How do you generally handle death?

[SkyDream 315]

I know that this is going to be a very dynamically-inclined topic, as different people mean different things in the lives of everyone here. Are you the type of person to hold back all of your emotions and bottle them inside, for whatever reason, or will you let it all out as it comes?

 

Do you believe in the philosophy of "letting go" or do you hold onto their memory with all of your strength?

 

Are there some deaths that are more meaningful than others?

 

 

For example, I understand that a person's time to go is their time to go. It's perfectly natural, and I will find it somewhat difficult to mourn if someone died over 70 and of natural causes.

 

On the other side of the topic, I had a friend in my Sophomore year of High School who sat next to me in a computer class. One Thursday he sold me a game I had wanted. Two days later, something he had wrong with his lungs finally caught up to him and he died playing basketball in his driveway. On his birthday.

 

The whole school was in the biggest uproar I've ever seen. I mean it was the biggest, but the quietest, I should add. Everyone was walking around like a zombie for days.

 

My uncle/grandfather (just a title...) just passed a few weeks ago, and sure, I'll miss him in person, but the life was there. I experienced plenty of time with him. I understand his essence. He's not a mystery. There are no regrets. A wonderful life had been had, and many people had been positively influenced by him.

 

It was not a bad death. Not at all. So maybe I'm unique in my understanding of the situation, but I don't see that much of a reason to mourn.

 

I mean think of some loved one that isn't in the room with you right now. Do you miss them? Did you think of them until I asked you to think of them? Then the only difference is that you no longer have extended access to them and their influence into the future?

[Itsy Bitsy Alex 77]

The way I handle death is kind of strange. If I'm surrounded by the sadness of the people mourning their loss, I'm usually upset, however if people move on, I generally don't care, but I feel sorry for those who have lost someone close to them. It's just a matter of how people act around me really, nothing too special.

[Everleaf 541]

I have a pretty hard time handling it person or animal I need people to just leave me alone let me keep myself calm thing is people around me never helped me it seemed to get me pretty much worse not too long ago I had to go though the death of my beloved cat 

 

 

he was always there for me he always snuggled up to me when sad or ill he used to be such a calm beautiful cat he was just well even just typing this is pretty hard for me, his name was Jake and when he died I had to be left alone I could not stand it I had such a bond with that cat he was just beautiful and in that so peaceful so yes I tried not to cry in my room but with him I will be honest I honestly did he felt like a child/brother to me he was truly precious I will tell you and I miss him I try not to think of him but best I tell the story for this huh? even now I have a pretty hard time handling it death of anyone I loved so much is the same cat or not he was just my shadow to me so it is the same with many deaths of loved ones but I will say it really did hurt...

[Ziggy + Angel + Rain 11,302]

I recently lost my grandfather; he was over eighty years old.  I...  Haven't really reacted to it?  I haven't cried or become visibly, overtly sad.  Not because he wasn't an important member of my family, and not because I didn't care about him.  And not because I don't recognize his passing as a sad occurrence.  Idunno.  Still figuring out if there's something wrong with me or not.  I've actually TRIED to get myself to a place where I would react emotionally.  If I've felt anything, it's been anger.  Anger at some other members of my family.  Anger at myself.  But even that I haven't dwelt upon for long.

 

He deserved better than he got - far better.  Not solely at the end of his life, either.  I'm not going to forget him, though.  And I've actually been trying to look at things the way you described...  That the life he led still happened / still had significance.  But not really sure what's taking and what isn't.  Or if I'm so able to compartmentalize that I just kind of put everything in a little box and slid it to the back of my mind.  He was a good man.  Genuinely good - not, "Oh let's not speak ill of the dead" good.  A good man.

[Jennabun 1,579]

I think about my people or pets who have died on-and-off. Usually process goes like this:

 

Step 1: Shock. I act kind of stoic.

Step 2: Extreme distress, crying all the time.

Step 3: Walk around like a zombie. Everything reminds me of the one who died.

Step 4: Get sick of being sad. Try and distract myself with other things to avoid thinking of my loss, but it's hard. Some time passes, and things get easier.

Step 5: Realize I'm kind of back to living normally and not thinking about them all the time. This makes me sad, but it also makes me feel strong.

Step 6: Live normally for the most part. Certain things will trigger memories of them, but I'm not in crippling despair anymore, nor am I actively trying to avoid thinking of them.

 

I haven't had many deaths in my life, so I don't have too much to go on. The hardest death I've been though was about a year and a half ago when my grandpa committed suicide. It was so hard for the whole family, my dad especially. My dad and my grandpa were so close, even though they butted heads sometimes. My dad was crushed. It was so hard to live normally during that time.

 

For awhile, my grandpa's death and my dad's sadness was all I could think about. It consumed my life. I saw him everywhere. But I tried to act really strong for my dad.

 

Now, I live pretty normally, and so does my dad. Everyone has to decide to get up and move on after awhile. But it's never, ever quite the same. When something triggers a memory of that time, I get sad again. But the moment passes much quicker than it used to.

 

Death is just weird. So, so weird. It can really just uproot your whole life and turn it upside-down sometimes.

[Feather Grass 312]

Not really react or show emotion to the situation... My brain blanks it out and yes I feel for the dead person and the crying family members but I just sit there like nothing has happened....

[M'aiq the Liar 5,804]

"only the dead can truly know peace"

 

But cool sounding quotes aside, I handle by moving on. I realize that death is a inevitable part of this world, and living on it, so I may grieve internally for a few days, but then I'll find a way to force myself to return to the norm. Having more than one person die at a time is harder though, it is a lot harder to internalize and come to grasp that they are all gone. It can easily overwhelm, but in the end I just move on. Shit sucks, people die, and you will always have to pay taxes. I don't become cold or jaded, but I feel to really hold up to their memory the best thing to do is just hop right back on the horse, and keep on trucking.

[roguesoul 85]

I hold everything in and try to build up walls around it til I can't anymore. And it sounds really sad saying it out loud, but its just what I do.

[Inazuma 53]

I usually react to death by giving him the finger and telling him to go fuck himself with a cactus laced with poison.

 

But in all honesty people or things leaving me while they are still alive is what affects me the most.

[crazitaco 596]

I've gone to a few funerals before, I try really hard to hold back but sometimes can't. I hate crying in front of other people, so if I cry I usually avoid people's gazes. I don't even have to know the deceased person well, if my family or friends are mourning, their sadness is toxic enough to affect me as well. The entire atmosphere during the funeral affects me very strongly.

To be honest, I haven't lost a person close to me yet. I don't know how I'll react when I do.

I've mourned for lost pets, which probably isn't even comparable to the death of a human I loved.

Edited June 4, 2014 by crazitaco

[Sugar & Sins 156]

I don't really react when someone dies, sure It takes me by surprise and I feel a little sad, but I've never cried. My mom always calls me heartless or abnormal but I just don't see the point of mourning, that person's time is up, they're gone but all of my memories of them are still with me and I'm sure they wouldn't want me to cry about it and get all depressed.

 

However, I don't go to funerals, knowing that the person is dead is enough, I don't have to go to their funeral for some sort of confirmation or closure, they're gone, that's it.

Edited June 4, 2014 by Sugar & Sins

[The Crimson Cross 7,532]

As much as death is sad and inevitable, it will happen at some point, and all I can do is be ready for it. I seem to end up consoling everyone around me when somebody dies anyway. 

I don't know what it is, I seem to actually be in a better mood when somebody dies!! 

I know it sounds really terrible, but my theory is that , I'll seem to be the best person I can be at the time, and have a positive outlook to try and brighten the moods of those around me. Sounds strange, but that's my reaction.

 

Though I do tend to feel a bit sad for a short while, I realise there is no point on dwelling on the past, and to be thankful for all the great memories I have shared with that person!

[Lightning Bliss 1,674]

Well after 2010, losing my aunt, my father, my step papa and a grand uncle...

 

First impressions when I found out my dad was gone, I screamed and threw up. Pretty fair response I would think.

 

The first year after his death was behond excruciating...Not because of the morning, but because i really couldn't morn at all...My mother was going down hill from the losses we had, my siblings were going crazy with his estate and will cause it wasn't properly set up...and all that time it was just a circle of "stay confident, keep a smile, help everyone to see it will be ok." so I was basically in shock for the longest time.

[DragonKing235 198]

This question is kind of hard for me to talk about you see so i'll tell you that when some one a care a lot about die's i'm sad at first but I think of all the good times that iv had with them and that makes me move on and I know that there always looking out for me up there so i'm happy.

Well after 2010, losing my aunt, my father, my step papa and a grand uncle...

 

First impressions when I found out my dad was gone, I screamed and threw up. Pretty fair response I would think.

 

The first year after his death was behond excruciating...Not because of the morning, but because i really couldn't morn at all...My mother was going down hill from the losses we had, my siblings were going crazy with his estate and will cause it wasn't properly set up...and all that time it was just a circle of "stay confident, keep a smile, help everyone to see it will be ok." so I was basically in shock for the longest time.

I agree with you all the way Bliss

[GhostPony750 959]

I close it and move on. The memories are still here, and I miss them ofc, but I remember the best.

[baba_booey 4,302]

Well, when one of my cats died last year, 

I simply said or did nothing when my parents confirmed it. I was just.. stunned.

Then after a while, I started thinking about it more and I simply just let it all out.

Then, in the end, I just said "He's still in our hearts"

 

Now, I honestly haven't had any experience with losing a loved one before, because my only "great" relative died only like, 3 weeks after I was born besides for my cat's death, so, that's probably how I would feel.

[PE Brony 1,712]

I take death rather simply. I know I come across as cold and unfeeling because I don't show emotion very often and have not been upset by death too much. The first I knew to pass away was my sister's best friend who died from leukemia at 14. I thought she was quite cute, and was sad by her passing, but I didn't really know her. I think I felt more sad for the people I saw at her funeral (my sister, the girl's family) and how sad they were. I didn't have enough interaction with her to really feel too strongly about it.

 

For the last 11 years since then, no one I've known closely or even moderately had passed away until 6 months ago when my grandma passed away. Her health had been deteriorating for months and my sister had been caring for her at our own home for a while, so we got to talk to her and see her all the time, but her mind was gone. So when my sister knocked on my bedroom door one morning and told me that she had passed away, I processed it, and said "Okay...does dad know yet?" and that was about as emotional as I got. She was 93 years old and had been wanting to go for 24.

 

I guess I just learned to accept that death is a part of life and since I haven't had anyone that I've been emotionally connected to pass away, I haven't had to express any strong emotions. Gosh, I sound like a machine now that I put it all down. I bet I look like one to those around me too when I don't react...