Lines you'll never catch FIM characters saying.

[cmarston1 5,952]

Princess Twilight: I hope you haven't been waiting long

Sunset Shimmer: Only 3 three years. (Gets up and hugs Twilight) It's so good to see you again.

Princess Twilight: You too.

Sunset Shimmer: And I am loving the hair.

Princess Twilight: Thanks. (Blushes) You're looking snazzy as always.

[Singe 2,109]

Rarity: Let me get this straight Twilight, you became an alicorn by completing a useless unfinished spell that did nothing more than drive your friends on a one way street to the great depression.

Twilight Sparkle: Uh, when you put it that way it sounds like a low bar.

Pinkie Pie: This can't be about friendship because some of us are way better than you at it.

Applejack: I'm starting to think this whole alicorn thing is might be a bit racist since the last two were a pegasus and unicorn. I doubt Celestia and Luna were Earth Ponies.

Rainbow Dash: Good at making friends, I nearly got you all killed, and saved your lives. I should have been an alicorn before Twilight, but I wouldn't want it because the whole body shape change would mess up my flying style.

Fluttershy: I should be an alicorn princess of the animals.

 

 

[Singe 2,109]

Tirek: So you've become friends with those equine. Tell me, what exactly have they given you?

Discord: A friend with benefits. Talk about I was missing out the whole time. Who knew.

Tirek: I don't understand what you're saying, yet I feel disgusted.

 

Tirek: Have fun staying in Tartarus. You three princesses will enjoy watching that three headed mutt clean himself.

 

Tirek: I was always better than my brother, even at sucking. Ha!

 

Tirek: It seems we're at an impasse....*Starts fading.* What is happening?

Twilight Sparkle: Power of four alicorns and time travel. I just went to Tartarus in the past and good bye Tirek.

Tirek: Nooooooooooooooo! *Fades away..*

 

Fluttershy: I hope you're okay with my little friends joining.

Rarity: AHHHHHH! RATS!

 

Sunset Shimmer: This is awkward. Applejack's place has only one bathroom.

Big Mac: Yep.

Sunset Shimmer: Don't try anything funny in that shower.

Big Mac: O_o;......No!

 

Applebloom: I have another sister. Your nickname will be Pink Wad, because bubblegum is pink.

Pinkie Pie: Please don't call that. *Echos of children calling her Pink Wad in her head.*

 

Rainbow Dash: I'm tired of everyone calling me Rainbow Crash.

Twilight Sparkle: Well maybe you should say that after you get out of my wall.

 

 

Edited January 6, 2018 by Singe

[Singe 2,109]

Pinkie Pie: Gilda you have to help your friend Rainbow Dash.

Gilda: She made her choice. Didn't want to be friends with me picking the annoying gum wad instead and to go down that cliff. Not my problem.

Pinkie Pie: But...but....

Gilda: Besides I made enough bits to get out of this hole. So long trash. *Flies away.*

 

Pinkie Pie: You have to help Rainbow Dash, she's in danger.

Gilda: Should have thought of that before tossing the entire rope down there, you dummy.

 

Treehugger: You're really harshing my mellow.

Discord: *Grumble.* Harsh your mellow, I'll harsh your mellow by pouring Mellow Yellow all over you.

 

Spike: *Wakes up.*

Discord: *Head comes out Spike's sheet.* You and Rarity are never going to be a thing. *Disappears.*

 

Rainbow Dash: Fluttershy, you have to help. Tank is not moving.

Fluttershy: What happened?

Rainbow Dash: I gave him some caffeine pills to keep him awake.

Fluttershy: You did what?!

Rainbow Dash: I was scared of the hibernation thing and I had the crazy idea to use caffeine pills.

Fluttershy: You can't give a tortoise caffeine pills.

 

Moondancer: Now I get it why you won't leave me alone Twilight and keep trying to befriend me. You're the Princess of Friendship and I'm a blemish to you.

Spike: Can't argue there, she hit the nail on the head.

 

 

Edited January 7, 2018 by Singe

[Singe 2,109]

Sassy Saddles: One hundred orders is a lot. Are you sure you don't want to ask your friends to help with the dress making?

Rarity: No, I made the promise and this is my responsibility.

Sassy Saddles: There is also the projection that we will have more orders for the Princess Dress hitting 200 soon. Since you won't ask your friends to help, I would suggest that we hire additional ponies to assist on the dress making. One pony shouldn't do all that burdensome work.

Rarity: Since you put it that way, I have been overburden before to exhaustion. I may need an extra staff or two for this.

Sassy Saddles: You may even inspire them to come up with some of their own dress designs.

Rarity: Let's not go that far. I tend to get jealous when upstaged and I will not be upstaged by my own staff.

Sassy Saddles: I'll try to get some that have no interest in being creative and follow your orders to the detail.

 

Rarity: Rainbow Dash, I'm so sorry that I couldn't keep you from getting kicked out of the Wonderbolts.

Rainbow Dash: You did the best you could do.

Rarity: I thought the chocolate cake stain would have pushed him to admit, but he did live up to the legend and was able to slip out of that. That was all I had to hinge on, but it was a weaker evidence than your hair clipping. Oh, I just thought of maybe I should have had the writing on the envelope tested by a specialist to compare between yours and Wind Rider.

Rainbow Dash: Maybe! You should have done that in the first place!

 

Spitfire: Wind Rider, this is upcoming reserve Rainbow Dash.

Wind Rider: More like Rainbow Dashing, hello.

Rainbow Dash: Oh my gosh, Wind Rider is flirting with me.

Wind Rider: If you have some free time later maybe I could regale you with tales in my room....

Spitfire: Hey, you know the rules. No flank calls with the other Wonderbolts.

Wind Rider: My mistake, I'm still new to those rule changes.

 

Edited January 7, 2018 by Singe

[Singe 2,109]

Spitfire: Congrats Rainbow Dash, you just earned yourself a new nickname. Dumb ass.

Rainbow Dash: I would prefer to still be called Rainbow crash.

Spitfire: Not after that stupid stunt you pulled, dumb ass.

 

Twilight Sparkle: Trixie, you befriended her.

Starlight Glimmer: What's wrong with Trixie?

Twilight Sparkle: *One political rant later.*

Starlight Glimmer: You're still not over the election, it's been a year.

Twilight Sparkle: I can never forgive any pony that supported HIM!

 

Snowfall Frost: I brought everyone a gift, slaves. Who doesn't like slaves?

 

Twilight Sparkle: You will find this clue where Celestia's sun doesn't shine. Huh, where could that be?

Princess Luna: Here. *Hands Twilight the next clue.* Your brother thought it was funny to stick this on my flank.

 

Spike: I hope this means we're friends.

Ember: We're friends, but your still my subject. Now kiss my feet!

[Jackie Snack 1,498]

Spike:

"I feel like a valued member of this team."

[Singe 2,109]

Twilight Sparkle: I'm here to stop you Starlight....where's all the pegasus?

Starlight Glimmer: Oh them, I just did my civil duty and reported to the authorities some of the staffers have been doing certain things that are a no-no. The children were in danger, so their parents came and took them all home. 

Twilight Sparkle: No wonder Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy are a mess.

Edited January 11, 2018 by Singe

[Singe 2,109]

*Child Rainbow Dash runs crying past Twilight.*

Starlight Glimmer: I just said her parents got eaten by a dragon.

 

Twilight Sparkle: The time stream was put back to normal, no harm no foul.

Rainbow Dash: You and Starlight are the reason I have a lot of repressed memories from that flight camp.

 

Applebloom: What  I don't get is how a pony can go so long until they're an adult without a cutie mark and then get one by going to this "red light" district.

Scootaloo: I don't think there is a cutie mark that gets you all the mares.

Sweetie Belle: You got your flame cutie mark by burning down your own house.

Edited January 12, 2018 by Singe

[Singe 2,109]

Tirek: Well it looks like I missed a pony.

Twilight Sparkle: Maud, get away!

Maud Pie: The soil charged triad to use on you has been decided! The light that dictates the time of eternity, Luminous Silver! The darkness that dictates the time of destruction, Demolition Black! The moment that dictates the time of extinction, Steel Gray! Penetrate! I summon you! Odin!

Twilight Sparkle: When did Maud learn to use summoning spells?

 

Pinkie Pie: Maud, I am so sorry about ruining your rock collection.

Maud Pie: Pinkie...

Pinkie Pie: Do you forgive me?

Maud Pie: The soil charged triad to use on you has been decided!

Pinkie Pie: *Runs away crying.* I'm sorry!

 

Reference: Final Fantasy Unlimited

 

Pinkie Pie: So Twilight in desperation flew all the way from Canterlot to Ponyville to get me and come back to throw you a party.

Moondancer: Odd, I thought Twilight would be able to summon you with magic.

Pinkie Pie: Wait..wait...wait, you can use magic to summon your friends?

Moondancer: Yes, if both friends have an agreement to allow one to summon the other. That's how it works.

Pinkie Pie: Twilight, let's make a summon pact.

 

Starlight Glimmer: Oh, this is good spell. Dragon Slave.

Spike: Let me guess, it allows you to enslave a dragon under your control.

Starlight Glimmer: No, it just completely obliterates a dragon in one hit.

Spike: Please don't learn that spell.

Starlight Glimmer: Too late.

 

Tempest Shadow: I had the spot for my horn fixed up to carry materia to use different magic.

 

Edited January 13, 2018 by Singe

[Singe 2,109]

Twilight Sparkle: Starlight I have a new friendship lesson.

Starlight Glimmer: What is it?
Twilight Sparkle: You're going on a date with any type you preference. Just let me know.

Starlight Glimmer: A date? Why?

Twilight Sparkle: Well, I wanted you get some experience so you don't get caught up in one of those wastes of love at first sight. Huge mistake I made.

Flash Sentry: *Tear and walks away.*

Twilight Sparkle: So what is your preference? If you say anything that is too young, inanimate, or species not capable of striking a conversation, we'll need to have a talk. 

Starlight Glimmer: Uh....Shining Armor.

Twilight Sparkle: My brother, he's already married. Oh, you like already married colts. I know my brother is a real catch but I wouldn't advise it. Though the whole thing of my brother having an affair with my student.......so tempting. That would be like the ultimate friendship lesson. *Drooling.*

Edited January 14, 2018 by Singe

[StarryP1nkad0o 24]

Twilight: Hey, anyone remember the second generation?

[Singe 2,109]

Spitfire: Oh, no. It's him.

Rainbow Dash: Who?

Spitfire: Trigger Word. He's a crazy writer that puts out outrageous claims to provoke a response from the public.

Rainbow Dash: Like what?

Spitfire: How the Wonderbolts is too pegasus elite exclusive not allowing all pegasus, other winged creatures, unicorns, or even earth ponies to join.

Rainbow Dash: That's insane, allowing the wrong ones to join would be like clogging up a working pipe with junk.

Spitfire: Precisely, which is why you're going to be the plunger to get him out of here.

Rainbow Dash: Ah........

Edited January 14, 2018 by Singe

[cmarston1 5,952]

Sometime before Celestia banishes Nightmare Moon

Celestia: I know what you're going to say, she is my sister and I should be trying to get along with her.

Starswirl: No, she's crazy and needs to go down.

 

[Singe 2,109]

Granny Smith: What are you talking about, married?! You two can't be married!

Grand Pear: Finally, something I can agree on with that crazy apple. Pear Butter, enough of this nonsense. We're movin' into space! And you gotta be onboard with your family!

Pear Butter: But... the Apples are my family now, too.

Grand Pear: You can't be serious. Are you choosin' to plant yourself here as an Apple over being a space Pear?!

Pear Butter: Are you makin' me choose?

Grand Pear: Yes. I am.

Pear Butter: Then yeah. I guess I am.

Grand Pear: Fine! Scotty, beam me up. *Teleported away.*

Pear Butter: [sobbing]

 

Apple Bloom: Then you came here because you're sorry and that you wanted to get to know us, too?

Grand Pear: I'm... so sorry. I-I-I was just so angry, and... well, life in space was so empty no matter how many non-pony alien babes I've come across in my travels in space.

Apple Bloom: It's in the past, Grand Pear. Oh! Can I call you Grand Pear-Pear?

Grand Pear: [chuckles] Sure can.

 

Princess Celestia: All you do is give ponies lovely dreams so they don't have to pay for therapy.

Edited January 16, 2018 by Singe

[Kitty_Cat 376]

Celestia: I shall be the inferior! Luna! You will not get in my way of me being the weak and inferior!

[SoberStarlight 906]

Rainbow Dash: “To hell with Wonderbolts practice! I’m gonna go write an essay on Starswirl the Bearded with Twilight, in old ponish!”

 

Big Mac: Any sentence with more than one word.

 

Twilight: “I’m gonna pass this test with no studying or preparation whatsoever, and I’m not gonna stress over it!”

 

Applejack: “Pshhh... I hate apples. I’m gonna let all of my friends buck all of Sweet Apple Acres.”

 

Pinkie Pie: *Is at a party, getting a slice of cake*

”That slice is too big! I can’t eat that much cake!”

[Singe 2,109]

Twilight Sparkle: So we found Photo Finish to convince her to take some pictures of you.

Rarity: I'm assuming she refused and one of you threatened her.

Applejack: How did you know?

Rarity: It's not the first time Applejack chased somepony with a rope.

 

Fluttershy: Zecora, I'm so sorry that you got sick because of me.

Zecora: You should be. You spoil those infested critters making them want things.

 

Rainbow Dash: As they say, a little collateral damage doesn't hurt any pony.

Pinkie Pie: Who says that?

Rainbow Dash: Me, because it never cost me one bit.

 

Rainbow Dash: Daring Do, you can't retire. I'll do anything. I'll even confirm the shipping between Daring Do and Rainbow Dash. *Heads up stairs.*

Daring Do: Where are you going?

Rainbow Dash: Go easy.

 

 

 

[Singe 2,109]

Pinkie Pie: Why won't you eat my pie?!

Rainbow Dash: Fine, I'll come clean. I don't eat your pies because I found your hair in it.

*Other ponies*: *Disgusted and spitting out Pinkie's pies.*

Pinkie Pie: No. No. No. That's a lie. *Hairs fall out.*

 

Rarity: Applejack, I asked you for an honest opinion. Not your damn world view.

 

Rainbow Dash: Pinkie Pie doesn't want to have anything more to do with me.

Twilight Sparkle: I'm sure you two can....

Rainbow Dash: I'm free! *Flies away.*

Applejack: Lucky flying.....

Twilight Sparkle: Applejack.

Applejack: I mean poor Pinkie.

 

Princess Luna: Hello Rockhoof, I am the princess of the night and a huge fan. 

Rockhoof: It's good to meet you princess.

Princess Luna: Just let me know if you want the sweetest of dreams tonight, I can make it happen. *Wink.*

 

[Luigi 7,868]

(Rainbow Dash brings some of Applejack's apple cider to Princess Celestia in Canterlot)

Princess Celestia: Rainbow Dash, you are a true friend of the crown, DILLY DILLY!

Everypony else in the room: DILLY DILLY!

(Lyra Heartstrings brings some of Bon Bon's expensive imported oats to Princess Celestia)

Princess Celestia: Dearest Lyra, you are another true friend of the crown, DILLY DILLY!

Everypony else in the room: DILLY DILLY!

(Saffron Masala brings some food from the Tasty Treat to Princess Celestia)

Princess Celestia: Madam, your cooking expertise makes you an even truer friend of the crown, DILLY DILLY!

Everypony else in the room: DILLY DILLY!

(Flim brings a bottle of rum)

Princess Celestia: What is this?

Flim: This is a bottle of my best rum.

Princess Celestia: Please follow Discord. He's going to give you a private tour of the pit of misery.

Flim: I'm sorry, what? (Discord takes him away)

Shining Armor: PIT OF MISERY, DILLY DILLY!

Everypony else in the room: DILLY DILLY!

 

[Singe 2,109]

Storm King: Finally with this staff of power I am the most powerful ruler of this world.

Frieza: Clearly you did not forget who you're working for, monkey.

Storm King: AH! Lord Frieza. I wasn't expecting you here quite so soon.

Frieza: So soon. You're behind schedule on conquering this planet.

Storm King: I'm so sorry. I've just secured the power of the most powerful ponies in this kingdom that control the weather, sun, and moon.

Frieza: I'm not interested in some toy, monkey. I ordered you to get rid of these ponies.

Beerus: You better not be trying to interfere in my next taste of cuisine, Frieza.

Frieza: AH! Lord Beerus. No, I wasn't planning to do such a thing.

Beerus: You do know what would happen if you did.

Frieza: Yes, I know. Please help yourself to their cuisine in a moment. *Grabs Storm King.* Monkey, release some of those ponies to cook food for Lord Beerus.

Beerus: If their food doesn't satisfy me, I will destroy you along with this planet.

Zeno: I like ponies.

Beerus: AH! Grand Zeno. May I ask what are you doing here?

Zeno: I was invited to come for the celebration, but it doesn't look festive. 

Beerus: Don't worry, Grand Zeno we'll have everything in order. *Grabs Frieza and Storm King.* You better fix this. If he's not happy, I'm not happy and you both will no longer exist.

Frieza and Storm King: Yes, Lord Beerus.

 

*Explosions coming towards the castle.*

Storm King: Who dare challenges me?!

Tempest Shadow: Do not worry my king, you have the power. There is none that can challenge you.

Storm King: Yes, only the name Storm King shall be feared.

Soldier: It's Line Inverse!

Storm King: *Scared.* AHHHH! Anyone but her! I'm doomed!

Edited January 22, 2018 by Singe

[Singe 2,109]

Pinkie Pie: What's in the bottle?

Prince Rutherford: Yakgra. The fun doesn't start until one of these is popped open.

Pinkie Pie: Well then pop it open and let's party.

Prince Rutherford: No, pink pony is moving too fast in this relationship.

 

Applejack: Rarity, the next time you go so far to impress a guy you got a crush on. Ask yourself can I do better? Yes, yes you can.

 

Starlight Glimmer: Wow, I never seen the Cakes lose it before.

Sunset Shimmer: It's that I've been in the other world for so long that I'm very conscious about sanitation issues of ponies using their hoofs and mouths to make food.

 

Starlight Glimmer: I can see how you and your friends are so close.

Twilight Sparkle: Yes, we're very close.

Starlight Glimmer: So close, any of you could be mistaken as lovers. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

 

Edited January 24, 2018 by Singe

[Singe 2,109]

Starlight Glimmer: Hold on, Twilight I have an idea that can help. *Runs off.*

*One unconvincing song later.*

Applejack: That was rough.

Rarity: I wish there was some way to disperse them or change the subject.

Starlight Glimmer: I got that covered. So......

[The Kaeya Simp 13,969]

Prince Blueblood: Here, Take my jacket!

 

Pinkie Pie: How long do you think I've been doing this!

 

Twilight: I am autistic

[Flutterstep 46,434]

Applejack: You girls ever wonder how strange it is that we are all best friends, yet have almost zero similarities in interests?

Pinkie Pie: Why of cource AJ! That's so we can hit a larger demographic and gross more money!