mega thread How are you feeling?

[Envy 6,012]

A little down about being back in Oklahoma and events on the trip. Also missing my friend of whom I spent the trip with. But glad to be back with my family (including my dogs!) and my home. Colorado is certainly waaayyyyyy better than Oklahoma.

[TheRockARooster 47,785]

I’m feeling goodish, a little mixed as well.

[Clawdeen 12,118]

I’m feeling alright. A bit tired

[Starset Twinkle 442]

I am feeling nervouscited about being outgoing in the MLP fandom

[Clawdeen 12,118]

I’m feeling great, Watching Markiplier with a friend

[They call me Loyalty 1,941]

Suffering. You know that fighting against the world is much easier than going against yourself? But you will always lose against the world. So, there is only one way to overcome it. To face ourselves. Stay true to your heart, no matter what. If necessary, lose your life before letting go of the heart.

Follow the heart, heartseeker. Follow the heart.

[ZiggWheelsManning 7,585]

Another month of summer remaining and my heart will be tested against fall weather for the remainder of the year.  Will 2023 symbolize my redemption?  

[Pandora 38,004]

Anxious to go work today

[Savygriffs 5,029]

Feeling really tired, about to head to bed. Got work tomorrow.

[Sophie 913]

I'm really worried about a friend, I really hope my friend is going to be okay soon 

[Splashee 28,538]

YouTube will help me to calm down.... Won't you, YouTube?

[ExplosionMare 18,007]

Doing fine at the moment

[Old Accnt. 3,147]

7 hours ago, Pandora said:

Anxious to go work today

I hope your day is going well mine did a 180 lol

 

doing fine just bored

[Clawdeen 12,118]

I’m feeling pretty tired.

[Pandora 38,004]

So tired, survived another day  

[Savygriffs 5,029]

Doing fine, just a little tired. 

[ExplosionMare 18,007]

Also a little tired, hehe

[They call me Loyalty 1,941]

Family. I know this is gonna sound strange. But **** it, I was never normal anyway. But I think our creator, the creator of this reality we are inhabiting, has been fractured in two halves. One would be the loving and self-less Yeshua archetype, and the other is the stern and egotistical YHWH, in whatever culture and religion. And it is negatively affecting and dividing our entire creation into two opposite polarities which are incomplete on its own, and that you can physically see in the state of our world, left, right, left, right, because everything is a reflection of the creators. As above, so bellow and such.

Well, this creation is damaged because of this. Because at the center of all, it is Her, and the abuse she suffered at the hands of "God", whatever god is. Which was also reflected in our reality with the abuse and degradation that women suffered under the patriarchy. I don't understand how this works, but this intense pain inside of me paints a pretty clear picture in my mind. There were originally two creators, one male, and the other female. A father and a mother. But I can also feel this strange son, but I don't know how.

And now the most important element of creation is broken. The center of all is missing. The one who has been obscured behind that stupid dove. Tell me, who is missing from this broken family? Who lies behind that dove? Because her disimpowerment and neglection is the source of all the trauma in the world.

And I've been punishing her inside of me as well, the creative energy in our navel that is the feminine force, because of the emotional trauma and neglect that I experienced from my biological mother here. Because she was traumatized by the damage caused by patriarchal religions, which did branch off into our own family to get to me. So, she is unable to nurture because of her emotional abuse and trauma in the navel. This patriarchy is the origin of all that is wrong with this world. in any form it may take, with YHWH, and later with this luciferian character, Yeshua. Which appear to be two aspects of the same being? One is loving and self-less. Which is not good. And the other is patriarchal and egotistical, which is not good either. Because both are abusive towards the masculine and feminine aspects of creation in their own way.

Also, that would be your Lucifer, and "Satan/YHWH" archetypes, because Lucifer is the signature I am getting from this Son that has been apparently abandoned by his creator family. I see this child walking in the rain and screaming, but nobody listens to him. He is drowning but his parents are paralized. Even terrified of him. He has been screwed, like I was screwed by my own family on earth. So, actually, Yeshua is Lucifer. But the reality remains that our creator family is fractured, because the Goddess, or the female creator behind this strange planar creation, which is not a planet, was supressed by the patriarchy, the same way she was abused by the creator/father figure outside of our reality, and now she is too weak to love and nurture this creation, which is becoming more emotionally traumatized and addiction dependant. The same way my mother was too weak to nurture me. And I see people, and they look unreal to me. Or maybe it is the overwhelming hatred of this pain inside. Also, I think I finally know who were these two strangers that visited me in this very reality some years ago. They appeared and disappeared out of nowhere. I understand why the woman was so shocked when she looked me in the eyes among the crowd, and why the man in her company was so scared to see me.

Anyways. That which I've been trying to fight my whole life, is my own guilt and pain for what I've done to her. No, it is the emotional trauma, for what they've done to me. I am a human being like everybody else here, I hope, but when I look into myself, I can see an aspect of YHWH, an aspect of my own father? That abusive piece of **** I want to kill. So, I become more like Lucifer instead, because my incapacity to forgive myself and to integrate the masculine, because this emotional trauma is that painful, it is actually causing me heart complications. So, I am more feminine, which is negative as well. For I am still outside of balance, and very traumatized. Meaning neither the left nor right are correct. Get that correct. Because both lack the center. Because the center, that is the heart, is broken.

So, imagine my traumatized heart and navel are at odds with one another, there is this conflict between the masculine and the feminine, which is a trauma shared world-wide, and also the reason for transgenderism and homosexuality. Trauma is the reason for all this distortions. So much sexual and emotional trauma. Trauma. Trauma and more trauma. And this trauma was created by religion, and the suppresion of the Goddess aspect in women, which latter destroyed the natural structure of family. Which was reflected in the abuse of women, of mothers, and sisters, friends, equals. And this is the result of my internal abuse towards the feminine, my hatred towards my mother, because she did not love me. And in the middle of them, a shattered solar plexus. Meaning that the bridge between the upper masculine heart, and the lower feminine one is broken in me. Resulting in two extreme opposites who are tearing me apart. The child and the beast. Truly my heart is shattered because these pieces of crap, and now it is that I realize it is all my fault, apparently. Otherwise I would not be here in this condition, right? As everything is a reflection of the creators.

As above, so bellow. You know that some of the cameras that have been sent over our atmosphere near the alleged dome, which is this massive black screen over the sky, have returned the feedback of a home when they cross the atmosphere. Imagine being suspended out there where you can see the vast plane and the true blackness of the firmament where the stars disappear for some reason, and then getting signals of this "home". Yeah, a normal family home over our atmosphere. Do you understand that? There is interference, and then the video feedback shows a normal home from the inside. I wonder if this is the home of our dear creators. The home I've been looking for my entire life without knowing why. Imagine they must be like a normal family, no more. Also, the cameras that were sent there with balloons, have never picked up anyone, unfortunately. So, there is the chance that this massive black screen over our atmosphere is more than just a dome. But some sort of barrier that separates our creation from theirs. And I want out. Stop ****ing around with me. I am not a normal little human. I tell you, this place blazes, again.

The emotional trauma is just too much, I cannot bear it anymore. I have not harmed others, but commited to self-abused, as I cannot physically face this pain that is destroying me from the inside, the same way it killed the rest of my family. With the eventual collapse of their physical bodies due to cancer. This is not a family, do you understand that? And it never was, neither bellow, nor above. And you will get to experience this pain once this little after-school special called "planet earth" comes to an end. Because I've been broken in half my whole life, because of you. So, it is fair I get to pay you back. Or simply kill me. Because I cannot live with this inside of me.

I am suffering from this emotional betrayal I do not know if I can forgive her, within or without, even when everything is my own fault, apparently. In a way I was a jealous creator who abused her, or was my father the one who abused her? Am I the monster or the child?

And this is also reflected in our past "his"tory with the abuse that women suffered under the patriarchy. Or the way Yhwhw ordered all altars to Ashera to be removed. I do not fully understand the reality that is beyond this one. But this trauma has turned me into something that is neither a man nor a woman; the luciferian archetype. I am still a man, and I will always be, as I am not gonna let this trauma change my love for my Mother. But I am still broken, as it is this reality. The reality of the creator family, that resulted in the abuse of the Goddess creator, and then the eventual fracture of whatever the male creator figure used to before he turned into YHWH, and Lucifer. But I do know that everything that is happening down bellow, is a reflection of above. I cannot understand the origin of this Lucifer character, or why I feel so much incest between him and Asherah, yet.

But I cannot go on much longer like this. I am in too much pain. I cannot go any longer. I am gonna tear this world apart, again. So, if you are hearing me, as I know you are the ones sending these clowns with dark shades. Open the door. I have something to say to you two, that cannot be expressed with words. I am gonna chock this creation to death. Do you understand? You have caused me great pain and you need to face the consequences of your actions. Open the door. End this simulation. I know you are there.

 

Edited August 2, 2022 by They call me Loyalty

[outlaw_f0x 149]

sleepy and absolutely boredddd 

[Savygriffs 5,029]

A bit tired and bored, otherwise fine.

[Cherrychip 111]

Angry!! I just bit my tongue and now it won't stop bleeding, and it's the tiniwst puncture wound ever!!! I'm fine but it's so annoying, I hate head wounds!

[Splashee 28,538]

Had a wonderful night, and felt very happy drawing this morning 

[Pandora 38,004]

with someone on discord making fun of things that are upsetting me,
I can honestly say, i don't feel happy.
{It is coming from someone i saw as close hence it feels like the extra weight}

[Ice Princess Silky 10,943]

4 minutes ago, Pandora said:

with someone on discord making fun of things that are upsetting me,
I can honestly say, i don't feel happy.
{It is coming from someone i saw as close hence it feels like the extra weight}

Wow, from someone that is close, too? Feels like a betrayal... I'm so sorry you've had to go experience that... are they reasonable enough to talk it over with? They should understand that they're being insensitive since they're mocking as sensitive subject...

Today, I'm feeling... Neutral. I'm grateful that there's no rain or too much heat outside but at the same time... I've gotta focus on my projects today or they don't get done.

[outlaw_f0x 149]

a little lonely, today.