The ponies of Canterlot hit you with a lawsuit. What do you do?

[KillerKingBakudan 702]

You're invited to the gala. There, you find this interesting looking fruit punch that has been spiked without your knowledge. You take one sip of it, and the effects are so strong that you're immediately intoxicated. You remember nothing for the remainder of the night.

Then you wake up the next day in your room. It takes a while to get over the hangover, but once you do, you notice an envelope at your door step addressed by an attorney's office. And when you open it and read the letter, you're shocked to find out that you're being sued by the city of Canterlot.

The claims filed against you are as follows:

1. Throwing up on desserts prepared by Pinkie Pie.
2. Punching Prince Blueblood in the face.
3. Defacing a commissioned painting of Starswirl.
4. Tearing Fleus de Lis' custom dress.
5. Punching Fancy Pants in the face.
6. Berating Octavia for playing "loud music" and smashing her vintage cello.
7. Making Flurry Heart cry.
8. Punching a castle guard in the face after being told to leave.
9. Knocking over and breaking a commissioned statue of Princess Luna.
10. Urinating in Princess Celestia's garden fountain.
11. Spitting in Spitfire's face.
12. Throwing up a second time on Princess Celestia's prized rose bushes.
13. Punching Fancy Pants in the face again, and breaking three of his teeth.
14. Ramming the Apple family's dessert cart through the front gate of the castle.
15. Punching another castle guard in the face.
16. Stealing Trixie's supplies from her wagon.
17. Rupturing a water main.
18. Stepping in wet cement.
19. Bringing down the scaffolding for a building under construction.
20. Punching Upper Crust in the face.
21. Breaking into Canterlot Carousel, setting off Trixie's fireworks and destroying all of Rarity's dresses.
22. Breaking into The Tasty Treat, setting fire to the building and subsequently other restaurants next to it.
23. Punching Zesty Gourmand in the face.
24. Breaking into Donut Joe's shop and eating a fifth of his inventory.
25. Punching Donut Joe in the face.
26. Breaking into Princess Twilight's hotel room and mooning every pony on the street from the window.
27. Slapping Princess Luna for scolding you in a dream.

You are being sued for approximately 2,567,324 gold bits.

The authorities thought it would be best to let you sober up before apprehending you since your actions were so violent and unpredictable. But you've caused so much distress to Celestia's subjects, they really want to sue your ass off. Which is why Celestia has decided the most fitting punishment would be making you pay fines equal to the millions in damages, and more than triple the amount in medical bills for all the pain and suffering you've inflicted. Failure to do so within six months will get you thrown in prison. 

You attend the hearing and end up losing your defense case. What do you do?

Edited December 13, 2017 by KillerKingBakudan

[Denim&Venöm 19,471]

Counter sue and file criminal charges against the state for drugging their own punch bowl, not delivering any suficient warning for alcoholic/drugged beverages, not checking IDs to enforce their drinking age, serving alcohol/drugged beverages to minors and slander. 

[Libra 11,691]

Actually, id do what denim would do and counter sue for not warning of the spiked punch.

however, it would also be for the danger of underage drinking. I dont know equestrias legal age for the consuption of alchoholic beverages, but not warning that and allowing young ponies to drink it would be reckless endangerment.

[KillerKingBakudan 702]

Just now, Fennekin said:

Actually, id do what denim would do and counter sue for not warning of the spiked punch.

however, it would also be for the danger of underage drinking. I dont know equestrias legal age for the consuption of alchoholic beverages, but not warning that and allowing young ponies to drink it would be reckless endangerment.

If there's evidence the event organizers are the ones who spiked it, and not some random guest, then yeah.

[Cherry-Pie 176]

You need a better lawyer pony, you wan't the one named Binding Arbitration, he has a cutie mark shaped like two crossed fountain pens. Secondly you want to go with the mirror pond excuse, It wasn't you, it was a clone you made using the magic mirror pond. You were never at the party, you were home studying your magic. Just keep to the story. 

[Quinch 1,120]

Given that I had no reasonable way of knowing the punch was spiked, it seems like a clear case of diminished responsibility.

I'd also advocate a campaign of royal guard retraining - if they can't safely restrain a single inebriated human, something is seriously wrong.

[Denim&Venöm 19,471]

Being able to do even half the things on that list, it begs the question:

Just what the hell was in that punch bowl!? 

Spoiler

Must've been Gummy's favorite

 

[Ocean Melody 116]

I think I would be more amazed that I was to do all of that in one night

[Snow Frostflame 3,568]

I guess I was the only one to be effected by the punch seeing as no one else is being sued for Trump's pocket change. Also I want the ingredients to whatever the hell was in that punch... and who authorized a strong alcoholic punch at one of the largest Gala's in the country? If no one did then how did the royal guards not see anything? Better question... HOW CAN THE ROYAL GUARD OF EQUESTRIA NOT APPREHEND ONE INTOXICATED PONY! This is clearly a hoax to get me thrown in jail on the royal's side and I'm not having it one bit. You want to throw me away, come and get me, I'll give you a reason to lock me up.... *reads over claim 25, and laughs under my breath*

Edited January 19, 2018 by Snow Frostflame

[Pony1000 1]

I’d spend 10000 bits to get out of my lawsuit.

[The Kaeya Simp 13,990]

i'd go into the jail...

equestrian jails are better than life in our world after all!

[Ganondorf8 11,401]

In a real life scenario, I wouldn't have been at the party given that I don't usually get invited to them or I refuse to go if I did get invited. In this scenario, I'd just accept the punishment and get thrown in jail for how ever long the sentence is.

[EpicEnergy 23,224]

I would accept defeat.

[Scootaloo9074090 501]

On 2017-12-13 at 7:53 AM, KillerKingBakudan said:

You're invited to the gala. There, you find this interesting looking fruit punch that has been spiked without your knowledge. You take one sip of it, and the effects are so strong that you're immediately intoxicated. You remember nothing for the remainder of the night.

Then you wake up the next day in your room. It takes a while to get over the hangover, but once you do, you notice an envelope at your door step addressed by an attorney's office. And when you open it and read the letter, you're shocked to find out that you're being sued by the city of Canterlot.

The claims filed against you are as follows:

1. Throwing up on desserts prepared by Pinkie Pie.
2. Punching Prince Blueblood in the face.
3. Defacing a commissioned painting of Starswirl.
4. Tearing Fleus de Lis' custom dress.
5. Punching Fancy Pants in the face.
6. Berating Octavia for playing "loud music" and smashing her vintage cello.
7. Making Flurry Heart cry.
8. Punching a castle guard in the face after being told to leave.
9. Knocking over and breaking a commissioned statue of Princess Luna.
10. Urinating in Princess Celestia's garden fountain.
11. Spitting in Spitfire's face.
12. Throwing up a second time on Princess Celestia's prized rose bushes.
13. Punching Fancy Pants in the face again, and breaking three of his teeth.
14. Ramming the Apple family's dessert cart through the front gate of the castle.
15. Punching another castle guard in the face.
16. Stealing Trixie's supplies from her wagon.
17. Rupturing a water main.
18. Stepping in wet cement.
19. Bringing down the scaffolding for a building under construction.
20. Punching Upper Crust in the face.
21. Breaking into Canterlot Carousel, setting off Trixie's fireworks and destroying all of Rarity's dresses.
22. Breaking into The Tasty Treat, setting fire to the building and subsequently other restaurants next to it.
23. Punching Zesty Gourmand in the face.
24. Breaking into Donut Joe's shop and eating a fifth of his inventory.
25. Punching Donut Joe in the face.
26. Breaking into Princess Twilight's hotel room and mooning every pony on the street from the window.
27. Slapping Princess Luna for scolding you in a dream.

You are being sued for approximately 2,567,324 gold bits.

The authorities thought it would be best to let you sober up before apprehending you since your actions were so violent and unpredictable. But you've caused so much distress to Celestia's subjects, they really want to sue your ass off. Which is why Celestia has decided the most fitting punishment would be making you pay fines equal to the millions in damages, and more than triple the amount in medical bills for all the pain and suffering you've inflicted. Failure to do so within six months will get you thrown in prison. 

You attend the hearing and end up losing your defense case. What do you do?

oh it just my evils clone from the mirror pool 

[Sparklefan1234 173,234]

Why would you hit them with a lawsuit? Handing it to them would be nicer.