think it's flawless anymore.

You may proceed. You don't need permission, BTW.

It's February 29th, and you know what that means... ... ... ... ... No, seriously, do you know what that means? 'Cause I don't. Well, when you figure it out, get back to me. On to "Lesson Zero". Here's an interesting episode that exists. I remember this episode getting a lot of praise back in the day, but now I'm seeing a lot more negative criticism regarding it. And you guys know how much I love reading bitchy negative criticism that isn't my own. So one mission of mine while watching this episode will be to figure out what exactly disenchanted people about "Lesson Zero". The other is to find out where the fuck Luna is, because I'm getting pissed off again. So, without further ado, "Lesson Zero". This is a spoilers review, so if you haven't seen this episode, turn your textbooks to page 1. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Okee-doke, so this episode begins with Twilight Sparkle writing a checklist about how to write a checklist, the first step of this checklist being to write a checklist about writing a checklist. Well, that's still a more flowing narrative than "Crusaders of the Lost Mark". You bet your bitch-ass there's CMC in this episode, and I've come prepared with some A-class "Crusaders of the Lost Fuck-Up" insults! Anyways, the new title sequence plays (all of one scene is altered) and when we come back, Twilight has ventured to Sugarcube Corner to pick up some cupcakes for a picnic. However, the 13 cupcakes cannot be divided equally between six friends (fuck Spike I guess) and so Twilight's OCD kicks in, forcing her to "fix" the cupcakes. ...Purple ponies can't bake for shit. When they get home, Spike mentions the fact that they haven't yet written a letter to Princess Celestia, which triggers Twilight. Why, you my ask? OH, of course! There's a DEADLINE that she has to meet EVERY WEEK in solving friendship problems. There's two obvious problems with this. 1) Where did this deadline come from? We've never heard of it before, and it's never mentioned afterwards due to the events of the resolve, so WTF. 2) This deadline doesn't make any fucking sense. Why would Princess Celestia ASSUME that there will be some kind of friendship crisis EVERY WEEK?! If you've got friend problems every goddamned week, it's time to look for new fuckin' friends. *sigh*, Well, anyways, Twilight gets extremely nervous, worried that if she doesn't get her letter in by sundown, she'll be... LE GASP... TARDEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEfff! That's why I choose Colgate Ultra Brite Advanced Whitening Toothpaste! Fearing she'll be sent back to Kindergarten for missing the deadline (what the fuck?), Twilight deduces that she must solve a friendship problem by the end of the day. So she asks Spike if he's got any problems, troubles, or conundrums that she as a g00000000000000d friend could help him solve. Spike tells her to fuck herself. She then commits suicide. ... ... The End. ... ... So she goes out looking for some trouble when she stumbles upon Rarity's scream. Apparently, the worst possible thing has happened. She lost some ribbon thing she needed to make a dress or something. While Twilight's monologuing about how she could help, Rarity finds it and tells the purple pony to stop trespassing on her property before she shoots her up. Twilight then visits Applejack, where this is happening: Rainbow Dash is pissed off at Applejack because she wouldn't do a mudplay photoshoot. Actually, Applejack wanted Rainbow Dash to break apart the barn because it was old and jolly well fucked. So Rainbow Dash blew it right the fuck up. Disappointed, Twilight assumes Fluttershy is scared of something and looks to help her. She doesn't need help. This is when Twilight starts to snap. She goes crazy, starts talking to herself in the reflection of water, when Spike suggests she should just calm down and go to the fucking picnic. She does, but not to enjoy herself. No, no, no, she still wants to solve a friendship problem! So when Twilight opens up to her friends about her issue, they laugh like dickholes. Laugh it up, why don't you. Do I need to make you a transgender again, Fluttershy? And Rarity, did I tell you to stop waxing my candlesticks?! Well, since her friends refuse to help her, Twilight deduces that she should create a friendship problem to solve. So she looks up a spell that will make ponies attracted to her pet doll Smarty Pants and throws it to the CMC so they'll fight over it. What a manipulative witch! I told you we shouldn't have let purple ponies in this goddamn town! Speaking of this goddamned town, the "charm" spell that she put on Smarty Pants not only infects the CMC, but also Big Mac after he tries to intervene. Then as he runs psychotically around town, he puts all of Ponyville under the charm spell of Smarty Pants, so EVERYONE wants this doll. It's like a fucking brony convention in this bitch. "It's just as I prophesied, Applejack. The Coming of the Smarty Pants has arrived. Go, my disciple! Herd my followers to the temples for shelter!" It is nightfall, the deadline is missed, and Ponyville has gone insane. For once, Princess Celestia decides to get off her ass and do something, undoing the spell on Ponyville and scolding Twilight. The other five now realize that Twilight wasn't bullshitting, and get worried that they'll never see their token purple friend again. Back at the library, Celestia reveals what we all know -- the deadline is bullshit and she never needed to meet it. Of course, Twilight put all of Ponyville in jeopardy, but we'll overlook that because fuck it, you're gonna be a princess some day. This is when her friends come to her rescue, trying to save her from being punished, and Celestia decides to play along by pretending like they're actually making a case. This is actually a pretty badass move from her; I like it. I wonder how awkward it is for Pinkie Pie to be begging Celestia for forgiveness, considering their religions are rivals? Celestia states that from this day forward, the "deadline" is no more. Remember when it was? No? Well, too bad, it's no more now. She finally flies off back to Canterlot to find Luna and Twilight and her friends have a group friendship happy moment or something. And so concludes "Lesson Zero". ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I think I rated this a 10/10 back in the day, so let me start about saying this is by no means a 10/10. There are some glaring issues, the biggest of which being the fact that there was never a deadline for the "Dear Princess Celestia" letters ever mentioned before this episode, so they essentially made up the deadline for this episode to get rid of it by the end. Genius writing on the writer's part. On top of that, even if there was a deadline, it's stupid as fuck to have a deadline for those letters. Assuming that there'll be a goddamned friendship problem every fucking week is stupid. I've gone months, even years without a "friendship problem", so I'd be missing serious "grades" if this were me. So this aspect of the episode is really dumb. However, I do like Twilight and Spike's characterization in this episode, and that was one of the strongest points of "Lesson Zero" even back when I first watched it. While the flaws now overshadow this for me, I can still appreciate that they attempted to expand Twilight's teased OCDs through the series, and showed what happens when she can't come full circle with these OCDs. In the end, "Lesson Zero" does feel like a poor man's "Party of One", but it has it's merits regardless. I'll give "Lesson Zero" an 8/10 overall. Still, what the fuck was the writer smoking when they thought of the deadline? In fact, who the fuck wrote this epi- ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- .... MEGHAN! I forgot! We lost Faust, but we get.......MEGHAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ... ... Wait, WHAT'S THIS?!?!?!?! .... MEGHAN!??!?!??!!!!??/!??!!?!/111/1/1.3l,2lk3??! ... I don't know who I am anymore.

I've known what the "fourth wall" was since I was around eleven years old. I didn't learn it in school until I was about fourteen, but I looked it up out of curiosity before then. However, not a lot of my friends (aside from one) 'nor any adults I'm around know what it is. My guess is, they can't be bothered enough to care.

Previously on My Little Bony: Endlessly Flaccid... This One Guy: "Never reviewed a season two episode before." That Same One Guy About Two Minutes Later: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA/\AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! THE FUUUCKIN' CUITE MAARKK CRUSAAADERRS! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOO" Kinky Die: "Chaos comes with chocolate rain." The Same Goddamn One Guy: "I agree. The world can go to shit, fuck it, chocolate rain sounds kickass." Sandy: "I'm sorry, Chad, but I'm in love with David." Audience: "*GASP*" Chad: "That's okay, Sandy. I've been having sex with your sister." Audience: "*LOUDER GASP*" This Two Guy: "Well...................Same time tomorrow then?" CUE TITLE SEQUENCE! (Our worlds are in danger / To save them and the galaxy we must find the four Cyber Planet Keys / before the Decepticons can use them for evil / It is our mission / Hot Shot! Jetfire! Vector Prime! Landmine! Scattorshot! Optimus Prime!) Spoilers ahead - - - - - - Okay, so where did we leave off? Oh, that's right. The game is over and Discord won. That should be the series finale. Now, you know how I bitched that Twilight was so stupid thinking the elements were in the labyrinth? Well, to my surprise, I didn't even need to rage. This episode opens up with [some in-fighting and] Discord showing Twilight that she missed the point of his riddle. SERIOUSLY! Look! He does it! Realizing you're a dumbass shithole, Twilight? Good. Fuck you. After that, Twilight goes "But...but..." and I'd really love to hear what would've come after that had Discord not interrupted her. I really would like to know how the fuck she deduced "find the elements back where you began" would be in the labyrinth. Alas, this is why Discord is one of my favorites. He knew the elements weren't in the labryinth, and he knew Twilight was being a dumbass, but he used it to his advantage. Though, in the end, you could say that these "twists and turns" were part of his master plan. I digress, however. Twilight now take the opportunity to think what "back where you began" means. OH, GEE, HA-DOY, LET'S TRY PONYVILLE she says. Too late now -- Discord's turned their roads to soap. It's like driving in New Jersey. Anyway, they get to Twilight's library, but not before the dark side of ponies grow ever stronger. Now our friends are not only DULL technicolor, they've been drained of all color in their renders! Oh dear! They're going 1950's on us, but without the politeness! Haste must be made if Twilight wants to ever redeem her friends, but not before Fluttershy throws some water on Twilight giving her the ultimate burn: "what's soaking wet and clueless -- YOUR FACE!" I love this premiere. I fucking love it. Shortly afterwards, Spike finds a book that could help, and the other four ponies play toss-around with it before Twilight can get a hold of it. That pisses her off, and they all brawl each other before she and Spike guard the book from her friends. This is her book, and she's gonna read it! Scrolls were a common weapon used in politically correct times. Luckily, the elements are back where she began -- in that book. However, the trouble is no longer finding the Elephants of Harmony. Neigh. The trouble is now getting the other five ponies to wear the elements and form in unity to defeat Discord. This is a tricky task, as the four ponies that are with Twilight are insane and hate each other, and Rainbow Dash is fucking around somewhere else. Rude, hilariously vicious ponies, a smartass villain, and no Rainbow Dash? This is the best fucking premiere ever created! *ahem* Back to the story, Twilight starts sapping that "her friends..." before the episode turns to comedy by ending her sentence with perfect score "...HAVE TURNED INTO COMPLETE JERKS! *puts elements on the others* NECKLACE! NECKLACE! NECKLACE! NECKLACE! BIG CROWN THINGY! LET'S GO!" I know I'm quoting the episode more than usual, but oh my god, this episode is taking all the pain of the eyelash lodged in my eyeball away! Meanwhile, Spike is going to fill in for Rainbow Dash as the elephant of loyalty. That doesn't work, the ponies get tired of each other, and Twilight goes to the dark side. Twilight's broken spirit causes her to decide to leave Ponyville, but Spike is incredibly sick from all the letters Celestia's been sending. What letters? She's sending back all the "Dear Princess Celestia" letters she's sent throughout season one, and as Twilight reads them, her faith in friendship starts to rejuvenate. She now knows what she needs to to do get her friends back! She first visits Applejack on her farm, and tells her that she's ready to fight for their friendship. As Applejack says "where were you when I was battling Discord?", I had to pause for laughter. Subsequently, Twilight tackles Applejack to the ground and presses her magical horn against her forehead. This sounds like the beginning of a bad porno, but don't worry. She's transferring memories of their friendship over, and it actually manages to work. Applejack's back! Shame she's a celery addict again. So Twilight runs all over Ponyville doing this to all her friends. First she reconverts Fluttershy, then Rarity, and finally Pinkie Pie. The five of them start searching for Rainbow Dash, who they finally find is up laying on a cloud, believing the cloud is Cloudsdale. Since Rainbow Dash won't come down on her own, and Twilight doesn't have her wings yet, the five have to force her down to get her to change back by using a hot air balloon and Fluttershy. Unfortunately, Fluttershy sucks jack shit at holding ponies down against their will, so Dashie dashes out of there, commencing a high-speed pursuit in the sky. Rainbow Dash plays a circle game with them, which allows Applejack to lasso a rope around Rainbow Dash. Unfortunately, Pinkie Pie didn't secure that rope, and it drags both her and Rarity outside of the hot air balloon hanging off of Rainbow Dash's ass, slowing her down. Motivated by not letting Discord win, Fluttershy flies faster, allowing Applejack to get one last grip on Rainbow Dash and bring her where Twilight can convert her back to Christianity normal. Ah. My mistake. This is the beginning of a really bad porno. With the elephants back in their possession, and her friends back to normal, they decide to face Discord once and for all. In this part of the scene, Discord drinks a glass of chocolate milk, throws the chocolate milk behind him, and it explodes. I fucking LOVE this premiere. Anyways, Twilight and Discord have a little scurry over possession of her friends before Discord lets the ponies "do their worst". Unfortunately, this flaw in Discord's master plan leads him to underestimate the ponies, as they band together and use their Elephants of Harmony to turn Discord back to stone. I am sad. I wanted Discord to be the ruler of Equestria. Fuck the elements of harmony! Finally, the ponies go to a ceremony which is a , and the premiere ends bearing in mind that this whole ordeal is all the CMC's fault. The Beginning. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- If I haven't mentioned it yet, I LOVE THIS PREMIERE. I mean, just outside of the perfect pacing and all that boring shit, the comedy of this premiere works on every level! As a said last episode, Discord is the ultimate villain, and though he underestimated his opponents in the end, fuck it, the other 35 minutes of his presence were absolute brilliance! Everything about this premiere is captivating and interesting, and unique for that matter. And it doesn't even try to hammer in any kind of "Friendship is Magic" religion shit like "The Cutie Map", it just uses it in one fly-by sentence which the episode even mocks by Discord's gag reaction! This episode is so fucking perfect I can't even. I can odd, but I can't even anymore thanks to this episode. I have to give part two in special particular a 10/10, making the whole premiere a straight 10/10! If the whole second season is as amazing as its premiere, I'm in for a fantastic time! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Whew! Hell of a premiere eh? ... Yeah! ... So, I'm pretty stoked to continue the second season now given its epic premiere. And in interesting correlation -- the next Monday review comes on a pretty special day: February 29th. The day that 'comes 'round once every four years so that we can catch up with ourselves on a calendar schedule. Well, which episode has the privilege of being reviewed by me on this special occasion? ................................................. ................................................... Oh, lord.

Season two, eh? Never reviewed a season two episode before. Well, I guess there's a first time for everything. I remember my first time.............................................................. Alright, welcome to the second season of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Now, it's true, I've never reviewed a season two episode in any respect. I think I reviewed two episodes in season three and most of season four back in the day before my blog was a thing, each of those one-paragraph, sometimes three-sentence reviews buried somewhere in the Show Discussion forum, but I've never done season two. Or season one for that matter, but it's too late for me to acknowledge that considering I just did all 26 of 'em. Anyways, this is a brand new experience, so let's dive in to the premiere, "The Return of Harmony (Part 1)" This is a spoilers review, so if you haven't seen "The Return of Harmony"........................................ . - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - This episode opens up with Cheerilee showing her cla-............cl........................c..............................ass......s...sass...........sa..aa.............a................... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA/\AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA- -AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! THE FUUUCKIN' CUITE MAARKK CRUSAAADERRS! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOh, they're only there for the prologue. Nevermind, I am satisfy. So, on this class trip, the CMC learn about Discord, who is a draqoneuszljfiojizz that represents chaos, confusion, and evil. Meanwhile, it appears he's finally decided to escape his stone imprisonment. Celestia really needs to stop dropping her iPhones statues. Back in Ponyville, far away from the CMC ( ), strange things are occurring. The clouds have turned to cotton candy, the rain has turned to chocolate rain / some stay dry and others feel the pain, and the bunnies have turned to abominations. Twilight thinks she has a spell to fix everything, but she's stupid so she's wrong. Celestia subsequently sends the group an urgent invitation to the castle in this time of chaos. There, she explains that one of her old foes, Discord, has returned. Just in time for backstory, she explains how Discord used to cause pain to all the ponies (he's my favorite already) with his chaos, and when she and Luna found the Elements of Harmony, they turned him to stone. Yes, about that, where's Luna? Neither Celestia 'nor Luna look remotely like that. I hate when children paint on the fuckin' windows. Celestia explains that she needs the six of them to wield the Elephants of Harmony once again to defeat Discord. Pinkie Pie interrupts by telling her apostles that they should reconsider this. "Chaos comes with chocolate rain" she says. I agree. The world can go to shit, fuck it, chocolate rain sounds kickass. Anyway, as Celestia brings out the box and opens it, she realizes that the elements have been stolen. Frozen, the ponies don't know what to do until they hear the chuckle of his majesty and his satanic request. Discord is here. You're a lot more two-dimensional than I thought you'd be. And this is a cartoon. Discord, after some fucking around, gives the ponies a riddle to find the elements again. "Twists and turns are my master plan, then find the elements back where you began." Despite the incoherency of the riddle's narrative, the ponies decide to take matters into their own hands vaginas hooves and solve the riddle. Twilight thinks they're in the palace labyrinth, but again, that's fuckin' stupid. The second half of the riddle was "FIND THE ELEMENTS BACK WHERE YOU BEGAN". You didn't begin in the maze, you little shit, and your entire base for thinking the ELEMENTS are in the LABYRINTH is the three words "TWISTS AND TURNS". You fucking idiot, Twilight. Twists and turns are his master plan. I doubt a maze is his goddamned master plan. However, Twilight is slow as fuck so Discord's gonna play along and use it to his advantage. As the ponies retardedly follow the dumbass they've elected leader, Discord prepares his game. First rule -- no flying, and no magic. That means we pluck the horns and the wings off these ponies. Hey, Discord, could you kill Twilight, please? Rainbow Dash is becoming smarter than her. The second rule -- everypony has to play or Discord wins. Therefore, the games begin as Twilight says they can win this if they have each other. Then Discord splits them apart. I want Discord to be my friend so I can kill everybody everywhere enjoy my life for a change. They plan to regroup at the center, but some things are about to take place. What things you might ask? Well, let's look at what Applejack does. First, she's trying to get to the center, but then she's interrupted by a couple of apples, so she follows them. Then she's in an apple orchard, and all the apples form faces and start talking to her by Discord's puppet strings. Through manipulation of the truth, he manages to shatter Applejack's spirit and get her to degenerate against her elephant of harmony. ............................................................*Applejack says nothing*...........................................................BULLSHIT! YOU DIRTY LIAR! Meanwhile, Pinkie Pie is going anti-friendship by Discord's tricks when a party is presented to her. The balloons tell her that her friends aren't laughing with her when she makes jokes or whatever, but rather, laughing at her. From there, it's "Party of One" all over again, just without the straight hair or the bucket of onions for her BFF. Speaking of "Party of One"......THE EYELASH IS STILL IN MY EYEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. Rarity also gets distracted by what she thinks is an enormous dildo diamond, but is actually a dirty cock rock. As Twilight starts rounding up all of her friends, she starts to notice they've gone cuckoo and gets suspicious. However, Discord is having intense trouble manipulating Fluttershy, as she constantly agrees with his "suggestions" that she is weak and that she's flawed. Discord decides she's been nice far too long and just forces her into cruelty. Fluttershy's such a dick. There's only one pony left, and that's among the most detrimental -- Rainbow Dash. Discord manages to convince RD that Cloudsdale is crumbling without her, and with her IQ, she's pretty easy to fool. So Discord cracks a deal with her. Rainbow Dash can quit the game and get her wings back, being able to fly off and leave to do whatever she wants, such as help Cloudsdale, OR she can stay here and help the Ponyville cunts that are clearly beneath her. Putting her wings in a present box, Discord leaves the decision completely up to Rainbow Dash. As the ponies try to locate their final friend, they see her take off into the skies. Rainbow Dash is smarter than Twilight by default for flying away. GG, I award you 20 points. But WAIT. What was rule number one? NO WINGS, NO MAGIC? Well, that means the game is OVER and DISCORD WINS! Hooray! Now Equestria will be a decent place to live for once! The storm of chaos is fast approaching. Will our "heroes" defeat my hero? Or will my hero taste the rainbow? We'll have to wait, because part 1 is part done. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holy shit, I love this episode. This obviously goes for the premiere overall, but I just love Discord. As a villain, he just kicks all kinds of ass with his manipulative sarcasm and random antics. Even Pinkie Pie thinks he's a pretty cool cat. Discord was and still is one of my favorite characters of the series. On top of that, I love watching part one for its incredible setup and well-done execution in all the basic departments, such as characterization, storytelling, and so forth. My only complaint is that Twilight's deduction of Discord's clue genuinely pissed me off, because she completely missed the point, reinforcing my repeated criticism of the character that, for the "smartest" of the mane six, she's genuinely stupid as fuck. However, this is not enough to ruin this episode, and things clearly only get better in part two, so I'm just gonna have to give part one a 10/10. Exceptional work, a clear recovery from season one. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Well... ... ... ... Same time tomorrow then?

Welcome, one and all, to the season one wrap-up of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic! Well, we're not quite to the actual finale ye- -oh..wait, shit, we are. Welcome to the finale! Now, a couple of things are going to be different in this review and a couple of things need to be said. Thing that needs to be said #1: Tumblr sucks. Thing that needs to be said #2: You are not hallucinating, there is now a bar of widgets at the right of your screen. After years of trying to figure out how to do this, I realized upon accidentally clicking "Add Block" that there was a very simple way to accomplish this. Thing that needs to be said #3: At the end of this review, I'm going to give an overall assessment and summary of the entire first season of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. I'll give an overall grade to it, talk about my favorite episodes, talk about the worst episodes, and perhaps even bring up how it holds up to today's standards, since the whole reason I've started re-watching the old seasons was to see why the show was so good. Thing that needs to be said #4: Peanut butter is the spawn of Satan. Alright, now that the important stuff is out of the way, we can move on to looking at the season one finale, "The Best Night Ever". I've heard some accounts that this is one of the best finales of all-time. I've also heard some accounts that I don't care about other accounts. Don't know which one to believe, but without further ado, let's jump into this season one closer. This is a spoilers review, so if you haven't seen "The Best Night Ever", you're going to have the worst night ever. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - The episode opens up with Pinkie Pie, whom is bouncing up 'n' down on a trampoline talking about how excited she is about the Grand Galloping Gala finally arriving. Ah, yes, the build up has been so intense. I mean, this arc was so complex, such as its use in the plot of two of twenty-five episodes! I mean, an arc that tight is totally worthy of being the season finale, right? Anyways, while Rarity is trying to unite the rest of the cast for their dress fittings, Twilight is busy working on a spell for the gala. Which spell you might ask? Well, it's the most important spell of all time. Turning an apple into a chariot. Yes, lovely, but does your chariot have a strip club and a Dunkin' Donuts inside? I didn't think so! After some nudity jokes and sexism takes place, the girls dress up, find some stallions to pull their chariot, and off to the Gala they go! Spike is especially excited to show the ponies some stuff, but I couldn't be bothered to listen to him speak. When they arrive in Canterlot, the girls get out of their chariot and surprise Spike with their dresses. And they make it seem like we haven't seen them either, even though they were the PLOT OF "SUITED FOR SUCCESS". I digress, however. We move forward into the galaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH! NO! NO NO NO NOOOOOO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Shitty pop music! Make it stop! Make it stoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo-well, it's not that bad. It's still not a good song, though. I like the composition, but fuck the shit out of all the noises made by human voices. So, after I suffer through that song, Spike rolls in to talk about how they're all going to spend time at the gala together. Until they split apart like dicks. Seriously, these quadrupeds are absolute cunts to Spike, he should've stayed with the buffalo. He ate turquoise gems there!!! TURQUOISE GEMS! Well, time to follow the stories of the six fucks. We'll start with Twilight, who runs up to Celestia and talks about how much they have to catch up on murmurlikeherpastthreedeathsmurmur! Celestia replies by saying she wants Twilight be by her side the whole evening. Aww. How gay. "Want to make out later?" "No, Twilight. I'm a white mare, you're a colored pony." Meanwhile, Rarity sees her "prince charming", whom had an eerily accurate appearance in relationship to her dreams vs. reality. Anyway, no one wants to follow this story. She probably asked for a lollipop and they went in the back room all night. Fluttershy also sees some animals, but no one wants to follow her story either. Applejack sets up shop in the middle of the field to sell her apple foods. You know, the only pony of the six to have a legitimate reason for going to the gala. Economics > prostitution, Rarity. Well, as we follow each of the ponies, we find them all saying that this is "just what they had expected" and "imagined". Well, there's ten minutes left of this shithole, I'm sure nothing horrible will happen. Elsewhere, Rainbow Dash saves Soarin's apple pie from dying. Rainbow Dash looks less determined to catch that pie and more confused as to what a pie is. After that, Rainbow Dash is allowed to hang out with the Wonderbolts -- just like she planned. Things go a-rye after Pinkie Pie comes to the mix. She gets so excited, singing her "it's all I ever dreamed" song (yes, I can tolerate Pinkie Pie's songs), but the sophisticated broom-up-the-ass ponies there aren't having her shit. A fantastic analogy for my place in society, but I digress. Cut back to Rarity, the prince (named Prince Blueblood) isn't letting the slut in his pants as he consistently acts like a dick. Can you believe this jerk?! He put a rose in his suit! What a misogynist, arise Tumblr, we must shame this man immediately! Check your white male privilege, Blueblood! Yes, well, anyways, on to Fluttershy. The whistle that Fluttershy thought was coming from an exotic bird was actually a gardener. Nah, the animals couldn't give two fucks about Fluttershy, and run away when she approaches because she's a scary one. Meanwhile, Rainbow Dash is losing the attention of the Wonderbolts, and Twilight can't talk to the princess because the line to meet and greet her is becoming too long to get a word in edgewise. Otherwise, Applejack is becoming really impatient with the high-class tits around here. After two, four, sixty minutes of waiting, she got exactly 0 sales (except for Soarin). This isn't what she expected ay-tall. The classy pony up front is named Fine Line. Excuse me while I coin 10 other names for randomly generated crowd filler! After everyone becomes depressed, they all stand up and say "No! Fuck this! We're gonna make this the best night ever!" and proceed to take matters into their own hands. Fluttershy starts setting up traps 'round the garden for the critters, degenerating into borderline schizophrenia. Crazy, unfortunately, only works on Pinkie Pie, so screw off. Rarity, despite her efforts to "help" her prince along, is still disappointed by the fact that Prince Blueblood is still incredibly self-centered. Elsewhere, Pinkie Pie tries to liven the party a little by singing the "Pony-Pokey" who's "left hoof, right hoof, back right, tilt your head" lyrics eerily correspond to the montage of actions taking place with the others. Still better than "At The Gala." All hell breaks loose now. Pinkie Pie thinks they want a "PARTAAYY" and goes batshit trying to get them to shake their groove things. Then Applejack decides to make her apple stand mobile and bring it inside the castle to shout about. Pinkie Pie does a huge stage dive and lands on Applejack's cart, which sends food flying to the air. When a projectile pie comes toward Prince Blueblood, he pussies out and lets Rarity gets hit, which pisses her off to no end. So she asks him sarcastically if he's afraid to get dirty, and starts shaking herself about to get him all messy (that's what she does on a daily basis to other stallions), which makes the dumb prince fall on a statue, which starts to fall over. Rainbow Dash makes this her opportunity to impress the Wonderbolts and catches it, but clumsily tumbles around afterwards and knocks it into some pillars, which causes a domino effect to them all around the castle. As Twilight and Celestia enter to see the wreckage, the purple pony says that things "can't get any worse." I like how that line gets excused, but when Spike does it in "Owl's Well That Ends Well," it's a point of criticism. Idiots. Well, obviously, it could get worse, and Fluttershy bursts in shouting her famous "YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE ME" line. ...Breathmint? As chaos ensues after Fluttershy chases all of the animals into the party room, everyone must flee the castle, ending the Gala in an explosion of chaos. At Donut Joe's, Spike is getting drunk off Hot Chocolate and donuts. Meanwhile, the Mane Six enter the restaurant looking a mess. As Twilight explains to Spike the havoc that occurred, they all agree that it was one of the worst nights ever. However, given this show's happy-go-lucky nature, they all have a laugh about it. Then Princess Celestia shows up to say that she enjoyed the gala herself, and was excited by the chaos that happened. That's why she invited them in the first place. Always the asshole troll, aren't ya, Molestia? Finally, they learn that they should've stuck together like Spike wanted to, and that friendship is magic or something like that. And so the final curtain is called up on season one. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Best finale ever? Nah. See, all the technicalities of the episode works. The set-up, the pacing, the downfall, the resolution. That's all fine. Nothing's shoe-horned, everything works despite the episode's goals not going according to plan. That's fine and all. But some people call it the best finale just on those grounds, and I think that's a really stupid thing to say. Finales have to wrap up their respective seasons in a big way. Finales are an accomplishment -- you've watched the season so far, and this is your big pay-off. Does it have to be the best episode in the season? No, but it should still feel like something big is happening. That's not what was delivered. Instead, this episode has a grand premise to a mediocre execution. There are no consequences to the events of this episode, and given that its arc was only the subject of two episodes, the build-up wasn't that great either. As I said before, "The Cutie Mark Chronicles" would have made a much better season finale then "Best Night Ever". It's important, has a ton of build up, and pays off in the end. If they'd touched it up to be a bit more grandiose, maybe smoothed out the pacing or even made it a two-parter in favor of omitting some shit episodes, then "The Cutie Mark Chronicles" would have worked. Unfortunately we have this, and it's not a bad finale, it's just boring and incredibly disappointing. Therefore, I am giving "The Best Night Ever" a 7/10. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Alright, folks, time for the epic season one summary. First, let's take a look at all of the episodes this season and the ratings I gave them. 01. Friendship is Magic, Part 1 8/10 02. Friendship is Magic, Part 2 9/10 03. The Ticket Master 8/10 04. Applebuck Season 9/10 05. Griffon the Brush Off 7/10 06. Boast Busters 4/10 07. Dragonshy 8/10 08. Look Before You Sleep 10/10 09. Bridle Gossip 3/10 10. Swarm of the Century 6/10 11. Winter Warp Up 9/10 12. Call of the Cutie 6/10 13. Fall Weather Friends 8/10 14. Suited For Success 8/10 15. Feeling Pinkie Keen 10/10 16. Sonic Rainboom 7/10 17. Stare Master 7/10 18. The Show Stoppers 5/10 19. A Dog and Pony Show 9/10 20. Green Isn’t Your Color 6/10 21. Over a Barrel 5/10 22. A Bird in the Hoof 7/10 23. The Cutie Mark Chronicles 10/10 24. Owl’s Well That Ends Well 6/10 25. Party of One 10/10 26. The Best Night Ever 7/10 Therefore, my overall rating for season one of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is. 7.4/10 Best episode: "Party of One" Worst episode: "Bridle Gossip" Overall, this season wasn't too bad. However, given that a 7.4/10 is essentially a C-, I should explain that this season was far from perfect. If you, or in this case, I, want to go back and re-watch the series to "remember" what made the show so great, season one is not the season to do it with. It's liken to the rollercoaster of quality that the first half of season four and the entirety of season five is. Now, that said, when this season hits its highs, it does really well. "Party of One", "The Cutie Mark Chronicles", "Feeling Pinkie Keen", and "Look Before You Sleep" would easily make my top 10, if not my top 20 MLP episodes of all time. However, when it hits lows, it can crash and burn. "Bridle Gossip" and "Boast Busters" are terrible tragedies and "The Show Stoppers" and "Over a Barrel" are just incredibly uncomfortable sit-ins. Anything else just shoots around in the middle of mediocrity and redeem-ability. Nothing to rave over, but nothing to bash either. I never held season one with high regard, but 7.4 is a lot lower a rating for the season than I'd have given in the past. Still, the first season of this show is still all-in-all enjoyable, so it's worth a watch. But you'll have to be patient to get to the really good stuff. This is the only season showrunner Lauren Faust was at the helm of. She stepped down to be a consulting role in the creation of the second season before leaving altogether (IIRC), and I'll gladly piss off a lot of people when I say that this show got a lot better after Faust left. But her only season as executive producer didn't crash and burn, so that is something. Besides, there's Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends if I want to gush over Faust genius. Alright, then, everyone. So that was season one of MLP. The next time you'll see me is this Thursday to review part one of the season two premiere, "The Return of Harmony". Will it be a refreshing start? Or will it amount to the mediocrity of its preceding episode? Find out next time on ..My Little Pony... ...*Saves Draft*... ...Friendship... ...is... ...a Bad Idea!