Lines you'll never catch FIM characters saying.

[Singe 2,111]

If FIM had a South Park style opening.

Cheese Sandwich:
I'm goin' down to Ponyville, gonna have myself a time.
Applejack + Rainbow Dash:
Friendly faces everywhere, humble ponies without temptation!
Cheese Sandwich:
I'm goin' down to Ponyville, gonna leave my woes behind.
Fluttershy:
Ample dangers day or night.

Twilight Sparkle:

Ponies spouting FRIENDSHIP PROBLEMS!
Cheese Sandwich:
I'm headin' down to Ponyville, gonna see if I can't unwind.
Pinkie Pie:
I like cakes with loads of frosting, I like to stick my face in all those pies!
Cheese Sandwich:
So come on down to Ponyville, and meet some friends of mine.

Edited January 28, 2018 by Singe

[Truffles 2,033]

9 hours ago, Singe said:

Pinkie Pie:

I like cakes with loads of frosting, I like to stick my face in all those pies!

"Oh my god - they killed Pinkie! You BASTARDS!"

[Will Guide 21,360]

Pharynx: Why didn't I turn colorful like the rest of my Changelings?

[Flutterstep 47,090]

Rainbow: I love mares.

Soarin: I hate pie.

Vinyl: Literally anything.

[Singe 2,111]

Twilight Sparkle: Spike, I need you to go to the stores to pick up a few things on this list.

Spike: Can't do it.

Twilight Sparkle: Why not?

Spike: I've been banned from all of those stores for being a "fire hazard."

Twilight Sparkle: What?! When did this happen?

Spike: Last month. I sneezed and burned down a store. The city passed a law banning me from all stores.

Twilight Sparkle: I'll have a talk with them and over turn it.

Spike: Princess Celestia signed off on it.

Twilight Sparkle: Fine. Starlight Glimmer! I need you to run some errands!

[CypherHoof 26,483]

15 hours ago, Singe said:

Twilight Sparkle: Fine. Starlight Glimmer! I need you to run some errands!

Starlight Glimmer: pssst Spike - which store do I need to burn down to get banned?

[Flutterstep 47,090]

On 29/01/2018 at 7:39 PM, CypherHoof said:

Starlight Glimmer: pssst Spike - which store do I need to burn down to get banned?

Donut Joe's. I hate that place!

[Flutterstep 47,090]

Fluttershy: Um, you know...nothing hit the 7th building...j-just saying. 

Rainbow: Oh for buck sakes! Don't tell me you're one of those stupid truth seekers. I bet you think the world is flat too... 

Twilight: Well, actually...the depth of field does create the allusion that the sun curves over the horizon. And Celestia is the one who raises it after all- 

Pinkie: Oh! Yes! It's totally flat! It would be a waste of effort and resources to accurately animate on a spherical plane. 

Rainbow: Ugh! You girls gotta be kidding me. You been drinking from the lake or something? 

AJ: Ah would rather drink from that than what they put in our drinkin' wells. They poisoned the water hold with that fancy fluoride. Heck, ah don't even eat my apples any more...darn peggy chemtrails... 

[Singe 2,111]

*Mr. Cake walks by the bathroom.*

Pinkie Pie: *Taking a bath.* Gummy you rascal. You can't nibble me there. That tickles.

Mr. Cake: *Stares at the door.*

Ms. Cake: Don't you dare go in there.

Mr. Cake: I wasn't.

 

Starlight Glimmer: Can I ask you a question?

Sunset Shimmer: Sure.

Starlight Glimmer: *Points to her chest.* What are these?

Sunset Shimmer: Just ignore them, don't show them, and don't touch them. That's the best advice I can offer.

Starlight Glimmer: Hey, I can use them to hold things.

Sunset Shimmer: Please don't do that.

 

Sunset Shimmer: I tried writing a comic and showed it to some readers. They said my characters were a bunch of copied superhero and magical girl tropes.

 

Celestia: *Talking to a mirror.* You saw me Twilight, I tried to protect the kingdom. I was just caught off guard, that's all. *Sigh.* That excuse is getting very old. Your excuse is much more believable.

Luna: It was daytime and I was half-asleep. That sounds good enough for me.

 

Starlight Glimmer: Hey Spike, I let that this guy in that claims to be your friend.

Spike: Some guy.....oh no.

Twilight Sparkle: Spike! He's in my bedroom again!

Sleazy Guy: Come on, you don't have to be so rough.

Twilight Sparkle: Out!

Sleazy Guy: You're the Princess of Friendship.

Twilight Sparkle: Yes, but not the kind you was implying! Get out and don't come back!

 

Edited February 10, 2018 by Singe

[cmarston1 5,959]

Sunset Shimmer: Let me get this straight? More like let me run this bi you.

Pinkie Pie: I will make sure to pan things out.

Moondancer: Let's ace-ess the situation.

Thorax: I'm gay.

[Singe 2,111]

Pinkie Pie: We're all still here and the only real threats we dealt with is Equestrian magic fueled wackos like her *Points at Sunset Shimmer.*, her *Points at Twilight Sparkle.*, and you! No offense you two.

Rarity: So just give up and crawl back to your darkness from the internet you came from you Bot!

 

Sunset Shimmer: I didn't learn anything about friendship, I just realized how stupid my entire scheme was.

 

Starlight Glimmer: Why do you keep bringing up my past?

Trixie: Please, that's not even rock bottom. When you wake up in a room with walls covered red and ponies on the floor, that's when you hit rock bottom.

Starlight Glimmer: What? Why?

Trixie: I was just projecting the worse case scenario. It hasn't happened, I swear.

 

Vegeta: Here boy. You want a biscuit.

Spike: I'm not a dog.

Vegeta: Have a biscuit. *Throws biscuit in Spike's face.*

 

Tirek: Will you surrender?

Vegeta: Listen here goat! Twilight Sparkle isn't some unicorn. She's a full powered alicorn. She'll throw your demands right back in your face, because it's not Equestria at stake it's her alicorn pride. She'll see this fight to the end even if it ends her.

Twilight Sparkle: I give up.

Vegeta: I'll end her!

Edited February 24, 2018 by Singe

[Luigi 7,870]

Iron Will: (Pounding on the counter) WHERE'S MY BURRITO?! WHERE'S MY BURRITO?! WHERE'S MY BURRITO?!

(the canopy door falls on Iron Will's head)

Iron Will: OOOOOOOWWWWWWW!!!!!!!

[Rhythm Red 6,484]

One for each of the mane six:

 

Rainbow Dash: Going fast is so uncool.

Twilight Sparkle: Books are for eggheads!

Fluttershy: *insert string of curse words here*

Rarity: Fashion is so pointless. Why would anyone waste their time making dresses?

Pinkie Pie: I gotta come up with an excuse to avoid this party tonight!

Applejack: I like oranges more than apples.

[Kovu 41]

Rarity: I love it when you call me big schnitzel, super cat pass the glock. I see you shivering. check the flavor biggie smalls is delivering. I love it when you call me big schnitzel man.

[Luigi 7,870]

(It's a calm Friday Night. As fillies, Rarity, Applejack, and Rainbow Dash are sleeping over at Sweet Apple Acres watching "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown.") 

Linus: (On TV, Linus is writing his infamous letter to the great pumpkin)

Applejack: GREAT PUMPKIN? THERE AIN'T NO SUCH THING AS A GREAT PUMPKIN!!! Is there, ma?

Buttercup: (Is holding baby Applebloom in her hooves) Of course not, Applejack. Ah used to live nextdoor to a pumpkin patch. One year on Nightmare Night I watched the Pumpkin Patch from my bedroom window and nothing showed up?

Rarity: But Mrs McIntosh, why weren't you out with other fillies?

Buttercup: Ah was a little sick that night and didn't get to go.

Linus: (On TV) You stop believing in that man in the red suit and the white beard who goes "HO HO HO!"

Rainbow Dash: When did Linus dream all of this up?

Buttercup: It's just how children were back then, Dashie.

(Few minutes later)

Trick Or Treater (On TV): Where is Charlie Brown?

Charlie Brown: (On TV) Here I am! I had a little trouble with the scissors.

Rarity: Someday when I have more skill, maybe I can fix that costume.

Bright Mac: Rarity, you'd be surprised about what you can do if you stay dedicated to it.

(Eventually Nightmare Night came along. After gathering sweets, Applejack, Rainbow, and Rarity go to meet Buttercup at the Party at Sweet Apple Acres. There are a couple pumpkins around)

Applejack: Where's ma?

(Rustling noises come from the direction of the pumpkins)

Rarity: WHAT'S THAT OVER THERE???

(A dark figure rises from where the pumpkins are)

Applejack: It can't be!!!

Rainbow Dash: The gggg.... great pumpkin really does exist!!!!!!!

(Applejack, Rainbow, and Rarity cower with fear and hold each other close for safety, but then look to find out it's just Buttercup)

Buttercup: Did I fool you?

(the three fillies laugh)

[cmarston1 5,959]

Spike: Death is preferable to bondage.

[The Kaeya Simp 13,989]

(note, this broke my heart)

 

Twilight: I love Sherb' so much

[Luigi 7,870]

(Shining Armor, Soarin, Rainbow Dash, and Big McIntosh are streaming, playing Drawful on JackBox games with some of Shining's Twitch subscribers)

Shining Armor: Oh, so it WAS a Samurai! Great draw, Dash!

Soarin: And Spitfire back at headquarters tricked me into guessing Link.

Big McIntosh: So what's Link? 

Rainbow: Oh my gosh.

Soarin: Oh is that the moment

S.A.: Big Mac, no. BM, no. BM, NO.

Big McIntosh: What?

S.A.: NOOOOOOOOOOO.

Soarin: I think it just happened, guys!

S.A.: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Rainbow: Big McIntosh.

Big McIntosh: Yes?

Rainbow: Are you being serious?

Big McIntosh: ..................ee-yup?

Rainbow: (Laughs)

S.A.: Good Night, everybody!

Soarin: It has officiallyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

(Stream Done joke image comes on the screen)

Soarin: He is so bluffing!

Edited March 4, 2018 by Northern Light Flyer

[Rhythm Red 6,484]

Pinkie: I suppose I could leave home without my party cannon ONE time...

[Luigi 7,870]

(Shining Armor, Big McIntosh, Soarin, and Star Tracker are playing New Super Mario Bros Wii)

(One of those spiked pillars comes down and almost crushes Star Tracker)

Star Tracker: JEEEEEEEESUS FROSTING!!!!!!!!

Big McIntosh: Oh my goodness.

Shining Armor: Jesus Frosting?

Soarin: I love frosting!

S.A.: I don't want to know what that would taste like and.... how you would go about knowing it tastes like that.

Star Tracker: Oh god.

[Flutterstep 47,090]

Fluttershy: Oh, no no no...you're eating the car. 

Don't eat the car! NOT THE CAR!!! 

[Luigi 7,870]

(Shining Armor, Big McIntosh, Zephyr Breeze, and Soarin are at a table playing "Gone Fishing.")

Star Tracker: Okay. The objective is to catch as many fish as possible. 3. 2. 1. GO!

Soarin: GOT ONE!

Shining Armor: Come on, fishy!

Big McIntosh: Nothing there.

(The magnet on Soarin's rod catches Shining Armor's)

S.A.: STOP IT!!!

Soarin: Oh my gosh!

(Zephyr Breeze uses his wing to sneak a fish out without the rod hoping nopony noticed, but S.A. does)

S.A.: NO! ZEPHYR'S CHEATING!!!! YOU CHEATER!!!!

Star Tracker: Minus three, Zephyr!

Zephyr: YOU CAN'T TAKE THREE!

Soarin: He's the Game Master!

(Plays back in black and white footage of Zephyr cheating with appropriate music)

[Singe 2,111]

Starlight Glimmer: Do you live in your own world?

Trixie: Yes, but unfortunately I have to share it with Twilight and her loser club.

 

Twilight Sparkle: Applejack we need to talk about....

Applejack: About my upcoming championship match in Equestria Fighting Corral. I've been training extra hard to give the champ a good bucking to the nozzle.

Twilight Sparkle: This whole you becoming a professional fighter doesn't line up with the message of friendship.

Applejack: I've been needing a change. Bucking apples is boring. Farming is boring. Fighting evil was a thrill. This was the change, I needed. Besides, I don't see why you're complaining when I fractured Tirek's jaw. That made him think twice before he opens his big mouth.

 

Edited March 11, 2018 by Singe

[Luigi 7,870]

(Big McIntosh, Soarin, and Shining Armor, and Rainbow Dash are playing Mario Party 6, when Rainbow Dash is the lone player in that minigame with the box)

Big McIntosh: So what's this one?

Soarin: Rainbow gets the box, we have to dodge the shells. (After what Soarin says next is censored, S.A., Rainbow, and Big McIntosh turn their heads and stare at Soarin)

Big McIntosh: Oh mah dear.

S.A.: You know what that is, right?

Soarin: No, actually, I just know it's a song.

S.A.: Jesus (Censored) Christ, Soarin!

Rainbow: What would (Censored noise) be, Soarin?

Soarin: I dunno, a container of chocolate on Heart and Hooves day?

Rainbow: OH MY GOD, SOARIN!!! (Shakes her head)

Soarin: I'm sorry! I'm such an innocent mind!

(Big McIntosh laughs)

S.A.: Apparently! Based on the "Clipper" nickname, you're totally innocent.

Rainbow: Do you really not get the picture, Soarin?

Soarin: No, I really don't.

S.A.: It means (Censored noise)

Soarin: OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!! I didn't know that, okay?

Rainbow: Jesus, Soarin!

[cmarston1 5,959]

Rarity: What is wrong with you ponies? I said that I was a satinist not a Satanist.  I worship the gods of fabric, not some icky demon thing.