Lines you'll never catch FIM characters saying.

[Singe 2,109]

Well, Rarity hasn't always been this glam
I was a drab little pony once
Now I know I can be happy as a clam
Because I'm beautiful baby
Did your granny say, "Listen to your heart"?
"Be who you are on the inside"?
I need three words to tear her argument apart
Your granny lied

I'd rather be shiny
Like a treasure from a sunken pirate wreck
Scrub the deck and make it look shiny
I will sparkle like a wealthy pony's neck

Edited December 17, 2017 by Singe

[Singe 2,109]

Sunset Shimmer: Flash, you and Twilight was never going to happen. It's illegal to marry and have those kinds of relations with ponies.

Flash Sentry: Then what can I do?

Sunset Shimmer: There's plenty of Twilight colored girls somewhere around if you look.

 

Fluttershy: Flash Sentry asked me if there was a safe purple paint he could use on a pony he just bought.

 

[Singe 2,109]

Rarity: I see you're smitten with Flash Sentry. If he offers you his carrot, walk away.

Twilight Sparkle: Why?

Rarity: It's not a carrot!

 

Twilight Sparkle: Now I need someone to handle this important task of diplomacy. Spike.

Spike: Yes, I'm ready.

Twilight Sparkle: Go clean the bathroom. I can't have them seeing that mess.

 

Ember: Spike, you lied to me. I ought to rip out your heart and eat it.

Thorax: You can't, not until I suck out his soul.

Spike: Come on, I'm sure we can work this out.

 

Rarity: *Binges on ice cream.* Chunky legs are in this season.

 

 

Edited December 22, 2017 by Singe

[heavens-champion 1,893]

Rainbow Dash: We're all gonna die, aren't we?

(Because who expects a pony like Rainbow Dash to say something like that?)

[Singe 2,109]

Twilight Sparkle: Rarity is pigging out on that ice cream.

Rarity: *Nom nom nom.* I made a mess all over my face.

Spike: Lucky spoon.

 

Rarity: I'm changing direction with a line of exotic easy to slip off dresses and role-playing exotic costumes. Fluttershy could you be a dear and model them for me.

Fluttershy: Why me?

Rarity: I wouldn't be caught dead in them and you're the meek one I need.

 

 

Edited December 22, 2017 by Singe

[Singe 2,109]

Starlight Glimmer: Spike has been in the bathroom for a long time.

Spike: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Twilight Sparkle: Ember made him eat so many rocks. He's used to softer foods that we eat and not those jagged rocks.

 

Twilight Sparkle: We need to stop Starlight Glimmer from changing the past. Otherwise, I'll be a no pony!

Spike: And the truth come out.

 

Starlight Glimmer: You can't stop me from changing history.

Twilight Sparkle: Oh yeah, surprise! *Hurls Spike into Starlight Glimmer.*

Starlight Glimmer: Ow! What the hell?! *Flings Spike off the clouds.*

Spike: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Starlight Glimmer: Aren't you going to save him?

Twilight Sparkle: His sacrifice will not be in vain as I have used that chance to grab your magic spell right here.

 

[Singe 2,109]

Rarity: Why can't I get a handsome colt?

Applejack: I seen several colts try to ask you out but you turned them down. Maybe it's time to lower your standards.

Rarity: Never, I strive for the pinnacle.

Rainbow Dash: Rarity, you don't need no colt.

Rarity: *Whine.* But, I want to experience it. Why else would I put so much effort into looking better than the rest of you?

Twilight Sparkle: I can't take this anymore. Rarity, you've been in a freak accident and look like a mess.

Rarity: *GASP!* How could you say that? I'm the better quality compared to the rest of you.

Twilight Sparkle: All along we've just been playing along with your view that you're beautiful and used magic to manipulate everyone else to believe it.

Rarity: It's a lie, otherwise Spike wouldn't be attracted to me.

Spike: Yeah.

Twilight Sparkle: I'm ending the spell on Spike. *Ends spell.*

Spike: *Looks at Rarity.* AH! AH! AH! *Runs out of the room.*

 

 

 

Edited December 24, 2017 by Singe

[Ganondorf8 11,118]

Sunset Shimmer: Why am I living as a human again?

[Luigi 7,868]

Princess Cadance: I really hope this is the last Stalfos.

Shining Armor: That's all of them, Cadance.

(Princess Cadance opens the chest to acquire the Bow) 

Princess Cadance: So do I shoot the portraits?

S.A.: Only when you see the picture of the ghost in them.

(Few minutes later)

Cadance: This checkerboard room gives me the creeps.

S.A.: This room got me a lot as a young foal.

(On the screen, Navi warns Link that the ceiling is falling down)

Cadance: Those Skulltulas are in every hole, arent they?

S.A.: If theres nothing but floor below them, yes. 

Cadance: Okay, I think I can do this.

(Few minutes later)

Cadance: What is this room?

S.A.: If I had to guess, some kind of art gallery.

Cadance: That can't be Ganondorf already!

S.A.: Keep watching.

Cadance: How did he go into the painting?

(Few minutes later)

Cadance: So that WASN'T Ganondorf. It was only an empty shell sent to bring mayhem to the unsuspecting forest.

S.A.: That's Right.

(Few Minutes Later)

Cadance: Let me try to get this right. So basically Link was never a Kokiri in the first place, and was actually a Hylian who's parents were killed when he was a baby, but was raised by the Deku Tree this whole time?

S.A.: Pretty much. I was confused about it too.

Cadance: What's next?

S.A.: Why not go to Goron City? Maybe visit Darunia?

[Singe 2,109]

Rainbow Dash: By the way, why didn't my impressing you get me into the Wonderbolts earlier?

Spitfire: We would have let you in but Twilight Sparkle asked us to delay your admission for a while and have you work for it.

Rainbow Dash: *Shock.* That horse!

 

Pinkie Pie: Hello, I'm Pinkie Pie. Would you like to be friends?

Mr. Burns: Smithers, release the hounds. 

Pinkie Pie: Ahhhhhhhhhhhh! *Gets chased by dogs.*

 

Pinkie Pie: Making friends is really hard. I setup a spot on the side of a street. Sell the idea asking everyone that passes if they want a friend. Then I'm hassled by the cops or chased by some crazy dressed like Rarity's rejected bargain bin.

 

Cherry Jubilee: *Chuckle* Friendship isn't free around here. We charge by the hour. 

 

Fluttershy: I needed to raise money for my sanctuary so I signed everyone up to be part of a charity dating.

 

Edited December 25, 2017 by Singe

[Singe 2,109]

Fluttershy: I asked him if he would like to pet one of the cute animals in the room?

Rarity: And....

Fluttershy: He asked if he could pick me.

Rarity: What happened after that?

Fluttershy: I let him pet me.

 

Trixie Lulamoon: So you're Spike's dragon friend?

Ember: Yes.

Trixie Lulamoon: So when's the courting?

Ember: Excuse me?

Trixie Lulamoon: Spike was going on about how you was his fallback choice once he and Rarity doesn't work out and it's not going to happen.

Ember: He said that! I am not his girlfriend and I'm going to break him! *Flies off.* SPIKE!

Twilight Sparkle: Trixie what are you doing?

Trixie Lulamoon: Testing their friendship.

Twilight Sparkle: I know you're Starlight Glimmer's friend but I still don't like you.

Trixie Lulamoon: You hate me. *Shock.* Such words is unbecoming of the Princess of Friendship.

 

Starlight Glimmer: Spike, what happened to you?

Spike: *Gasp.* When I hugged Ember, I accidentally kissed her. *Cough.*

 

 

Edited December 26, 2017 by Singe

[Singe 2,109]

Tirek: *80s music.* I'm gonna suck..suck..suck your magic.

 

Tirek: I am the greatest villain because I suck and grow bigger. Then suck more and grow bigger.

 

Twilight Sparkle: There was a group of ponies devoted to Princess Luna. When she became Nightmare Moon and was imprisoned, they went underground. They are known as the Black Moon Clan.

Princess Luna: So there was ponies devoted to me?

Rainbow Dash: Kinda makes your teenager tirade seem ridiculous now.

 

Rarity: You may be no unicorn but I like your build, Rockhoof.

Applejack: Back off Rarity, I inherited his element and I claim him first.

Rarity: Never, he'll be mine.

Applejack: It's on.

*Rarity and Applejack fight.*

 

Twilight Sparkle: This is ridiculous, just one week after we published our journal. Doctor Relation, you put out your own book.

Doctor Relation: My book took a different approach to your kiddie journal.

Twilight Sparkle: Kiddie?!

Doctor Relation: Well the things taught in your book is basically grade school level material lessons. My book is more of an adult approach and I also cover things that adults would be dealing with. Your book hardly covers anything about love and beyond that.

Twilight Sparkle: *Blushing* We....could.

 

 

 

Edited December 27, 2017 by Singe

[cmarston1 5,952]

Hasbro: Applejack is fine just the way she is.

[Luigi 7,868]

Princess Cadance: Okay, that's two sages found, four more to go. Death Mountain, here we come! I bet Darunia will be glad to see me after seven years.

(Few minutes later)

Princess Cadance: What the heck? Only one goron is around? Are you serious?

S.A.: Try bombing it.

Princess Cadance: Okay. (Five minutes later) Jesus, Shiny! You'd think one little goron would be so easy to catch. (Ten minutes later) Phew, caught ya! (After some very long dialogue, the Goron gives Link (Cadance) a Goron Tunic.)

Shining Armor: It took me HALF AN HOUR to catch him the first time I played. 

Princess Cadance: So Ganondorf and his minions came and took every last Goron away, and imprisoned them in the Fire Temple to feed to a dragon?

S.A.: Pretty much. Obviously Darunia and his son avoided the crisis, and there's also the shopkeeper who's still there.

(Not long afterwards)

Princess Cadance: Huh? How can Shiek survive this heat without a Goron Tunic?

S.A.: I have no idea.

Princess Cadance: Whatever! LET'S GO SAVE THOSE GORONS!!!

[Singe 2,109]

Princess Celestia: You defeated Tirek. How was it possible?

Twilight Sparkle: Well.....

Rainbow Dash: I came up with the idea of covering our selves in garbage and other bad smelly things. So when that giant vacuum came to suck our magic, he would also suck in the stench which caused him to vomit all the magic he already had.

Princess Celestia: So that's why he was covered in that mess.

Tirek: Beaten by garbage ponies. *Ugh.*

 

Rainbow Dash: Why would you tell my parents I have a boyfriend?

Scootaloo: I'm sorry it was a slip of the tongue.

Rainbow Dash: Now they'll pester me about having kids.

 

Edited December 27, 2017 by Singe

[Singe 2,109]

Rainbow Dash: I hate winning.

 

Twilight Sparkle: Alright, I need every pony to wear your necklace....*Looks at Applejack.* Where's your necklace?

Applejack: I......pawned it for bits because of my gambling addiction.

Rainbow Dash: Why are you gambling? You're too honest that you can't even bluff in some of those games.

Twilight Sparkle: It's okay. I'll ask Princess Celestia for the money to buy it back....again.

 

Rarity: I swear if I die and you make me look terrible at my funeral, I will haunt you from the grave for the rest of your life.

 

Rainbow Dash: Scootaloo, be a pal and stick this needle right here in my flank.

 

Twilight Sparkle: I know a lot of spells, they're mostly party tricks.

 

Applejack: When I talk to Big Mac about my leg muscles. He says they look so good to eat. Is that weird?

Twilight Sparkle: Yes. Yes it is.

 

Applejack: Twilight we need to talk.

Twilight Sparkle: What is it?

Applejack: Last night when you was dealing with that Ursa Minor and getting that milk from those cows....Big Mac happen to be in the wrong place.

Twilight Sparkle: Oh no, is he okay?

Applejack: He's more frolicky than usual but fine. It's just that, we think you should consider dating Big Mac.

Twilight Sparkle: It was just a one time accident and I'm not going to date him.

Applejack: Whelp, I tried. Anytime you plan to use our cows again, give a heads up.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited December 29, 2017 by Singe

[Sparklefan1234 161,903]

Twilight Sparkle: "Friendship is Money!"

Rarity: "I'd rather be a tuba player than a fashion designer, to be completely honest."

Pinkie Pie: "I tan using strawberry cake frosting to make my coat pink & mane and tail are naturally yellow."

Edited December 29, 2017 by Sparklefan1234

[Singe 2,109]

Spike: I can't believe you used magic to control the others.

Starlight Glimmer: Then I guess you don't care that I had Rarity lay in your bed for a few hours.

Spike: Is that why my room smells like Rarity?

Starlight Glimmer: Yes.

Spike: *Bow.* I thank you.

 

Rainbow Dash: Why is there a scar on my chest?

Starlight Glimmer: I had you donate a few organs.

Rainbow Dash: What?!

 

Chief Thunderhooves: What would you have me do Rainbow Dash?

Rainbow Dash: I don't know but if Twilight was here, she would say something like take them to court because you was here first.

*The next day.*

Sheriff Silverstar: What will those buffaloes do? Wait, some fancy pony with a badge just came out.

Twilight Sparkle: Let me see. That's an obligator from Canterlot. She must be here to resolve the dispute for the land.

Applejack: I hope you're right.

Chief Thunderhooves: We will stand down! Instead I have decided to bring our grievances to your government!

Obligator: Thank you chief. By the power invested in me on behalf of Princess Celestia, this land is recognized under the control of the buffaloes. The ponies of Appleloosa are required to leave this land.

Sheriff Silverstar: Are you kidding me?

Applejack: We're not going to let some city slicker...

Obligator: Failure to comply will result in punishment with heavy fines and jail time.

Applejack: Well time to pack up Braeburn.

 

 

 

Edited December 30, 2017 by Singe

[Singe 2,109]

Fluttershy: I'm going to build a beautiful sanctuary where all the lovely animals can stay.

Twilight Sparkle: Your backyard?

Fluttershy: No, it will be further away from my cottage.

Twilight Sparkle: *Happy* I'm so glad you've finally come to terms with your animal hoarding problem.

Fluttershy: What?

Twilight Sparkle: We were all so worried that you would never overcome your obsession to house every disease ridden animal you come across.

Fluttershy: But...

Twilight Sparkle: I have to let the others know.

Edited December 30, 2017 by Singe

[Singe 2,109]

Starlight Glimmer: Spike what are you doing?

Spike: I'm trying to write out my greatest dream.

Starlight Glimmer: You mean like Rarity laying on a table with extremely rare gems placed over her body and you get to eat them one by one.

Spike: I was trying something less than that but now I can't get that out of my head. Especially since I have to help Rarity look for gems today and I'll be thinking about that for days.

Starlight Glimmer: You're welcome.

 

Brute Fluttershy: Hey, Twilight. I clogged your toilet and I'm going to need your plunger Spike. *Grabs Spike.*

Spike: No....help! *Drowning noises and toilet flushing.*

 

Queen Chrysalis: I have been feeding on your brother's love for me and it has increased my power.

Twilight Sparkle: Ew! Ewww. Ewww. How could you? That's my brother!

 

Rainbow Dash: I been meaning to ask about that giant heart magical explosion that your brother and her did at the wedding, is that how you unicorns do it?

Twilight Sparkle: Yes, Rainbow Dash. When two unicorns or alicorns are in love, they put their horns together and make huge magical explosions.

Rarity: Really, then I must have been doing it wrong all along.

Twilight Sparkle: I was being sarcastic.

 

Babs Seed: I'm really sorry for being a bully. Could you forgive me?

*Babs Seed sent home on the next train.*

Applebloom: Good riddance to bad family.

Applejack: Was that necessary?

Applebloom: Yes it was, because you didn't have to put up with her.

 

Edited January 1, 2018 by Singe

[Singe 2,109]

Rainbow Dash: What just happened?

Rarity: Our elements just fired off and Twilight is gone.

Applejack: Oh my Celestia, we killed Twilight!

Pinkie Pie: No! I don't want to known as a friend killer.

Fluttershy: What do we do?

Rainbow Dash: First off we need to get rid of the witness.

Spike: It was just an accident.

Rarity: I'm sorry Spike, but we can't take chances.

Pinkie Pie: We'll make it as quick and painless like for Twilight.

Fluttershy: Look outside, it's Twilight's cutie mark.

Applejack: Oh my God, she's come back to bring vengeful wrath on us all!

*Mane 5 panic.*

Twilight Sparkle: Everyone calm down, I'm okay. Pinkie what are you trying to do to Spike?

Pinkie Pie: Nothing.
Spike: *Cough Cough* Stay away from me! *Runs away.*

Rainbow Dash: *Whisper.* We'll deal with him later.

Edited January 2, 2018 by Singe

[Luigi 7,868]

Princess Cadance: Wait, so Darinua doesn't have the legendary hammer?

Shining Armor: Nope. I think he'll be okay though.

(Few minutes later)

Cadance: We already rescued a lot of Gorons. But how do I get up from here.

S.A.: Try looking above where the flame geyser is.

Cadance: There's a hole. Are you saying we go up the geyser?

S.A.: You've gone through a great bit of the dungeon already. You can do this.

(Later still)

Cadance: Whew. That boulder maze sure was rough.

S.A.: You have to be pretty careful here. When Twilight was a filly, she would fall off this walkway three times.

(Not long later)

Cadance: We're above the boulders! The floor looks deformed over there. I'm gonna bomb it.

(Rescues another imprisoned goron after bombing the floor and climbing down the wall)

S.A.: Now you have a shortcut so you won't have to deal with the maze again.

(To be continued)

Edited January 2, 2018 by Baby Dashie

[Singe 2,109]

Pinkie Pie: Guess what Applejack. I'm an Apple too.

Applejack: Pinkie, just because a fortune cookie says you're always surrounded by good family doesn't make you an Apple.

Pinkie Pie: But I have this paper that says we're related.

Applejack: Pinkie, that's a smudge and your eye sight is worse than granny's since you stared at the sun on Rainbow Dash's last dare.

 

Spike: Why won't any of you let me help? Are you still holding it against me for me bumbling on being Applejack's life servant?

 

Twilight Sparkle: I don't trust Princess Cadance around my brother.

Rarity: Darling, if you want us to woo your brother away from the altar all you got to do is ask. We all agreed that he's a hunk.

 

 

Edited January 3, 2018 by Singe

[CypherHoof 26,479]

12 hours ago, Singe said:

Twilight Sparkle: I don't trust Princess Cadance around my brother.

Rarity: Darling, if you want us to woo your brother away from the altar all you got to do is ask? We all agreed that he's a hunk.

Twilight: Great, now I don't trust YOU around my brother, either....

[Drunkfrank 1,125]

Any character: "oh hey, the thread hit 1000 comments."