The new coming of a story for the gods

[Expired delta 76]

CHAPET 1 lost memory's 

 

(father)My son you must run (tom) i will not leave you (Father)son you must run there is no time to discuss this.(Tom) I cannot leave you father!!! As tom woke in a daze no one is there (tom) dad? Daddd? (next door nabber) HEY SHUT UP YOU HUMAN!!!!! This was the only memory Tom had before he had woken on this planet this planet of ponies. He was kidnaped by the princes her self she said he would be god among men.It was noon out an Tom had promised he would help silver shield with gourd duty sadly today was gourd exams each an every gourd had to take the test except Tom.

 

Chapter 2 the exams

As Tom walked on the field he saw all the ponies lined up getting ready for exams all they where all strong colts. As soon as silver shield walk forward to call the first pony a scream came out from the fields it was a pony in the  library has all the guards grabbed their equipment homework running from the bookshop to be continued.....

 

So this is the rewriten one tell me how it sounds sounds

Edited March 21, 2012 by Name62

[Gizmo 206]

nabber ->neighbor

gourd-> guard

Those 2 caught my eye quite quickly, other than that there's a lot of grammatical mistakes. The story line catches my eye, and i must say i'm quite intrigued in the "Human in Equestria" theme you've got going. Just try and be a bit more conscious of grammar and spelling, that's what Spell/grammar check was made for in MS word.

[Expired delta 76]

nabber ->neighbor

gourd-> guard

Those 2 caught my eye quite quickly, other than that there's a lot of grammatical mistakes. The story line catches my eye, and i must say i'm quite intrigued in the "Human in Equestria" theme you've got going. Just try and be a bit more conscious of grammar and spelling, that's what Spell/grammar check was made for in MS word.

 

Oh thank you Im using anew program on my iPad todo story's