critique wanted Wanting opinions on my OC

[Crystal Vision 583]

So, I'm just wanting to hear your opinions on my oc. I'm pretty happy with her design and story but hey, wanted to hear your opinions

 

Constructive Criticism, not rudeness. Thanks!

 

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So this is my OC:

 

Crystal with her little girlfriend :3

 

 

More refs:

http://sta.sh/22f0o97zsn7v?edit=1

 

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Her bio:

 

Name: Crystal Vision

Nicknames: Crys | Crysi

Gender: Female

Height: Larger than Celestia

Body Shape/Type: Celestia’s body shape, but buffer. Quite dragon like

Age: 28

Birthplace: Unknown, yet she says Canterlot

Hair colour, length, style: Light blue with darker blue spots. It drapes over to the right and sits long and wavy.

Cutiemark: Her cutiemark is blue dragon scales. They run down her back legs.

How did they earn the cutiemark?: She earned her cutiemark by protecting two ponies from a pack of Timberwolves. The ponies ran away, ungrateful for their rescue but all was not a loss as she earned her mark.

Cutiemark Meaning: As dragon scales/hide is hard to damage or penetrate, it represents her defensive instincts and skills. They are dragon scales to be a constant reminder of what she is.

Race: Ice Dragon pony hybrid

Accent: (include voice, style of speech, slang, signature phrases or words): She speaks formally, like Luna but has a slight slur on her accent due to her native Dovahzul language. She doesn’t know how she knows Dovahzul. (Dovahzul is native dragon language. Yes it's from skyrim)

Marital status (Married, Single): Dating VelvetLexi ‘s oc Katisha Alcatraz.

Scars or other notable physical attributes: She has a damaged tail, bound in bandage. Hurt by a poisoned knife throw from a bounty hunter. She has freckle-like scales on her cheeks.

Athletic? Inactive? Overall health? She’s pretty athletic, loves to go for a fly.

Accessories? None, unless the bandage counts.

Favourite colours: She likes soft, cool colours.

How does the character feel about his/her appearance? She is sometimes embarrassed of her appearance, scared she will scare ponies with her size and dragon features.

Brothers/sisters: She has a fiery sister named Flare Shot.

Relationship with parents: Did not know her parents.

Memories about childhood: She and her sister were dumped in a box, abandoned. Resented by those around them, she and her sister raised themselves. They took care of each other until they were old enough to go their separate ways.

Educational background? (Street smart? Formal? Does he/she read?): Formal in speech, can use thou, thy and speak in third person on occasion. She did not attend school so big words can stump her.

Occupation: Unemployed

Where does the character live now? Describe? She lives up in the cave system of the Canterlot Mountains. Her ‘main’ cave is filled with quartz stalagmites and stalactites; it also has a pure water pool.

Is he/she neat or messy? She’s somewhere in between, she likes to be clean but eats like a carnivore.

Sexual preferences: She’s pansexual, open to male, female and transgenders.

What sex of friends does she/he prefer? Mares or Stallions?: She just wants anyone to give her a chance, so she doesn’t mind what gender. Most of her friends consist of the female gender.

Pets? No pets, she can barely control herself so a pet would make it even worse.

Enemies? Why? She doesn’t have any known enemies, but there are ponies that resent her presence due to her looks and traits. Bounty hunters can be counted as enemies.

Basic nature: Pretty hostile toward people who judge her immediately (in a negative way) or try to hurt her, but she does have a curious and gentle nature.

Personality traits (shy, outgoing, domineering, doormat, honest, kind, sense of humour): She is rather outgoing and smart (except for modern pony gestures and speech). When you get to know her, she is kind, curious and can be rather humorous.  

Strongest trait: Despite her hostile appearance, she is extremely kind and gentle to those who are the same back to her.

Weakest trait: She can lose control of her emotions and get hostile toward others, even to the point of hurting them… badly. She calls this state of mind the ‘beast’. (Explained below)

What does the character fear? She is scared that the ‘beast’ inside will hurt or kill her girlfriend and friends or she will be alone for the rest of her life.

What is the character proud of? Crystal has been very proud of somehow achieving her cutiemark. She never would have thought of getting the chance to discover her true talent. She is also proud of having Katisha in her life, never thinking she’d be loved.

What is the character ashamed of? She is ashamed of multiple things. Her race, she sometimes wishes she was born a normal race. She has also (in a rampage from the ‘beast’) eaten ponies. She regrets her actions but knew that she couldn’t stop herself.

Outlook on life (optimistic, pessimistic, cynic, idealist): She is optimistic on life as she hopes it will get better. Yet she sometimes is pessimistic as she feels she may be alone for the rest of her life.

Ambitions: She wants to be a mercenary, hired to protect whoever or whatever the employer desires. She hopes to work for the royals but isn’t certain that wish will come true.

How does the character see himself/herself? She sees herself as a gentle and nurturing pony. She can be hostile at times but that’s only to protect herself or others.

How is the character seen by others? Crystal has different opinions from different ponies, most see her as a dangerous, hostile half breed and is incapable of camaraderie. While others see her as a misunderstood, graceful creature whose curiosity can sometimes get the better of her.

Backstory/Bio: Crystal and her fire dragon pony sister, Flare Shot, were dumped at the edge of a village. Ponies peeked into the box to see what was inside, only to be scared out of their wits by two hungry dragon-like foals. No one wanted to take them in, not even the orphanage, so Flare and Crystal grew up homeless and fighting for survival. As they reached young adult-hood, they parted ways as they each wanted to have a future. Crystal used to live in the cave systems in Canterlot's Mountain/cliff face, occasionally going into the city to eat and try make contact with any ponies willing to give her a chance.

About her beast state: Her beast state can be triggered by immense anger, extreme hunger and sometimes when she just lets go of herself. In the beast state she will attack anything she sees, hears or smells. Her strength, speed, size and ice spitting abilities grow dangerously. Crystal can, and majority of the time will, extremely damage or kill the victim. She may or may not eat it. She can be rescued from this state by ponies reminding her of her true self or if she does something extremely horrible to someone she holds dear. This can differ depending on how she got to the state. She will punish herself afterward or isolate herself if she is truly distraught on the way her beast state made her act.

 

 

Thanks guys!

Edited May 30, 2016 by Crystal Vision

[LordSwinton 759]

First of all, she looks AMAZING! I think she's a pretty well fleshed out character, could use more in terms of backstory though.  

[Crystal Vision 583]

First of all, she looks AMAZING! I think she's a pretty well fleshed out character, could use more in terms of backstory though.  

 

Oh thankyou

What would you suggest for her backstory? or are you just wanting more detail? ^^

[4HFan 476]

So, I'm just wanting to hear your opinions on my oc. I'm pretty happy with her design and story but hey, wanted to hear your opinions

 

Constructive Criticism, not rudeness. Thanks!

 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

So this is my OC:

 

Crystal with her little girlfriend :3

 

 

More refs:

http://sta.sh/22f0o97zsn7v?edit=1

 

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Her bio:

 

Name: Crystal Vision

Nicknames: Crys | Crysi

Gender: Female

Height: Larger than Celestia

Body Shape/Type: Celestia’s body shape, but buffer. Quite dragon like

Age: 28

Birthplace: Unknown, yet she says Canterlot

Hair colour, length, style: Light blue with darker blue spots. It drapes over to the right and sits long and wavy.

Cutiemark: Her cutiemark is blue dragon scales. They run down her back legs.

How did they earn the cutiemark?: She earned her cutiemark by protecting two ponies from a pack of Timberwolves. The ponies ran away, ungrateful for their rescue but all was not a loss as she earned her mark.

Cutiemark Meaning: As dragon scales/hide is hard to damage or penetrate, it represents her defensive instincts and skills. They are dragon scales to be a constant reminder of what she is.

Race: Ice Dragon pony hybrid

Accent: (include voice, style of speech, slang, signature phrases or words): She speaks formally, like Luna but has a slight slur on her accent due to her native Dovahzul language. She doesn’t know how she knows Dovahzul. (Dovahzul is native dragon language. Yes it's from skyrim)

Marital status (Married, Single): Dating VelvetLexi ‘s oc Katisha Alcatraz.

Scars or other notable physical attributes: She has a damaged tail, bound in bandage. Hurt by a poisoned knife throw from a bounty hunter. She has freckle-like scales on her cheeks.

Athletic? Inactive? Overall health? She’s pretty athletic, loves to go for a fly.

Accessories? None, unless the bandage counts.

Favourite colours: She likes soft, cool colours.

How does the character feel about his/her appearance? She is sometimes embarrassed of her appearance, scared she will scare ponies with her size and dragon features.

Brothers/sisters: She has a fiery sister named Flare Shot.

Relationship with parents: Did not know her parents.

Memories about childhood: She and her sister were dumped in a box, abandoned. Resented by those around them, she and her sister raised themselves. They took care of each other until they were old enough to go their separate ways.

Educational background? (Street smart? Formal? Does he/she read?): Formal in speech, can use thou, thy and speak in third person on occasion. She did not attend school so big words can stump her.

Occupation: Unemployed

Where does the character live now? Describe? She lives up in the cave system of the Canterlot Mountains. Her ‘main’ cave is filled with quartz stalagmites and stalactites; it also has a pure water pool.

Is he/she neat or messy? She’s somewhere in between, she likes to be clean but eats like a carnivore.

Sexual preferences: She’s pansexual, open to male, female and transgenders.

What sex of friends does she/he prefer? Mares or Stallions?: She just wants anyone to give her a chance, so she doesn’t mind what gender. Most of her friends consist of the female gender.

Pets? No pets, she can barely control herself so a pet would make it even worse.

Enemies? Why? She doesn’t have any known enemies, but there are ponies that resent her presence due to her looks and traits. Bounty hunters can be counted as enemies.

Basic nature: Pretty hostile toward people who judge her immediately (in a negative way) or try to hurt her, but she does have a curious and gentle nature.

Personality traits (shy, outgoing, domineering, doormat, honest, kind, sense of humour): She is rather outgoing and smart (except for modern pony gestures and speech). When you get to know her, she is kind, curious and can be rather humorous.  

Strongest trait: Despite her hostile appearance, she is extremely kind and gentle to those who are the same back to her.

Weakest trait: She can lose control of her emotions and get hostile toward others, even to the point of hurting them… badly. She calls this state of mind the ‘beast’. (Explained below)

What does the character fear? She is scared that the ‘beast’ inside will hurt or kill her girlfriend and friends or she will be alone for the rest of her life.

What is the character proud of? Crystal has been very proud of somehow achieving her cutiemark. She never would have thought of getting the chance to discover her true talent. She is also proud of having Katisha in her life, never thinking she’d be loved.

What is the character ashamed of? She is ashamed of multiple things. Her race, she sometimes wishes she was born a normal race. She has also (in a rampage from the ‘beast’) eaten ponies. She regrets her actions but knew that she couldn’t stop herself.

Outlook on life (optimistic, pessimistic, cynic, idealist): She is optimistic on life as she hopes it will get better. Yet she sometimes is pessimistic as she feels she may be alone for the rest of her life.

Ambitions: She wants to be a mercenary, hired to protect whoever or whatever the employer desires. She hopes to work for the royals but isn’t certain that wish will come true.

How does the character see himself/herself? She sees herself as a gentle and nurturing pony. She can be hostile at times but that’s only to protect herself or others.

How is the character seen by others? Crystal has different opinions from different ponies, most see her as a dangerous, hostile half breed and is incapable of camaraderie. While others see her as a misunderstood, graceful creature whose curiosity can sometimes get the better of her.

Backstory/Bio: Crystal and her fire dragon pony sister, Flare Shot, were dumped at the edge of a village. Ponies peeked into the box to see what was inside, only to be scared out of their wits by two hungry dragon-like foals. No one wanted to take them in, not even the orphanage, so Flare and Crystal grew up homeless and fighting for survival. As they reached young adult-hood, they parted ways as they each wanted to have a future. Crystal used to live in the cave systems in Canterlot's Mountain/cliff face, occasionally going into the city to eat and try make contact with any ponies willing to give her a chance.

About her beast state: Her beast state can be triggered by immense anger, extreme hunger and sometimes when she just lets go of herself. In the beast state she will attack anything she sees, hears or smells. Her strength, speed, size and ice spitting abilities grow dangerously. Crystal can, and majority of the time will, extremely damage or kill the victim. She may or may not eat it. She can be rescued from this state by ponies reminding her of her true self or if she does something extremely horrible to someone she holds dear. This can differ depending on how she got to the state. She will punish herself afterward or isolate herself if she is truly distraught on the way her beast state made her act.

 

 

Thanks guys!

Just... Wow. You have an amazing character here, I don't think I could ever be this good at it.

 

Great job! I honestly can't find anything that could use improvement.

 

Maybe we could RP together sometime?

[LordSwinton 759]

Oh thankyou

What would you suggest for her backstory? or are you just wanting more detail? ^^

 

A bit more detail would be nice. Such as how was her childhood growing up with her sister? Any notable happenings etc?

[Crystal Vision 583]

A bit more detail would be nice. Such as how was her childhood growing up with her sister? Any notable happenings etc?

 

I'm sure I could add that

 

 

Just... Wow. You have an amazing character here, I don't think I could ever be this good at it.

 

Great job! I honestly can't find anything that could use improvement.

 

Maybe we could RP together sometime?

 

Ah thanks hun!

I love a good rp, you just let me know

[Looks 130]

Heheh, worried about your OC'ing skills, cay? o3o

 

I think she's gr8, I don't think there's a lot of ponies whose designs are as creative and... well, fluent as yours.

[Flittery Heart 48]

WOAH THEY'RE SO PRETTY

 

I WISH I HAD AN OC LIKE THAT (well, an OC period! xD)

 

Nice job I love them! <3

[Crystal Vision 583]

Heheh, worried about your OC'ing skills, cay? o3o

 

I think she's gr8, I don't think there's a lot of ponies whose designs are as creative and... well, fluent as yours.

 

Yes I iz worried X3

Ah, thankyou that means alot.. Definitely stepping it up from my old oc Moon Chaser :\

 

 

WOAH THEY'RE SO PRETTY

 

I WISH I HAD AN OC LIKE THAT (well, an OC period! xD)

 

Nice job I love them! <3

 

Thankyou! I'm so glad you like her

OC's are fun to make! You'll get one. One day when you feel inspired :3