Veil 260 February 4, 2016 #226 Share February 4, 2016 I made a topic on my first oc/ponysona trying to get help for it. So the only things I really need are a name, cutie mark, and to have the oc maker ruff draft get brushed up better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmberDust 1,118 February 6, 2016 Author #227 Share February 6, 2016 On 2016-01-30 at 7:49 PM, Meson Bolt said: Hey Amber! So last time we spoke, I had you review Foray. I've another character from the same series and I'd like very much for you to review her... the whole bio this time. Yeah, I know you're not much into FoE, but this bio describes her before the events of the Fallout, so I'd like you to look at her as just a normal, everyday MLP OC. Could you do that for me, please? (I know the picture is an FoE picture, but that's not the point) Without further ado, enter Minutemare! Alright. Lets do this. Reveal hidden contents Name: Minutemare has a really cool ring to it, but sounds more like a superhero alias than a given name. Appearance: Cute! Nice colour scheme, albeit a bit dark for mlp. I guess I'll hand-wave it, seeing as its not actually made for mlp canon. <_< The orange stripe in her mane looks a bit like a headband, seeing as it doesn't follow the length of her hair, but rather, the width. Perhaps it should be re-positioned to look a bit more natural. :/ The heterochromia really isn't necessary. Cutie Mark: An hourglass...I assume it has to do with her being there in the nick of time? That's just a guess, of course, but if I'm right, I think that might be a little too reliant on coincidence to be a believable cutie mark. These are supposed to represent what is special or unique about a character, but nobody really should get credit for coincidences, right? It looks as if this might be the theme of Minutemare, but I'm not sure if it really makes sense considering the implications of what a cutie mark is and how it works. Personality: Her personality is nice! Feels very much like Rainbow Dash, but with some added details that set her apart. Those details are a little bit sparse, though, so perhaps some more distinction is in order to make her really her own character. Backstory: Earth bound parents...does this mean they're Earth Ponies? Or incapable of flight? Or banished from the sky? Did they raise her at all? I'm very curious as to how this whole situation happened! Anyhoo--there's not very much I can say on this story. Its not overly dramatic, which is good. There are a few spaces left in it, such as where she lived, how she found out about there parents, how much time passed between events, etc. Other: Aah, so her parents were both Unicorns! that explains it. I wonder how Minuette became such an awful parent. ^^' I like the bit about the cat--it adds a bit of humour to an otherwise serious character. I didn't realize horses had dominant hooves. Overall: She's a good character, and really my only complaints were over little things that are easily remedied or could be left as-is if you so choose. My main suggestion is to work on her personality a bit more to make her more distinct from Rainbow Dash. Its also important to make sure her personality makes sense based on her upbringing, as the way someone acts and thinks is a direct result of their personal experiences. I feel as though her being abandoned would have a significant impact on her personality, for example. Good luck on your future story-writing~! Need help with your OC? I'd love to assist you! Just visit my help thread. It's always open, so don't be shy! ♦ My main OC ♦ Vector Commissions ♦ Ask me anything! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meson Bolt 2,648 February 6, 2016 #228 Share February 6, 2016 (edited) On 2016-02-06 at 12:40 AM, AmberDust said: Alright. Lets do this. And my sorta... follow-up? I dunno what to call this, honestly. Reveal hidden contents Name: I know the name isn't... well, the best, but this character is retconned from a previous work, and that was her name then. Not really a lot I can do about it now, but thanks for pointing that out. Appearance: Ehh, drawing manes has never really been one of my strong suits. Sorry. The heterochromia is supposed to be symbolic of her personality, sort of. I'll spoiler this because it's gonna turn into a ramble. Reveal hidden contents Her left eye -- scarred, purple (like a purple heart, an award for soldiers who get hurt), is what she uses to view the world. Her right eye -- hidden, unharmed, blue (like a calm or tranquil river), is something she hides to prevent it from getting hurt. In the same way, she views the world through the figurative "eye" of a person who's been backstabbed before, and doesn't want to be backstabbed again. She hides her kinder, gentler self away, since she doesn't trust anybody with it. (Next spoiler is an actual spoiler, if you're following the book series) Reveal hidden contents In fact, the three scars are also symbolic of the three ponies who backstabbed her -- her two parents, and her coltfriend who was caught cheating on her. Cutie Mark: It's more symbolic of her speed -- since ponies don't use clocks (...wait, yeah they do... ah well), it's more symbolic of how she "clocks in" at top speed. I guess I wasn't too clear about that, but saving ponies is a big part of her job, so I guess it counts too? Personality: Yeah, she's a Rainbow Dash-esque character, but that doesn't mean I copy-pasted the personalities. While Rainbow is overly-confident and aggressive, Minutemare tends to go over-the-top and let her emotions get a hold of her, something that Rainbow's been shown to do... once. There's a lot more to her personality that separates her from RD, but for the sake of length (and quite a few spoilers), I'mma spare ya the long speech. Other: Um, no, Volatile is an Earth Pony. XD I'm not sure if real-life horses have dominant hooves, but I'm guessing that ponies can. Just a headcanon... *shrugs* Overall: I'm glad you feel this way! I've never actually had this character critiqued before, and I thought she'd be a bit too, well... cliche. Thanks again for your kind words! Edited February 7, 2016 by Meson Bolt Your family is who you make it out to be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kronos the Revenant 1,971 February 6, 2016 #229 Share February 6, 2016 I know it's been almost a month since I've replied to this, but Amber, first of all, I'm sorry for lashing out at you. I made a reply post to it after revamping my OC and would really like your feedback on the changes and clarifications I have made on my OC's backstory. Thank you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmberDust 1,118 February 7, 2016 Author #230 Share February 7, 2016 On 2016-01-30 at 8:19 PM, El Duderino said: Can you take a look at this OC? https://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/thoroughbrew-r9014 I am happy with his personality/backstory, but appreciate any constructive criticism. However, I am not happy with his design. I have redesigned him a few times and tried several different color schemes, but I am still not happy. I settled for his current design because I didn't hate it, but I don't love it. Full critique it is, then! I won't dwell on the personality and backstory too much, though. Reveal hidden contents Name: I really like this name,. which surprises me. Generally I like to stay away from names that are hard to pronounce, but "Thoroughbrew" rolls off the tongue rather nicely! It seems strange to think that his parents would name him after alcohol, though. ^^' Appearance: So, this is where you're stuck? Honestly, I like this colour scheme. My only issue is that its a little too strong and dark. I photo-shopped it a bit to make it a bit paler, so it fits the show's style a bit better. Does this look better? Or were you looking to entirely change his look? I like the hair, by the way. Its a nice, personal style that I don't see too often. Cutie Mark: I'd usually say at this point that this somewhat "mature" theme isn't very likely to be a special talent in the world of mlp, but honestly, I think this fits comfortably withing the realm of "plausible" (especially compared to the mercenaries and heirs I've seen). I like the design of this mark. too. Not too complicated, colours look nice. Personality: The personality could use a little more meat. What you have so far is excellent, though. I'm not really certain if the alcoholism is necessary, though. Does it have a significant effect on his life? Backstory: Not sure if the Apple family actually brews Hard Apple cider...maybe just say that ponies initially preferred other companies. Other than that, maybe just specify a few things...like, did he get his cutie mark by making soda for his classmates? At what point did he actually brew alcohol? (before or after soda?) What made him want to start making drinks? I think a little more incentive would be cool, other than just wanting to taste some of his father's drinks. Overall: This is a pretty good character. I like his design, but I can appreciate how hard it is to find a colour scheme that you like for your character. In fact, I'm still on the fence about my main OC's scheme. Anyways, I'd love to see some of the other designs you've tired out. Maybe I can offer my assistance to help you get the look your going for. I've also attached that image I mentioned earlier, in case you like it enough to use it. Feel free to PM me those other drawings if you still want help. On 2016-02-04 at 7:11 AM, mrpain said: I made a topic on my first oc/ponysona trying to get help for it. So the only things I really need are a name, cutie mark, and to have the oc maker ruff draft get brushed up better. ...would you direct me to this topic? On 2016-02-06 at 1:49 AM, Kronos said: I know it's been almost a month since I've replied to this, but Amber, first of all, I'm sorry for lashing out at you. I made a reply post to it after revamping my OC and would really like your feedback on the changes and clarifications I have made on my OC's backstory. Thank you. Maybe you could PM me with the link, and we can discuss him there. 1 Need help with your OC? I'd love to assist you! Just visit my help thread. It's always open, so don't be shy! ♦ My main OC ♦ Vector Commissions ♦ Ask me anything! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El Duderino 879 February 8, 2016 #231 Share February 8, 2016 (edited) On 2016-02-07 at 8:53 PM, AmberDust said: Full critique it is, then! I won't dwell on the personality and backstory too much, though. Thanks! I'll work on adding a bit more depth to his personality. Also maybe make it more implied that he is brewing alcohol, rather than directly stating it. That way, if someone thinks it doesn't fit very well into MLP, then they can imagine he is brewing something else. I like to leave some things about my OCs up to the imagination. I also decided to lighten his coat like you did, but I kept his main how it was. I like it a lot more now. I was ok with it before, but the colors always seemed slightly off. https://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/thoroughbrew-r9014 Edited February 8, 2016 by El Duderino My ponysona/OC: https://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/treble-r8882 Check out my Soundcloud too: https://soundcloud.com/colton-paul-crawford DeviantArt: http://scottish-bastard.deviantart.com/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmberDust 1,118 February 8, 2016 Author #232 Share February 8, 2016 On 2016-02-08 at 6:17 AM, El Duderino said: Thanks! I'll work on adding a bit more depth to his personality. Also maybe make it more implied that he is brewing alcohol, rather than directly stating it. That way, if someone thinks it doesn't fit very well into MLP, then they can imagine he is brewing something else. I like to leave some things about my OCs up to the imagination. I also decided to lighten his coat like you did, but I kept his main how it was. I like it a lot more now. I was ok with it before, but the colors always seemed slightly off. https://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/thoroughbrew-r9014 Glad I could help! Regarding colours, you should lighten the outline of his coat a little bit, too, to better match the fill. Need help with your OC? I'd love to assist you! Just visit my help thread. It's always open, so don't be shy! ♦ My main OC ♦ Vector Commissions ♦ Ask me anything! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Veil 260 February 9, 2016 #233 Share February 9, 2016 @@AmberDust Here is link the page where I was working on my ponysona. https://mlpforums.com/topic/146419-need-an-oc/page-2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmberDust 1,118 February 28, 2016 Author #234 Share February 28, 2016 Feeling helpful today. Bump. 1 Need help with your OC? I'd love to assist you! Just visit my help thread. It's always open, so don't be shy! ♦ My main OC ♦ Vector Commissions ♦ Ask me anything! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flamestreak1990 1,172 February 28, 2016 #235 Share February 28, 2016 On 2016-02-28 at 6:01 PM, AmberDust said: Feeling helpful today. Bump. Hey, I was wondering if you could critique my Oc Quiet Storm. It's not very good in my opinion but it's a work in progress it's a Fallout Equestria OC so I'm not sure if could really help me, if you can then great, if you not that's alright. https://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/quiet-storm-foe-r9253 OCS: flamestreak and blue-diamond I had a bible verse here before? Geez, things have changed so much. Uhh, Trans Rights Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FullmoonDagger 200 February 28, 2016 #236 Share February 28, 2016 Hi ! Would you want to say what do you think of my OC? I really want to know what people that aren't my friends (yet) think about him. Here's a link to his roleplay thing https://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/fullmoon-dagger-r9319 And some more pics of him too, donno if it's useful http://silver-moon-tavern.deviantart.com/gallery/56892946/Fullmoon-Dagger Thanks in advance ;p DeviantArt | FurAffinity | Youtube | Twitter | Ko-Fi Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raven Rawne 1,381 March 3, 2016 #237 Share March 3, 2016 (edited) Hello, I thought that, maybe you could help me with a general critique of my crystal twins you've commented sometime earlier? They're finished now (although I still add bits and pieces here and there as I have flashes of "inspiration") and can be found here: https://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/aediculussylvanus-wip-r9369 Since I'm moving through Terra Incognita with these two, I'd rather have them checked by someone experienced before they're used anywhere... Anyways, if you'd find some time to leaf through these toons bio, I'd be very greatful! Edited March 7, 2016 by Raven Rawne Science wil reveal the Truth. Eventually... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starlet Harmony 128 March 4, 2016 #238 Share March 4, 2016 On 2014-11-13 at 7:59 PM, Psycrow said: say, i've been wanting more critique of scaredy cat for a whole now feel free to go after the entire character, from her design to back story http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/scaredy-cat-r7475 here's her character profile thank you! I love this OC! She has such a unique design! I am a big supernatural fan so I love that she is like a "ghost hunter". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
4HFan 476 March 12, 2016 #239 Share March 12, 2016 Hello AmberDust, I was wondering if you could help me with my OC. He is kinda primitive looking at the moment as you can see and he needs a bit of work. He goes by the same name as me(Damien Bolt). He is an Alicorn. And according to a test I took apparently he is best friends with Rainbow Dash. Just message me if you can help. Talk to you later, Damien Bolt. I've been gone from this world for what seems like millennia, Looking for nothing short of a miracle, I only ever wanted to come home, Please won't you let me go? When I have nowhere left I can run away, Will you lie to me, tell me I'll be okay? Close my eyes and lay me in my tomb. Then pull the trigger and send me home. - Crown The Empire - Millenia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dynamo Pad 11,503 March 28, 2016 #240 Share March 28, 2016 Hey, I was wondering if you could critique my oc, Dynamo Pad. I was also wondering you could help me out with his backstory, if that's okay. https://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/dynamo-pad-r9001 My OC: Dynamo Pad: https://mlpforums.com/roleplay-world/roleplay-characters-sheets/original-characters/dynamo-pad-r44/ Signature made by The Wife of Rengoku Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melted Dog 161 April 3, 2016 #241 Share April 3, 2016 Can you please look at Bramble Twist (in my signature?) Also can you PM me, I'm not too sure 'bout this whole thing. Sleepy Hollow | Bramble Twist - My art request shop (BYO Dog) | My art stream! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kimi Vulpine 219 April 24, 2016 #242 Share April 24, 2016 Can you critique my OC? I'm pretty new at creating characters in general, and an amateur at writing, so i'm sure there'll be stuff that you can help me with I'd like opinions on her overall, and maybe you can give me tips in the fox pony lore? I'm not too worried with show accuracy, but you can critique that as well, seeing that you like doing it I just hope I don't suck too much, hehe. Character page: https://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/kimi-vulpine-r9468 My OCs: Kimi Vulpine / Bluebell ------------------- Ask Kimi Anything! ------------------- Praise the Lord Comic Sans! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmberDust 1,118 August 7, 2016 Author #243 Share August 7, 2016 Wow, I let some request pile up, it seems. ^^' Do any of you still need/want my help? 1 Need help with your OC? I'd love to assist you! Just visit my help thread. It's always open, so don't be shy! ♦ My main OC ♦ Vector Commissions ♦ Ask me anything! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raven Rawne 1,381 August 12, 2016 #244 Share August 12, 2016 Hey Amber, if you could find some time, I'd be greatful if you looked up my, hopefully improved, crystal pony OC. I decided that RP-ing twins could be a wee bit too much for me for a start, so I cut some corners and built anew a more solid, single character. ...Or so I hope. Her name is Crystal Clear and she's supposed to be canon-compatible, even if I took the liberty of some worldbuilding with a racial ability I devised. Aside from personality, it's my main concern whether one can pull that off or it's frowned upon. So, without further ado, I present the link to her page: https://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/crystal-clear-r9369 Science wil reveal the Truth. Eventually... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunlessskies 0 August 16, 2016 #245 Share August 16, 2016 Uum, can you help, please? My oc here:http://i-am-ayla-cat.deviantart.com/gallery/59649206/Sunless Quick backstory: As a filly she lost her family. There were a few years between losing her parents and her sister(I have been judged for this part of the backstory, so not art). She was born with no magic, while her sister(who is/was a pegasus) had more magic than she could control. In order for Sunless to live, her sister had to die. This left a mark upon Sunless. This mark cam in the form of shadow wings, and uncontrollable magic. She generally can't use her magic, and is quite weak compared to others her age. She is good at singing and art, but has no cutie mark yet. She generally takes everything she is told seriously, which as drastically lowered her self esteem. That's all I have, but I am working on the full story. Are there any modifications needed? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Choros Isorropai 409 August 18, 2016 #246 Share August 18, 2016 On 2016-08-07 at 2:36 AM, AmberDust said: Wow, I let some request pile up, it seems. ^^' Do any of you still need/want my help? I could use your help, I posted in another thread created by Bright Ink...I really with I knew how to post links.. My OC needs some work... I want to fit in with canon, and I'm not sure how "close" I got it... its complicated. name : Choros Isorropai = dancing equilibrium (greek, cuz it sounds cool) basically I want to "bring" a pre-existing idea of a character into the mlp world... the color scheme is good, the cutie mark set in stone... and I think I can explain "how" he got here... (actual back story is years of fantasy) OC: https://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/choros-isorropai-r9669 Blog: https://mlpforums.com/blog/3158-poetry-simply-that/ The unasked questions are what bother me, not the answers. The answers give me clarity. Silence is in its self an answer, so ask! To not ask is to deny the existence of said question, and leaves you with just "what if". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmberDust 1,118 August 26, 2016 Author #247 Share August 26, 2016 On 2016-08-12 at 10:29 PM, Raven Rawne said: Hey Amber, if you could find some time, I'd be greatful if you looked up my, hopefully improved, crystal pony OC. I decided that RP-ing twins could be a wee bit too much for me for a start, so I cut some corners and built anew a more solid, single character. ...Or so I hope. Her name is Crystal Clear and she's supposed to be canon-compatible, even if I took the liberty of some worldbuilding with a racial ability I devised. Aside from personality, it's my main concern whether one can pull that off or it's frowned upon. So, without further ado, I present the link to her page: https://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/crystal-clear-r9369 Ah, Crystal Clear! I like her name*, design, and personality, but since we aren't here for those, I'll save my breath and just say "Well done" to all that. Our main concern lies elsewhere... Reveal hidden contents First thing's first--when it comes to an RP pony's abilities, it's all up to the Game Master! I personally don't see crystal mending ever being a problem in-game. It's a fairly minor trick, and won't give your character any inherent advantage/disadvantage over other players, so there's really no issue with it in that sense...I think any GM would allow it, which is good. In terms of lore, however, I'm not really sure. See, Crystal Ponies can be Unicorns, Pegasi, or Earth Ponies, so it seems a little odd that they would have Crystal Pony powers on top of their pre-established racial powers. The easy fix would be to make Crystal Clear into a Unicorn and have her mend crystals with magic, but I assume that would defeat the purpose of what you're trying to accomplish, which is to make a special power for Crystal Ponies alone to have. Right? I really don't know. I like the idea that a Crystal Pony has some different abilities from it's non-crystal equivalent, but we know from the show that any pony can become a Crystal Pony simply by being exposed to the Crystal Heart, so it's not really a "race" at all so much as a temporary condition....hmm... I have to say you've stumped me! This is an idea I like, but have a hard time picturing it nonetheless. For now, I say you should stick with it. Its a cool idea that isn't too much or too little, and really I think I'm the only person who would have a problem with it. *although her school nickname seems a little too far from her original one to have been thought up by fillies On 2016-02-28 at 6:38 PM, Fierybutt1990 said: Hey, I was wondering if you could critique my Oc Quiet Storm. It's not very good in my opinion but it's a work in progress it's a Fallout Equestria OC so I'm not sure if could really help me, if you can then great, if you not that's alright. https://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/quiet-storm-foe-r9253 I don't know an awful lot about FoE, and I usually judge a character based on how they fit in the canonical world, so bear with me. ^^' Reveal hidden contents Name: Good! Simple and effective, and rolls nicely enough. I feel as though ponies would just call him "Storm", though, since adjectives are strange for names. This name would be better for a Pegasus, though, since it's weather-themed. An Earth Pony equivalent could be Quiet Quake? It's not a huge issue though. Cutie Mark: A winged human foot? I don't know if that makes much sense, especially considering Quiet Storm doesn't have wings. Perhaps there's a better symbol you can use to represent athleticism/endurance? Maybe a diamond, or a hammer? Design: Good. A little brash for my tastes, but I think the dark grey and bright orange suit the FoE environment, even if they wouldn't suit Equestria. The mane's design is good, although drawing it yourself rather than using PonyMaker would allow you to personalize it a bit more. Try it! Personality: Make sure his personality isn't too contradictory. "Cold", "stoic", and "dejected" work well together, but they make "caring" and "affectionate" hard to believe. "Emotionless", too, is hard to place among the others. I assume a lot of these traits are situational, so it would help if you explained said situations. As in, he's cold towards his enemies, he's emotionless in the face of danger, he's affectionate towards young ponies, he's stoic about certain subjects, etc. Those are just examples, of course. Giving reasons/situations to all these contrasting traits really help enrich your character. Backstory: I really should just ignore this, since I know I wont understand it in context, buuut backstory is crucial to the development of personality, so I'm reading it anyways... Well. That is very, very heavy stuff there. I don't know the context of FoE, but I think you could afford to tone it down a bit. This is trauma on top of trauma. The most important thing, though, is that his backstory realistically formed the personality, and I say you managed that fairly well. Judging by his past, he seems like he'd be a very resentful, protected character. Other: Again, I don't know much about FoE, but I don't see how an Earth Pony could wield a bow/arrows. It requires a certain amount of dexterity that can't really be accomplished with hooves. A unicorn could manage with magic, but I think there are better weapons out there for an Earth Pony. A scimitar or Gladius, perhaps? Overall: This character could use a few minor tweaks, but I don't see any big issues with him. What will you be using this character for? Roleplay? Or a story? 4 Need help with your OC? I'd love to assist you! Just visit my help thread. It's always open, so don't be shy! ♦ My main OC ♦ Vector Commissions ♦ Ask me anything! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raven Rawne 1,381 August 26, 2016 #248 Share August 26, 2016 (edited) Thanks for the review! I had a feeling I overdid that nickname, yeah... While I think the Crystal Ponies are a separate race (they have different eyes, their coats and manes look a bit like made of polished stone, all natives except some guards are Earth ponies), perhaps because of their prolonged exposure to the Crystal Heart's magic (the same magic that "crystallizes" ponies for some time when it bursts with energy), I think you're right that it would not be safe to impose racial abilities on them. Maybe one day we'll know how crystal structures are made, and I'll follow the canon idea. I came up with a new idea for a more lore-friendly occupation, but I guess I need to educate myself about it more thoroughtly before I re-write her bio. The basic idea would be to give her a new CM based on a more generalised personality quirk (maybe something along the lines of "seeing the bigger picture in things"), so that she would be less of a one trick pony, and then let her pursue a career in falconry. I think I'll write it as a traditional method of pest control (scaring away pidgeons from the city and culling rodents in the farms), small game hunting (leather and furs would be in demand here in the Frozen North, 1000 years ago) and in more extreme cases, predator culling (you can train an eagle to take out a wolf IRL), now nearly extinct in Equestria proper in favour of other methods. But, since the Empire was not around for a long time, it's economy and society would be rather antiquated upon re-emergence. So there would be 4 falconers in the city, making a pseudo guild meaning they know eachother, spend time together, help eachother when their birds get sick and so on and so forth. It also means that she doesn't have to take her bird everywhere, since a friend can take care of it when she's on a trip. There would be an old stallion, acting as a mentor and flying the biggest bird (Golden Eagle), two other falconers with a Great Horned owl and a Peregrine falcon, and my OC would have a Gyrfalcon. That way each has a bird suitable for different tasks and won't compete for work. So how does it sound? Legit, not really, totally insane? Edited August 26, 2016 by Raven Rawne Science wil reveal the Truth. Eventually... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmberDust 1,118 August 28, 2016 Author #249 Share August 28, 2016 On 2016-08-16 at 12:36 PM, sunlessskies said: Uum, can you help, please? My oc here:http://i-am-ayla-cat.deviantart.com/gallery/59649206/Sunless Quick backstory: As a filly she lost her family. There were a few years between losing her parents and her sister(I have been judged for this part of the backstory, so not art). She was born with no magic, while her sister(who is/was a pegasus) had more magic than she could control. In order for Sunless to live, her sister had to die. This left a mark upon Sunless. This mark cam in the form of shadow wings, and uncontrollable magic. She generally can't use her magic, and is quite weak compared to others her age. She is good at singing and art, but has no cutie mark yet. She generally takes everything she is told seriously, which as drastically lowered her self esteem. That's all I have, but I am working on the full story. Are there any modifications needed? This is a very dramatic and sad story, so I can see why this might cause some problems. :/ I think the main issue you have here is that Sunless doesn't feel like an mlp character. Her story is much too sad, and her powers really don't make sense with the lore of the show. She doesn't seem like she would fit in Equestria, so I'm having a hard time taking her seriously as a character. What do you intend to use Sunless for? In roleplays, some GMs might take issue with her. If she's the main character of a fanfic, however, the issues are entirely different. To me, the most important aspect of a character is their personality, not their backstory, not their design, but WHO they are. I could help you with Sunless, but to start she needs an actual personality beyond just the accumulated tragedies of her past. If you'd like, you can PM me, and we can work on her together? On 2016-08-18 at 4:14 AM, Choros Isorropai said: I could use your help, I posted in another thread created by Bright Ink...I really with I knew how to post links.. My OC needs some work... I want to fit in with canon, and I'm not sure how "close" I got it... its complicated. name : Choros Isorropai = dancing equilibrium (greek, cuz it sounds cool) basically I want to "bring" a pre-existing idea of a character into the mlp world... the color scheme is good, the cutie mark set in stone... and I think I can explain "how" he got here... (actual back story is years of fantasy) An alicorn, eh? Alright, right off the bat, a little warning: I'm sure you already know this, but alicorn characters are generally frowned upon in Roleplays due to how powerful they are, and in terms of sticking to canon, they usually don't fit in at all--remember, alicorns are the equivalent of deities in the mlp world. There really shouldn't be any more than there already are in the show itself. Anyways, I agree that this OC needs work. What you have so far for the personality is minimal, but good. The backstory is where it really gets sticky, though. It's very vague, but I can tell by this vagueness that you're trying to fit more into this character's past than one character should be allowed. ^^' I recommend you cut this character's ties from other worlds and keep them simply as an mlp character, if you really do want to keep him as canonical as possible. No DM is going to want to read "years of fantasy" before accepting a a character into their game, after all. A good question to ask would be this: What do you want to do with this character? If you'd like, I can help you develop him more via PM, but as he is now, I really don't know enough about him to point you in any specific direction. I realize this character is probably rather clear to you in your head, but from the outside, I honestly haven't any clue who he is, where he came from, why he's an Alicorn, etc. On 2016-08-26 at 6:36 AM, Raven Rawne said: Thanks for the review! I had a feeling I overdid that nickname, yeah... While I think the Crystal Ponies are a separate race (they have different eyes, their coats and manes look a bit like made of polished stone, all natives except some guards are Earth ponies), perhaps because of their prolonged exposure to the Crystal Heart's magic (the same magic that "crystallizes" ponies for some time when it bursts with energy), I think you're right that it would not be safe to impose racial abilities on them. Maybe one day we'll know how crystal structures are made, and I'll follow the canon idea. I came up with a new idea for a more lore-friendly occupation, but I guess I need to educate myself about it more thoroughtly before I re-write her bio. The basic idea would be to give her a new CM based on a more generalised personality quirk (maybe something along the lines of "seeing the bigger picture in things"), so that she would be less of a one trick pony, and then let her pursue a career in falconry. I think I'll write it as a traditional method of pest control (scaring away pidgeons from the city and culling rodents in the farms), small game hunting (leather and furs would be in demand here in the Frozen North, 1000 years ago) and in more extreme cases, predator culling (you can train an eagle to take out a wolf IRL), now nearly extinct in Equestria proper in favour of other methods. But, since the Empire was not around for a long time, it's economy and society would be rather antiquated upon re-emergence. So there would be 4 falconers in the city, making a pseudo guild meaning they know eachother, spend time together, help eachother when their birds get sick and so on and so forth. It also means that she doesn't have to take her bird everywhere, since a friend can take care of it when she's on a trip. There would be an old stallion, acting as a mentor and flying the biggest bird (Golden Eagle), two other falconers with a Great Horned owl and a Peregrine falcon, and my OC would have a Gyrfalcon. That way each has a bird suitable for different tasks and won't compete for work. So how does it sound? Legit, not really, totally insane? This is definitely very different from your initial idea. I'm not sure if hunting/falconry is really a thing in Equestria. That's really all i can think to say on the subject. 1 Need help with your OC? I'd love to assist you! Just visit my help thread. It's always open, so don't be shy! ♦ My main OC ♦ Vector Commissions ♦ Ask me anything! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raven Rawne 1,381 August 29, 2016 #250 Share August 29, 2016 I guess I tried a wee bit too hard with coming up with something awesome when I stumbled upon falconry. I blame spending a couple of hours reading medieval occupation descriptions... Anyways, I snapped out of it and actually adressed the issues you presented in order to improve on my original idea. So, instead of relying on her special ability, be it individual or racial in nature, I devised a "formula" - an alchemical potion which hastens microscopic crystal growth, thus allowing the seamless joint of crystal pieces. The recipe would be a secret of the trade, passed on to the new generations of tradesponies as they gain mastery of their craft. So... what do you think? Here is her updated profile: https://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/crystal-clear-r9369 I still need to do some work on that awful picture though... 1 Science wil reveal the Truth. Eventually... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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