AmberDust 1,118 April 22, 2015 Author #101 Share April 22, 2015 On 2015-04-19 at 4:40 AM, Blue Moon said: Could you take a look at my OC, Autumn? Her profile link can be found below and in my signature. Thanks! Autumn's profile. This one's quick, so I'll post it next: Reveal hidden contents Honestly, I can't think of any legitimate complaints about this pony other than, maybe, her name. Her personality feels very real to me, and very relatable. Her backstory also seems very real, and her design is very cute and fitting of her character. The cutie mark seems a bit vague, aesthetically, as it doesn't actually represent her talent in a very symbolic way, but is still rather suitable. She's interesting without going overboard. Overall, I really like this character. You ought to submit her to EQE if you haven't already. On another note, did you actually need any specific help or advice with this character? Or did you just want a review? This isn't really the thread for that. 2 Need help with your OC? I'd love to assist you! Just visit my help thread. It's always open, so don't be shy! ♦ My main OC ♦ Vector Commissions ♦ Ask me anything! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Moon 6,342 April 22, 2015 #102 Share April 22, 2015 On 2015-04-22 at 5:22 PM, AmberDust said: This one's quick, so I'll post it next: Reveal hidden contents Honestly, I can't think of any legitimate complaints about this pony other than, maybe, her name. Her personality feels very real to me, and very relatable. Her backstory also seems very real, and her design is very cute and fitting of her character. The cutie mark seems a bit vague, aesthetically, as it doesn't actually represent her talent in a very symbolic way, but is still rather suitable. She's interesting without going overboard. Overall, I really like this character. You ought to submit her to EQE if you haven't already. On another note, did you actually need any specific help or advice with this character? Or did you just want a review? This isn't really the thread for that. Well, I wasn't really sure if I needed any help. I've yet to get any feedback on her, other than the design, so I wanted to see if you had any suggestions regarding her other aspects, which I've never got feedback for. But if you don't have any, I guess that means I did alright. Thanks! Autumn Blue Moon Clear Skies Summer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
♞RedLotus♞ 360 April 25, 2015 #103 Share April 25, 2015 On 2015-04-22 at 5:08 PM, AmberDust said: Alright, you're up first, since you specified what you needed help with. Reveal hidden contents Overall, I'd say I rather like his personality! However, there are some inconsistencies, especially when you take into account his backstory. I'm sure some of it it could be fixed by simply being explained and expanded upon. Obsessive compulsive - macabre - high energy - mysterious - charismatic -playful - sarcastic - witty - sensitive - cool headed - unafraid - narcissistic - impatient - funny - childish - helpful - rebellious - gothic You describe him as a lot of things. First, as a cool-headed, mysterious pony who speaks calmly and doesn't show his emotion, and it gives him the image of a sort of charismatic trickster. Later, as more of a passionate and assertive extrovert who likes having fun and pushing people's buttons. Later still, you add that he's rather sensitive emotionally, and gets upset when things aren't in order. It's not exactly contradictory, but I'm having a hard time really placing him, as his personality traits don't quite fit each other. I think the main part that gets me is when you said that he likes to be mysterious, but doesn't like it when others are. Why is that? Is his mysteriousness just a cover to impress or intimidate? If he's level-headed, calm, and playful, why doesn't he have the patience for mysterious ponies? Why do ponies think he's mysterious, anyways, if he's such an extrovert? Stuff like that comes to mind. I guess I'm saying that it's hard to tell which of these traits is the strongest in him. I mean, if somepony messes up his house, will he act calm about it, or will be get visibly disgusted? Which are his instinctive traits, and which are more of a cover? How does he act among others compared to when he's alone? Also, it's hard to determine where these traits might have come from based on his backstory. It's seems a little disconnected... I'm gonna be honest-- I'm no fan of characters who were raised by animals in the woods. It's inconsistent with canon and is rarely ever explained...but that's just my opinion. The thing that could be a problem is that his personality contains no indication of him having been feral for a good part of his life. It's kind of hard to imagine how a pony raised by lions in the wild eventually became a neat-freak who does séances in his basement. Also, you didn't offer any explanation as to why he ran away from home...twice. :/ In my opinion, the whole part about lions can be deleted from his backstory without any loss to his character. I much prefer the idea that he was raised from birth in a village of witchdoctor Zebras, and it seems more consistent and relevant to his personality and talent. I really love the idea of him learning Zebra necromancy magic, and I think that should be enough to make him an unique and fun character--no need for lions. Thank you for the advice! After thinking for a bit, I managed to make some changes! Would you mind reviewing it again? I just wan't to fix any rough edges and make it as interesting and unique as possible. I changed his personality a bit, along with his back story. Thank you! Check out my OC Ocelot at: http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/ocelot-r3834 ~Im always looking talented artists across the forums~ *Sig by Kyoshi* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmberDust 1,118 April 26, 2015 Author #104 Share April 26, 2015 On 2015-04-22 at 4:24 PM, EquestrianScholar said: @@AmberDust, Yes, I am always up for improving my characters, though it the case of Mythos I am considering a redesign of appearance a bit. Golden Dawn could also perhaps use some love, since I have done little to expand or improve him since I first created. If you prefer though we can focus on just one of my OCs. I'll start with Mythos. I found a lot of profiles for him, but I assume you wanted me to do this one, right? Reveal hidden contents I like his name, appearance, and his cutie mark. They all feel very fitting of the mlp setting and of his personality. Was there something in particular you didn't like about his appearance? Because I think it's rather nice. His personality feels very suitable to his cutie mark. He'll do what he can to get a good story, even if he has to be a little manipulative, right? And I assume he's also rather traditional in his gentlemanly ways, seeing as he feels the need to be protective of mares. This sort of clashes with his manipulative ways, but it makes for good contrast in his character. His backstory is nice, too. I like how he sort of inherited his talent from his mother, and I also like how he was the type of filly to continuously try new things to see if they earned him a cutie mark. However, the end of his backstory seems a little contrary. Looking at his personality, I can't imagine why Mythos wouldn't divulge his feelings to Stardream. Also, I can't see how his talent could be used maliciously to help ponies up the social ladder...or how he ever agreed to it. Although it adds a little drama to his otherwise pleasant life, it just seems a little bit out of place. Need help with your OC? I'd love to assist you! Just visit my help thread. It's always open, so don't be shy! ♦ My main OC ♦ Vector Commissions ♦ Ask me anything! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GreyScholar 1,584 April 26, 2015 #105 Share April 26, 2015 (edited) @@AmberDust,Actually, it is this one. The same one found on my signature as with all my other characters, I added them there so the character bios were easy to find. I would suggest taking a look and double checking information. Reveal hidden contents Moving on, the reason I have consider changing his appearance is because of the criticism of another who say Mythos was too grey scale he was. I admit though like his color pallet myself though I can also see their point. Really, I would be happy with perhaps a new hair and mane style. On personality, you're pretty much spot on and I understand the bit of conflict found in his personality. For the other part, I have consider changing the end part of the backstory like I did for Stardream. She is actually the most up to date of my characters, the first and only that has met with revision from the original draft. So I ask, perhaps looking at Stardream's character backstory for comparison, how would you suggest revising Mythos' backstory? Edited April 26, 2015 by EquestrianScholar Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmberDust 1,118 April 26, 2015 Author #106 Share April 26, 2015 On 2015-04-26 at 2:33 PM, EquestrianScholar said: @@AmberDust, Actually, it is this one. The same one found on my signature as with all my other characters, I added them there so the character bios were easy to find. I would suggest taking a look and double checking information. Reveal hidden contents Moving on, the reason I have consider changing his appearance is because of the criticism of another who say Mythos was too grey scale he was. I admit though like his color pallet myself though I can also see their point. Really, I would be happy with perhaps a new hair and mane style. On personality, you're pretty much spot on and I understand the bit of conflict found in his personality. For the other part, I have consider changing the end part of the backstory like I did for Stardream. She is actually the most up to date of my characters, the first and only that has met with revision from the original draft. So I ask, perhaps looking at Stardream's character backstory for comparison, how would you suggest revising Mythos' backstory? Oh, jeez. -_- Sorry.I work mainly from mobile, which doesn't display signatures. Need help with your OC? I'd love to assist you! Just visit my help thread. It's always open, so don't be shy! ♦ My main OC ♦ Vector Commissions ♦ Ask me anything! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aoEAF2FBvC0MIo2Q 3,673 April 26, 2015 #107 Share April 26, 2015 How about my OC Snow Perch? He's an important character in a fan fic I'm writing so the part of it fitting into canon and being believable would be something important. Appearance: Reveal hidden contents He lives alone in a cabin in the forest between Tall Tale and Smokey Mountain (map). On certain days he works as a tour guide for the forest and he'll help a lost pony find their way back should he find one. As for his hobbies, he likes to wander around the forest but something that really relaxes him is taking a small boat on a lake in the forest and feed fishes. As for his backstory, he used to live in Tall Tale himself. His cutie mark is two fishes swimming in opposite directions and in between them at the surface is water rippling. For some time Snow Perch worked at an aquarium as someone who takes care of the animals but ultimately he found city life to be too chaotic. He would spend his off days in the forest and he really grew to like it there, eventually deciding that he wanted to live there and abandon the city life. --- So how do you feel about his character overall? Is there anything off or anything you would say that is missing? Does this explanation perhaps leave certain questions unanswered? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GreyScholar 1,584 April 26, 2015 #108 Share April 26, 2015 @@AmberDust, Well in that case here is a link to Stardream as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tao 8,259 April 26, 2015 #109 Share April 26, 2015 Hi Amber! I was hoping you might help me with two of my ocs: Sallie Cinnamon Apple and Rune a bit if you got the time hon? Sallie: http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/sallie-cinnamon-apple-r7940 Rune: http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/rune-r7519 I'm having a bit of a hard time in "wording" their backstory... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmberDust 1,118 April 26, 2015 Author #110 Share April 26, 2015 On 2015-04-26 at 6:14 PM, EquestrianScholar said: @@AmberDust, Well in that case here is a link to Stardream as well. Alrighty then: Mythos Grey partial redo. Reveal hidden contents I think you should stand by your design for him. His colour palette and style look really nice, and fit in with the canon characters nicely. As for his mane and tail, I think they're very suitable for his personality. The long tale indicates a sort of elegance, where the upturned mane makes him look playful and energetic. As for the new backstory...you want me to use the one from Stardream's profile as comparison, right? As far as I can tell, it doesn't really add much context that changes my opinion. I won't repeat what I said earlier on the matter, but I will add that it might be good to consider what might have been if Mythos listened to her. On 2015-04-21 at 2:27 PM, Arctic Sunbeam said: Reveal hidden contents Hey, I needed a little help, mostly on the cutie mark of my OC She is a unicorn, living in Ponyville (on the outskirts, near the forest), and her name is Arctic Sunbeam. I can't post a picture as I've only just joined, but she has an ice/sky blue body, with a mane that has stripes of pink and yellow (soft tones of pink and yellow, like when you look at the sunset). She hasn't found her special talent as she doesn't think very much of herself, but she's very friendly and likeable, but also likes her alone time too. She adores animals, exotic or normal, and she loves reading but is terrified of getting a book as a cutie mark. She likes to ski but doesn't get the opportunity to go very often, and that's pretty much all I can think of her! Any help would be greatly appreciated, if I can't find the right cutie mark I may just have to make her a blank flank (maybe she had a bad case of cutie pox as a filly?) Thankyou anyway! Here you go: Reveal hidden contents Are you able to share pictures now? Anyways, I would definitely suggest that you do NOT make her a blank flank. In fact, I suggest you change your backstory so that she earned her cutie mark when she was young, like all other ponies do. Remember, this character is still in development. You don't need to make excuses for your current lack of ideas. Just be patient and keep thinking. You'll come up with something. I suggest you try developing her personality and backstory a little more, and it'll become easier to think up a cutie mark. Don't set anything in stone right off the bat, and let the ideas flow. Also, Remember: a cutie mark doesn't necessarily represent a talent. It represents whatever makes this pony different from others. This can be a personality trait, a talent/skill, their destiny, or a bit of magic they may be capable of. (think of Rarity's mark. It refers to her gem-finding spell.) ALSO, a cutie mark doesn't have to be literal. Symbolic cutie marks exist, too. (see my Oc: Amber Dust) You didn't really give me enough info on her for me to give you any specific cutie mark suggestions other than the obvious. ^^' So that's all I can really help you with at the moment. 1 Need help with your OC? I'd love to assist you! Just visit my help thread. It's always open, so don't be shy! ♦ My main OC ♦ Vector Commissions ♦ Ask me anything! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Mist 151 April 27, 2015 #111 Share April 27, 2015 Sent you my OC in a message. Sig by Destiny . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Inax 92 April 27, 2015 #112 Share April 27, 2015 (edited) Hmm, well, Naxy pony link is down there. I'd loved to be cricketed by you o3o Yes, cricketed :3 Will give a huggle snuggle in return<3 I V Edited April 27, 2015 by Inax ~Be yourself<3 Le awesome tunes 8| <3~ Reveal hidden contents Me o3o: http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/inax-neo-real-r8172 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fia94 374 April 28, 2015 #113 Share April 28, 2015 On 2015-04-26 at 8:40 PM, AmberDust said: Reveal hidden contents Are you able to share pictures now? Anyways, I would definitely suggest that you do NOT make her a blank flank. In fact, I suggest you change your backstory so that she earned her cutie mark when she was young, like all other ponies do. Remember, this character is still in development. You don't need to make excuses for your current lack of ideas. Just be patient and keep thinking. You'll come up with something. I suggest you try developing her personality and backstory a little more, and it'll become easier to think up a cutie mark. Don't set anything in stone right off the bat, and let the ideas flow. Also, Remember: a cutie mark doesn't necessarily represent a talent. It represents whatever makes this pony different from others. This can be a personality trait, a talent/skill, their destiny, or a bit of magic they may be capable of. (think of Rarity's mark. It refers to her gem-finding spell.) ALSO, a cutie mark doesn't have to be literal. Symbolic cutie marks exist, too. (see my Oc: Amber Dust) You didn't really give me enough info on her for me to give you any specific cutie mark suggestions other than the obvious. ^^' So that's all I can really help you with at the moment. That was really good advice, thankyou I'm definately giving more thought as to her cutie mark I can upload pictures, I'll include one of Arctic on this post Well I was thinking of her cutie mark having something to do with either winter/cold or animals, as she loves both.. Maybe a cutie mark that somehow combines the two? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmberDust 1,118 April 28, 2015 Author #114 Share April 28, 2015 On 2015-04-28 at 8:03 AM, Arctic Sunbeam said: That was really good advice, thankyou I'm definately giving more thought as to her cutie mark I can upload pictures, I'll include one of Arctic on this post Well I was thinking of her cutie mark having something to do with either winter/cold or animals, as she loves both.. Maybe a cutie mark that somehow combines the two? Her name kind of sounds like somepony who'd be on the weather team. Maybe she could be somepony who helps the animals prepare for winter, and then wakes them up during Winter Wrap-up? Her cutie mark could be a nest with eggs or the sun over snow. :/ On 2015-04-22 at 5:21 PM, Yoshi89 said: @@AmberDust, When you have time, I need help with characterization of two of my OC's in a fan-fic I'm writing. It's the first time I'm writing about them but I'll link both of them here. I just hope when it's finished, I don't make them too OOC for the show or unrealistic. The fan-fic stars Brownie Chip and Sundae Shake. Basically I'm having them meet the Cutie Mark Crusaders and they tell them something they've done before. It turns out Brownie and Sundae were lying but when the CMC realize why, they forgive them. When I'm finished the the fan-fic, I'll let you know. Characterization, eh? So I guess that means you need help with their personalities and, possibly, their backstories?Time to give them a read... Reveal hidden contents The "personality" sections are rather short on both of them (although some of the girl's personality spills into her "backstory" section. In terms of personality, I can't actually give you any ideas, but I can give you suggestions on how to do it yourself. In order to fully develop their personalities, you need to think up of some situations to put them in, then figure out how they'd react. Its always good to take into account the influences they grew up with (backstories). It's not quite enough to know the general "short tempered" or "crybaby". We need to know the reasons, and what goes on in their heads. Anyways, here are some situations to consider in order to further develop each of their personalities in a deeper and more fleshed-out way: how do they (each individually) act among their friends? Among adults? Among enemies? If they fight, what about? What do they have in common? How do each of them feel about themselves and each other? Are they optimists? Pessimists? Realists? I think a good twin relationship to consider is that of Dipper and Mabel Pines. I'm not saying you should copy their personalities, but consider the way the two of them play off of each other's strengths and weaknesses. Their personalities make it obvious that they're twins, that they grew up together and that they know each other very well. They care about each other and are protective of each other, but they still squabble and act differently when they're with each other than they do when they're with others. Basically, their individual personalities need to be full and complete on their own, but they still need to fit into each other. ^^' Good luck! I hope I was helpful. On 2015-04-26 at 5:23 PM, SunBurn said: How about my OC Snow Perch? He's an important character in a fan fic I'm writing so the part of it fitting into canon and being believable would be something important. Appearance: Reveal hidden contents He lives alone in a cabin in the forest between Tall Tale and Smokey Mountain (map). On certain days he works as a tour guide for the forest and he'll help a lost pony find their way back should he find one. As for his hobbies, he likes to wander around the forest but something that really relaxes him is taking a small boat on a lake in the forest and feed fishes. As for his backstory, he used to live in Tall Tale himself. His cutie mark is two fishes swimming in opposite directions and in between them at the surface is water rippling. For some time Snow Perch worked at an aquarium as someone who takes care of the animals but ultimately he found city life to be too chaotic. He would spend his off days in the forest and he really grew to like it there, eventually deciding that he wanted to live there and abandon the city life. --- So how do you feel about his character overall? Is there anything off or anything you would say that is missing? Does this explanation perhaps leave certain questions unanswered? It's hard to say whether or not his character is "realistic" seein as you didn't really give me any insight into his personality. What you've provided for me so far is suitable, but it feels incomplete. 3 Need help with your OC? I'd love to assist you! Just visit my help thread. It's always open, so don't be shy! ♦ My main OC ♦ Vector Commissions ♦ Ask me anything! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom Snyder 4,112 April 28, 2015 #115 Share April 28, 2015 (edited) @@AmberDust, Could i ask you to help with Flynn Heat? Here's the profile: http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/flynn-heat-r8082 When you can that is. Edited April 28, 2015 by Candy Star //// My persona and OC: Candy Star //// Ask me anything: Ask Candy Star //// My Music //// //// My DA: (OC requests available) //// Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
10InTheTardis 509 April 29, 2015 #116 Share April 29, 2015 On 2014-11-13 at 2:17 AM, AmberDust said: EDIT -------------------- If you don't want me to critique your OC publicly, write in your comment that you want me to reply in the form of a PM. Or, if you don't want anypony else to have access to your OC's info, simply write a comment saying that you PMed me. This way, the thread will stay alive but you can keep your privacy. And don't forget to vote and comment on my OC's colour scheme! I'd really appreciate it. Oh, also, I'll be critiquing your OC's under the assumption that you want them to be able to fit into the realm of canon. So, basically, I'll assume they're an mlp fim OC, and not, say, a Resisdent Evil OC in the shape of a pony. Make sense? Okay, read on. -------------------- Hello everypony. I'm offering to help you with the creation of your OCs if you could help me with mine! (Don't worry, it's just a poll! Please keep reading!) I can help you with names, personalities, back stories (maybe), design, and cutie marks. Whatever you need. Now, here's where I need your help. I'm in the process of making an FC, but before I can roleplay I need to figure out one thing that's been on my mind for a long time now--something I'm really no good at. Her colour scheme! I have everything else figured out already. I made a poll: http://mlpforums.com/topic/114246-colours-help-me-decide/#entry3250514 I'd really really appreciate it if somepony could help me decide--I've been asking around to no avail...I'm still really unsure of myself. That link will show you everything you need no know about Amber Dust and more. Please help--I'm really uncertain. (That's all been changed. go here instead.) Then you can feel free to post your OCs and whatever you need help with. Thank you! And I hope i can help. Well, I still haven't thought up a cutie mark for my first OC/ponysona (Basically a semi-accurate version of myself) Name: Well, I haven't thought of one for sure, but what I have so far is my first name and then a horsey pun on my last name. Personality: (I'm always terrible with these) Funny, Bad with awkward situations (especially with strangers or romantic situations), helpful, can range from really quiet to somewhat talkative depending on his mood, not easy to anger, cares a lot about what other ponies think. Other: has kind of a lucky bad luck thing, as in, something will usually go wrong when he does something, but he usually saves it at the last second. If you need anything else, feel free to let me know. Hello! Gabe Newell here! Signature removed, too confusing for new members. Thanks, and have fun. GabeN Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
orphaned account 17 April 29, 2015 #117 Share April 29, 2015 Um, are you still helping? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aoEAF2FBvC0MIo2Q 3,673 April 29, 2015 #118 Share April 29, 2015 On 2015-04-28 at 11:31 PM, AmberDust said: It's hard to say whether or not his character is "realistic" seein as you didn't really give me any insight into his personality. What you've provided for me so far is suitable, but it feels incomplete. Eesh, yeah, the personality part slipped my mind. I'll get to that now. Here's what I have so far. Snow Perch tends to have a relaxed character most of the time. He can be very sociable, showing himself to be attuned and attentive but it can drain him pretty quickly depending on who he interacts with. The number of ponies he interact with can also affect how social situations drain him. Ponies who themselves are attuned and attentive tend to be the least tiresome while those who tend to be insecure and scrutinizing will take a much bigger toll on him. He tries to stay polite but he'll cut a conversation short if he feels like it's taking too much out of him. Another thing about him is that he tends to be more of a listener. You kinda have to ask him about himself to get him to talk about himself as he doesn't tend to do that on his own. Something else I forgot to mention. When it comes to home decor, he's very minimalistic. He also has with him a few instruments which he plays; all of them being blow instruments. He tends to play them when in the forest, turning to the ambiance for inspiration. Most of what he plays are improvisations and most of the time he doesn't write down his songs. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmberDust 1,118 April 29, 2015 Author #119 Share April 29, 2015 On 2015-04-29 at 12:18 AM, Medley Chaos said: Um, are you still helping?I really wish people would stop asking me this. ^^' Just scroll up a bit--you'll see my last help post was today. In short: yes, I am still offering help! Need help with your OC? I'd love to assist you! Just visit my help thread. It's always open, so don't be shy! ♦ My main OC ♦ Vector Commissions ♦ Ask me anything! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
P-Jay 1,987 April 29, 2015 #120 Share April 29, 2015 huh...okay, can ya review caliber? links in siggy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeremiah 1,586 April 30, 2015 #121 Share April 30, 2015 so i have been told that my OC is OP and well it has a 'kinks' i need to work: http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/red-son-r8066 but can you PM me plz for a review if your still open, i wouldnt want my OC public... yet Thanks! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
orphaned account 17 May 2, 2015 #122 Share May 2, 2015 Quote Yes, I am still helping! Oh! Great! Um, could we speak through PM? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmberDust 1,118 May 4, 2015 Author #123 Share May 4, 2015 On 2015-04-26 at 6:35 PM, Tao said: Hi Amber! I was hoping you might help me with two of my ocs: Sallie Cinnamon Apple and Rune a bit if you got the time hon? Sallie: http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/sallie-cinnamon-apple-r7940 Rune: http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/rune-r7519 I'm having a bit of a hard time in "wording" their backstory... Alright, you're up. Sorry for the delay. So it was backstory you needed help with?Sallie: Reveal hidden contents Name is good, appearance is okay. I like how your cutie mark is metaphoric rather than literal, even if it is a sort of a paradox. (Her cutie mark seems represent her earning her cutie mark despite being injured. It really doesn't have anything to do with her books, it seems...) Her personality is nice--incomplete, but nice--but in the brief time I was RPing with her, I didn't see any of this. All I remember of Sallie was her intense rage and stubbornness. I guess you could use some RP practice with her. That'll help you really solidify he details of her personality. (I'm sorry the constant bickering drove you out of the RP, by the way. We've resolved everything, and it'd be nice of you came back.) Anyways, lets skip ahead to the backstory. Shall we? Oh. There, uh. There isn't one. Have you got any ideas a all for a backstory? Because I can't come up with one for you. ^^' You say you're having a hard time "wording" it? Does that mean you already have a concept in your head? I'd love to hear it--that way I could actually help you. Rune: Reveal hidden contents Cool name, very nice design and colour scheme. I'd lose the part about the colour-changing eyes, though--physical quirks don't really add much to characters. The idea of a mercenary in the world of MLP is COMPLETELY outside of canon, just so you know. That aside, lets see how you handled it... It's cool to see a unicorn that uses physical strength above magic. It's counterproductive, but cool. I like her personality, but again, just a list of traits feels incomplete. Again, she doesn't have any hint of a backstory...and if your character is a MERCENARY in the world of friendship rainbow magic of love and sparkles, you're going to need a REALLY good backstory to convince readers that she really did grow up in this world. Also, you didn't mention what her cutie mark represents. Are you having writers block? Honestly, I don't think this character fits the setting of mlp fim at all. Yes, she is a good character, but she would be much better off in another setting. Her position as a merc is probably the reason you can't come up with a backstory--it simply doesn't fit the world. I'd suggest putting this character on he back burned and saving her for another place and time. On 2015-04-27 at 11:01 PM, Inax said: Hmm, well, Naxy pony link is down there. I'd loved to be cricketed by you o3o Yes, cricketed :3 Will give a huggle snuggle in return<3 I V Alright, you're next...is there anything specific you needed help with? Or were you just looking for an overall critique cricket? I'll assume the second, I guess. Reveal hidden contents Okay, first red flag popped up--he's HOW old?? Okay, there'd better be a darn good explanation for this...remember, I critique OCs under the assumption that they're meant to fit into canon...as they should. Otherwise, what's the point of OCs at all? *cough* Moving on...the name is a bit weird. Doesn't really suit the pattern of naming in this setting. It seems like you're trying to do some sort of crossover...right? His cutie mark needs to be explained. His personality...not what I was expecting based on the drawing. But that doesn't matter. It seems realistic enough, but is also incomplete. You show us what he seems like, but you don't really give us any explanations. Like, his inner thoughts and reasons for acting the way he does, etc. how he acts when he's by himself vs. how he acts among others. How he perceives himself. That sort of thing could add a lot to his character. I'd say you just need to expand on it a bit and your good to go. Time to move on to the backstory....hmm...oh, dear. So he's your ponysona? Or is he the pony version of a different character? From another universe? And he hops between worlds... Honestly, the whole backstory is pretty hard to follow because of the way you formatted it (entirely lacking context, might I add). ^^' I'm gonna have to read over it a few times... Okay, reading it over, this isn't even a backstory. You didn't explain where he can from, his childhood, his job, his life, or anything like that. You really just explained his abilities...which, again, are entirely outside of canon. This character is, unfortunately, entirely outside of the realm of possibility when it comes to the world of mlp fim. Meaning, is no longer an mlp OC at all. I'm not sure how I can help you seeing as this OC is really all over the place. ^^ The backstory you presented in the "other" section doesnt eeb take place in the mlp world. I can't suggest anything other than starting from scratch and majorly toning it down. An OC should be able to fit comfortably in the world in which it's designated, and should not be jacked up with weapons and abilities outside of the context of that world...otherwise, it's not really and mlp Of at all. It seems like Inax is from an entirely different world of your own invention...and I think it's best if he stays in that world. Don't ge me wrong, though. I'm not saying he's a bad character. I'm just saying that he doesn't fit into the setting you're trying to put him in. He's much more suitable in his own environment, not in the already-established world of mlp. On 2015-04-28 at 11:51 PM, Candy Star said: @@AmberDust, Could i ask you to help with Flynn Heat? Here's the profile: http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/flynn-heat-r8082 When you can that is. Sure thing! You just want an overall critique, right? I'll try not to repeat myself from all hose past critiques lol. Reveal hidden contents Erm...okay, so far, you don't have an awful lot of content. His personality would seem more believable of you explained what this "old style" of racing was. It seems like a good personality to me...but more insight into his reasoning would be great. I'm guessing you need help with the backstory? Do you have an ideas for it so far? On 2015-04-29 at 12:11 AM, 10InTheTardis said: Well, I still haven't thought up a cutie mark for my first OC/ponysona (Basically a semi-accurate version of myself) Name: Well, I haven't thought of one for sure, but what I have so far is my first name and then a horsey pun on my last name. Personality: (I'm always terrible with these) Funny, Bad with awkward situations (especially with strangers or romantic situations), helpful, can range from really quiet to somewhat talkative depending on his mood, not easy to anger, cares a lot about what other ponies think. Other: has kind of a lucky bad luck thing, as in, something will usually go wrong when he does something, but he usually saves it at the last second. If you need anything else, feel free to let me know. Alright, time to help someone with a ponysona. Warning: contains lots of really general information that you'll need to process your own way. Reveal hidden contents My OC Amber Dust started out as a Ponysona. But once I named her, she became something else entirely. I can't really judge your Ponysona so far as a character, seeing as his personality is really just based off of your own, and that's all you have on him so far. Essentially, you don't really have any information on him yet. Right now, he's just you. Am I right? So, Lets see...how can we make you into a believable pony? Here's how I made my OC, if this might help:http://mlpforums.com/topic/114541-offering-oc-help/?p=3264345#entry3264345 You already have the personality pretty much settled, so the next most important thing for a ponysona is BACKSTORY. Obviously, his backstory and yours can't be exactly the same, but they should still hold a lot in common, because in the end, thy both need to be responsible for the development of your personality. You just need to consider the context of mlp fim and adjust your own life accordingly. The main thing that makes your life different from his (askde from the obvious fact that you are a magical horse) is that, at one ponint or another, he's gonna get a cutie mark. That's the next most important thing. Now, a lot of people have trouble coming up with ponysona cutie marks because they don't know what their "talent" is--but hey, a cutie mark doesn't necessarily have to represent a talent at all--it just has to be something that sets you apart from others--whether it's a spell you mastered at a young age, an aspect of your personality, somethi g you worked hard towards, your destiny, etc. think of the mane six, for example. AJ's cutie mark was about her destiny to work on the farm. Rarity's was about a spell she spontaneously learnt that went hand-in-hand with her love of fashion. Twilight's was about her talent for magic. The options are endless! Lastly, you'll need a name and an appearance. Is your Ponysona a Unicorn, Earth pony, or Pegasus? Make sure you put a lot of thought into this, as it can be pretty important. As for names, I don't think you should make it a horsey pun. Try and fit it in with the context of the show--it'll probably be easier to come up with after to you've fortified of his race/cutie mark. That's all I can really say for now. Hopeully i was at peast a little bit helpful. Once you've got some ideas started, I'd gladly help you fit everyhing together. Just send me a PM! Need help with your OC? I'd love to assist you! Just visit my help thread. It's always open, so don't be shy! ♦ My main OC ♦ Vector Commissions ♦ Ask me anything! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Inax 92 May 4, 2015 #124 Share May 4, 2015 ~giggles and huggles snuggles Amber~ <3 Yah :3 if I were to write the WHOLE back story, then I'll have to come back here a couple of years from now to tell you I updated X3 But I'll try to get on to that...if I do have the kick to . -. I forgot that I have the other Inax that is better fitted to Equestria than the Inax I shared here :3 http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/inax-true-equestrian-r8171 Thank you<3 with all the hugs in the world hee hee<3 ~Be yourself<3 Le awesome tunes 8| <3~ Reveal hidden contents Me o3o: http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/inax-neo-real-r8172 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmberDust 1,118 May 4, 2015 Author #125 Share May 4, 2015 (edited) On 2015-04-29 at 1:55 AM, SunBurn said: Eesh, yeah, the personality part slipped my mind. I'll get to that now. Here's what I have so far. Snow Perch tends to have a relaxed character most of the time. He can be very sociable, showing himself to be attuned and attentive but it can drain him pretty quickly depending on who he interacts with. The number of ponies he interact with can also affect how social situations drain him. Ponies who themselves are attuned and attentive tend to be the least tiresome while those who tend to be insecure and scrutinizing will take a much bigger toll on him. He tries to stay polite but he'll cut a conversation short if he feels like it's taking too much out of him. Another thing about him is that he tends to be more of a listener. You kinda have to ask him about himself to get him to talk about himself as he doesn't tend to do that on his own. Something else I forgot to mention. When it comes to home decor, he's very minimalistic. He also has with him a few instruments which he plays; all of them being blow instruments. He tends to play them when in the forest, turning to the ambiance for inspiration. Most of what he plays are improvisations and most of the time he doesn't write down his songs. I very much like this personality, and I very much like how you described it in full instead of just saying "he's an introvert", as a lot of people tend to do. I think this character is well made and well suited for the world of mlp, and I think he and I would get along quite well!Some things worth including would be his likes and dislikes--what makes him mad, what makes him cringe, what makes him laugh. Is he generally nice? optimistic? realistic? idealistic? Is he smart? witty? dense? What does he do when he's alone compared to when he's with others? Stuff like that will really help flesh him out. Then you could go ahead and submit him to EQE, I think! But yeah, what you've got so far is really good. Keep exploring this character and keep figuring out more about him! You are 100% on the right track, IMHO. Edited May 4, 2015 by AmberDust 1 Need help with your OC? I'd love to assist you! Just visit my help thread. It's always open, so don't be shy! ♦ My main OC ♦ Vector Commissions ♦ Ask me anything! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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